Chapter 20 Rose
My eyelids are weighted, my arms too weak to lift.
Get up. I propel myself forward, but I barely move.
A cold sweat breaks out over my brow. I’m trapped.
Defenseless. Get up. I sense someone hovering over me and my breathing quickens, adrenaline soaking every aching muscle.
Get the fuck up! Gritting my teeth, I try again, pushing past my excruciating headache.
A choked groan rips from my throat, and a large, familiar hand slips into mine, soothing me like a hit of nicotine.
I release a breath and slump back against the mattress.
Since I was a kid, I’ve wanted to be alone. Safe. In my world of revolving foster homes, the darkness of sleep was my only reliable embrace. Parker’s like a comet, tearing through my bleak night sky, garish yet mesmerizing.
“Rest,” he says, his temple warm against mine. “I’m here. You’re safe.”
But I’m not. Not if Matthews finds us. And here I am, bedbound, useless and barely holding on.
Parker gives my hands a squeeze. “Rest,” he says again.
Oblivion’s steadfast hold slithers through my bones. I fight against it, the shaking of my head nothing more than a pitiful jerk. I need to tell him this is too much.
Darkness engulfs me, one tiny, golden thread winking at me in the far distance, like a star about to burn out.
I need to tell him.
The pounding in my head’s so relentless I must still be in the past. I bite the inside of my cheek, longing for my own time, where I’m untethered. Headache-free, my mind clear.
But not safe.
Nowhere’s safe.
I push myself into a sitting position and bitter saliva pools in my mouth.
I swallow it down and wait for the nausea to subside.
How long have I been unconscious? Parker’s asleep on the floor beside me, back slumped against my bed.
Reaching toward him, my fingertips hover an inch from his short, blond strands.
What I’d give for another life, where we don’t spend every waking second running. I drop my hand into my lap and pick at my nails. We have McGregor’s journal now. It’s almost over. He’ll restore Parker’s powers and I’ll be free from the bars of my own cage.
I contemplate the gentle rise and fall of Parker’s shoulders.
Would he sleep as peacefully if he knew the damage we’ve done?
The second we appeared in our time at Neurovida, my memories had shifted.
Blurred. Tainted. A large debt repaid for the short time we’ve spent here, and our fleeting interactions with Ella.
Fragments of memories race through my brain, the old and new blending together like paint on a canvas until I can’t differentiate the two.
I bite the inside of my cheek. What will Parker say when his powers are restored, and he returns to the future to find his precious memories spoiled? He’ll hate me. Us. What we’ve done.
I need my vape.
“Parker,” I say, my voice weak and croaky.
He jerks awake and cranes his neck to stare at me. Eyes momentarily closing, he lets out a slow exhale. “You had me worried there.”
“How long was I out?”
“About twelve hours.” He pushes himself from the floor, hissing as he straightens.
My gaze drops to the blood drenching his shirt, and my stomach plummets. “Fuck,” I whisper. Twelve hours he’s sat beside my bed suffering.
“It’s nothing,” he says, easing down onto the bed opposite and rubbing his eyes. “Just a graze.”
“What—” Memories from last night punch through my mind’s blurred haze.
Guards storming McGregor’s office. Parker thrusting me behind him, using his body to shield my own.
The mild power whirring through my veins had amplified to a raging inferno, a silent word echoing with every pulsing particle.
Protect. Protect. Protect. But it hadn’t been enough.
Why would he put himself between me and a bullet?
The world needs people like Parker, not pessimistic outcasts like me.
My nails bite into my palms. “Why did you do it?” I ask in a strangled whisper.
“Because you’re my family,” he says without hesitation.
The words sit heavily on my chest, like I’m buried in wet cement.
“You’re my family.”
“I’m here. You’re safe.”
“Everything will be okay, Rose.”
A jolt races through me, an unnerving tightness growing in the center of my chest.
How did we get here? Parker and I aren’t friends. We barely tolerated each other at Neurovida. And when he gets home and his memories change, he won’t want me anywhere near him. He won’t stare at me the way he does now, a silent plea in his gaze.
I can almost hear the whispered words, floating through my own head. Stay. Stick together. Fight. Dangerous thoughts. I let Flame in. And Matthews. They’re the reason I’m in this mess. They are the mistakes I can’t make again. Stick with the plan. We restore his powers, and I’m free.
