16. Harper
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
harper
I was in a sex haze when we finally drove back to Vast.
Sex.
Haze.
I hadn’t been bloodlusty in two entire weeks. I bit Rhone every time I started to feel it, and he made me feel so much better.
Now, I understood why Nolan was always healing one of Oren’s bites.
For a few days, I'd felt normal again.
Human.
Alive.
It was addicting.
I was a little crushed to know that it was going to end, but I'd been mentally reminding myself that there was an expiration date to my bliss since the first day.
It's temporary had been on repeat in my mind all day, every day.
Whenever Rhone wasn't inside me, at least.
Okay, sometimes when he was inside me too. The alternative was getting completely lost in him.
Rhone had made it clear that he wasn't going to take a mate. He wasn't an option, but he was still possessive.
That was going to be a problem.
Because now that I'd had a glimpse of what it was like to be mated as a turned vampire, I wasn't settling for anything else.
If I took a mate, I could survive.
If I didn't, I was going to start fading again.
And I was done with that.
Really fucking done.
I texted Bloom on the way home.
Me
Houston, we have a problem
Bloom
Did the Wilder pack do something?
How was it?
It's been forever!
How are you?
We figured we'd hear back sooner if it wasn't going well, and Zach was unscathed other than the two missing toes
Me
Oh, that was fine
Rhone and I just ended up screwing the whole time
Bloom
Holy shit
Really?
Are you guys a thing now?
Me
That's the problem
Bloom
***
Me
You can't tell Mav what I'm about to tell you
Bloom
Okay...
Me
I'm serious
Bloom
I get it
Me
I need to take a mate if I'm going to survive
Bloom
Um, what?
Me
Not physically
Mentally
I feel mostly human after being with Rhone and screwing constantly, it's insane
I can't go back to what I was like before
Bloom
But Rhone doesn't want to be with you?
Me
Nah, he said before we fucked that he was out after we got back to the pack
Bloom
Is he less possessive now?
Me
Idk
Guess we'll find out, because I'm going to have to start looking for someone to mate with
Bloom
Are you going to talk to him about it first?
Me
I'd rather not, but I think I'm going to have to
Bloom
I can ask around and get a list of people who are interested in mating with you
Me
That would be good
Bloom
How sure are you that he's not interested?
Should I wait until after you talk?
Me
Nah, you can start whenever
I'll talk to him before we get back
Bloom
What should I tell them about the Rhone situation?
Me
Just tell them I'm considering taking a mate to try to stabilize my bloodlust, and ask if they want to be on the list to be considered
If they ask about Rhone, tell them he's helping stabilize me right now but isn't on the list
Bloom
LOL
Me
Yeah haha
If they're alarmed by the answer, they probably can't handle me
Bloom
Probably not
What about Ryker?
Me
Nah, the sex was bad
Bloom
Bummer
Me
It's fine
Bloom
Are you sure Rhone's not extra possessive now?
Me
Not positive, but I'm not sure how to test it rn
Bloom
Just tell him you want to take a mate and see what he says
Me
Fine
Bloom
Return and report
Me
Yes ma’am
I looked at Rhone. He was focused on the road, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel in time to the music.
I cleared my throat, and he glanced over.
"I, uh, need to tell you something," I said.
"Okay."
"Just try to keep a cool head when I tell you."
He grunted.
That wasn't promising, but I figured it was as good as it was going to get.
"I'm going to take a mate," I said.
The silence in the car was suddenly very loud.
And long.
And lasting.
I would've asked if he heard me, but the way his fingers tightened on the steering wheel told me he definitely had.
"Frequent sex and feeding seems like the only way I'm going to stay alive," I explained.
"I think a mate bond would be my best chance at getting that, and I can't fuck someone regularly without developing feelings of some kind.
I tried when I was human. It led to Velour.
I'm already starting to feel attached to you, so I know it's still true. "
He didn't say a word.
"I think it'll be best if we just have a clean break for now. I'll find someone else to feed me while I'm still sane, and start trying to find a mate," I added.
Rhone's fingers tightened further.
I gave him a chance to reply.
A long chance.
A really long chance.
He didn't say a word.
"Cool," I said, and turned the music up louder before texting Bloom back.
Me
I told him
Bloom
How did it go?
Me
Not sure
He didn't say anything
Bloom
Nothing?
Me
Nope
Not even a grunt
Bloom
Am I allowed to ask Maverick to translate what that means?
Me
Nah
I think he'll either back off or lose his shit when we get back to the tower
Bloom
Which one seems more likely?
Me
Probably the second one
Bloom
I guess we'll find out
What did he end up doing about you changing the code to his room?
Me
Told me I hadn't thought it through and threatened to sleep with me
Just sleep
Bloom
Well, werewolves do love snuggling
Me
I have definitely discovered that
Bloom
Did you guys snuggle during your Wilder Pack vacation?
Me
Plenty
Bloom
There's no way he's just going to let you mate with someone else
Me
Idk
He was very vocal about only being mine while we were there
Bloom
Did he agree that you wouldn't be his anymore afterward?
Me
No
Bloom
Wtf
Me
I'm going to have to be really strict about not letting things get sexy btwn us anymore
I'm done with the whole you're-mine-but-I'm-not-yours thing
Bloom
Yeah, that was complete bullshit
Not like he was fucking anyone else, though
Me
Are you on his side?
