Chapter 7
CHAPTER
SEVEN
ASPEN
Today is the first day of my apology tour. I decided to start with Maggie first. I asked her if we could meet at her place since Calloway had club business to deal with today. She invited me over without a second thought.
Now I’m standing at the edge of the clearing to the cabin she shares with my brother.
I don’t know why I am so nervous. This is Maggie. She is going to accept me. Logically, I know that, but somewhere inside is the insecure little girl who was abandoned by her mom when she was only a girl.
Taking a deep breath, I head up the porch and knock on the door. Maggie answers it within seconds as if she were waiting for me.
She looks nervous too as she pulls me in for a hug.
“Come in. I made us some snacks.”
I smile when I see the charcuterie board laid out.
We always loved to act like we were fancy while we ate our cheese and crackers. It’s a small piece of my life before that brings me comfort.
I take a seat, accepting the glass of lemonade she hands me.
“I made it myself, so I hope it’s not too sweet.”
This is why she needed to be my first apology. Maggie has already forgiven me. She is showing that with her actions. Like making lemonade because I think store-bought isn’t tangy enough.
“Thank you, and thank you for letting me come over. I have something I want to talk to you about.”
“Of course. My door is always open to you. You know that.”
I nod as I try to get my words together.
“I owe you an apology,” I start, but she interrupts me.
“Absolutely not. You don’t owe me anything,” she tells me.
“I appreciate you letting me off the hook, but I don’t want that. I need to do this. Even if it’s not necessary for you,” I tell her.
She looks surprised, but nods. “Okay, I’m listening.”
“I owe you an apology for a lot. I don’t want it to be a blanket apology, though, so give me a minute to go through it all with you.”
“Take as much time as you need.”
I take a drink before I start.
“When we were kids, I would fly off the handle a lot. I was impulsive and quick to anger. I got us in trouble a lot. That bled into our teenage years and even to today. For that, I am sorry. I should have considered your feelings more than I did. I was a selfish person. It took getting kidnapped for me to realize I was the problem. I don’t want to be the problem anymore.
The biggest apology I owe you is for how I acted these past few months.
I am the reason I got kidnapped, and you had to run for your life.
I put myself in that situation, but after I was rescued, I blamed you.
I saw you happy with my brother, and I lashed out.
You didn’t deserve that, and neither did he.
For that, I am truly sorry. I will never be able to take back what I did, but I am hoping that I can learn from it and become a better person. ”
“You already are. Aspen from the past would have never come around to apologize. I never blamed you for it, but hearing you now, I think I needed to hear you say it,” Maggie admits.
“You were always better than me. Kinder. More compassionate. I idolize you,” I tell her.
“You can be those things too.”
I smile at her. “I know, and I will be. It will take time to relearn who I want to be, but I plan to get there. I hope you will be by my side?” I pose it as a question.
“You don’t even have to ask. Of course I will. You’re my sister. You’ve always been my sister. I’m here for you no matter what,” she says, leaning toward me to grab my hand.
I feel a weight lift off me. It is only a little, and the guilt still lives, but I am able to push it to the side as I look at Maggie.
I have made mistakes before, but they don’t have to define me. Maggie showing me grace is exactly what I needed to encourage me to keep on this apology tour.
“My therapist thinks I avoid my feelings,” I tell her, opening up for the first time.
“How do you feel about that?” Maggie asks.
I burst out laughing. “That’s what she asked me.”
She laughs with me. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to echo her words.”
I shake my head. “Don’t be. Honestly, when she asked me, I was angry, but I think it’s because it’s true. I tend to shut off my feelings. It’s rooted in my childhood, but now that I’m dealing with my shit, I can see she is right. I don’t want to be that person anymore.”
“Then you won’t be. We will get you to where you want to be.”
“Thank you, Maggie. For everything.”
She stands, holding open her arms. I laugh as I stand and hug her.
We stand there in the embrace for a moment before we pull away from one another, each of our eyes a bit glassy. I take a seat, grabbing a piece of meat and cheese before putting it on a cracker as I shove it in my mouth.
“So…since we are being open and honest now. Can I ask you what is going on with you and Asher?”
I choke on my food, my eyes widening as I look at her.
“What the fuck, Maggie?”
She giggles. “What? He came here for you. Calloway told me so.”
I shake my head. “That’s another step in my new Aspen I need to get to. Asher is a good man. He did what he had to for me, and I will never be able to repay him, but I am not quite settled with the fact that he is here. He is better than this place.”
“Why do you think that? Because he was a cop? The guys here aren’t bad people. They do good things. Calloway is a good person.”
“No, I know,” I growl in frustration. “That’s not what I meant. He had his moral compass set to north, and then I came into his life and fucked it up. I don’t want him to stay here because of me. He has a life, and as much as I want to keep him, I need to let him get back to it.”
She hums. “What if that’s not what he wants anymore?”
I consider her words.
“I don’t know. I’m trying not to think too far ahead. It makes my head spin. I’m taking things one step at a time.”
“All right, but if you need to talk, I’m here.”
“I know,” I tell her.
Then, knowing I’m going to regret it, I ask, “So what about you and Calloway?”
ASHER
Something changed with Aspen. She is lighter. Happier.
Her smile has come a bit easier the past couple of days.
