Chapter 6
CHAPTER
SIX
ASPEN
My head pounds as I roll over. It throbs so badly that I feel like I could cry. To top it off, my face aches like someone hit me. If I didn’t know better, I would think that I drank a little too much last night, and I’m hungover.
No, the reason my head feels heavy and my face is tender is because I cried myself to sleep.
Something I had never done until recently.
Who would have thought that being held as a prisoner would make someone emotional?
Groaning, I get out of bed and head into the bathroom. I wince as I flip on the light, seeing my face.
To say I’m an ugly crier would be an understatement. Even hours later, my face is red and splotchy, my eyes completely bloodshot.
I look like I went a round with Mike Tyson and epically lost.
There aren’t enough eye drops or concealer in the world to hide how my night went.
Sighing, I turn away from the mirror and turn on the shower. I don’t bother waiting for the water to heat up and get in after dropping my clothes in the hamper. Quickly, I go through my shower routine and get out.
After getting dressed, I run a brush through my hair and leave it down. I know I’ll come to regret it later, but I don’t have the energy to blow-dry it.
Caffeine. I need caffeine.
Leaving my room, I head toward the kitchen. I pause when I see him. Leaning against the wall, I study him for a moment.
Asher looks exhausted, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s my fault.
Is he losing sleep because of what we did?
Is he tired because he’s up worried about me?
Are the demons torturing him like they torture me?
It’s really not fair that he looks as good as he does when he has purple bags under his eyes.
“I can feel you staring?” he rasps as he takes a sip of his coffee.
I step out of the shadows and join him in the kitchen.
“Are you okay?” I ask as I open the fridge.
“Fine,” he says gruffly.
I grab an energy drink and pop it open, taking a sip.
Asher makes a face. “I don’t know how you can drink that shit.”
“It’s delicious.”
“How did you sleep?”
“Better than you. You look like you haven’t been to bed yet,” I tell him as I lean against the counter across from him.
Asher grunts and takes another drink. “Had clean-up duty.”
A familiar guilt settles in my gut.
If it weren’t for me, he wouldn’t be here. He would be a cop and somewhere else, not having to deal with all the hazing bullshit that comes with joining a club.
He’s only here because I am. Because I dragged him unwillingly into my life, and now he feels obligated to stay.
I hate it, and I don’t want it for him at all.
I want him to leave and never look back. I want him to heal from the shit we did. I want him to let go of his guilt over everything that went down.
None of it was his fault, even if he’s not willing to admit it.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur, making him tense.
“It’s part of being a prospect,” he says as he pushes his cup to the side.
“That’s not…”
“Hey, what’s going on in here?” Calloway asks as he joins us, slamming the door shut behind him.
My brother has the worst timing in the world.
That, and he’s way too happy for how early it is.
“Just talking. What’s up?” Asher asks.
Calloway glances around. “Place looks good.”
“Thanks,” Asher tells him.
Calloway turns back to him. “I need you to go get ready. We’re going for a ride.”
Asher nods as he stands. “Give me twenty.”
I watch as he walks over to the sink and rinses his cup before setting it on the counter.
“I’ll talk to you later,” he murmurs as he passes by me, his hand lightly trailing on my arm before he heads down the hall toward his room.
My breath catches in my throat. The feelings he evokes in me thrill me as much as they scare me.
“What was that all about?” Calloway asks when we are finally alone.
“Don’t worry about it.”
He raises a brow. “I’m your brother. My job is quite literally to worry about it.”
“Asher shouldn’t go on a ride with you,” I tell him as I cross my arms over my chest.
“Oh, and why is that?” he asks, mimicking my stance.
“Because he hasn’t been to bed yet, and he’s tired. He stayed up to clean up after everyone went to bed.”
“He will be fine, Aspen.”
I shake my head. “If anything happens to him, I hope you know that’s on you, and I would never forgive you.”
For a minute, Calloway studies me, making my skin crawl.
“I didn’t realize you cared what happens to him,” he says after a minute.
“Well, I do.”
“Explain it to me then. Because from what I’ve seen, you hate him and want him gone.”
I shift on my heels. “I don’t have to explain shit, but even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. All you need to know is he’s important to me, and I’d fucking kill you if something happened to him.”
Calloway dips his chin. “Understood, but for the record, I keep all my brothers safe. I’d never let anything happen to any of these guys, and it’s insulting that you think I would.”
“He’s not a brother.”
“Not yet, but he will be, even if he joined under suspicious circumstances and seems to have feelings for my little sister. Ones that, if I had to guess, she returns, even though she’s in denial.”
I turn my head and look away from him as I feel my cheeks heat.
“I’ll see you later. Be good while I’m gone,” Calloway says as he walks away.
Before anyone else can come in and ask me why I’m blushing, I hurry back to my room.
The last thing I want to do right now is answer questions I’m not ready to face yet.
