Chapter 29
Chapter twenty-nine
New Love
That first night in my new apartment was hard, and I barely got any sleep.
It was my first true night alone since my miscarriage, and I was feeling almost irreparably empty.
I cried most of the night away, with my phone in my hand and Alexander's number pulled up.
But I needed to prove to myself that I could do this.
That I didn't need to get on top of this by getting under someone else.
And though it was hard, I made it through.
The next few days pass by uneventfully, and the sadness melts away bit by bit until I find myself floating on cloud nine under a new wave of peace.
I hadn't known how stifled and tense I’d grown under Brandon’s ridiculously controlling and abusive energy.
I had another night where I'd woken up crying, clutching my stomach.
But I was able to breathe through it and calm myself, without having to worry about Brandon and constantly walking on eggshells.
Vanessa contacted me, wanting to see me perform at the lounge on Wednesday night, and in a surprise turn, she went up on stage and performed a couple of songs beside me, making me grateful for the change in pace.
It excited and disrupted the rigmarole of the evening and did a lot to ease my anxiety of seeing Brandon in the crowd.
Vanessa texts me pretty regularly, and soon we strike up a tentative friendship. She reminds me a lot of my former client and her energy.
On Thursday, I’d finally mustered up the courage to read the email that David sent me the day I moved into the apartment, and I frown at the contents.
He’d respectfully asked if I was single or dating anyone, and also requested my office address.
Why he won't just google it is beyond me. Sighing, I tab the email to respond another time, wanting to word it just right and feeling like, due to our professional relationship, I didn’t want to make anything weird between us.
I think about Alexander often, missing his light, easy and playful mood I’d gotten used to coming home to when I got off work. We traded emails occasionally. Mostly regarding work and my health.
He's very concerned with the state of my back and if I’d be able to travel comfortably, which is why he’d bought me a first-class ticket alongside his.
His emails are pleasant and professional enough.
Some are about the weather, some asked me about how I'm settling into the apartment, and others asking if I'd been feeding myself properly.
I ask myself multiple times throughout the days if I'm delaying responding to David because of Alexander.
Honestly, the fact that I'm busy thinking about two men, when one had just literally landed me in the hospital, doesn't make me feel the greatest. So, not impressed with the direction of my thoughts, I contact a local trauma therapist, setting up an appointment as soon as possible.
On Friday, I spend my free day out shopping and splurge on a few new outfits for the Vancouver trip, utilizing the massage that my friends gifted to me, and got a manicure and pedicure with Alexander’s gift.
Already dealing with too many emotions, I blinked back tears when the owner revealed how much Alexander loaded onto the card.
I sent him a text thanking him, and then sent him a bouquet of flowers to his office even though it's cheesy, and who sends men flowers?
He texted me a bit later with a simple picture of them at his desk, right next to his monitor.
One of the many stems of snow-white roses stuck out slightly more than the rest of them; its head leaned slightly in front of his screen, the petals almost touching my signature.
He’d been reading an old email of mine from a few years ago, the one asking for an interview from him while I was in my internship.
The image makes me smile because oh, how the tables have been turned.
The picture lifts my spirits, thinking that I managed to break his icy exterior and cause him to be introspective, and I cruise through the rest of my day.
Later, I'm still thinking about him as I drive leisurely through my neighborhood with my windows down, and I slow when I spot an adoption shelter sign a few streets down a block I hadn’t yet been able to explore.
Before I can psych myself out, I pull into an empty spot and slip off my sunglasses as I walk into the cool building.
The animal smell suddenly hits me, causing me to smile.
Memories of all the times spent on my great-aunt’s farm come flooding back from when I was little, and my parents would take me to go horseback riding.
If my childhood hadn’t been so fraught with unmet expectations and tension, I’d probably miss those days.
Thankful that I'm healing enough to carry my purse regularly, I sling my tote bag over my shoulder and make my way to the receptionist’s desk with a bright smile.
“Hi! May I help you?” The receptionist, an older brown-haired woman with spectacles, looks up from her computer monitor.
Nibbling my lip, I can't help but second guess myself as I reply, “Uhm, yes. Maybe. I was considering adopting a cat. I wanted to see if you had any available here?”
