Chapter Twenty
Chapter
Twenty
The two people who have unintentionally become the center of my universe, the two people who hold the biggest portions of my heart, look to me for answers…
But I have nothing to give them.
I train my gaze on the floor, the last of my magic dripping out of me, leaving me alone and ashamed and altogether unfit for their affections.
If they don’t already hate me, it’s only because they don’t realize how bad this is.
I dropped the magical equivalent of a bomb in the middle of the future they’ve built. I’ve ruined everything.
Eventually, Elle and Xander abandon their questioning looks, abandon their hope in me, and turn to each other. Planning. Strategizing. Their words rumble over me, and I only manage to catch snatches of their conversation.
But the budget—
We’ll find another investor—
Not in time for—
The first year is always hard. It’ll be lean, but we can manage—
All their hard work up in smoke, all because I let myself believe I could do this. Let myself believe in the craft that I’ve honed for years. The magic I chose over my own family.
You have disgraced this family for the last time.
You are no longer an Erikson.
The shame doubles over itself like a writhing mound of snakes, the coiling and flexing of cold, sliding skin.
Disappointing my parents, not living up to who they thought I should be, had hurt.
God, it hurt so much, but this? Failing at the thing I chose?
Failing the people who have seen and accepted who I really am—Pippa Ainsley, not Perpetua Ainsley Erikson, Nanette’s presumed successor at NACOW.
Flora has to fill that role now, whether she wants to or not.
It’s no wonder my parents threw me out. They must have known something was wrong with me, all the way to my core. It wasn’t just that my magic was wrong. I was wrong. I am wrong.
“Pippa.” Xander’s strong voice pulls me out of my head, and I force myself to meet his gaze. To accept whatever condemnation he has for me. He should throw me out. Revoke his friendship. Tell me he regrets ever pulling me into such a personal, important project.
Instead of the rejection I expect, his blue eyes are pleading. Searching. Somehow, that’s worse. “Yes?”
“What do we do?” His voice is soft. “How do we fix this?”
Right. They need a solution. I need to complete this contract and get out of their lives.
“We’ve already exhausted the local spiritual hot spots.
” My voice comes out steady, if robotic.
But I can do this. I won’t leave a mess my mundane friends can’t fix.
“I’ll need to travel. There’s another cluster of haunted locations a couple hours away.
I’d added them to my list as a backup before we officially brought Laney here. ”
God, just saying their name hurts. I can’t believe Laney’s gone. That all the ghosts are. I lean against the wall, swallowing my emotions. “I’ll buy more lepidolite, collect the five spirits we need, and then come back once it’s done.”
I won’t force you to look at me until I’ve fixed my mistake.
I’ll fix it, and then I’ll go.
“Uh, hi.” The chef steps into the room, looking uneasily between the three of us. “The teal ghost keeps writing increasingly distressed messages on the board in the kitchen.”
Laney.
Relief courses through me. Laney’s okay. We didn’t lose everyone.
“What did they say?” Elle asks.
The chef steps back into the hallway and points at the spirit board mounted there. “Mostly variations on that.”
We follow Oliviette into the hallway, where Laney’s frantic message meets us in bold, vivid teal.
Where Is Everyone???
My throat tightens. My eyes burn. This isn’t a fuckup I can fix by appeasing Sloane. Colton, with his sweet flirting, is gone forever. Xander will never have philosophical debates with Harry again. The Jens won’t get to attend any more dances.
Pippa? What Happened?
My heart clenches, but my throat is too tight to speak.
Laney already lost all their friends once.
They died young, out of nowhere, through no fault of their own.
Just a terrible twist of fate, and they were alone.
And now I’ve brought them here, surrounded them with new people, new ghosts, spirits they really seemed to enjoy.
I’ve stolen those people from Laney, too.
Belonging to this family is a privilege. Not a right.
You are not fit to bear our name.
A touch on my arm startles me out of my thoughts. Xander leans close, his blond hair falling into his eyes. “Pippa? You okay?”
