Chapter Forty
Colton had done it.
He was officially in the top ten and invited to the rodeo in Sioux Falls.
He was one step closer to the finals in Vegas, to winning it all.
I felt like I was being torn in half.
I was so happy for him. Pride was swelling in my chest, and I wanted to jump up and down with him, squealing with joy.
On the other hand, Colton and Dennis had just proved that risking it all, despite the dangers, would pay off. He was feeling invincible, on top of the world, like nothing could ever hurt him.
That was a very perilous place to be.
“To Colt,” Jimmy said, raising his plastic cup of soda, “whose stubbornness eventually did pay off. Congrats.”
We all sat around the campfire, finishing our drive-through burgers and fries. It was the last night all the boys would be together, before they headed home tomorrow, and Colton’s celebratory dinner.
“To Colt!” We all cheered.
I had done a great job of covering my butt-hurt attitude, if I do say so myself.
After Colton’s and my dramatic reunion after his ride, his family rushed out of the stands to join in the celebration.
His brothers had no idea I had spent the afternoon screaming at Colton and silently fuming at their dad.
I think.
“How does it feel to be in the top ten in the world?” I asked, leaning back into my designated camp chair.
Colton was beaming; he hadn’t stopped smiling all night. “Is this another interview, Miss Ford?”
I shook my head. “The presentation is submitted. This is personal.”
Everyone was listening with deep intent, excited to hear what he had to say.
He sat up straighter. “I’ve worked my entire life for this. I was ridin’ horses before I could walk.”
Jo nodded, confirming it was true.
“It feels like I’m walkin’ on air, baskin’ in the sun, and enjoyin’ every second,” he looked down at me and gave a soft smile, “with the woman I love.”
Alan and Dean faked gagging.
I felt my cheeks turn red and grabbed his hand. “You deserve that feeling.”
Colton turned his gaze back to the fire. “My only regret is that Gramps isn’t here.”
Dennis put his arm on his son’s shoulder. “I thought about him the whole show,” he admitted. “Colt, he’d be so proud of you.”
Colton nodded at his dad, a sparkle of tears in his eyes. “Here’s to Sioux Falls,” he said, raising his cup again. “Even though my brothers are too boring to join us.”
“We’ll be in Vegas,” Alan said, tossing his empty cup in the fire.
“All right, bedtime,” Jo said, clapping her hands loudly. “We’re on the road at six.”
It was an eighteen-hour drive to Sioux Falls, which meant if they actually got on the road and drove away at six, they’d be in South Dakota at midnight.
“Yes, Mamma,” the boys answered like soldiers.
“Allegra,” Dennis said, making my heart jump to my throat.
I looked at him, a blank stare on my face. “Yes?”
“Do you mind if we talk for a minute?”
Alan, Dean, and Jimmy all shared a look before practically speed-walking to the trailers.
Colton glanced between his parents, and Jo held up her hand. He nodded and kissed the top of my head. “Meet ya inside.”
I didn’t respond; my gaze stuck on Dennis.
“Let’s take a walk,” he suggested, gesturing toward the lake.
Despite my internal interjections, I followed him like a dog as he started walking.
The sun had just settled below the horizon, but the air was heavy and humid as stars began darting across the sky.
“Allegra,” he started, but I held up my hand, my professional side slowly coming up.
“Dennis, may I?” I asked as we stopped a few feet in front of the water.
He didn’t respond.
I stared out across the water, so still you could mistake it for a piece of glass. “Why couldn’t you have told me you knew my dad?”
I could feel him tense up beside me, but he let out a long breath. “Allegra, I wanted to-I tried! I swear.”
I faced him, disappointment smeared across my face. “You tried?” I barely croaked out.
His eyebrows knit together in sympathy as he nodded.
“I did.”
I felt like I had been slapped as the memories poured into my mind.
In Oklahoma, in the Nash house, after my run, Dennis had the same look on his face that he had now. He had wanted to tell me something, but we were interrupted when Colton walked into the room.
Just a few days ago, standing by the pasture when Colton woke up in pain, Dennis had been dying to tell me something. He had opened and closed his mouth so many times, and yet not a single sound had escaped his lips before I asked for his advice.
He had wanted to tell me that he knew my dad, but he just never had the perfect time.
I ignored the tear spilling down my cheek and prayed he would too.
No such luck.
He lifted his hand and wiped it away with a thumb. “Your dad was a great man.”