Doubt and fear rises fast and hot inside of me. I've never had a pet before, and this is a huge responsibility. Though, not as big a responsibility as a baby. And honestly, I need something to curl up with at night to keep me from calling Alexander.
The receptionist regards me shrewdly before giving an approving smile and nod. “Yes, we have a few back there. I’ll take you back, and you can look.”
“Ok, thank you.”
My phone dings, and I pull it out quickly, seeing a text from Alexander.
Alex: Hey you. Hope you’re doing good…my son made it. Is it bad I want to say unfortunately? The demands are exhausting, I tell ya. Don’t forget to start packing.
Sarah Bella: Ooohh Alex. I’ll be sure to pack more than one pair of PJ’s, ok? I’m a big girl. I know my way around a suitcase. And hey, I don’t know much about kids, but hopefully he at least said hello to you before making any demands. The nerve. Hahaha.
My phone pings again.
Vanessa: I’m in the hospital! I can’t believe this!
I frown before typing a fast reply. We're supposed to be singing together tonight.
Sarah: Girl, what? What’s wrong?
The receptionist stays quiet while we make our way down the hall.
Vanssa: My fucking SISTER gave me food poisoning! I just wanted to let you know I wouldn’t be able to make it tonight. I’m so sorry. We’re all here. My husband, daughter, sister, and her husband too. Baby is with the nanny, fortunately. It’s like one big freaking family reunion.
Sarah: Oh wow girl, that sounds like a nightmare. If there’s anything I can do, please let me know. I can bring some chicken broth over if you need it?
Vanessa: No, the thought of putting anything on my stomach makes me weak. Thank you for offering though.
Sarah: Take care of yourself please.
Alex: A big girl huh? (smirk face). Funny. You don't feel so big when I'm carrying you in my arms.
Sarah Bella: Silliness.
"Here we are."
I put my phone away and walk through the door into the room with multiple cages, hearing various meows, and some barking through the wall coming from another room. My eyes scan the various cats as we walk past.
"Have you ever owned a pet before?" she asks, leading me to a back wall where there's a little Russian blue cat huddled in the corner of its cage.
“Nooo, never," I croon, sticking my face up to the cage. "But this one is pretty.” I stick my finger through the little cage, hopefully.
The receptionist smiles at me. “She’s quiet, and her name is Bunny.
She’s been here for a while, around six months or so.
Always sits in the corner right there. She’s a little reluctant and a lot scared.
” I feel her stare burning in the side of my face as I stay quiet.
“We also have tabbies, and a tuxedo cat if you think you’d be interested in a more outgoing kitty? ”
She quiets, watching me peer into the cage intently. I don't need to hear about the other cats. This one's mine; I can feel it in my soul.
“A cat named Bunny, huh? That’s unique,” I say softly.
She opens the cage and motions for me to reach in. “Her previous owner thought it was cute. Careful, she might bite. And just a warning, she doesn’t seem to like men.”
I reach my hand tentatively into the cage, my eyes melting as Bunny moves forward and sniffs my fingers. She reaches a beautiful blue-gray paw forward and inches even closer, butting her head against my fingers softly.
“I think she’s fetching. I get you, little girl. I don’t really like men much right now, either,” I confess with a small smile.
I rub Bunny between her ears gently for a moment before picking her up and nestling her to my chest. The feline curls into my neck, purring prettily while nuzzling my chin. She gives me a tiny lick, making me giggle.
“How much is she?” I ask, looking at the receptionist.
Her face brightens. “There’s a twenty-five-dollar application fee, and an adoption fee of one hundred and fifty dollars.”
I wince thinking about the five-hundred-dollar pet fee at my new apartment. My heart sinks. What am I doing here? I can’t afford this. I sigh. Wishful thinking. But the little voice in the back of my head, the one I've been ignoring for years, comes up strong to the surface.
Have a little faith.
I turn to the receptionist and give her an imploring look. “I really like her, but I have to travel out of town for a few days for a conference. Can I fill out the application, pay the deposit, and pick her up when I get back into town? Do you take a credit card?”
She brightens. “Of course, you can! And yes, we do! Let’s go get the forms!” She helps me put Bunny back, considering she'd extracted her claws and tangled them into my hair to try to hold on.
“Don’t worry, Bunny. I’ll be back for you and get you out of your corner. I promise.”
I blow Bunny a kiss and follow the receptionist out the door.