She was shying away from anything and anyone she thought would make her face what plagues her thoughts, but today she is standing next to Maggie as they laugh about something with Rain.
It has a smile threatening my own face.
I like this side of her.
“You should go talk to her instead of being a stalker.”
I turn to find Yak standing next to me as he grabs a beer from the cooler.
“She is with her friends and having fun. I don’t want to bother her.”
He laughs as he opens his beer and leans on the wall beside me.
“It’s obvious to anyone who looks at you that you have it bad for the girl,” he says.
“I never claimed otherwise. I came here for her.”
He slaps his hand on his chest. “I am offended. You mean you didn’t come to be my brother? And to think we were becoming friends.”
I crack a small smile. “That is just an added bonus.”
He laughs. “I knew you loved me.”
“I did not say that,” I grumble.
“No, but actions speak louder than words, and well, you spend a lot of time with me,” he jokes.
“Assigned by our pres, but you know what? Sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night, buddy.” I take a swig of my beer, my eyes finding her again.
She looks gorgeous with her long blonde hair falling down to her ass. She has on a pair of light-colored, washed-out cut-offs with a black tank top layered on top. When she moves to throw her hair over her shoulder, I see a sliver of skin between her shorts and her shirt that has me salivating.
I shouldn’t want her this bad, but I do.
It’s more than physical, though. I want her for who she is.
I know she is keeping herself in a cage still.
It’s what she had to do in order to survive, but I get glimpses of the woman she is.
I know when I finally get to see all of her, I will be even more gone for the girl.
She is the perfect woman. One I can only hope to have a sliver of a chance with.
“So we are just going to stand here and be creepers, huh? I mean, I’m here for you, brother,” Yak jokes.
“You can go be social if you want,” I mutter.
“And leave you alone? No way. You’d look pathetic. At least if I stand here, you look like you have a friend.”
“I swear, you are like a golden retriever. Do you ever lose this energy you have?”
“Nope.” He pops the p. “This is my personality. Mom always said it would either take me far or get me killed.”
I hum. “Killing sounds good about now.”
He laughs. “Oh, look. She’s on the move. Should we follow?”
I want to punch him. If he wasn’t with me, I would make an excuse to follow her inside. I would stay in the shadows and watch her to make sure no one upset her. Instead, I stay put, my hand tightening on my beer.
“We are playing it cool. Awesome. Smart move. Girls don’t like guys who are too thirsty. Got to make them wonder if we want it, you know.”
“Jesus fuck, Yak. Shut up,” I hiss.
He laughs. “No can do. It’s literally my name.”
I shake my head. “You talk more than anyone I know. There is peace in silence, you know.”
“Silence is scary,” he says with a large smile on his face.
“You sleep with a sound machine, don’t you?”
“No.” He looks away as he mumbles, “I listen to music.”
I let out a real laugh. One that I feel in my bones. He is beaming at me by the time I get myself together.
“You are a weird dude, but hey, as long as you are happy.”
“Did we just become best friends?” he asks, quoting some movie he keeps trying to get me to watch.
“No, and no, I don’t want to watch Step Brothers with you.”
“I think you’d like it, man.”
Before I can answer him, she walks out, stealing my attention.
My eyes track her as she moves from the back door, heading our way. My stomach tightens as she gets closer.
Will she talk to me?
Part of me wants to make Yak disappear, but the other part is thankful he is here as a buffer.
“Oh, look. Here she comes,” he whispers to me.
I slap his chest before smiling at her.
“Hey, Aspen. Can I get you anything?” I ask.
She looks between me and Yak before she gives me a soft smile. “No. I got it. Thank you, though.”
“Are you having a good time?” Yak asks.
She pulls out a water before she stands, looking around the yard.
“Yeah. I like how it’s like a real family here. This is what I wish I had when I was a kid.”
I like hearing that she likes it here. I am starting to as well.
When she takes a drink of her water, some of it dribbles down her mouth to her neck. I would kill to be able to lick the path it takes, ending at her pillowy lips.
“It really is. We are happy to have you here. Aren’t we, prospect?” Yak nudges me.
I smile at her. “Of course. I mean, you belong here. This is your family. I’m glad you are finding happiness here.”
She gives me an odd look. “Looks like you belong here too. Don’t think I didn’t notice you two cutting up over here. I’m glad you have someone to hang out with.”
I go to contradict her, but Yak throws his arm over my shoulder. “Asher and I are practically brothers now. We share secrets and all that. Don’t we, buddy?”
I roll my eyes. “Yep. You know it. We even have sleepovers and braid each other’s hair.”
Her eyes light up at my joke, making me feel like I am a damn god.
“I can picture that. I bet Yak is the small spoon. Aren’t you?” she teases.
“You know it, but I’m willing to share if you ever want to switch places,” Yak jokes back.
I see what he did. He gave a subtle nudge. I want to smack him for it, but her cheeks blush as she shrugs.
“Maybe I will take you up on that one day. You boys enjoy your day.”
She leaves us standing there as she strides away, my eyes drinking in every inch of her body. When she gets back to Maggie, I finally relax a little.
“You’re welcome,” Yak tells me.
I smack his chest, making him wheeze.
“Love you too, buddy,” he huffs out as I hide my smile.
Yak might just be the friend I need.