“Let me see how bad it is,” I say, gesturing to Parker’s abdomen. He stands and lifts his shirt, prying back the fabric stuck to his wound with a hiss. I shudder at the crimson streak. “Jesus, Parker.”
“It’s fine.” He lowers his shirt and eases down onto the edge of my bed. “How are you feeling? Honestly.”
“Like shit.” I rub my temples, memories from our field trip to Neurovida flashing through my mind. “Matthews knew we were going to be there… and the way he moved… I’ve never seen anything like it.”
At Neurovida, Matthews excelled in time and date accuracy.
He was the only Alpha who could jump into the past and return within the space of a second.
Even after years of training, none of us could match his precision.
The only traveler who rivalled him was Flame.
A shudder works its way down my spine at the memory of her standing in Neurovida’s dim training room.
Pupils racing behind her closed lids, blood streaming from her nostrils.
That ominous hum of power and lightbulbs shattering…
There were times I found the power she possessed truly terrifying.
No wonder Matthews wanted her help. And after his show in McGregor’s office—
“He’s been training.”
“It wasn’t that impressive,” Parker says under his breath.
I’d forgotten about the fierce rivalry between him and Matthews at Neurovida. “Are you kidding? He traveled directly into the room and skipped through moments in time by the millisecond.”
Parker suppresses an evil grin. “Did you see the paperweight hit him in the face?”
I smirk. “I think you broke his eye.”
“Breaking every bone in his face wouldn’t be enough,” Parker says with a sneer.
No, it wouldn’t. Matthews deserves far worse for what he’s done. “He’s obviously still working with Neurovida?”
“Looks that way.”
I gnaw the inside of my cheek. “I don’t understand. If he wants us dead, why doesn’t he travel back to the days we were at Neurovida and kill us there?” Why did he betray us in the first place?
Parker shakes his head. “I don’t know.”
I still don’t understand what happened the day we fled Neurovida. One moment we were in session like any other day, and the next Matthews was accusing us of being traitors to Neurovida. “If Matthews finds out we’re here, we’re fucked,” I say.
“Maybe.” Parker scoffs. “He didn’t even have both shoes on last night.”
I’d forgotten about Matthews’ one pitfall—his inability to consistently travel with all his clothing. Neurovida seems like a lifetime ago. I close my eyes and see the faces of the other recruits—Flame, Bandit and Axis.
“Remember the time we had to travel back one month, and Bandit ended up a year off everyone else?” Parker says, and I laugh but it turns into a cough.
“Or the time you came to class so hungover you vomited on the floor. You were a mess. No wonder she broke up with you so many times.”
The grin on Parker’s face falls. “I know.”
“I miss it.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. I miss training and the sessions and the recruits. I miss Bandit and Axis. But I miss Flame the most. She was the binding to our messed-up group, holding us all together, and she didn’t even know it.
I wish I’d never gone to Neurovida. The thought sits like a black hole in the center of my chest, threatening to suck me into its impenetrable depth. I’ll spend the rest of my life knowing what it was like to have a home… and what it’s like to lose one.
“I miss it too,” Parker says, his warm voice filling the room.
I clear my throat. “At least we have McGregor’s journal now. Soon you’ll have your powers back and we can split.” Parker slips his hand into his pocket, our plans to separate hovering in the air between us like thick smoke. “What date is it?” I ask.
“October twenty-six. We were gone for less than twenty-four hours.” A shit-stirring grin creeps across his face. “You might finally be getting the hang of this.”
“Imagine how good I’d be if I wasn’t carrying your massive head with me.” I laugh again, and my entire body aches with the movement. “Where’s McGregor’s research?”
Parker gets to his feet and retrieves the journal from his bed. It lands in my lap with a soft thud. “Lucky it’s from our time and I can hold it, or it’d be on the ground outside.”
I clutch the book in my trembling hands, as precious to me as the air I breathe. Our last hope.
“We should take it to McGregor,” Parker says. “Now.”
“We need to sort out your wound first. Find a first-aid kit and—” My bare legs brush against crisp bedsheets, the cool morning air kissing my exposed arms. My head snaps up. “Did you take off my clothes?”
“No.” He presses his lips together, gaze dropping to the floor. “Ella was here.”
I slump back against my pillow. Of course she was. “Parker, when I traveled us to Neurovida, my memories split. Spending time with Ella will only make it worse. You know this.”
