21. Trey
Chapter twenty-one
Trey
My phone rings from an unknown number. I assume it's a potential client. Sometimes clients will give my name and number to others. So, I don't think twice about answering it, "This is Trey."
"Trey? This is Lindsey," a feminine voice replies. I sit up straighter. Something must be wrong.
"Is he... is he okay? I should have told you...
" Shit. Of course I should have told her we'd broken up.
What if he drank? Emotional moments can cause alcoholics to relapse.
I should have told her so she could have been there for him.
Instead of sending him home alone, with that stupid impersonal text.
I was too caught up in my own heartbreak to think of everything.
"He's in the hospital. He's been in a car accident. He's fine, but he has a broken leg. Would you come? I'd like to talk to you face to face." Her voice gives nothing away, but my heart is racing. Was he drinking and driving? Did he do this to himself?
Feeling like the world's biggest asshole, I slip into my shoes. "Yes. Of course. I'm going now. You're in the waiting room?"
"Yes. Thank you, Trey. I'll see you soon."
I push every speed limit to get there as soon as possible. I hope it's not my fault. I wish I'd done things differently. Who cares if he's still in the closet? I could love him out of it. I could've loved him so hard he'd have no choice but to come out. If he relapsed or did this to himself...
My car is barely in park before I throw open the door and sprint to the waiting room. Lindsey's sitting by the door with the kids. Before I can think twice, I pull her to me and wrap my arms around her.
"Is he okay?" I rush. I know she said he was but until I see him with my own eyes, I don't think my heart will calm down. "Are the kids okay?"
I kneel, gripping Lily by the arms and turning her, double checking with my eyes that she's okay. Micah, too.
Lindsey chuckles gently before laying a hand on my shoulder. "The kids weren't in the car with him, he still had me listed as his emergency contact so we came right away."
Tension leaches from my body, knowing the two coolest little people I've ever met didn't go through something traumatizing.
Lindsey pulls a couple of bills from her purse and hands them to Micah. "Will you two go get something from the vending machine? I want to talk to Trey alone."
I swallow, suddenly nervous. Does she know we broke up? Does she know how shitty I am?
With a small hand on my arm, she guides me to a chair and motions for me to sit. My heart is still thrashing against my sternum, but she's not panicked, she said he was okay and that the kids were okay.
"What happened between you and Gareth?" she asks, and her voice is sweet and calm - not judgemental at all and all it does is make me feel worse.
I hang my head in my hands. "He saw me out with another client and lost it. Told me I was his and that I can't work anymore..."
"And that's not something you're willing to give up?" she finishes for me. But she's wrong.
I can feel the heartbreak all over my face. "That's the thing, though. I already had. I haven't had a sexual client in months. I've been doing more photoshoots and only clients that want time and attention."
She sits silently for a moment, stunned by my confession.
"Then what's the problem?"
"I got angry with him, and then myself, because he still won't come out of the closet.
I can't be a secret and enable him to live this half-life.
That's what caused his drinking in the first place.
I want to be with him, but I can't until he's willing to come out of the closet and live true to who he is," I confess.
It's the first time I've put words to how I feel, but it's the truth.
I'd save him from himself if it means he stays sober and healthy.
"Wow. You really love him, don't you?"
I nod, miserably.
"I was married to him for a decade and never saw him as clearly as you do." She admits, almost to herself.
"You can't blame yourself. How could you ever have guessed he was gay? Or bi? He still hasn't defined himself."
She's quiet again, and I look at her, wondering what the hell is on her mind. "Yes, he has."
"What do you mean?"
"He's not gay, or bi, Trey. It's only ever been you."
I stare down at my hands in silence. Is that true? Has he talked to his ex-wife about me? About how he feels about me? We haven't been out together in public enough to know if he checks out any other guys.
She rubs a circle on my back to comfort me. "I can't tell you what to do, Trey. But looking back at his life, Gareth has a long line of people who have left him the second things got hard. Myself, included."
I'm quick to defend her. "You did what you had to do, and it was the right choice for everyone involved. It couldn't have been easy to accept that your marriage was over but you did. For you, and him, and your kids."
Her smile is warm and indulgent. "You're a good man, Trey. I'd be honored to have you join our family." She laughs breezily. "The kids won't stop talking about you, anyway. They've been nagging me to get your number so they can FaceTime you, too, and make sure you’re taking care of their dad."
I swallow. That reminds me that I made Lily a promise. Am I really willing to be an adult in her life that doesn't keep their promises?
I nod, knowing that I can't be another person who walks out on Gareth. Knowing I can't be someone who breaks my promise to the best little girl I've ever met.
I don't know where things with Gareth and me stand. But, I know I shouldn't have fired him as a client. It was a knee-jerk reaction to a boundary - that admittedly was already really weak - being trampled. I should have sat him down and had an honest conversation with him.
I could have lost him today. And he never would have known how much I care for him - how much he's changed me.
Whether we're meant to be together or not, I know at the very least I need to at least be there for him and not be another person who leaves when things get hard.