4. Chapter 4
Led
T he way it comes out, I want to bite my tongue and tell myself to shut the fuck up. She picks up on it. “You sound frustrated about that.”
“I told you I’m hangry.” Good save. Here’s hoping that I have many more of those, as this may be a long night.
She gives me a weak smile, and, like magic, our meals arrive seconds later.
We both seem impressed, but Jinny also seems very relieved, and that’s when the guilt starts.
I don’t mean to be an asshole. Smartly, she’s silent while we eat, and I devour my meal, not lifting my head for a full five minutes.
That’s when she takes a break and opens her laptop.
My tone is conversational. “Well, what have you got?”
“The girl I just interviewed looks promising but expensive.”
“That’s usually the way it works.” I set my fork down and take a sip of water. She’s nearly finished her meal as well. “Was there any growth in the finance department in your meeting perchance?”
“Of course. You gave your proposal, and we considered it. Jagger’s approved of your proposal, but I’ll let him tell you that officially himself.”
That’s a slight relief. However, it still doesn’t satisfy the inner craving that I’ve ignored for years.
I pull out my laptop and scooch it in behind hers, so they're back to back.
We sit there, making it painfully obvious that this is all about work.
The couple next to us leave a sizeable tip under their breadbasket and leave.
And then the larger party two tables down depart, making enough noise to gather the attention of all the patrons on the patio.
Jinny and I sort of ignore the bustle as we continue to stare at our laptops.
Her phone beeps on the table and she looks at it, smirking.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” She snuffs, grinning. “It’s my mom.”
“How’s she doing?”
“Good. She wants me to go to Cabo with her in the winter.”
“Didn’t you just come back off vacation with her?”
She smiles. “You remember my mother, right?”
“Yeah. I remember her. She never liked me.” I say with a cocky smile, hoping that my comment doesn’t piss her off.
“That’s only because she knew that you and I liked each other, but you were too much of a pussy to go after me.”
My face is blank.
She looks up at me from her laptop and lifts a hand. “Sorry. That was inappropriate. This is a work dinner, not a date.”
“Is that your reasoning?”
“Are you saying that I should never have said that, no matter the circumstances? Because it’s the truth, isn’t it?”
“I thought you apologized and said it was an inappropriate thing to say.”
“I did.”
I smile without a trace of mirth. “I knew this was a mistake.”
She places a fist on the table. “Come on, Led. We’re both adults. Why don’t you just tell me why you never made a move on me. You said so yourself at Bowie and Jagger’s wedding that it wasn’t a game. Are you saying that you were full of shit?”
“Why is it such a big deal?”
“Because maybe if we had acted back then, we could get past it now.”
“Why would that make a difference? I mean, clearly it wouldn’t have worked out, and then we would have had the extra awkwardness of knowing that we fucked around and failed.”
“Maybe we wouldn’t have fucked around.”
“Are you saying that you think we should have dated?”
“Maybe.”
I lick my lips. “What’s happening here, Jinny? Are you saying that you want me to ask you out?”
“No, I’m asking for the truth, Led.” She says firmly. “Why didn’t you ever ask me out then? You’ve had a crush on me all these years, and yet you did nothing about it. Why?”
I turn the tables around. “I could say the same thing to you. You had a crush on me, too, and you never did anything about it. And don’t tell me that you’re an old-fashioned type of girl, because I saw you give Benny Kingsley a blow job at your party that night when Jagger got all fucked up and Bowie thought that he cheated on her with Kayla Hartman. ”
She folds her arms across her chest defiantly. “How did you see that.”
“I...came upstairs...” I search for the right words.
“Looking for me.”
I huff. “Fine. Yes. I was looking for you.” I dance around this a little, not wanting it to come out wrong. “That’s...part of the reason why I never went for you back then.” I level with her. “There was always someone.”
She looks over her shoulder. Her face is impassive. I can’t tell if she’s pissed off or considering that there might actually be a grain of truth to what I’m saying to her. “Fine. I get it. You think I’m a slut.”
