16. Chapter 16
Led
T hank God she’s got a fireplace in her bedroom, because we’re both beat, like dead beat, and we fall asleep almost instantly once we’re in bed.
Never, not since before the attack, have I slept so soundly.
And that’s the problem. It always seems like the moment you let your guard down, the moment you feel like things are finally falling into place, that’s when the shit hits the fan.
And this is no exception. I know that I need to end things with Jinny, and fast. And I can tell by the expression on her face when she thinks that I’m not looking, that she knows it, too.
We’re not meant to be together. Neither of us wants a committed relationship.
Me for different reasons than her, to which she is unaware, as is the rest of the world.
The more that I delay the inevitable, the worse it’s going to hurt.
And I don’t want to hurt a hair on her head.
Before I let myself be completely happy, before I give in to this fantasy that Jinny and I can be together, before I break her fucking heart in the whole process, I need to end this.
But there’s also one thing that I need to do for my brother.
Now that I’m no longer working for Lawson Enterprises, and before the press is knee deep in that shit, I need to make a phone call to Wesley, so that he can hear it for himself.
I owe Jagger that. Because I know that that’s the way that he’d want me to do it, but he’s just too goddamn gracious not to ask me.
As I sit in my new office, on the new chair and desk that was delivered not an hour ago, and I pick up my cell phone, I dial the number in the UK. After I ask for Wesley, letting the receptionist know who I am, I’m connected straight to his line.
His voice is cheery, welcoming. “Led. How are you?”
“I’m great, Wesley. How are you?”
“Couldn’t be better. Err...did you get the numbers that my finance team sent you?”
“Well, that’s actually one of the reasons why I’m calling you, sir.”
“Oh?”
“Everything is fine, sir. I just wanted to call and tell you myself, before it hits the newspapers.”
“Go on, son. I’m listening.”
“Um...I left Lawson Enterprises, sir. It’s something that I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but I didn’t want to leave my brother high and dry.”
“You? You left?”
“Yes, sir, I did. But with my brother’s blessing, of course. Evidently, everyone knew that I was unhappy. Miserable, in fact. I was the last to know.”
He pauses for a moment. “And what is it that you’re endeavoring to do, Led? Because I know that you Lawson kids were not raised to just sit around and soak up all your parents’ money.”
“No, sir. You’re right there. I’m starting my own company, actually.
I’ve dreamed about it for decades, in fact.
” I go into more detail about it, and he’s very supportive.
Not shocked or worried. “I don’t want to talk your ear off about this for too long.
I’m sure that you have better things to do and less time to do it in. ”
“Led, that’s the beauty of doing what I do, see. I’m the boss.” He chuckles. “So, if I care to take a call, then they wait on me.”
“I suppose you’re right there, sir.”
“Now, you mentioned that there was more than one reason for your call, Led. What else do you have on your mind?”
I sniff and rake a hand through my hair, and then I go in for the kill.
“Since I no longer have ties with Lawson Enterprises, and therefore no stakes in it, either, I feel like it’s my duty to do something for my brother, sir.
And that is to inform you that you might be getting taken for a ride by one of your staff. ”
He clears his throat. His tone changes. It’s like he’s on the case. “Do tell, Led. I’m very intrigued to know what you’re getting at.”
“Well, you know that I’m not a gossip and I don't go looking for trouble, but I was recently privy to a small conspiracy in the form of a double date gone wrong.”
“How’s that, son?”
“I’ll just come out with it, Wesley. Freddie, the woman that you have at your UK office, is conspiring to bring Axl Lennon on board, and not in any honest way, either sir.
Reya, who runs your other office here in the States, she was duped into a double date with me recently, and that’s where we both put two and two together, since Axl and Freddie were the other half of the double date.
I felt like you should be warned. While Axl isn’t an ideal candidate for any company not wishing to be plastered on the front page of any tabloid and their name dragged through the mud, he is desperate to make some sort of partnership, and it’s likely that he’ll take whatever he can get in any manner possible. Whether it’s noble or not.”
