41. Eli
Eli
Leaving Wren was too much for me to handle.
I had to take more time off, so I put in for FMLA and had a full twelve weeks with her, and then put in an additional week extension when Kendra was attacked to stay home and take care of her—but now it’s past mid-October and I have to go back to work.
After seeing my name on her birth certificate and the judge officially proclaiming me as her father on paper as well as her only legal guardian, I wanted more time with her not less.
Fatherhood makes me ache deep in my soul in a way that I can’t explain.
All I know is that Wren is my purpose, and I thank God she’s in my life making me a better man.
Going to work is part of being that man: taking care of her, providing a paycheck, insurance for the two of us—stability.
Some might argue that having a firefighter for a father won’t give her a stable upbringing, but I know that’s bullshit.
I see my friends, the brothers I have at the station, raising amazing families that support them right back as they serve and protect our community.
It’s something to be proud of, something to admire.
I’ve always looked up to those guys, what they had and built, never thinking I’d ever step into their shoes.
The only solace in going back to the station is the fact that I have my mom to help me, and that Kendra is still living with us full time. She is healing and has not once talked about leaving.
We went to a couple more checkups last week, and her doctors are all happy with her progress.
Kendra’s ribs are healed. Her pink hard cast was removed and she was put into a soft cast, which she was so happy about.
It’s not total freedom, but a step in the right direction.
Her arm will be weak even after that soft cast time is completed.
She will have to work her way back into her normal activities and most likely need physical therapy, which I know she isn’t happy about.
The incision from her surgery has healed beautifully and causing her no issues.
What made Kendra the happiest, however, was when the doctor gave her the all clear to be able to hold Wren and help with her.
She won’t be able to do a lot of things and still has to take it easy for a couple of weeks, but all Kendra wanted was to be able to have Wren in her arms—something she has mentioned over and over while she has been on her restrictions.
I would have assumed the thing she’s longing for most would be to hold the clay in her studio she is so connected to, but I was wrong.
“Eli, you have to leave or you’re going to be late.” Kendra looks at my freshly shaven face. She is rocking Wren in the living room, feeding her a bottle, looking like my dream come true.
“I’m going to miss you both so fucking much,” I whine, not caring that I sound like a total pussy.
The time at home with the two of them has felt so special, sacred—even if it came from such a dark and terrible situation.
The silver lining was getting the three of us under one roof, spending time together, Kendra and I getting to know each other again, forming a new kind of bond.
The teasing we do now doesn’t feel mean and aggressive, especially what comes off Kendra.
There is a fun banter that I crave. The spark in Kendra that had dimmed after her attack is slowly coming back, and I like to hope that being here with me and Wren has had something to do with it.
“Hear that, peanut? Daddy hasn’t even left yet and he already misses you.” Kendra grins at Wren, then looks up at me, her sliver-blue eyes twinkling with the mischief that I have missed.
“Call me that again,” I demand.
“What?” She acts innocent, batting her eyelashes at me.
I advance on her, cock thickening in my pants at her words and attitude.
“You know exactly what, sweetheart.” I cage her in, running my nose along her cheek and up then down the shell of her ear, getting a thrill when she sucks in a sharp, surprised breath.
I nip her earlobe and whisper, “I will make you say that again, but under very different circumstances.”
“Promises, promises. I’m sure you say that to them all,” Kendra quips, a little breathy, as I pull back to look at her squarely in the face in time to see her eye-roll.
“Absolutely not,” I growl at her accusation.
I grip the front of her throat gently and pull her mouth to mine in a claiming kiss, unable to stay away any longer, needing to leave this house—her here alone overnight for the first time—having her know how much deeper my feelings for her are.
She moans and melts into my touch, and my tongue sweeps into her mouth, rough and passionate.
I reluctantly pull away, only because I can’t be late.
If I let myself have just one more taste of her lips, I won’t walk out the door.
Kendra is still stunned, silent, and drunk off our kiss as I crouch on the floor at her feet.
I look at Wren, asleep in her arms now; happy, content, safe.
I run my hand carefully across her soft, dark hair and whisper, “Goodbye, peanut. Marmee will be here in a little while, okay? I love you. I will be home soon.”
Looking up I see Kendra watching the exchange with glossy eyes. She swallows hard. “Have a good first shift back,” she says, finally finding her voice.
“Thank you, sweetheart.” I lean in, unable to resist, and take one more lingering kiss before standing up, forcing my feet to take me away, and leaving my whole heart behind.
When I walk into the fire station everything is quiet, too quiet.
Then everyone on shift pops out of various hiding positions and music starts blaring from our speaker system.
“Daddy’s Home” by Usher has me throwing back my head with a roar of laughter and washing away my sadness of coming in these doors again, leaving my girls at the house.
All the guys are here cheering for me, clapping and welcoming me back.
They are my family and I did miss them. Somehow they knew this was the enthusiastic, fun greeting I needed today.
Grinning, Rem steps up and says, “Welcome back, Dad. Who knew all those years ago your station nickname would be so . . . prophetic?”
“Yeah, well, thanks.” I shake my head. The irony of never wanting to have the role of fatherhood in my real life but allowing the responsibility of looking after the guys here so much, and in such a protective way, that they all started calling me the dad of the station sits even heavier on my shoulders today.
All the guys go around giving me various hellos and congratulations.
They have all seen me, come to visit Wren throughout my time off, but this is different.
“We have a little something for you,” Ryder says, handing me a small pink gift bag covered in sparkles.
“Ha, thanks?”
“You’re a girl dad now, you gotta get used to lots of pink, glitter, bedazzling, all that shit,” he says, and the other dads of the group nod in agreement.
I open the bag and pull out a little FGFD baby onesie. “I don’t think this is my size,” I joke, trying to cover up the fact that I am getting choked up and want to run home and immediately put this on Wren.
Chief steps up and says, “We’re all a family here and everyone is welcome, but we figure that Wren is kind of our official station baby after the way she came into your life, just like you have always been the station dad.
You have been ready for this new life longer than you realize, and I am so proud of how you have handled stepping up for her.
We all have both of you covered, no matter what, Eli.
” His strong, reassuring hand clasps my shoulder in a squeeze, and this time I can’t help but wipe a tear away.
“Thanks, you guys. I love you and this means a lot—to both of us.”
I look down at the onesie again, smiling, and then the fire alarm blares through the station.
Time to get to work.