Bloom
Of course not
He can't claim you without also being claimed by you
Me
Right
Bloom
But I do think he was lying about it to both you and himself
He can say he's not yours as much as he wants, but if his life revolves around you, he's yours
Me
I guess you have a small point
Bloom
The thing between you guys is kind of weird
Me
Kind of
Bloom
It makes more sense if you both have feelings for each other
Me
We don't, though
Bloom
Theoretically
Me
Definitively
Bloom
Idk, you've never changed someone's lock before
Me
I've never been locked out of my home before
Bloom
He also shops for you, and I don’t think he even shops for himself
Me
He's trying to make me stable for you and Maverick
Bloom
Do you really think that's all it is?
Me
I don't think you understand how passionate he was about us not continuing our sex arrangement after we left Wilder
He just wanted me to smell like him so none of the other guys would hit on me
Bloom
That's not really normal for a werewolf who isn't interested in someone
Me
Idk
There's not anything I can do to make him want me
Bloom
What if he wanted you to mate with him? Would you be interested?
I considered it.
Tried to picture myself waking up with him every day in the tower. Hanging out with him most of the time. Doing Beta shit with him.
Calling him when something good or bad had happened, just because I wanted to talk to him.
Sharing inside jokes. Teasing each other.
God, it sounded perfect.
Me
I don't think he's ever going to take a mate.
Bloom
You're avoiding the question
Me
I can't see him being my mate
But I guess I am a little attached to him
Bloom
He's attached to you too, even if he won't admit it
Me
Doesn't really count if he won't admit it
Bloom
Trying to find a mate could force him to admit it
Me
Eh, we'll see
Maybe you'll find me Mr. Right and I won't have to think about Rhone anymore
Bloom
Will he let you go if you do?
Me
He won't have a choice if I seal a mate bond
Bloom
True
See you soon
I'm glad you got a break from the bloodlust
Me
Same
See you soon
I put my phone back in my pocket, and stared out at the scenery.
When I zoned out for a few minutes, Rhone stopped at a gas station and wordlessly dragged me inside, putting a basket in my arms and loading it with candy.
I grabbed one thing that looked somewhat good.
The candy I'd grabbed was the first bar he opened, and he handed it over as soon as we were back in the car.
We silently passed treats and snacks back and forth for the rest of the drive.
When he finally parked in the lot, I half expected him to hit the lock button and trap me inside, but he didn't. He just grabbed our duffel bag from the back of the car, and walked with me to the elevator.
When the doors closed, I slipped my phone out of my pocket and texted him the code to his apartment.
He glanced down at his phone, his forehead creasing when he saw the message.
He looked back at me as if asking for an answer, and I lifted a shoulder. "Clean break."
"We're not done, Harper."
"Agree to disagree."
"No." His voice was blunt. "You're still mine."
"You still can't claim someone without being claimed by them as well. I'm not doing that again. We belong to each other, or no one belongs to anyone."
"Then I'm yours too." His gaze was fixed on my face, but I looked away.
"Would you say that in front of your pack?"
He didn't reply.
"Would you kiss me in front of them? Tell them we're mates?"
"Not everything needs to be public," he said in a low voice.
"Then even if you're mine, I don't want you."
The elevator stopped on the top floor, and I stepped out.
He didn't follow.
An hour later, I was walking on the treadmill while Bloom jogged slowly next to me. The instructions Maverick had sent her with said she was supposed to be going a lot faster, but for once, he was nowhere to be seen.
"Okay, I started a list," she said.
"A list of what?"
"Potential mates. I decided just to ask over text to make it less awkward."
I nodded. "Definitely less awkward."
"Mmhm. We're already up to fifteen."
She handed me her phone.
"Fifteen?"
"Yeah. Were you hoping for more? I only texted the first list of enforcers that I stole from Mav's office. I'm sure the number will go up."
"You're stealing for me? It's too bad you can't be my mate."
"I offered when you first turned. You rejected me."
"Luckily for you, considering I would've permanently devolved."
"True."
I made a face. "Fifteen is more than I was hoping for. I kind of hoped there would only be three or four options, and I could just pick the best of the worst."
"Of course you did." She handed me the list.
I scanned the names, but didn't recognize any of them. "Do any of these people know me?"
"Not that I'm aware of."
"Then why would they want to mate with me?"
"More power in the pack. More sway with me and Maverick. Maybe they're horny for fangs. I don't know. I didn't ask. You're going to hate most of them anyway."
"Probably true." I handed her phone back.
"I do have to make one small request, though," Bloom admitted sheepishly. "Maverick found out about this from one of the enforcers and asked me to."
"It has to do with Rhone, doesn't it?"
"Yeah."
"What does your wolf want?"
"You can always reject the request, but he wants you to wait until tomorrow to do anything with the list. He thinks Rhone will need time to decide what to do."
"They're codependent," I said flatly.
"So are we."
I'd been trying to fix that before I devolved for good. That had been my whole plan. She was a lot less dependent on me now than she realized.
"It's fine, I'll wait until tomorrow," I agreed. "You don't need to send more texts about it, either. Fifteen options is a lot."
Bloom glanced down at her phone as it buzzed, then grimaced. "What if they reach out to me after hearing from one of the other options?"
I shrugged. "Taking initiative is hot."
"Alright, we're up to sixteen."
Her phone buzzed again.
"Seventeen," she corrected.
It buzzed again.
"Eighteen?"
"Something tells me there's going to be too much initiative taken by people who don't smell like marshmallows," I said with a grimace.
"Something tells me that too." She put her phone back in the cupholder. "Assuming Rhone doesn't lock you in his apartment, I could schedule for you to meet with some of the guys in the morning? Like a breakfast date?"
I made a face. "My plan suddenly sounds horrible. Do I need to take a mate?"
"Only if you want to be more stable."
So yes.
I sighed again.
Loudly.
But agreed to the date.