29. CHAPTER 29
CHAPTER 29
KASON
“I’m so sorry, Kason, she lost the baby.”
Those words from Charles’s mouth once I made it to the hospital have been repeating in my mind since he spoke them. When I left the airport, I found Brax waiting for me. He said Sierra was in the hospital, and his dad asked him to pick me up. I didn’t have any more information than that. I swear it was the longest drive of my life getting here. We were met by a somber Charles, who, with a hand on my shoulder, delivered those dreadful words.
“I’m so sorry, Kason, she lost the baby.”
I can’t get them out of my head. He leads me to Sierra’s room, and as I walk inside, I hear Brax ask Charles why he was with Sierra when it happened. That is a story for them to hash out.
There she lies, appearing peaceful in sleep, but I know my Sierra and how much she loved our baby already, she has to be crushed. I am too. I'm told by the nurse that comes in to check on her that she had a procedure done, and has been asleep since. I sit by her side. I’m by myself in my mind waiting for her to wake up. I should have been there for her .
As I stare at our linked hands, after what feels like forever, her fingers tighten then relax. My gaze snaps up to her face, and her eyes are open staring at nothing on the ceiling. I’m immediately out of my seat. I cup her cheeks before giving her a peck on the lips and laying my forehead on hers.
“I’m so sorry this happened.” I don’t know what else to say. I know how badly she wanted our baby. I wanted our baby too.
Her body stiffens then relaxes. “I’m sorry too.” Her tone is lifeless, and when I pull back, she isn’t looking at me, just continues to stare at the ceiling. There are no tears in her eyes. There’s barely any life in them.
I sit back down beside the bed and clasp her smaller hand in my larger ones. “Is there anything you need or anything I can get you?”
She shakes her head no. The doctor comes in at that moment. “Oh, you’re awake.”
Sierra looks in her direction then back at the ceiling before answering. “Yes.”
“I’m going to take a quick look at you, and if everything looks good, we can go ahead and start the discharge paperwork.” She turns to me. “Can you please give us a moment…unless Miss Lawson would like for you to stay.” We both turn to Sierra, and she doesn’t utter a word. Wanting to stay, but hurting not knowing if she wants that, I get up and walk out the door. I need a moment.
Once outside, I lean my back against the wall and slide down to the floor. I lift my knees, cross my arms over them, and rest my head on my forearms. I have no idea how to handle this. We lost something precious, but I feel like I lost her too. I don’t have the foggiest idea how to go about this.
I hear and feel someone sit down next to me, and I look to the side finding Charles with a forlorn look on his face. Maybe he can give me some answers.
“What happened and why were you there?”
“I texted Sierra, and she texted back. She seemed open to a conversation. I thought I would take a chance and see her.” He continues, telling me how they talked. He saw her placing her hand on her stomach before she hurried off to the bathroom. When she came back out, she was crying and said she thought she was miscarrying and he brought her here.
Thankfully, she had someone with her. “I don’t know what to do or say,” I admit out loud.
Charles places a hand on my shoulder. “Just be there for her. It’s all you can do, but she’s not the only one who lost a baby. Be sure to allow yourself to grieve in the process.”
What he says makes sense, but I also know I need to stay strong for her. I need to be her rock. I’ll find my time to mourn this loss when it’s best. Right now, she needs me, and I want to be there for her because I wasn’t there when she needed me most.
Then I remember Brax’s question to him. “Brax?”
Charles exhales on a sigh. “He’s disappointed in me as he always is.”
I’m about to ask him what he means by that when the doctor comes out into the hallway. I stand at once.
“She’s cleared for discharge. I went over some of it with Miss Lawson already, but the nurse will go over it again for the both of you.”
“Thank you.”
The doctor gives me a soft smile. “Be patient with her. She needs time, but if you feel as if the trauma of the miscarriage doesn’t get better, I suggest you seek further help.”
I nod that I heard her, and she walks away.
“Please call me and keep me updated. I’d like to visit her if she’s up to it,” Charles says.
“Just give us time to get settled, and I’ll be in touch.” He gives me a pat on the back then leaves. I lean my head against the door.
How the hell am I going to handle this?
The past two weeks have been shit.
I’m trying to be patient and understanding, but I don’t know what else to do. Sierra barely talks and is just going through the motions. She insisted she wanted to go back to her apartment and not my place where we pretty much lived together before the miscarriage. The first week home, her uncles stayed with us for a couple days. Leo, Kylie, Mom, and Brook stopped by daily to check on us too.
The second week she went back to work, but the light is gone from her eyes. I try to talk to her but most of her answers are one word, and if I’m lucky, I might get a whole sentence.
I’m googling everything I can to learn how to help her through it. I know hormones can cause emotions to be out of control, and I wish she would just scream and let it out.
God knows I want to.
The first week, I tried to hold her at night but she complained she was too hot. I stopped trying after a couple nights of the same and hoped each night she might initiate any touch, but each night she falls asleep on the other side of the bed. My words and my touch are not wanted or needed.
I’m not wanted or needed. I’ve been alone to process this while she has locked herself away from me.
I hear the door open and peek down at my Rolex. It’s six o’clock. An hour later than she normally arrives home. I get up off the sofa and walk into the kitchen where she’s retrieving a glass from the cabinet.
“Did you have a late day?”
She jumps then looks back at me. She should know I’m here. I’m always here.
“I had a doctor’s appointment. ”
This is news to me. “For what? Which doctor?”
She grabs a bottle of water from the fridge and then starts to fill her glass. “OB-GYN for a checkup.”
What the hell? Why didn’t she tell me this? I would have wanted to be there. My phone rings in my pocket, and I quickly reach in to silence it.
