Chapter 21
ELLA
Ididn’t hear from Leo yesterday evening, which shouldn’t be concerning to me, but it is. There have been many days over the last few months where we haven’t spoken. But somehow, my gut is telling me this is different.
I tossed and turned all night. I know I need to tell him about the baby, but I’m damn scared.
I finally had my first obstetrics appointment yesterday, and got to see the little kidney bean blob on the ultrasound.
How the hell had I never known an early ultrasound like that is done via a massive wand that goes into the vagina?
Certainly sent up a silent “fuck you” to my sister, who was undoubtedly cackling in Heaven as she watched me freak out about it.
Taking what Whitley said to heart, I confided in the OB about my fears.
She was so encouraging. She explained that tons of miscarriages happen with no real understanding, and it doesn’t necessarily mean I will miscarry again.
She recognized my fear over my age, and said I’ll have a few more ultrasounds during the pregnancy to ensure the baby is developing on track.
With every passing year, a baby’s likelihood of being born with a genetic condition continue to increase.
I couldn’t care less about that, honestly.
A baby with Down syndrome or another genetic condition will still be a complete gift.
So, once I was home from work, I’d waited for Leo to call or stop by.
He’d gotten in the habit of eating dinner with us, and more times than not, sleeping over.
When I didn’t hear from him at all, I wasn’t sure what to think.
My mind spiraled through a thousand possible options.
Maybe he’s sick. With family. On a date.
With someone else. Having second thoughts about me.
Doesn’t want the built-in family I come with.
Somehow joined the Army again and immediately deployed.
Logical? No. But once my brain starts to snowball, everything is fair game.
After basically no sleep, I’m in a foul mood when I drop the kids off at daycare. I’ve been able to send Violet a few times a week, and she absolutely loves it. As I climb out of my car down the street from the bookstore, I’m unprepared to cross paths with Leo. He looks no better than I do.
“Are you okay? Are you sick? Did someone die? Why didn’t you call me?” I blurt out, pregnancy hormones making me instantly on the brink of tears.
“No, no, no, and because I didn’t want to,” he snaps. His gaze is dark and guarded. He makes a pointed and long look at my belly. “Tell me, Ella. Are you sick? Are you okay? Do you have anything you need to tell me?”
I gasp, covering my mouth with one hand. Oh my God. He knows. “Leo. How did you find out?”
“What the hell does that matter? Is it true?”
I nod miserably, noting the pain that crosses his face. “I should have told you.”
“Who else, Ella?” he asks, his voice full of heartache.
“What?”
“Who else have you been sleeping with? That has to be the reason you haven’t told me.
Because if that baby is mine …” he trails off, scrubbing a hand over his face, then shakes his head in sorrow, dropping his gaze to my feet.
“If it’s mine, you must not want it to be with me.
I can’t think of any other reason why you’d keep me out of the loop. ”
“No,” I whisper. “That’s not it at all. I swear I haven’t been with anyone else, Leo. The baby is yours.”
When his eyes snap to mine, I’m unprepared for the anguish I see. “Do you not trust me? Don’t you see how gone I am for you and the kids? How long have you known?”
“A couple of weeks,” I admit hoarsely.
“Jesus,” he mutters. “I knew something was up, because you wouldn’t talk to me. You’d redirect my attention, or you’d seduce me. I guess it’s really all my fault. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice …”
“Leo, please,” I beg, reaching out to grab his arm. He snaps back like I’ve burned him. “I need to explain. There are things you don’t know.”
His eyes fill with intensity as he leans toward me. Dropping his voice, he hisses, “Oh, about the other baby you lost? Was that one even mi —? You know what? I can’t be around you right now, Ella. I need some space. I need to clear my head before I say something I can’t take back.”
Speechless, I watch through tear-filled eyes as Leo stalks down the street. Somehow I manage to walk to the bookstore, and as soon as Whitley sees my tear-streaked face, she runs from the café. “What happened? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”
“Maybe I have,” I whimper, falling into one of the plush chairs I have by the romance book section. One of our regular cats, Honeycomb, immediately jumps into my lap to make biscuits. “Leo knows. He knows everything, Whit.”
“What?” she breathes. “Oh, El. What happened?”