“My memories didn’t change,” Parker says.
“Because you don’t have any powers. Only a time traveler’s memories can split, remember?
” I exhale and lower my voice. “Parker, the more you interact with her, the worse it’s going to be when we go back.
You need to leave her alone. Please. You’re putting her in danger,” I say, pointing at him.
“Stop using every excuse to spend time with her.”
“Excuse?” Parker says, his mouth hanging open.
“You really have no idea, do you?” He purses his lips and stares through the open doorway.
“I didn’t know what to do last night. You were incoherent, covered in blood, and I couldn’t help you.
” His voice breaks on the last few words, the memories of last night reflected in his pinched brows.
“Without Ella, we wouldn’t have made it through that front door. You owe her a massive thank you.”
I pick at my nails. Of course Parker sees it that way. People will tell themselves anything to sleep at night. “Where’s my fucking vape?”
Parker tries to snatch my jeans from the floor with a silent wince, but his hands pass through the fabric.
“Fuck, Rose,” he says. Closing my eyes, I exert more energy to allow him to interact with his surroundings, and my brain protests in piercing jabs.
He tries again, pulls my vape from the back pocket of my jeans and slams it down on my nightstand.
“You’re welcome,” he says bitterly as I bring it to my lips.
My shoulders drop at the first inhale. “Go take a shower. You stink.” Vapor curls from my mouth. “I’m going to look through McGregor’s journal before we give it to him.”
Parker stops in the doorway, his posture stiff. “Why?”
“In case there’s information about why Neurovida turned on us,” I say, opening the old book.
Parker shrugs. “Because of Matthews. McGregor had nothing to do with it, but suit yourself.”
“I will,” I state to his back as he saunters out of sight.
Exhaling, I scan the first page of McGregor’s journal, but his messy, looped handwriting is near impossible to read.
E2360—Sedative
E1007—Catalyst
E2409—Inhibitor
What does it mean? There are pages of mathematical formulas, diagrams of chemical structures, medications and drug reactions. I can’t say half of them aloud. I press the heels of my palms into my eyes. I’m not equipped for this.
“Can I ask you a question?” Parker asks, reappearing shirtless in the doorway.
“Fuck off, Jimmy. I’m reading.”
“You’re hilarious. Do you remember the name of the guy Ella dated before she was recruited?”
My jaw tightens. Why does it matter? Here I am, killing myself so he can have some sort of future, and all he wants is to focus on Ella. I close my eyes. “No,” I bite out.
“What about how long they were together?”
I thrust McGregor’s journal onto my lap. “Honestly, I don’t remember any boyfriend, okay?” I lift the journal and reread the page. How do I know it’s safe to give McGregor his research if I can’t understand it? It may as well be written in another language.
“She told me last night his name was Silas.”
I want to scream. “It doesn’t fucking matter.” The pounding in my head intensifies. Why can’t he get it through his thick skull that this version of Ella doesn’t matter? That this part of her life’s already been lived? Doesn’t he want his powers back? Doesn’t he want to return to the future?
He does, doesn’t he? Or does he want to stay here… with her? I suck on my vape and roll my shoulders. I don’t care.
I don’t.
And the second Parker’s powers are restored, he won’t be my problem anymore. Focus on the book. One step at a time.
I shake my head. “Stay out of her life, Parker. We’re only here to get your powers back, and then we’re gone. Now can you leave me in peace for five minutes to read this fucking book?”
“But it doesn’t add up.”
I clutch my hands to my head. “Then lucky it’s not your job to count, so leave it.”
“Fine,” Parker says. He worries his bottom lip and edges forward. “There’s something else I need to talk to you about. I tried before we went to McGregor’s—”
“Parker,” I yell. “I swear if you don’t fuck off in the next two seconds, I’ll send you home and go on vacation.”
Parker scowls and exits the room, finally leaving me alone to read.
I spend another five minutes inhaling deeply on my vape before the words have any impact.
I pore over McGregor’s book, searching for hints he or Matthews were going to betray us, but the combination of his messy handwriting and the extensive scientific jargon leaves me understanding very little.
I have no choice but to hand McGregor his journal.
He’s our last hope. Besides, Parker and McGregor were close at Neurovida. “Like a father,” Parker said.
But if Parker and McGregor were so close, why did McGregor develop a chemical weapon against him?