I shake off his touch. I don’t deserve his concern. I’m the one who should be worried about him, should be apologizing to him. “I need to go. We only have until Thursday to find suitable ghosts—”
“Pip, slow down.”
“We’re already behind, Xander. I have to go.” I bound up the stairs before the tears can start. If Xander sees me cry, he’ll try to make me feel better, and I don’t deserve that. More importantly, we don’t have time.
Once I’m in my temporary room, I grab a bag and toss in everything I might need.
A couple of changes of clothes. The crystals not currently being used for the grids downstairs.
I don’t have enough lepidolite for four ghosts.
I’m short on garden quartz, too. I’ll need to swing by the office so Dea can source some for me.
A knock on the doorframe sends tension rippling up my spine.
“Don’t try to make this better, Xander. I know I fucked up, but I’ll fix it.
” My throat tightens again, and I shove harder than necessary to get an extra sweater into my Lucente-Cole bag and zip it up.
“I’ll find more ghosts and come back before Sebastian’s inspection.
And then I’ll get out of your way so I don’t fuck up anything else. ”
“Oh, sweetheart.” Elle’s voice comes from the doorway, where I expected Xander.
“Ellie.” Her nearness makes every muscle in my body tense.
God, she must be scared that the same thing could happen to her niece.
“I’ll find ghosts who will like Willa. I’ll fix things so you don’t lose Sloane’s money.
” Not that Sloane will ever want anything to do with me again.
I take the business card out of my back pocket and let it fall to the floor.
“Pippa, slow down.”
“I can’t. Not if I’m going to fix this before Sebastian comes back on Thursday.” I grab the Lucente-Cole bag and sling it over one shoulder, ready to duck past Elle and get the hell out of here before I break down completely, but she cuts me off before I get to the door.
Her hands come to rest on my shoulders, gentle but firm.
“Pippa.” She says my name with such gentleness, such care, and then she’s slipping her fingers across my shoulders. They trail along my collarbone until she’s cradling my face, thumbs stroking across my jaw. “Talk to me. Why are you running?”
You have disgraced this family for the last time.
My heart feels fragile, like it might shatter at any moment. And neither of us has time for that.
“I’m not running away.” I tip my forehead to hers, letting myself soak in her comfort one last time. “I’m running toward a solution. I’m coming back. I promise.”
With a glance over her shoulder to make sure Xander hasn’t followed, I lean in for a kiss. Elle’s lips are soft and warm and perfect against mine. Fuck, I’m going to miss this. When she tries to deepen the kiss, I force myself to pull away.
“I have to go.” I slip by her with my things and disappear out the front door.
I manage to drive to the nearest gas station before the tears force me to pull over.
“Were you able to get them?”
“Good to see you, too, boss.” Dea stands from behind her desk, dressed down in jeans and a cozy sweater. “Do you plan to tell me what sparked your crystal emergency?”
Guilt and shame tighten my throat. “Next week. After I’ve fixed things.” When I left Midnight Manor two hours ago, I called Dea from the road and asked her to source two more large orbs of lepidolite, along with garden quartz and obsidian. I didn’t tell her why, and, at the time, she didn’t ask.
“I know I didn’t give you much time, but—”
“But I’m a miracle worker.” Dea flashes a smile and pulls a cloth bag from beneath her desk. “I put the lepidolite orbs into their own individual drawstring bags for easy handling, since I assume those are for transporting ghosts. You don’t need a repeat of the poltergeist you told me about.”
The long-healed Taser injuries on my abdomen twinge with remembered pain. “What would I do without you?”
Dea shrugs, her gaze darting away from mine. “You’re resourceful. You would have figured it out.” She hands over the bag. The weight of it surprises me.
“How big are these pieces?”
“It was either those or tumbles the size of my thumb. I figured bigger was better.”
She’s not wrong, but I wince internally at what these must have cost. “Where did you end up getting them?”
Dea stalls. Fidgets with the rings on her fingers.
“Please tell me you didn’t go to C3.”
