CHAPTER 34
The fight is always necessary. I know that now, though I wish I had understood it before she left. The difference between fighting for the ones you love and fighting with them is fleeting. It takes up the span of a single heartbeat and lies in the space between you and regret.
—Entry from the private diary of Jerris, Dragonbound
STARLING
It was late when my door swung open, jostling me awake. The voice I’d been craving whispered, “Are you up, Starling?”
My heart panged at the nickname, despite having taken it on. “Yes,” I whispered back.
Drake had relocated me to a dark set of underground rooms that I suspected were beneath Drakh Keep.
This strange safehouse was so well stocked with supplies that I could only guess at its original purpose.
A far better place to hide than the hidden corridor I had back home.
Aside from comfortable beds, a larger space to walk about, and no more bars, the best part about the change was that Drake could visit every day and stay for longer.
That made the sudden change—far too many nights since he had come for a visit—so much worse. The absence had clawed a new fear into my chest. Worry was eating away at my sleep, as was the lack of sunlight.
But why should I be worried about the man holding me prisoner?
I may have left that flaming cell, but I was still every bit the captive here with no way to leave.
I asked myself this same question every day, but I never found the guts to answer it.
In truth, I was in no rush to get home. To return to my old life.
I cared for my family, and I missed my sister, but home also brought questions.
Would I return to the king’s army? Take a place at Father’s side in running the province?
Be thrust into an engagement to a woman I had no hope of pleasing?
At least here, I could be myself, even if only with Drake.
Even if we both knew this arrangement couldn’t last forever.
“Good.” Drake strode across the room and looked down at me. “No need to get up. We’ve got time.”
We would need it because I was pissed. I propped myself up against the headboard as Drake plopped down on the bed beside me. “You’ve been gone a while,” I mumbled.
“Were you worried?” Drake’s smile was hungry.
I knew better than to answer. He was a forward man who had no qualms with striking exactly where his proverbial iron was hottest. We were long past the point of stolen kisses and touches in that jail cell, still, my body overheated at the mere thought of Drake’s hands and lips against my skin.
The deal we had struck morphed into something else, too—something more.
Something I wasn’t quite sure I could handle.
If we were in Inra, it would’ve been a dream, but here…
Instead, I hardened my gaze. “Why am I here?”
Drake’s smile did not waver as he ran a hand up the inside of my thigh. “Somewhere else you want to be?”
A laugh huffed from my chest, then my jaw clenched as Drake’s hand wandered higher to cup my balls. My body was reacting against my will, and I knew I’d be rock hard in seconds. “I haven’t got much choice, have I?”
I turned my head away as Drake gripped my length. A part of me hated myself for letting him continue—for wanting him to continue—instead of pulling away.
“Tired of my hand already?” Drake teased.
“Does it fucking feel like I’m tired of it?”
“How about my lips instead?”
I sucked in a breath. Fuck, yes, I wanted that, but this game was getting old. It only took a few days in this new place before the questions resumed. Sure, there were lust-filled days of pure bliss at first, but they were too short.
“You have to give me something,” Drake said. “Anything.”
He tugged at my waistband. My cock would be free any minute, and then this fire would consume me. “Like what?” I asked, trying for distraction.
I never knew which version of Drake I’d be getting: the one with dreams of a future together, or the one playing games, trading favors for information.
Some nights, he was full of ideas about getting me his dane’s pardon and formal release.
Other nights, he was relentless with his questions.
Once my truths were revealed, I knew none of his dreams would ever happen.
But, oh, how I wanted to spill them all the same.
“Your name?”
“You already know it, Drake.”
Fabric slid down my hips, and a warm hand wrapped around my hardness. “Your house?”
I tilted my head, clear thought abandoning me as a wry smile danced at my lips. I threw caution to the fucking wind. “You know that too.”
“Do I?” Drake’s head dipped, and his tongue swirled around my tip, making my hips jerk up. “Have you been feeding me riddles, Starling?” This time, Drake’s lips wrapped around my length, taking me deep in his throat.
“No riddles,” I gasped.
Drake’s head bobbed up and down, and my hands threaded into the loose blond strands I loved to pull at the base of his neck. Without warning, that blissful, wet heat wrapping around my cock disappeared, and Drake sat up. Our eyes met, and this time, Drake’s held concern. “You’re a Cavendaffe?”