“I never thought that, Jinny. If I did, I would never have liked you at all in the first place. You were just...always different. Always wild.”
“So then why did you like me?”
“Because you were...so independent. So smart. You knew what you wanted, and you went for it. And you were beautiful. Shall I go on?” I add with the flash of a smile.
An eye roll with a slight, smirky grin. “No. Okay, I get it.”
“So, then, let me ask you this. How come you never went after me ?” I point my thumb at myself, and my tone is playful.
With a distant look out into the night sky, she speaks almost whimsically. “I don’t know. I guess I just thought that you...I didn’t want to chase you. You were different. You weren’t easy. And you weren’t trying to get me into bed. I guess part of me didn’t want to ruin that.”
I consider this with a lopsided grin. “That’s fair. But I guess that makes us both pussies, right?”
“I guess so.” She says, looking at me warmly. “You were always a good guy. Maybe I didn’t want to corrupt you.”
“And now I’m an accountant.”
“I’m in a semi-nerdy field, too, you know. I have to stay straight up as an HR Manager, too.”
Feeling brave, I scratch my nose and go for it. “Then tell me something. How come, if you're such a straight shooter, that is...how come you’re going after Axl?”
“I never said I was going after him, he’s coming after me, and I’m not taking the bait.”
“Then what was that whole dancing on the table thing at Jagger’s wedding?”
She shrugs. “That was just fun. I don’t want my staff to all think that I’m a stick in the mud, either, you know.”
“You are far from a stick in the mud. Ask anybody.”
“You’re not so bad yourself, Led. I mean, you are one of the most eligible bachelors here, and quite a catch.”
A ‘v’ forms between my brows. “What the fuck are we even talking about here. You mean at the office? I really don’t think so. And what does it matter, anyway? I don’t give a shit about any of that. I never have. Look, can we get back to work here?”
I’ve pissed her off. “Fine. I just thought that you should know that plenty of the girls in the office like you.”
“I really don’t give a shit. And how the hell do you know...better yet...why do you care.” I say as more of a statement, as I look through some numbers.
“Truthfully, I don’t care. I just thought that you should know.”
“Why? Why would that make a difference? I go to work to work, not to flirt with people.”
“And, hence, there’s the problem.”
I lift a brow. “What does that mean?”
“If we were to date, then that would make it awkward, no?”
“Well, that’s why we’re not going to date.” I remind. “That’s why I don’t date people that I work with.”
“Never?”
I shake my head. “Never.”
“Not even a fuck in the office?”
I pop my ‘p’. “Nope.”
She snorts. “Wow. You really are a bit of a stick in the mud.”
I know that she’s joking, so I give her a jibe. “And you really are a slut.”
I receive a kick from under the table. I kick her back softly, just on her shoe, and she snorts another laugh. “What about being friends?”
“Like, with someone I work with?” I clarify.
“Yeah.”
“Not really. I mean, I work with my brothers, and that’s enough. When I go home, I don’t want to see anyone from work.”
“So, who do you like to hang with then?”
I give her a look. “I don’t have time for friends.”
Her neck cranes. “Are you serious?”
“Well, I hang with my brothers, and their friends, but as far as my own friends, I don’t have time for them. My friends are of convenience.”
She takes the last bite of her dinner and speaks frankly as she chews, mouth full. “You’ve really got to work on that.” After she takes a sip of her water, she continues. “And you should really get laid more often, while we’re on the subject.”
“I don’t have time to get laid, and I don’t need the hassle, either.”
She lifts her brows as she speaks, just before taking another sip of water. “But you have time for blow jobs.”
“I was proving a point. And that’s none of your fucking business, anyway.”
She shrugs. “I made a bet. I needed to collect.”
This conversation has gone sideways. We were supposed to be having a working dinner and now it’s turned into a scene from a fucking rom-com. “You what?” I can’t help but laugh. “You made a bet? With who?”
