Chapter 18
18
IVY
The drive to Grizzle’s house was quiet. Grizzle sat on the back seat with Bowser, Moose and Snowball, keeping the peace, while Ivy took the front seat in Ross’s Land Rover. The roads were thick with snow but they managed to park close to Grizzle’s cabin before negotiating their way on foot through a warren of snowy pathways and tracks.
Once they arrived, Ross took a few moments to check out the front door of Grizzle’s house, which was hanging off its hinges – much like it had been the last time Ivy visited.
‘Did someone break in?’ she asked worriedly as she wandered inside and placed Bonnibell’s casserole into Grizzle’s fridge.
‘Ach, no lass. I told you, the eejit hinge got stuck when I was letting Bowser out last night and I had to break it. It’s the whole reason I got lost in the woods,’ the older man explained, walking inside with his dog before taking in a deep breath. ‘Finally home. I can smell my treasures and they’re all here.’
He squinted around the sitting room before he went to a box he kept on the table and pulled out a pair of spectacles with oversized black frames and perched them on his nose. He looked almost owl-like as he wrinkled his forehead and looked slowly around the room, blinking. ‘It’s good to be back. Although I’ll have to check the place for evidence of Mairi visiting. I wonder what atrocity she’s left for me to eat today.’ He looked towards the fridge with a strange light in his eyes.
Ivy shivered. Since the front door had obviously been swinging open all night, the whole place was freezing. She quickly put the kettle on and made tea then laid out some of Bonnibell’s mince pies. Then she lit the fire while Grizzle went to change into something warmer and Ross took the opportunity to work on the door. It was then that Ivy glanced across at Ross and found him watching her. There was a look on his face that told her he was as confused as she was about their kiss. She was about to say something but Grizzle returned from his bedroom.
Ivy handed him his hot drink and put her hands on her hips. ‘So shall I find these decorations?’ she asked, glancing around. ‘This room could do with some Christmas love.’
‘Nae lass, I’ll get them myself, I can see perfectly fine with these.’ He patted the glasses, his eyes narrowing as he glanced across the room at Ross. ‘And I can see well enough to know the lad’s making a mess of a perfectly fine door,’ he grumbled. ‘When he’s finished, he could do something useful and cut me a Christmas tree – with your assistance of course. There are plenty outside to choose from.’
‘Aye, I’ve almost finished,’ Ross said darkly from where he was working.
Ivy raised an eyebrow just as he glanced up and met her eye again. He nodded his understanding and she felt something jump in her chest. Being around Ross was complicated – the feelings he was arousing were confusing, especially after their kiss. She was supposed to have her mind focused on moving to London, on her new career, but being with him at the resort was unearthing so many conflicting emotions about what she wanted and the direction she was headed in.
A few moments later Ross put down the tools. ‘Shall we get this tree?’ he asked.
‘Make sure it’s a big one,’ Grizzle demanded as he made his way into the smaller bedroom with Bowser, clutching a mince pie and his mug.
Ivy braced herself as she followed Ross outside. It was snowing again and the forest surrounding Grizzle’s house was sparkly with ice. Her phone suddenly buzzed in her pocket and she pulled it out, frowning at the screen when she realised she hadn’t seen today’s motivational quote on her coaching app yet.
She quickly read it and huffed.
‘ You don’t always get what you want, but if you’re lucky you might get what you need. ’
Ivy tensed. ‘That’s only helpful if I know what I need – because I know exactly what I want.’ Ivy shut the app, ignoring her daily goals again, and checked her messages. She’d received two texts. The first was from her mother.
Ivy, sorry I’ve only got ten minutes before my next surgery. Just wanted to say I hope everything’s going well with Miriam’s grandson. I’m so excited about your new chapter, darling. It’ll be wonderful not to worry about you anymore. Mum xx
Ivy puffed out a breath, feeling a little sick. She hadn’t achieved anything. She sensed Ross was wavering about speaking to his brother and grandmother, which gave her hope, but wasn’t sure if he’d go through with moving to the castle – although that relied more on his conversations with his family than her. She did worry that even if he did decide to move, that he wouldn’t want to leave Grizzle. She pulled a face. The obstacles kept piling up. Was that a sign that what she was doing was wrong?
The second text was from Miriam and Ivy had to stop herself from changing the contact name back to Cruella de Vil because her boss’s message was demanding and bordering on rude.
Ivy what is the latest with my grandson? I need an update on when he’s due to arrive at the castle. Surely it can’t be that difficult to impart the information? I hope I haven’t made a mistake asking you. Remember your new career depends on your success. MB
Ivy let out a heavy sigh. She couldn’t deal with either of the messages now. Half of her wondered how Ross would survive back at Hawthorn Castle with his grandmother. Would he be happy there? She winced because the more she got to know him the more she cared – and she wasn’t sure where that left them both.
Feeling conflicted, she shoved the mobile back into her pocket and followed Ross into the woods. He’d already located an axe and was waiting for her with Moose and Snowball who were charging around the small clearing. ‘I thought we’d go to the place where I usually get Grizzle’s Christmas tree.’ He paused. ‘I always replace the ones I use and I know a few of them are a good size now.’ He turned abruptly and paced away.
