Chapter 20
LEO
L + E = ?
Now a routine fixture at Purrfect Books, Leo Santo is clearly all in when it comes to courting Ella Langley again. Is it their sixth relationship or seventh? Honestly, we aren’t sure. Sources tell us they’ve been hot and heavy, with Mr. Santo spending many nights at Ms. Langley’s apartment.
A follow-up to a recent story: Marybeth Nix’s rug has been recovered, but her flower pot is now missing. It’s unknown at this time if Mason is the culprit.
Something is definitely up with Ella.
Whatever it is, she won’t talk to me about it. And when I attempt to get her to open up, she manages to redirect the conversation, or we end up having sex, and I forget all about what’s bugging her.
While I’m thrilled with all the sex, as well as the fact that my one-minute-man record has now expanded to two-minutes-man, I’m aggravated she won’t open up to me.
Ella used to tell me everything. I was the person she confided in, and vice versa.
I could talk to Alex about military things, and my parents about certain topics, but Ella was who I went to for everything else.
My hopes and dreams. Silly stories about my fellow soldiers, and what I feared about deployments.
We used to daydream about our future together, down to how we’d pick a house, what we’d like to have in our backyard, and where we’d want to get married.
While I feel like we’re in a relationship now, we’ve never discussed things, and I don’t feel any closer to her.
Is she closed off because she thinks I’ll leave again?
Fearful I won’t want to raise Oliver and Violet with her?
Worried I still have animosity about her ending our relationship all those years ago?
I wish she’d talk to me so I could reassure her about everything.
I’m in this for the long haul. However she’ll have me.
After a long day working at Everlasting, I assume it’s Ella calling when my phone rings right when I get into my car, and I’m surprised when I see it’s my youngest sister, Arianna, calling.
“Leo, are you home yet?” she asks urgently.
“No, just left Everlasting. Why?”
“I need to talk to you about something. Can I meet you at your house?”
“Sure. Is everything okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“Do I need to hide a body?” I joke, then sober when Arianna doesn’t laugh. “Ari. You’re kind of freaking me out.”
“We’re all fine, Leo. I promise. I just need to talk to you about something else.”
My mind is flipping through a million different scenarios as I drive home, letting out a relieved exhale when I find Arianna already there when I arrive. Jumping out of the car, I’m quickly in front of her. “What’s going on?”
Her expression is tense as she studies me. Hair up in a messy bun, she looks somewhat disheveled. Arianna Santo Dixon is never disheveled, yet she stands before me wearing a worn tee shirt of Stone’s, oversized sweatpants, and Crocs. “Are the kids okay? I’ve never seen you like this.”
“Kids are fine. I swear. And I have four kids, Leo. I dress like this when I’m dealing with them, because they’re all a bunch of feral animals,” she snaps as we walk inside my house.
“Alright. Tell me what you need to talk about. Please.”
Her eyes flick between mine. “Are you and Ella back together? For real?”
A brick seems to land in my stomach. “For the most part, yes. Why?”
“What does that mean? Either you’re together, or you’re not,” she says impatiently.
“We haven’t discussed specifics, but we’re seeing each other. I don’t think there’s anyone else for her, and there definitely isn’t for me. But I haven’t asked,” I confess.
“So there could be someone else in her life?” she asks, her eyes pained.
“Ari, if you know something, you have to tell me,” I say hoarsely. I feel my heart rate jump as I consider her words. Jesus. Is Ella seeing someone else?
“I stopped in at Purrfect Books to say hello this afternoon,” she begins.
“I’d heard you might be seeing her again.
Gia said she thought things had gotten serious between you two, and I wanted to extend an olive branch.
I know I’ve never been super close with Ella, and wanted to make an effort if she’d be in our lives again. ”
“Okay?” I ask warily.
Ari blows out a breath. “She was talking to the gal who works the café. Whitley? Anyway, they were talking about a doctor’s appointment Ella had, and Whitley asked if ‘the dad’ had gone. Leo, I think she’s pregnant, and I don’t know if it’s yours.”
My quick heartbeat from a moment ago seems to stop. What the actual fuck? There’s no way. “That can’t be — no. She couldn’t be seeing someone else behind my back. We’re together all the time. Us and the kids. There’s no way.”
“I don’t know for sure. Could the baby be yours?
Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned it. Your face is getting red.
Leo? Are you okay? Leo! Can you hear me?
” Arianna’s voice seems to echo as I struggle to breathe.
I thought everything was going well. We were on the same page.
Did I only hear what I wanted to hear again?
Is she not as gone for me as I am for her?