Another shrug. “Axl.”
“Oh, that’s great.” I’m annoyed. “And what are you doing hanging around with an alcoholic like that, when you’re recovered? That’s just a disaster waiting to happen.”
“So, you admit that it bothers you.”
“It should bother you .” I correct.
“It would bother me if I was seeing him but I’m not.”
“You should have thought of that stance before you stood on that fucking table at Jagger’s wedding. Did you see the tabloids the next day?”
“You can’t see my face.”
“So?”
“And they don’t even make mention of me in the article, anyway. They just say, ‘Axl and friend’ at Jagger Lawson’s wedding party.”
“Well, all I’m saying is that you should be weary of that dude. He’s trouble for you.”
“Why is he trouble, Led? I’ve been recovered for a long time. It’s never been a problem for me.”
I tilt my head slightly and speak. “Keep telling yourself that. I’m sure it’s a lie. When he’s drunk as a skunk before the dinner hour and you’ve had a bad day, it’ll matter. I’m sure that you’d enjoy watching your mate get smashed at the drop of a hat. Any sober person would.”
Her face brightens but her eyes are dancing, and her tone is facetious. “Wow, you really are jealous.”
“I’m not jealous of shit. I’m just pointing out that he’s not the guy for you.”
“I already told you that I’m not going after him. In fact, I turned him down the night of Jagger’s wedding.”
“Why should I care.”
“I think you do care.”
I’m vexed. “What are we even talking about here, Jinny? What, do you want me to take you back to my place and fuck your brains out, so that you can get it out of your system? Is that it?” My voice is a little louder than I mean it to be, and some people are staring at me.
Jinny doesn’t even blush. She’s impressed. “It’s nice to see you come out of your shell a little bit, Led. Nice going.”
“Fuckoff.” I start packing up my laptop, but she puts her hand over top of it.
“Look, I’m not trying to piss you off, okay? I just think that there are some things that you need to be more honest about is all.”
“Why do you care so fucking much.”
“Because I’ve known you forever. And now we’re working together.”
“So, what. You work with a lot of people, and you’re not invested in them and their sex life.”
She gives me a look. “Don’t be obtuse. You can’t ignore the fact that we have a history together. It’s different.”
“Jinny, it’s no different. We work together.
We may cross paths here and there. You and I are two different people, and if we were supposed to date a thousand years ago and didn’t, then so be it.
There are lots of things that I should have done a thousand years ago and didn’t, and I don’t give a shit anymore about any of that, either.
” I hear it as soon as it comes out and I shut my eyes tight, wishing like fuck that I can take it back, but I can’t.
Then the million-dollar question comes out of her mouth that I wished to God I’d never have to answer. “What else do you regret not doing?”
I sigh. “Nothing. Nothing at all.”
“If I tell you one of my regrets, would you tell me?”
“What, is this a fucking sleepover?”
She chuckles and it’s contagious. “No. But once I turned down this huge job offer overseas. And I’ve always wondered, you know, how different things would have been.”
I’m intrigued. “Was this an HR job?”
“No. I worked part-time at this French bakery back in college, and the owner, who was really from France, was selling the place to move back there, and he asked me to go with him. Offered me lodging and everything.”
I go for cute. “Were you giving him blow jobs?”
She scrunches her nose. “He was like seventy. I think he thought of me as like a granddaughter or something. He never had any kids. I was already enrolled for my HR designation, but I did give it a thought.”
“Why’d you turn it down?”
“Gut feeling.”
“How noble.”
“So, tell me yours.”
“Tell you what?”
She sighs, growing frustrated, and I know that I’m dicking around with her, but I really don’t want to tell her. “Tell me your regret that you just mentioned. Some long, deep regret.”
“It’s nothing, okay? I don’t want to talk about it.”
She’s totally joking. “I’ll give you a blow job...”
I can’t keep a straight face nor can she.
We start laughing out loud.
It’s the most I’ve laughed in years.
...but the accountant inside me is crying.