Ivy matched his steps as they headed right. The canopy of trees wasn’t as thick here, so the snowflakes fluttered through it and settled on their coats, leaving a glittery glaze.
‘Do you want to choose?’ Ross asked as he stopped in a large clearing. He folded his arms and watched her, his brown eyes brooding.
Ivy shrugged and then looked around, almost tripping over Snowball as he began to race in circles around her. ‘I think Grizzle will like that one,’ she said after a few minutes’ contemplation, pointing to a bushy blue spruce which looked the right size.
‘That’s a good choice,’ Ross said, wandering up to study the tree. ‘It’s extra prickly which will suit him. You’re a natural at this. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised; it’s in your DNA after all.’
He turned and smiled at Ivy, clearly unaware of how much the observation had affected her. Of the sudden longing for the path that was no longer open to her.
‘It’s the same variety I usually go for,’ he continued, before his smile slowly dropped as he studied her and his eyes heated.
That’s when everything flew from Ivy’s mind and her blood thickened in response. Then just as suddenly, Ross broke eye contact and rolled his shoulders as if attempting to reset.
‘Do you want to see if you can choose a tree to suit me?’ he asked, his voice tense.
Ivy let out a quivery breath, wondering if this was a test. She folded her arms as she spun around to study the trees and consider. That was when she spotted a singular tree in the distance. It was taller than the others with broad, glossy needles. The branches were luxuriant and it was an almost faultless triangular shape. ‘That balsam fir there,’ she said, pointing. ‘It’s perfect.’
‘Why?’ Ross asked, taking a few steps towards it.
‘Because it’s growing apart from the others,’ she said. ‘And because it’s absolutely stunning.’ She took in a deep breath as she drew closer to it, almost losing herself in the scent. ‘It smells like Christmas and being outside in the woods – and if I close my eyes all I can think of is you.’ She felt her cheeks burn, suddenly mortified by what she’d just revealed. ‘Um, and there are lots of branches so…um, you won’t run out of space to hang your baubles.’
Ross cleared his throat but Ivy couldn’t bring herself to look his way.
‘Wow. Thank you,’ he murmured, walking past her so he could kneel at the base of the tree. He had his back to her now – perhaps because he needed some space too – and Ivy was grateful.
It gave her a chance to recover and she could also now scour his broad shoulders and long legs. She studied his profile, remembering how soft his lips had felt in the tent. Their kisses had been relatively chaste, but there had been heat there. Heat she’d really wanted to explore. She shook herself – that would be a terrible idea.
‘Do you need any help?’ she asked, keeping her tone bland.
Ross let out a shaky breath. ‘Only if you can tell me how to deal with this…’ He hissed, looking up, his eyes dark. ‘Thing between us.’
Ivy cleared her throat, as every cell of her body seemed to rejoice. ‘I’ve no idea,’ she said, dropping her gaze to the ground. ‘It’s a bad idea on every level, but…’
‘Aye. But that doesn’t stop me wanting it,’ Ross said finally, standing and facing her. ‘It’s like you’ve breathed life into me, Ivy.’ He stared at her, looking baffled. ‘Part of me wants things to go back to the way they were, when I barely thought of my family and I didn’t want to get close to anyone again.’ His voice was unhappy.
‘I’m sorry—’ Ivy started.
‘Don’t.’ He held up a large palm. ‘Because another part of me is happy you came. Terrified, but happy.’ His face tensed as if he were struggling to find the right words.
Ivy stood, transfixed by the storm of emotions that raged across his handsome face.
‘I just stopped feeling. For over fifteen years I’ve been paralysed by guilt.’ He looked around, his face wonderstruck, like he was seeing his surroundings for the first time. ‘Maybe I’ve been hiding in the wilderness. I thought I was content. But I was living like Grizzle. It’s only now I realise how much I’ve let myself become like him.’
His gaze moved to the Blue Spruce. ‘I’m prickly and unsociable – I never go anywhere, and I say no to every invitation.’ He shook his head. ‘If you hadn’t come along, I’m guessing I’d have ended my days just like him. Too stubborn to go to an optician even when it’s obvious I need one; contrary; crotchety and…’ He hesitated. ‘Lonely…’
His mouth pinched, drawing Ivy’s attention to its edible curves.
‘So…’ she said, unsure. What was he saying?
‘So, I need something to change, Ivy. I’m saying I’d like to let you into my world.’
She swallowed. ‘I’m moving to London,’ she murmured.
His face dropped.
‘But—’ She took in an unsteady breath. ‘I…’ She put her hands into her pockets, searching for the right thing to say, and felt one of the sprigs of mistletoe poking through the bag Bonnibell had given her. She drew it out and held it between them, wondering if it was a sign. ‘I’d like to let you into my world too, at least for as long as I can.’
Ross stared at the plant as if he wasn’t sure what it meant. But his expression was hopeful.
Ivy took a step towards him and held the mistletoe sprig in the air. She wasn’t tall enough to reach above his head, so he plucked it from her fingers, took a step closer and suspended it above them both.
‘Shall we start with a kiss?’ Ivy asked, huskily.
When Ross nodded, she went onto her tip toes and pressed her mouth to his.