Chapter 8
CHAPTER
EIGHT
ASPEN
Making amends.
It sounds easier than it actually is. Words are hard, especially when you are trying to apologize. No matter how hard it is, though, it needs to be done.
Apologizing to Maggie sucked, but I did it.
Apologizing to Calloway is completely different.
He’s my brother, and I hate the thought of disappointing him.
He’s the person who has been in my life the longest, and yet, I worry he will walk away, leaving me behind like everyone else, even though he’s gone out of his way to prove that he won’t.
Sometimes the brain doesn’t care about reality and likes to fuck with you anyway.
I wipe my clammy hands on my thighs as I walk up my brother’s front porch. Maggie is out, giving me the perfect opportunity to talk to Calloway alone.
Before I can knock, he steps out, holding the door open.
“Everything okay?” he murmurs.
“Yeah.”
I step under his arm and into his house. I can’t help but smile as I look around. Before Maggie, this place only had the bare bones necessities. He didn’t have pillows, blankets, or even pictures on the wall. Now it looks like a home rather than a crash pad.
“Man, look at all these feminine touches,” I tease.
“Fuck you,” he mutters with no heat, making me laugh.
I sit down on the couch, and he sits in the chair.
“So what’s up?” he asks.
“Aren’t you going to offer me a drink or something? Man, if Maggie knew how bad your manners were, she would die,” I quip.
“Trust me, Maggie knows. She’s nice enough for the both of us. Plus, you’re my sister. You have two arms, two legs, and know where my kitchen is. If you wanted a drink, you could get it yourself. Now tell me what’s wrong.”
“You know, I know I wasn’t supportive of your relationship with Maggie when I first found out, but I’m happy for you. You two make sense, and I’ve never seen either of you happier. I’m glad you found each other.”
“Aspen, cut the bullshit and tell me what’s wrong.” He sighs.
“What? Can’t a sister just tell her brother that she’s happy for him?”
“Yeah, maybe normal siblings, but that’s not us. We don’t do the mushy shit. Just tell me why you asked if you could come over.”
I look away from my brother and let out a slow breath.
I love Calloway, really, I do, but at the moment, I kind of hate him.
Why does he have to call me on my shit? Why can’t he let me ease into this?
“Aspen,” he growls.
“I’m here to apologize and make amends,” I snap, tossing my hands up in the air.
He jerks back like I’ve slapped him.
“Excuse me? You have nothing to apologize for.”
Sighing, I lean back into the couch and let my announcement drain out of me.
“I do, and I need you to let me get this out without interruptions.”
Calloway frowns, but nods.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being a clingy pain in your ass since we met.
I’m sorry for always thinking you were going to leave me when you never hinted that you would.
I’m sorry for acting out before I was taken and for getting myself in that situation to begin with.
I’m sorry for putting you in a situation where you had to save me and for potentially starting a war. I’m sorry for everything.”
He shakes his head, looking at me like I’ve grown a third eye or something.
“Aspen, you have nothing to apologize for. Have you always been a needy little shit? Yes, absolutely, but I love you despite that. I knew what I was getting into when we forged our bond. You don’t need to apologize for being you. Not to me.”
“I do, though. You didn’t deserve any of the bullshit I’ve put you through.”
“You didn’t deserve any of the shit you’ve been through either. Both of us are fucked up in the head, but we have each other. That’s all that matters.”
I look down, unsure of what to say.
I hate using my childhood as an excuse, but he’s not wrong. I am fucked up because of how I grew up. I know I have mommy and daddy issues thanks to their abandonment, but that doesn’t mean I like facing it.
I kind of like burying my head in the sand when it comes to all of that.
“Can I ask you a question?” he asks after a few moments.
“What’s up?”
“What’s going on with you and Asher?”
I blink slowly, caught off guard by the change of subject.
Out of everything he could have asked me, I didn’t see this coming.
“Asher and I are complicated. I have a lot of guilt when it comes to him. When those assholes were holding me, I had to do things that I didn’t like, and he paid the price. I used him in the worst kind of way. Honestly, I owe him an apology.”
“He doesn’t seem to mind. As far as I can tell, he genuinely cares about you. He doesn’t seem to hold a grudge or anything.”
“That might be true, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel guilty.”
He tilts his head to the side and studies me. “Do you care about him?”
“Yes,” I say, with no hesitation.
“Do you want to be with him?” he asks, making me squirm.
“I don’t know if that’s in the cards for us. I don’t know if a relationship built on a tense situation like ours can work long term.”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. It seems to work for Maggie and me. I was a fucking asshole to her and blamed her for leaving you, but we still fell in love with each other. We both had a lot of guilt over falling in love when we did, but we wouldn’t change it.”
Could Asher and I let go of the past and be happy together?
Could we be like a normal couple and…date?
Shit, if Calloway can make someone as good as Maggie fall in love with him, surely there is a shot for Asher and me, right?
“I don’t know, maybe…” I say quietly.
“You know what I’ve realized about Asher?”
“What?”
“He’s like a wolf. He protects those he has claimed as his. His pack. You two might have met in hell, but he claimed you, and ever since, he’s done everything he could to protect you. As far as I’m concerned, you’d be a fucking fool to walk away from something like that.”
He’s not wrong.
Asher is always watching, waiting, and ready to strike when needed.
The only question is, does he see me as family or something more? And which do I want to be?