“If you’d have told me, I would have gone with you.” There’s a bite in my tone, and her eyes widen a little at my words. I don’t try and hide my displeasure, as I’m tired of being shut out.
She takes a sip out of her glass before stating, “I was fine on my own. I didn’t need someone to hold my hand.” Her words hurt.
“Wow, two whole sentences. I’m honored.” I place my hand over my heart to go with the sarcasm in my words.
Her eyes narrow before she spills the rest of her water in the sink. “I’m going to bed.” She starts to walk away, but I grab her elbow, forcing her to turn back to me.
“You need to talk to me and stop shutting me out.”
Sierra yanks her elbow out of my grip. “What do you want me to say? I lost our baby. It happens. Do you want me to cry and scream all day?”
“Yes. If that’s what it takes. Yell, scream, cry if you need to, but you give nothing. I’m trying here, but I need you here with me, and you have done nothing but push me away.”
My phone rings again, and once again, I silence it in my pocket.
Whoever it is can fucking wait.
Her lips tighten, her nostrils flare, and I may have just set off a bomb inside her. “I lost a baby. A baby I wanted more than anything!” she screams as she forcefully points at her chest.
“Wrong! We lost a baby, a baby that I also wanted. You are not the only one. Have you bothered to ask how I feel? How I’m doing?” I’m seeing red and all the pent-up emotion I’ve been feeling is bubbling like lava to the surface. “I’ll answer it for you. No, you haven’t. Fuck what I may feel or need. ”
Her eyes glisten with tears before she hurries down the hallway into her bedroom.
“DAMN IT!” I scream as my phone goes off once again. This time I do answer it, but whoever it may be will wish they never called with how I’m feeling at the moment.
“What?” I answer in agitation.
“Finally taking my call.” Shit! The one person I’ve been avoiding is on the other end.
Fucking Simon.
“What do you want?” I sneer.
“Money.” At least he’s being honest for once. It always comes back to the money with him.
“I’m not a fucking bank. Find your own money and stop living off other people you piece of shit.”
“I have pictures that might say differently. Have you forgotten you assaulted me and broke my nose? I have medical records to prove it. Wouldn’t the press love to hear how football’s golden boy broke his dear ol’ dad’s nose.”
Of all the nerve. He’s trying to extort me. “Yeah, after he caught his dad getting sucked off by the housekeeper while his mom was in the apartment!” I scream.
“That’s not the way I recall it. I recall my son’s girlfriend coming onto me then my son flew into a jealous rage and hit me. Don’t forget you also had your girlfriend fucking your agent and broke his nose in a rage too. That’s two against one. Who do you think people will believe?”
He’s a conniving piece of shit.
“Let me make this clear. You’ll not see one cent of my damn money, asshole. Say whatever the hell you want. Burn in hell you fucking leech!” I clench the phone in my fist before pulling my arm back and throwing it against the wall. It shatters into pieces from the force, and I watch them fall to the floor. I place my fists on the counter and breathe heavily trying to get my temper under control. His call was the last thing I needed, and now I’m furious.
Who the fuck does he think he is?
“Kason,” Sierra’s soft voice floats through the air, and I gaze in her direction. She changed out of the dress she wore to work and now stands against the hallway wall in leggings with her hands wringing the bottom of her long T-shirt.
I can’t deal with anything else being thrown at me in this moment. I’m pissed, hurt, and have a whole range of other emotions I can’t name. Removing myself from the island, I grab my jacket from the closet and feeling her eyes on me the entire time, but I don’t look at her. I need to get away.
When I reach the door, I hear the pitter-patter of her feet following me. “Kason, please wait.”
I don’t. The only thing I can think is to leave, is to breathe. Instead of taking the elevator, I push the door open to the stairs and practically jump down three steps at a time. Once outside, I take a deep breath.
I don’t know where I’m going, but I just know I need to get away…from everything.
I’m walking on my street hours later. I spent those hours at a bar drinking. I should be drunk with the amount of alcohol I consumed, but I’m not. I think the anger burned off any alcohol I consumed faster than I could get it into my system.
There’s a car idling outside my gate with its lights on. When I reach to put the code into the panel, I notice the car door open and a woman’s leg slips out. I hope it’s Sierra. Hoping my woman has come to finally talk to me and make things right in my world again. But it’s not her. No, it’s the leg of a redhead I had hoped to never see again.
Fucking Meegan. What else could go wrong tonight?
“What the hell do you want?” I seethe. If she was hoping for a warm welcome, she’s not going to get it.
She doesn’t say anything. Instead, she reaches back into the car before pulling out a car seat. It’s covered with a blanket that I assume has a baby in it.
“Kason. We need to talk. I need your help.” She places the seat on the ground then pulls out a suitcase and a big diaper bag before the car pulls off. “Can we please go inside, it’s cold out here.” Her chin gestures down at the carseat. I may hate her and not want to talk to her, but I can’t let a baby freeze.
I put in the code and open the gate, holding it for her to pass through. She plasters on a smile, and I grab the suitcase while she maneuvers the seat and diaper bag. I lead her inside my place and drop the suitcase inside the door. She won’t be staying so there’s no need for it to go any further. Meegan sets the seat on the living room floor and uncovers it. Sure enough, there’s a baby sleeping soundly.
“I need your help. Alex kicked me out, and we have nowhere else to go. Can we stay here?”
She must be crazy if she thinks I’d let her stay.
“Absolutely not. Did Alex finally realize what a manipulating bitch you are and show you the door?”
Her hands fly to her hips in a huff. “No. He found out his son is not his.”
“Oh, so who’s the poor schmuck that was stupid enough to have a baby with you?” I can’t help but chuckle at the irony of the situation.
She lifts a brow then smirks mischievously, and I stiffen. “You.”