He clears his throat again. “While I appreciate you letting me know about this, Led, I assure you that my stance on Axl Lennon is the same as your brother Jagger’s.
Until he cleans up his act, and not a moment sooner, I do not wish to do business with him.
I run a tight ship and that’s why Lawson Enterprises was the way to go for me and my company.
Nobody with such a reputation like Axl Lennon’s would be welcome here.
And know that I’ll have a word with Freddie so that she understands this. ”
“I’m...sorry to be the one to have to break that to you, sir.”
“Oh, not to worry, my boy. Freddie was hired for her audacity and this just reinforces it. Albeit it's not in the way that I would scout new blood, but as long as she understands that bringing someone in through the back door will not fly here. Freddie is very apt and bright and as long as I set boundaries for her, she’ll abide by them. But I do appreciate you telling me. I can see why your brother was so reluctant to let you go, Led.”
I chuckle. “He fired me, actually.”
He barks a laugh. “I stand corrected. I hope he didn’t fire you for going out on that double date!”
I laugh with him. “Not at all, sir. It was all me. I should let you go, Wesley.”
“Keep in touch, Led. And be sure to let me know if you need anything.”
“Same to you, sir. I appreciate it.”
“Best of luck, Led.”
“Thank you, sir.”
I hang up to him and my shoulders feel even lighter. But I stop myself. I know that that was the easy part. The next part will be much much harder.
Jinny
It needs to be done. Before we both get hurt.
Before he finds out that I’m falling for him.
I can be one of those women that loves someone from afar, right?
I can do it. Sure, I’ll miss him so much it’ll make my heart ache, but it’s better than breaking his heart altogether.
And breaking mine, too. I just have to pick the right moment and do it soon.
This way, at least with him opening his business, something that he’s been dreaming about for a long time, that should be enough of a distraction away from me.
That ought to do it. He’ll be too busy thinking about all the tasks that need to be done to get the business flowing to be worried about me.
That’s exactly how I’ll do it. And I’ll do it now.
Do it before it’s too late. I make up my mind to go over to his place tonight and tell him.
Sure, I could weasel my way out of this by simply not calling him, but that’s not my style.
I’m a professional, and therefore everything that I do in my life, I do it right.
I don’t skulk my way out of anything. And Led deserves better than that, anyway.
To say that he’s a decent guy would be an understatement.
He’s one of the most beautiful, trustworthy, hard-working and kind men that I know.
I wouldn’t just slough him off. That’s not fair.
I’ve got more dignity and strength than that.
Before I lose my gumption to do so, I hop in my car, and I go over to his house, hoping that he’s home.
When I arrive, I press on the security screen, and I’m granted entry.
Suddenly, I feel a lump already forming in my throat.
“Come on, you can do this.” I tell myself.
Never in my life have I ever struggled so much with something.
Then I remember that I’ve never really had to say goodbye to anyone before.
I’ve never had to break up with anyone before.
...I’ve never fallen in love before.
Led
She’s here. And it’s the perfect timing because I’ve just convinced myself that I need to see her.
To tell her that this has to end. To tell her that what we have can’t happen anymore.
I’m not the man for her. There is a world of eligible men out there for her that can give her everything that she could ever want.
What she deserves. Whether she knows it or not.
Whether she says she wants it or not. My dad always told me that when you truly care about someone, the only thing that you truly care about is their happiness.
Everything else comes second. And that’s true here.
No woman should ever be denied the opportunity to have kids.
None. Especially the wonderful woman that is Jinny.
She’s been through alcoholism, she’s a successful, loving, intelligent woman that deserves everything that she wants.
And if I can’t give her that, then I need to man up and move on.
A voice inside my head is saying, ‘Well, what if she doesn’t even want to have kids? Have you ever thought of that? She’s never even mentioned her family plans before, ever.’