ASHER
Yawning, I shake my head as I try to keep my eyes on the road. I’m fucking beat, and the vibration of my bike isn’t helping any, but when the pres says you are going for a ride, you can’t exactly say no.
We’ve been aimlessly riding around for over an hour, and as far as I know, we don’t have an actual destination in mind.
The rebellious part of me wants to say fuck this and turn around and head back to the clubhouse and my bed. All I want to do is face-plant into my mattress and not move for a couple of hours.
Panther flips on his blinker and pulls over. I follow him and get off my bike and stretch.
For a lookout point, the place is deserted.
Panther walks away from me with his hands in his jacket and comes to a stop as he takes in the view. I give him a minute before I join him.
The view from the summit of Flagstaff Mountain never gets old. We have a panoramic view of Boulder and everything below.
“Lost Gulch Overlook is more popular, but this is one of my favorites,” Panther says after a few minutes.
“I don’t know if I’ve been there.”
“It’s not far from here. We will have to stop by sometime for you to check it out.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
We fall silent once again. For a minute, I contemplate pressing and seeing why he brought me out here, but I decide to wait him out.
It’s never a good thing to make someone talk before they are ready. Not at moments like this, at least.
“Thank you,” he says, catching me off guard.
“For what?”
“For protecting Aspen. For still protecting her.” He pauses. “I know you gave up a lot to prospect for us. Hell, you changed your life completely because of her. I know you are only here for my sister.”
I don’t even try to deny it. He’s not wrong.
I couldn’t give two shits about the MC life. My focus is one thousand percent on Aspen and what will make her happy.
“Eagle told me what happened last night.” Panther turns toward me. “I need to know what’s really going on between you two. I’ve let you stay because I like you, and you seem to help her, but I’m starting to wonder if that’s really the case.”
“I would never hurt Aspen,” I say, cutting him off.
“You say that, but from where I’m sitting…”
Sighing, I rub my jaw, trying to find the words.
You can’t just explain the type of shit Aspen and I’ve been through. It isn’t black and white. It’s the kind of shit that’s unexplainable, but you have to live to understand.
“I can’t explain it, not in a way you’d understand. Aspen is learning to deal with the shit she went through. Unfortunately, I was part of that trauma, so I get it. I understand her in a way no one else does. That’s why she feels safe with me.”
“Does she feel safe with you, though? Or are you holding her back?”
“Trust me, she wouldn’t lash out one minute and then cling to me the next if she didn’t feel safe with me. If she didn’t, I wouldn’t be here. I would have packed my bags and left before now,” I tell him honestly.
Panther shakes his head and turns, looking back at the scenery around us.
“I fucking hate it. She’s my little sister, and I’m supposed to be the one to slay her demons, to keep her safe, and I can’t.”
“You’ve done everything you can. She knows you love her. You just need to give her time and space. She will come around when she’s ready.”
Panther turns back toward me, but I keep my gaze ahead.
“Are you in love with my sister?”
My jaw clenches. I hate the fact that he’s going to know before she does, but I can’t lie. I won’t lie. Loving Aspen isn’t something I’m ashamed of. I just wish I could tell her before him.
Still, he’s my president, her brother, and he asked me a direct question.
I turn toward him. “Yes, I am in love with Aspen, but I’m not sure if she feels the same way. I’m not sure if she can love me after the things we’ve been through. I want to find out, though.”
“What’s your plan?”
“Right now, I’m just going to be here for her and go at her pace. Aspen’s never had the opportunity to see me as a man, a possible partner, because in her eyes, I was working with the enemy. I need her to see I’m not the man they made me out to be.”
“And if she doesn’t?”
“Then I walk away.” I shrug.
Would it suck? Abso-fucking-lutely, but I’d do it for her. I love her enough to let her go if it’s truly what she wants.
“Is that why you are still here? Trying to change her mind?”
“Partially. I like the club and the family you’ve built, but she’s my priority. My only goal is to help her get through this, and hopefully she sees me for who I am. If she doesn’t, then there’s nothing I can do about it.”
Panther shakes his head. “You would really walk away from her? That easily?”
I scoff. “Walking away from your sister would hurt like a motherfucker, but I’d do it. Just like you would if Maggie needed you to.”
“I wouldn’t. Never,” he says adamantly.
“You say that now, but if she really needed you to, you would.”
Panther grunts, and we fall silent.
“You know my sister is a handful, right?” he says after a few minutes.
I smile as I think about the first time I met her. I wanted to ring Aspen’s fucking neck for not listening to Maggie or me. For not having a sense of self-preservation.
“Trust me, I know,” I say, not hiding the laughter in my voice.
“I hope you win her over.” He slaps my shoulder as he passes by me, heading back to his bike.
I hope I win her over too.
I’ll give her all the time she needs.
One way or another, Aspen will be mine.