“Does it matter?”
The way his eyes hardened was foreboding. His shoulders squared, and his chin dipped. In an instant, he had morphed into a man of resolve. “Not to me, but it will to others.” His eyes darted down to my glistening length. “No more games.”
My chest dipped, and my mouth filled with the bitter taste of rejection. “Couldn’t even finish me off after I gave you all that?” I ground out.
Drake’s eyebrow quirked up, and fuck was that a sexy look on him. “Oh, I’m going to suck you off, and it’ll be the best blow you’ve ever had in your life. But then, we need to plan.”
“Plan?”
“Exactly.”
SERAE
Mid-Autumn, Beymon 1036
Rain and wind pelted the keep walls. In the months I’d been here, it had drizzled, and it had rained, but I’d never seen such a downpour. Sprakt clutched my shoulder, unwilling to attempt flight in the storm. Lightning flashed, and a second later, thunder rumbled overhead.
I played the events of the evening over in my mind.
It took more than nerves and grit to reveal my role in coming to the Riht as an informant—a spy in their midst, sending coded messages back to my father.
But I owed Eldreth and Dane too much for this chance they were giving me, so I didn’t hold back.
Every scrap of information sent, I shared.
Yet when the time came, I couldn’t bring myself to admit that the betrothal was a farce.
Not when Eldreth’s eyes had already hardened.
Not when the way he looked at me had already changed.
After my confession, Dane had waved it away and patted my cheek. “The journal is still here. No harm has been done.”
My heart had skipped a beat. I expected to have to prove my trustworthiness. The thought of forgiveness never crossed my mind. “How can you say that?”
“The margrave is a petty man with little land and less power. The might of Inra is nothing compared to the might of the Riht. Why do you think I have never restricted your mail?” He resumed his pacing across the dais of the Receiving Hall.
“There’s something larger at play here, but I can’t yet see it.
Still, I think it’s time you both left Drakh. ”
I ruminated on this as I darted around my room, gathering only essentials into my bag.
Clothes, a brush, leather hair strips, the few pieces of soft leather armor I had, and my green journal all went in.
I wrapped my spice box in some spare cloth and added it against my better judgment.
I couldn’t bear to part with it, considering I would have to leave behind all my dyes and brushes.
The drying plants above my hearth would have to stay, too.
I added a pair of sollars, which I now used as slippers to fend off the cold of the stone floors.
My little journal—the physical manifestation of my betrayal—was tucked safely in my tunic pocket, ready to be burnt at the first chance.
I didn’t know why Dane returned it to me, unless as a show of faith that I didn’t deserve.
I hadn’t seen Callagh yet, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to face her anyway.
Did she truly doubt me enough to go behind my back to Dane?
And even if I could convince her that my heart had changed, could I really trust her again?
Time was running short, so I would have to figure it out soon.
Dane hadn’t mentioned how long we’d be away, accompanied only by our reálti.
We were headed inland on horseback before first light to a place he referred to as the Heart.
That left us with only two hours to pack before heading to the stables.
Despite agreeing with this plan, the war in Eldreth’s eyes left me uneasy.
We had no time to spare, but Eldreth and I still spent an hour together in our shared sitting room shouting words of bitterness, sorrow, and doubt.
At least we’d be leaving together. At least he hadn’t shut me out entirely.
At least I still had a chance to make things right.
The rain put even more of a damper on my mood. If it didn’t let up soon, we’d be in for a very uncomfortable ride. Thunder sounded again, shaking the floor. Scratch that—a very dangerous ride.
Horns blared. Dozens of them, one after the next, and alongside them, voices rang out. Something was wrong.
“That was no thunder,” Vaya’la said. “Get to your mate.”
“He’s my betrothed, not my mate.” I hoped he was even still that.
“Do not trouble me with human nomenclature. Go to him now.”
As if on cue, Eldreth burst through my door. “Change of plans,” he barked out like an order. He was dressed head to toe in fighting leathers with strategically placed pieces of mail. “They’re outside the gates.”
“Who is?”
“An Inraen army. They’ve brought catapults.”