What if she is pregnant? It might be mine.
Will she even bother telling me? She never told me about the miscarriage.
Was that one not mine either? I can’t be mad about that.
We’d broken up. If she did move on, she was allowed to.
But she told me she hadn’t been with another man since me. Was she lying?
I can’t fucking breathe.
“Stay with me Santo. Sergeant! Stay with me!”
Fuck, am I in Afghanistan? What the hell is happening right now?
I’m not good enough. I wasn’t good enough for Ella to stay with me then, I sure as fuck am not now. I should have anticipated this. A good soldier looks at all possible outcomes to a mission. Then again, a good soldier doesn’t get half of his squad killed due to impatience and timing.
Probably better if the baby isn’t mine. How can I be trusted to be a good dad? I shouldn’t be the caretaker for anyone, because I can barely handle myself.
I always wanted to have a family with Ella. It’s the only thing I always thought was out of my reach.
“I know you did.”
I’m not worth it. No one should love me.
“That’s not true, Leo. God, I shouldn’t have told you until I knew for sure.”
Should have fucking killed myself when I wanted to all those years ago.
“What?!?!”
Shouldn’t have let Gia talk me out of it. Had the pills and everything. Would have been better to just end it all. Better for everyone.
“G, you need to get over here. Leo’s spiraling, and he’s talking about suicide. I don’t know what to do.”
No one would miss me.
“We would all miss you, dammit. Yes, get everyone over here. This is major.”
Curling up in a ball on the floor, unaware I’d collapsed right after Arianna said she thought Ella was pregnant, I begin to sob.
“Jesus, Arianna, you should have told us first before you told him.”
“There has to be an explanation. I can’t believe Ella would do this.” Am I dreaming? That sounded like Dom.
“Who knew she was pregnant before? Did anyone get confirmation?” Luca asks.
“Should we call the therapist he sees?” Shit, Alex is in this dream too?
“Seb already did. He’s on his way.” Isabella’s voice is quiet.
“What about Mom and Dad? Or Nonna?” Why does Arianna sound like she’s close to tears?
“No, let’s wait to tell them. Leo will be pissed if they get involved.” Dom again.
“Leo will be pissed when he figures out we are all here anyway.” Alex is right, I will be pissed. Wait. Why are they all talking about me?
“Did he really say he was going to kill himself, Gia?” Was that Hannah? Why the hell is she here?
“Not in those words, but yes. I knew. I felt it and called him. He said it was too hard. I begged him to come home.” Dammit, Gianna.
“That’s why he suddenly showed up here again? Fuck.” Dom’s voice is full of pain.
“I’m pretty sure he’s awake and listening to all of this.” That sounds like Stone.
“Leo? Are you there?” Gianna asks softly.
I open my eyes, finding I’m now on my couch. “Who moved me here?”
“So you remember being on the floor?” Arianna asks, her voice choppy. I open my eyes to find her worried gaze as she chews on a fingernail.
“Vaguely. I guess you all have questions,” I comment as I sit up. I hate this. I despise feeling inferior and dependent on my family. I can’t stand when my emotions get the best of me.
Gianna sits beside me, taking my hands tightly in hers. “I want to go over some details first, so we know what possibly set off your panic attack. Okay?”
I nod, suddenly so overcome with exhaustion, both physically and emotionally.
“Alright. Arianna asked to meet you here, and wanted to tell you she overheard a conversation between Ella and her friend Whitley about a doctor’s appointment, and whether or not a dad would be in attendance. Ella replied that the dad didn’t know. Is that correct?”
I nod numbly. Hearing it again is pouring salt into the wound.
“Then you started to mumble things,” Arianna says quietly.
“I don’t think you knew you were speaking out loud.
You said you’d always wanted a family with Ella, but that you weren’t lovable.
Then you said you should have killed yourself like you’d wanted to, but that Gia talked you out of it. Is that true?”
“For the most part, yeah,” I murmur. I hear my front door open and close, then see Sebastian and Josh walk in.
“You had pills?” Alex asks, and I nod. “What kind?”
“I’d saved up a bunch of oxycodone pills from multiple surgeries.”
“Multiple?”
Fuck. Sighing, I close my eyes. “My left leg, and my knee, are really fucked up. Shrapnel wounds, skin grafts. Debridement. Surgeons tried to revise a scar, but it made it worse. I had five or six surgeries at Walter Reed within a year, and it seemed like every time, my leg got worse. The surgeons in Germany weren’t the best with things, as they were just trying to keep me alive. ”
“You almost died?” Isabella asks quietly.