“They have the best local selection,” Dea says, defiance mixing with guilt in her tone. “Teagan has a back room that caters to witches. It’s not just the stuff for mundanes out front. She even gave me a discount.”
Worry claws at my gut, though it doesn’t find much purchase against all the other emotions overwhelming my body and worsening the pain that constantly radiates through my lower back. “Why would she do that?”
Dea ambles back to her desk with a noncommittal wave of her hands. “I may have promised to get a business lunch for the two of you on your calendar.”
I groan. “Dea…I don’t have time for this.”
“She seems nice, Pippa. It won’t be terrible.” Deanna settles behind her desk and clicks the mouse. “I can schedule it for Monday. Get it over with?”
The groan that whines in my throat is far from professional. “Push it a week. I don’t think I’ll be in Monday, anyway.”
“Need a long weekend after working a month straight?”
I nod. God, Dea knows me so well. This business would never survive without her. “I’ll be in next Tuesday. I can’t wait to hear about all the projects you’ve done while I was gone.”
Dea smiles. “Protocols and automations galore. You’ll love it.”
“I’m sure I will.” I hook the bag of crystals over my shoulder. “I should…” I gesture for the door, and the moment she nods, I push out into the chilly afternoon.
There’s a lot to do before I can return to the manor.
A lot to do before I can return to my real life, back here in the city. Working with Dea. Trying to rebuild my business back to what it was before C3 weaseled their way into my turf.
I shake the thought away. I have four ghosts to select and transport, and only until Thursday morning—at the latest—to do it.
Everything else will have to wait.
“Let me get this straight.” Exhaustion clings to my limbs as Monday night tips into early Tuesday morning.
I trace a vitality sigil along my chest, and the corresponding jolt of energy is better than a cup of coffee injected straight into my veins.
“You got run over by a reindeer on Christmas Eve? Like the song?”
Betty, a grandmotherly white woman with thin curls piled on top of her head, shoots me a mischievous grin. “Well, it wasn’t a reindeer, exactly. Just a regular ol’ buck. And I ran into it on December twenty-third, but those details ruin the fun. It counts.”
Her humor about her death is weirdly endearing. She’s the first ghost tonight who’s passed the initial parameters for Midnight Manor. The recently abandoned hotel is crawling with ghosts. I’ve talked to a dozen before Betty.
I give her the rundown on the B&B, and when she seems interested, I shift to the Willa of it all. “One of the ghost residents is a ten-year-old girl.”
“Poor thing.” Betty tsks. “So young. What happened?”
“Brain cancer.” My chest feels tight, a mixture of the late night and the memory of the hospital. “How do you feel about sharing your afterlife with a child?”
Betty sighs, but it’s a warm thing. “It’s been decades since my grandkids have all grown and moved away. It would be nice to have a little one to fuss over again.”
I pull the first orb of lepidolite from the bag. “Well then, Betty, it’s my pleasure to offer you a home at Midnight Manor.”
I manage a few hours of sleep in my car before continuing on to a cemetery that’s rumored to be more haunted than average.
With every ghost I interview, I hear Elle’s voice in my head.
The way she questioned those first few spirits.
The way she talked to Willa after the hospital, trying to include her even though her niece couldn’t respond with her voice. The love Elle has for her family.
The trust she’s placed in me.
All the worried texts she’s sent that I’ve ignored.
I think of Xander and dance parties with the ghosts after a tough day.
Of Laney and the friendships they made with Colton and the Jennifers, which I ruined. I’m doing my best to find people who they’ll click with. But not replacements. There’s no replacing someone, not even a ghost.
Three locations end with no suitable manor residents.
The sun is setting on Wednesday before I meet Noah, a Korean American trans man who died a few years ago, with a wife and kids he wants me to invite to Midnight Manor for a visit if he agrees to move there. His warm demeanor and ease around kids make him an obvious yes.
Two down…two to go, but not a long time to find them.
I can’t stop. Not yet. I won’t go back to Xander and Elle without everything I’ve promised them.
Even if it takes all night.