Chapter 33
Teddy
Just friends? I can live with that. I know she still loves me deep down. I just hurt her enough that she wants to bury it, but I’ll show her that I can love her like she deserves. I can love her with all of me, and make sure she knows it.
A week after Ariel left, Veronica suggested I go to therapy. I growled at the idea at first, but it’s been super helpful in helping me see how much unresolved trauma I had from not only Gwen’s death, but my mom’s too. I can still remember my first appointment.
“Hello Teddy, I’m Dr. Brown. May I ask you why you came to me today?” I stayed silent at first. I wanted to get up and leave, but I was in pain, and I needed to heal.
“I recently looked in the mirror, and hated what I saw.”
“What is it you saw?”
“I saw a man who let pain hold him back. A man who let his pain become a weapon to hurt those he loves.” .
“Do you mind to explain that more?”
“There was this girl who was staying with my family, and I hurt her. She told me she loved me, and I panicked. I said the most horrendous things to her, and she didn’t deserve it at all. Especially because none of it was true.” It takes everything in me to admit that to him. Do I want to be spilling my guts to a stranger? Fuck no. But if Ariel comes back, and I’m wishing on every damn flower that she will be, I need to be my best self for her. I can’t give her part of myself and yank it back when I panic. Not again.
My best self needs to get his brain and heart on the same page. My best self is the guy who does the hard, emotionally draining work because he wants peace. My best self is the version of me that Ariel deserves.
I work on getting my next surprise ready for Ariel while she hangs with Herald. He’s been here a week, and he’ll be taking a flight back tomorrow. I set down a newly written letter along with her surprise. I’ll admit this next one was harder to get done then buying her a star. I hope this gift, no scratch that, this isn’t a fucking gift, it’s something she’s deserved for a long time, and I couldn’t be more happy to give it to her.