CHAPTER 28 #2
His eyes went distant. “You didn’t know it was me,” he whispered. He ran a hand down his face and turned away, taking a few steps before turning back. “How the fuck didn’t you know it was me?” His lifelight flashed splayed fingers of maroon. Frustration.
“This isn’t my fault!” I shouted. “You told me your name was Wep.”
“They call me Wep. It’s not my fucking name.”
“You’re not the oldest son! And your names—fuck, you have to admit they’re a bit too similar.”
“His name is Ellán.”
“Well, I didn’t know that either,” I countered.
He ran his hands through his hair and paused with both hands atop his head, elbows wide. His lifelight flared cherry red with horror. “Hold on, hold on. Are you telling me you thought you were betrothed to Ell?”
The blood drained from my face as red leaves tumbled from my hands to the floor.
“You’re not the eldest,” was all I managed to get out.
“This isn’t fucking Inra!” he roared. “Birth order doesn’t fucking—” He cut off, taking a deep breath and finally completing the track of his fingers through his hair.
When his hands fell to his sides, he looked at me with those silver eyes ringed with blue.
The understanding in them cut me in two. “What did he say to you?”
“Nothing,” I said quickly—too quickly. His eyes narrowed. “He kept seeking me out, and you never did. He was always so forward with me and suggestive. It was a lot of things.”
“I never did? I sought you out constantly.” He shook his head and began pacing, kicking his forgotten sword to the side. “Always fucking Ell,” he muttered.
I watched him pace, not knowing what to say. Anger still rumbled through me, but its sharpness had dulled.
He stopped mid-step. “But you kissed me.” He turned to me. “You thought it was Ell, but you kissed me.”
I sighed. “I know.”
“Did you kiss him too?”
“Oh, fuck you. Really?”
“It’s a fair question.”
If I were holding anything, I would’ve chucked it at him.
I balled my fists as they vibrated with power, locking them at my sides.
Even through my ire, I had enough sense to stop myself from accidentally impaling him with spikes.
“You want to talk about fair questions?” I asked through gritted teeth.
“Why was Meralda leaving your rooms this morning?”
His eyes went wide.
“Correction, why was Meralda in your rooms this morning while you were half-fucking-dressed?”
“She wasn’t in my rooms.”
“I heard you. One last night together?” I released my fists, and a cascade of black petals fell to the floor. I tried to shove away images of them entwined in his private rooms—rooms I’d never even seen. Hours after I had expended all my energy to heal him, she was in his arms instead of me.
“That’s not what happened.”
I held up a hand, silencing him. Thorns burst from my skin, covering me in spiked armor from the neck down and riddling my clothes with pinpricked holes.
“You want to know what happened with Ell? Nothing. Nothing ever happened because I was so fucked up over you that I couldn’t even think about letting him get close to me.
Nothing happened because all this time, despite all my efforts, logic, and obligation, I wanted you.
Every time we kissed, I told myself it would be the last. I told myself I would end this madness.
For months, I’ve hated myself for not being able to stay away from you and for feeling the way I did, thinking all this time it was wrong. ”
He took a step toward me, but I stepped back, keeping the distance between us.
“But, it’s never just been me for you, has it?
” The words broke me, but I needed to give them voice.
The tears began, and black petals fell from me in droves.
I was helpless to stop either. “Don’t you see?
This whole time, I’ve been choosing you first, even when I shouldn’t have.
Even when there would be consequences to face.
But for you, I’ve always been second place. ”
“No”—he moved toward me—“No.”
“Yes, Wep!”
“Don’t fucking do that.” His voice was a growl.
It was my turn to gawk.
“I hate my title on your lips.”
“I didn’t know.” I had called him Wep countless times. I thought it was his name, but this whole time, had he thought I was pushing him away?
“That’s no excuse.”
“It’s not like I wanted to believe you were someone else!” I burst out.
“But you let me kiss you, thinking I was!” His voice raised, but he caught himself. His brows lowered, and when he spoke, it was with deadly calm. “You thought I was the type of man who would kiss you and touch you while knowing you were betrothed to another.”
“I—” I clamped my mouth shut. That’s exactly what I had thought.
“To my own fucking brother, no less.”
Tension gripped every muscle in my body at the truth behind his words. I sucked in a breath and took a step back, my heart hammering in my throat. He looked at me like I had just ripped his out. But how could that be when everything still felt like twisted lies and a massive, fucked-up trick?
“This was a mistake,” I admitted, then I turned and left at a run. This time, he did not follow.