ASHER
I’m changing the oil on my bike when Yak, Trout, and Eagle walk into the shop, laughing and having a good time.
“Dude, I swore to god we were going to jail for life that night,” Yak says.
“Jail, yeah, maybe, but not for life. It’s not like we killed someone.” Trout chuckles.
“You don’t go to jail for life for driving off with the gas nozzle still in your tank, which I’m still trying to figure out how the fuck you managed. It literally was in front of you, between your damn arms.” Eagle laughs.
“Fuck you. I’m not the only one who’s done stupid shit. May I remind you about the instant mashed potatoes in the principal’s yard…” Yak says.
“Don’t forget that we toilet-papered the place first and Saran-wrapped his car.” Trout wheezes.
“He was a fucking dick bag. As far as I’m concerned, we went easy on him,” Eagle says, making me chuckle.
The guys freeze and slowly turn toward me, realizing they aren’t alone for the first time.
“When did you get in here?” Yak asks.
“Since before you three came in,” I say, holding up my grease-covered hands. “Nice touch with the Saran Wrap. Should have egged his car first.”
“Are you making fun of us?” Eagle asks, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
“Okay, you’ve heard some of the stupid shit we did. Tell us what you got away with that no one knows about,” Yak says.
I shake my head and look back down at my bike. “I don’t have stories like that. My childhood was nothing like that.”
“What do you mean?” Trout asks as he hops up onto one of the workbenches.
“My dad was in the FBI and a hard ass. It was all about appearances and making sure we didn’t disgrace him while out in public. Because of his job, we moved around a lot. Whenever I would start to really get into a friend group, it would be time to move.”
“Your dad was…did he retire?” Eagle asks.
I look up at him.
Does he really not know?
I know the club ran checks on me before they agreed to let me join. Panther and, for sure, Meek know my story.
“My dad died in the line of duty when I was in middle school. Then, right before high school graduation, my mom died from cancer,” I tell them.
“Shit, man, that fucking sucks,” Yak says.
“I’m sorry,” Trout adds.
“Don’t be. That’s life.” I shrug and look back down at my bike.
I refuse to see the sympathy on their faces. Even after so many years of it just being my sister and me, it doesn’t get easier.
“Wait, so if you’ve never had a best friend before, that means I’m your first,” Yak says after a beat.
I look up at him. “Who said you’re my best friend?”
Yak scoffs. “Please, you know you want to braid my hair and have sleepovers. I’m fucking awesome.”
“Pretty sure the only hair he wants to braid at sleepovers is Aspen’s,” Trout says.
“Watch it. That’s our president’s sister,” Eagle warns.
I look down and silently laugh. Trout’s not wrong, though.
“What? It’s not like we don’t know he has a hard-on for her,” Trout mutters.
“Anyway, I’m his best friend. We should get it in writing. Maybe get friendship bracelets. Oh better yet, we could make them,” Yak says.
“Has anyone ever told you that you are fucking ridiculous?” Eagle asks, shaking his head.
“You do. Every day, but you love me anyway,” Yak tells him.
“I don’t love you,” Eagle says.
“Sure you don’t,” Yak quips.
I shake my head again and laugh.
I didn’t know it could be like this. Yeah, I’ve had friends as an adult, but when you work undercover, it all feels fake and temporary.
I’ve had to keep so much of myself private that it’s hard to build long-lasting friendships.
Then, when you compare not only how I grew up against these guys, but them to Ragged Anarchy, it’s like night and day.
They couldn’t be any more different if they tried.
“So your sister…is she single?” Trout asks.
“My sister isn’t someone I’m willing to talk about,” I tell him.
“Come on, wouldn’t you like to see her settled down?” Trout teases.
“Not with any of you fools.”
I love my sister, and I’ll support whatever she wants, but I want more for her. Either way, I’ll support her no matter what. If, for some reason, it all fell apart, I’d do whatever I could to help her.
“Who knows, maybe once he’s a fully-fledged brother, he will change his mind,” Yak tells Trout.
“Maybe.” Trout nods.
“How’s the bar repair going?” I ask Eagle.
“It’s coming along. Not as fast as I would like, but it’s moving,” Eagle says.
“Yeah, because you’re an impatient fuck.” Yak laughs.
“Takes one to know one,” Eagle throws back, making Yak laugh harder.
“It would probably go faster if you didn’t ride the construction crew so hard. I swear to god, they run when they see you because they know you’ll complain about something,” Trout teases.
“Well, if they did their job right the first time, I wouldn’t have to point shit out, now would I? Besides, we’re paying them a fuck ton. They should want to do it right,” Eagle grunts.
“I’m with you. It’s insane how much shit costs nowadays for subpar work,” I tell him.
“I was recently in a house that was built four years ago, and it already had a soft spot in the floor upstairs. Like, what the fuck?” Eagle says.
Yak turns toward Eagle and raises an eyebrow. “Whose house were you in?”
“That doesn’t matter.”
“Was it a female by chance?” Yak presses.
“Oh, was it a booty call’s place?” Trout teases.
“Fuck you guys,” Eagle grunts.
Yak, Trout, and I share a look and all laugh.
Yeah, it was totally a fucking hookup.
It should be weird to hear about, but it’s not. Instead, I almost feel as if I’m one of them, like they are finally starting to let their guards down around me and accept me as a brother.
It’s nice.
Really fucking nice.
I’m here for Aspen, but for the first time, I hope my place here is permanent.
I want the life these guys have.