It was like a dam had been broken open.
I closed my eyes as more tears spilled.
“He would do anythin’ for anyone. He remembered even the little details about your life. He would’ve given you the shirt off his back if you asked,” he went on. “When he died, I felt like I lost a best friend.”
I opened my eyes, wanting to hear more.
“I thought about you and your mom all the time. I knew I should’ve kept better track of you, come to check if you were okay, heck, would it have killed me to go to the funeral?
” He said, mostly to himself. He was beating himself up for trying to forget about the wife and little girl Clay Ford had left behind.
I didn’t respond, but I needed him to go on.
“I don’t want this to sound like an excuse, but knowin’ that he died in a rodeo made the reality of what we do too real.” Dennis ran a hand through his hair. “I wanted to pretend I was indestructible, that the rodeo wasn’t as dangerous as it was. Your dad’s death was like a wake-up call I ignored.”
Finally, I blurted out, “Then why let your son face that danger when you know what it can do!”
He seemed taken aback, but swallowed my words calmly. “Because I know what that passion is like. It’ll eat you alive if you try to put it to bed.” He put his hands together in front of him, desperate to make me listen. “He is a good rider. I know he can do this.”
“So could my dad,” I shot back.
“I know! I know, but what happened to your dad was a freak accident, and as hard as we try, we can’t avoid accidents. But we also can’t stop him from doing what he loves because we’re afraid of mistakes. If we did that, we’d never leave the house again.”
He was right, but a big part of me wanted to curl into a ball and scream. Or better yet, take Colton to Mexico or something, tie him up, and keep him safe for the rest of our lives.
I was quiet for too long, so Dennis grabbed my hands. “Are you okay?”
I looked at him, knowing I couldn’t lose him, or Jo, or Jimmy, or Alan, or Dean, or any of the girls, not after I’d experienced family love again for the first time in years.
And I would die if I lost Colton.
“I will support him, Dennis. I’ll stand by that fence, and I’ll cheer until I’m hoarse because I love him,” I said, my voice finally cracking. “But don’t ask me to be okay with it. I’m just going to be waiting for the whistle to blow for the rest of my life.”
~~~
I climbed into the trailer as quietly as I could, knowing Jimmy and maybe even Colton were asleep.
Using my phone as a tiny source of light, I slipped in, squinting in the dark.
There was only one shape in the pull-out bed, which meant Colton was waiting in my bed.
I slipped past the curtain.
He was sitting on the edge of the bed, in only the light of one of the lamps, in a t-shirt and jeans. His face was anxious, no doubt dying to know what his father and I had talked about. “Hi,” he whispered.
“Hi,” I whispered back, standing awkwardly next to the door.
The intense words we had exchanged only hours before were bouncing in my head, paired with the image of my dad’s outstretched hand, begging me to save him.
I couldn’t stop myself anymore, I rushed toward him at the same second he stood up.
His strong arms were around me, holding me as tightly as he could. I wanted to be closer, I needed to be closer.
I leaned back just enough to put my hands on his face and kiss him hard and fast.
He responded with eager enthusiasm. His hands moved to my waist, his fingers digging into my hips. He slipped his tongue into my mouth.
Butterflies exploded in my stomach.
His lips were soft, but his kisses were strong, as if no matter what, it wouldn’t be enough.
It wasn’t long before he stepped back into the bed, and together we fell onto the mattress.
I leaned up, my hair dangling around us, and smiled.
Colton was grinning back at me.
“I love you,” I said with as much passion as I could.
I needed him to know how deeply I cared for him.
How, even though our worlds were a million miles apart, I truly couldn’t picture a life without him.
“I’ll be in Sioux Falls, cheering you on, but only if you swear to me that you’ll do everything in your power to be safe. ”
His face was serious now, his hands running up and down my sides. “I swear. I’ll be safe for you-”
I cut him off and put a finger over his lips. “Be safe for you and me.”
He nodded, and I moved my finger. “I’ll be safe for both of us.” With that, he flipped me on my back with one hand and continued kissing me.
His lips were smooth and soft, his tongue warm and teasing, his hands in my hair and tracing my face, his strong body hovering over mine.
Colton Nash was everything I could’ve ever wanted, and he was everything I would ever need.
I could be there for him for one more rodeo.
Then I’d be his number one fan in the finals.
And then? Then I could start breathing again.