5. Chapter Five
Chapter Five
Kat
Once I was done getting my gogo juice, I decided work was done for the day. I’d had… one hell of a few days and I really wanted to see if Tam wanted to get a massage. Maybe a facial. A glass of wine. And just RELAX.
I packed up my stuff, grateful to avoid every single person in the garage currently, and headed back.
As I had expected, Tam was more than down.
Whether she said I owed her that and more after stressing her out so much, was neither here nor there.
She was right, anyway. I owed her more than that, to be honest.
So, I found myself in a bathrobe, gunk on my face, Tam beside me in the same. A glass of wine in my hand doing more work than the gunk to cleanse whatever the hell I needed cleansed, I turned to Tam.
“So, my dear. I am so, so sick of talking about my bullshit. What’s been going on with you? Any boys?” I asked, drawing out the last word teasingly. I peeked at her from under my eye cucumber, and saw that she actually flushed. This boded well.
“Spill, Tam!” I continued, needing some levity.
She still paused. This was the usual for her, though.
She always kept things much closer than Bex or I.
Even though lately, I’d been holding back plenty.
There was just so much of it that they hadn’t even noticed.
The volume had stayed the same or more, as it stood.
“Well, there is a boy. And I actually had been wanting to talk to you about it. Maybe. I’m pretty mad at him right now, but we’ll get through it when he realizes he’s wrong,” she said primly, a little angrily. I grinned.
“They always are wrong, and always do come around, huh?” I joked. She paused again. I waited her out, though.
“Yeah, they are,” she replied quietly. It must’ve been something big he was wrong about. But putting that aside.
“What did you want to talk about?” I asked, hoping it wasn’t relationship advice. She HAD to know better though. My love life had thus far been a Shakespearean tragedy with almost as many deaths.
“Well… I wanted to know when you know it’s time to have sex with someone,” she said tentatively. And she was asking ME?! I hadn’t made that decision correctly… ever.
“And you’re asking me?!” I asked incredulously. It really was the only thing in my brain. She had more sense than this, truly. Truly. She had to.
“Well, it’s either you or Bex,” she said drily. I snorted. If those were the options… Jesus I was still the better option. Goddamn Bex.
“Well, shit girl. Fine. I mean I can try to help you. But I’ve never made that decision correctly in my life. I mean between Leo, a string of purposeful one-night stands at the club, and then…” I started, hoping she’d get the point.
“And then… Henry? You think you made that decision wrong?” she asked, sounding like she didn’t believe me. I laughed. For a long, long moment, I laughed. My cucumbers fell off of my eyes. Just in time for me to see her staring at me, concerned. Well, at least we were consistent.
“I know I did. But it doesn’t matter. Because the right time for me, the right time for Bex, hell the right time for you with a different guy, isn’t the right time for you with THIS guy.
You’ll know it, when it’s time. You will.
If it doesn’t feel like time, then it’s not,” I answered simply. She seemed to be considering that.
“It had maybe seemed like the right time, before we got in this fight. Now, I’m not so sure,” she admitted. Well, I could definitely answer that one.
“Makeup sex is only allowed AFTER the first time you sleep together, sweetie. So, you’ll need to figure out that one first,” I said. I KNEW that one was right. For sure. She laughed.
“Yeah, and honestly, if he can’t admit he’s wrong on this one, we’re done anyway. Yes, it’s that big. But back to you. You really…?” she asked, not saying it. She didn’t need to.
“Tam, listen. I know you’re not going to want to hear this.
But I’ve never treated sex the way you do.
Probably far too early, I decided I didn’t want a boyfriend, but I certainly wanted to be good at kissing.
And… hmm well you know I got a lot of practice on my knees,” I admitted.
She let out a loud bark of laughter at that one.
But I wasn’t wrong. I’d been… rather fascinated at all the things I could do to be really, really good.
“But that was MY choice. I had this weird thought in my head that I wanted to be ready for the right person, in the most Kat way ever,” I joked. She laughed again. This time, she didn’t stop laughing. But I kept going.
“And then my dad died, and I allowed a lot of shitty things to happen. And then I decided that wouldn’t ever happen again, and only slept with guys in a very contained environment at the club. Safe, one night, no strings, no connection. And no… well,” I admitted, shrugging. She gasped.
“Kat, wait are you serious? You’ve never gotten off with a dude?” she demanded, flabbergasted. Whelp. I walked right into that one. I really, really didn’t want to think about this morning. Not right now.
“I didn’t say that,” I said in a hurry, blowing past it in the hopes she’d let it go.
“So, after those, then came Henry. And I’d be stupid not to admit that he was different. And I still shouldn’t have done that. It was still the wrong move,” I finished. She looked at me sadly. Very sadly. I gave her a questioning look.
“You’re talking about Henry in the past tense, Kat. He’s right there. Right here, still,” she insisted. Again, not what I wanted to talk about. We were talking about HER love life. I turned to fully face her.