“I don’t even know! He didn’t call me last night, and when I ran into him walking from the day care, he got snippy with me. Asked me if I had anything I needed to tell him. Then asked who else I was seeing, because it couldn’t be his, since I’d have told him by now.”
“Well, you kinda had that coming,” Whitley says with a soothing voice. “I know that’s hard to hear, but I’ve been telling you since you took the test to talk to him about it.”
“I was going to tell him last night!” I cry out, throwing my hands up in frustration. “But he didn’t call!”
“Why didn’t you call him?” she asks, and my mouth drops open in shock. Whitley rolls her eyes. “For fuck’s sake, El. You’re allowed to call the man.”
“I guess I felt like it was best if I let him do all the contacting. I didn’t want to force myself on him, after how I ended things years ago.”
Whitley sighs. “Or you were afraid of something like this happening, so you took yourself out of the equation.”
“How so?”
“You didn’t want to contact him, risking an argument, so you’ve waited until he’s made the first move. Honestly, you’re pretty much like that with most situations. I think I call you more than you call me.”
“That can’t be true. Can it?” I think back to the last six months. Granted, I’ve been caught up with raising two kids, so reaching out to people hasn’t been a priority. But even before that, did I sit around and wait for people to call me? Am I that bad of a friend?
“Listen, it’s not a big deal. I think some people have the personality trait where they flourish in being the one to reach out to others.
You’re not that way, and that’s okay. Your strengths lie in other areas.
But it does help to explain some of your behavior with Leo this year.
” Whitley hands me a box of tissues, and I dab at the never-ending wetness on my face.
“I love you, El. You’re my best friend. And I know life has dealt you one hell of a curveball this year.
But I’m going to give you a reality check here with some harsh words.
Leo has put in the effort. You haven’t. You need to think about why you’ve chosen to do this, because I really don’t believe your reasoning of keeping the ball in his court. ”
I spend the entire day floating through my work responsibilities as I try to wrap my head around the things Leo and Whitley said. The only real conclusion I come to is that I’ve hurt Leo again, and probably so much more than the last time. But I don’t know how to make things better.
Five minutes before closing, the door slams open, and Gianna stalks in. Fury envelops her as she approaches me, and I reflexively put up my hands in a defensive gesture.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” she snaps. I open my mouth to reply, but no words come out. She’s right. She’s completely right. “God, I feel like such a fool. I’ve been pushing you two together for months! I seriously can’t believe this.”
“Believe what?” Whitley asks, coming to stand beside me. She crosses her arms over her chest, giving us the look of a unified front, but I know my best friend. If Gianna lunges toward her, Whit will fold like a towel.
“How long have you been hiding this? What’s your plan here?
I just don’t understand you, Ella. Were you acting all these years, floating through life as a ghost?
Did you really ever love Leo? Because I can’t believe you did, if you’d hide a pregnancy from him.
” Gianna mirrors Whitley’s posture, staring defiantly at the two of us.
“Of course, I love him,” I murmur, but no one hears me when Whitley jumps to my defense.
“What the hell is your problem? You remember how she was when Leo left the last time. She barely brushed her hair for months. Have you seen her on a date? God knows that stupid website would have published that shit immediately.” Whitley pauses, then smirks at Gianna. “How’s your grandmother, by the way?”
“Why?” Gianna asks warily.
Whitley smiles maliciously. “No reason. Saw her walking out of Norma Binnington’s house last week, and not even an hour later, that new article about Ella’s niece and nephew popped up on the site.
Same thing happened two weeks ago with the image of Leo leaving Ella’s apartment one morning.
Pretty convenient that news seems to travel like that, isn’t it? ”
“My grandmother is not publishing The Eagle Has Landed!” Gianna shouts, her eyes wild.
“She may not publish it, but she’s certainly helping with the content,” Whitley replies.
“There’s no way! Do you know how many times that website has published awful stories about my family? Why would she partake in that? Why would —” Gianna stops, her eyes snapping back to mine. “No. You’re not getting me off topic.”
“I didn’t do anything,” I say with confusion.
“The baby is Leo’s,” Whitley snaps, drawing Gianna’s attention again.
I feel a bit of hysterical laughter bubble up my esophagus.
It’s like I’m not even here. “I’m her best friend, so I would know if she was dating anyone.
She’s been in love with that man for as long as I’ve known her, and that’s not any different today. ”