“The point is, you’ll know. And if you really need an answer there, yes.
I’m talking about Henry in the past tense.
He doesn’t want to be with me. He cares, sure.
But that’s it. Which honestly, is too bad.
I was thinking about bringing him to the club,” I said, jokingly, hoping she’d move to lighter topics. She perked up, though.
“You think Henry would’ve liked the club?
You just said you’d go there for one-night stands,” she said incredulously.
I laughed. I forgot she’d never been with us.
Bex had always been a little squirrelly about it, but I think she just didn’t want to know how kinky her sister may be.
Not that she gave Tam the same courtesy.
But back to her question… Mhm. Hell yes, Henry would’ve liked the club.
Yeah, I would go for one-night stands, because every member was background checked, paid a massive membership fee, signed NDAs, and was constantly required to get STD tested.
And birth control was reported, in one way or another.
But. That wasn’t what the club was actually for, not really.
It was for… everything else. Everything I’d always wanted to try, thought about trying, maybe just wanted to watch, and everything I didn’t want to go near.
I’d never partaken with any of my one-night stands.
That wasn’t the vibe. My vibe was trust or bust. And I certainly trusted Henry.
And I knew he had a lot hidden under all that self-control.
“Yeah, he would’ve liked the club. And I used the club for sex because it was as safe as I could get with a famous dad and over a billion dollars. Bex was there for that, and other reasons. But there was plenty there, that with the right person, I would’ve loved to try out,” I admitted finally.
“And Henry is the right person?” she asked softly. I shook my head.
“No, Henry WAS the right person. And now, he’ll find some other right person,” I said, aiming for nonchalant. The look she gave me told me I missed. Well, too bad. I’d get through it.
“Okay, say I believe that,” she started. I sighed. She continued.
“But what about you?”
Didn’t she know me? I’d be fine.
After our couples massage—hell yes, we did, we were a couple of besties, same diff—we were soaking in the hot tub, another glass of wine in hand.
We had a reservation somewhere for dinner later, but for right now, it was just…
this. It was perfect after the day I’d had.
Day, week, month, months. But who was counting?
Not me. Not even if I had to sit on the steps because my entire upper half was hot tub intolerant.
Even if I shouldn’t be in the hot tub at all necessarily.
We had gratefully stopped talking during our massage, but we started back up in the hot tub.
And my own ruminations during relaxation paired with a second glass of wine had me wondering.
“If I ask you one thing about… what happened… in January, will you try to make me talk about everything?” I asked in a small voice, sounding more unsure than I wanted to. I swished my feet back and forth in the foamy water while she thought.
“I won’t make you answer any questions you aren’t ready to answer, but if I ask them, don’t hate me, okay?” she offered, just loud enough to be heard over the jets. I nodded, and she floated closer. Then leaned on the cement side of the hot tub, chin on her folded arms.
“That’s fine. I just… when you didn’t know where I was.
And Andrew had said I wasn’t in the hospital, what did you think happened?
Where did you think I went? I know what he thought, but what about you?
And Bex?” I asked softly, a little bitterness sneaking into my voice at Andrew.
She looked down and to the left, thinking. I didn’t like that.
“Well, since you hadn’t been admitted to the hospital, as far as we knew, we were a bit confused. We really didn’t think you’d leave Henry there. But…” she trailed off, looking guilty as fuck. She was purposely avoiding eye contact now. I had a sinking feeling at that ‘but’.
“But…?” I asked softly. I was trying my best not to cry. She needed to be able to be honest to me when I had asked her, after all.
“But, you WERE gone. We thought maybe you freaked out for a minute and needed a minute, and then something might’ve happened.
And then you were gone for five days, and we KNEW something bad had to have happened.
We KNEW you wouldn’t have just… done that,” she finished.
Done ‘that’. Abandoned Henry. At least they KNEW I hadn’t done that.
Because she sounded SO sure. SO sure that wasn’t who I was.
So, everyone was at least… wondering… if I was that shitty. Because I’d run away in the past. I’d pushed Tam and Bex away when my dad died. Badly. Meanly. CRUELLY. And I’d walked away and pushed away Henry in all of two months. I’d earned that, I guessed. So much for all that relaxation. I nodded.
“That’s fair. At least you didn’t think I’d abandoned him.
Well, probably hadn’t. That’s all I could ask for,” I said softly, laying a hand on her arm.
I knew I had sounded a little bitter, but I was just mad at myself.
I had earned this. Maybe not being called a cunt.
But then again, we were in Australia. I thought maybe they used it casually here.
But Andrew had been the opposite of casual. I was getting off track.
She didn’t say anything after that. I tipped my head back, draining the last of my glass of wine. I glanced at the time, and realized it was time for my appointment with Liz. Fucking fantastic.
“I need to go, but feel free to grab a mani/pedi if you want. I need the room to talk to Liz, if that’s okay,” I offered, and asked. She nodded.
“Is she helping any?” she asked.
I shrugged and grabbed my robe. Who fucking knew.