61. Chapter Sixty-One
Chapter Sixty-One
Kat
It was hard to breathe. But I didn’t think it was a nightmare or panic attack. I wasn’t entirely sure-
“No!” cut through the fog right into my ear. It sounded afraid. Terrified, in fact.
And in pain.
Two bands of steel tightened around my middle, and I needed to open my eyes and figure out if I was stuck in farm equipment or being boa-constricted to death.
Neither seemed ideal.
I opened my eyes. Instead of metal or scales, I found a sleeping Henry. Eyes squeezed shut, tears leaking from them, that crease carved from stone between his eyes.
I couldn’t move my arms. They were trapped between and under us, and he was holding onto me with a large portion of his strength.
I leaned up and kissed his jaw just as he spoke again.
“No, please! Please it hurts!”
Oh my God. Oh, no. NO.
I knew he’d been having nightmares. I’d talked him through a couple. But tears sprang to my eyes when I realized the shape of them.
Oh, my poor baby. I said I’d keep you safe.
I wiggled slightly, trying to get my arm free, but he just tightened his arms further. It was painful, at this point.
“Baby, listen to me. Henry, you need to listen to me, sweetie. You’re not there. You’re here with me,” I murmured to him, not wanting to speak too loudly with his face right there.
“No, no. It hurts. Please, don’t! Not again, please,” he cried out. I was openly sobbing now. I couldn’t help it. He was so much deeper than the other times I’d caught him.
And I couldn’t use my hands.
“Henry please, listen to me. It’s not real, baby. It’s not real. You’re here with me in bed. We’re in Australia. You’re safe, baby. You’re safe here with your Firecat,” I said firmly, making sure he could hear me.
“No! No, no, no… no…” he kept shouting, his breaths coming quicker and quicker. I knew he was having a panic attack. In his sleep. And I couldn’t help. I WASN’T helping. And his breathing…
Oh, fuck.
His breathing… he WAS breathing. He was brEATHING. He was safe. He was having a nightmare but he was SAFE here with ME.
I needed to stay calm. I couldn’t let myself spiral into this, even though my entire body was shaking like a leaf and I couldn’t breathe.
I leaned my forehead against his sweaty one, sure that our tears were pooling together beneath us. I needed to get through to him.
“Henry, you listen to me. Don’t let him take you from me. I didn’t let him take you from me. I love you and I wouldn’t let you go then and I’m not letting you go now. Come BACK to me, baby,” I said firmly. He whimpered.
“Kat?” he croaked, still firmly asleep, firmly in his nightmare, firmly panicking.
“Yes sweetie, it’s me. I’m here with you and you are NOT there, baby. You’re SAFE,” I confirmed again in a soothing voice.
“Kat, no you need to GO!” he urged, the tears falling faster. I sobbed. I leaned up to kiss his jaw again, his cheek.
“You’re coming with me, baby. Come with me. I’m not leaving you. I won’t make it without you,” I murmured to him. I wasn’t lying. I wouldn’t. I knew that now.
“Mine,” he whispered, tightening his arms even further.
“You’re MINE,” he said even louder, like he was trying to convince himself, and maybe whoever was there in his dream. But he knew. He knew he didn’t need to convince me.
“I’m yours, Henry. I’ve always been yours. I love you. Now come back to me,” I whispered. He twitched a little, then let out another whimper.
This wasn’t fucking working.
And it needed to work.
I leaned up and pressed a light kiss to his lips. Knowing even if he never knew, it was changing something for me. But I needed him to know he wasn’t alone right now. Wasn’t alone in this. I wouldn’t let him sit in his pain alone.
I couldn’t bear to.
And it worked. His arms loosened ever so slightly, and his breathing calmed down.
“Can’t be real. Must be… dream,” he mumbled. I sobbed again.
Of course me kissing him was what convinced him it wasn’t real.
Fuck that made me feel like shit.
I felt his hands finally loosen fully just as he finally took a full breath.
“There we go, baby. You’re okay,” I murmured, aware that he still held me tight enough that I couldn’t move my arms. But I could breathe, so that was okay. Whatever he needed.
He rubbed his too-warm cheek on my forehead, making a happy noise, now. Thank FUCK. I took a full breath.
His hand slid into my hair, and before I knew what he was doing, it was too late.
He kissed me, holding my head still with the hand in my hair, the other pulling me as close to him as he could get me.
Tears were leaking out of my eyes at a rapid rate, now, because it was everything I’d known it would be.
And yet it was nothing.
He was asleep, and it couldn’t mean ANYTHING.
But I couldn’t use my arms to push him away. And I was glad for it. His tongue sought access I couldn’t give, but he rolled his hips against mine at the same time.
I gasped, and he bit my bottom lip. I needed this to stop. I needed to stop this.
I could feel my heart breaking in half. Ripping from its moorings, uncaring if it continued to beat if I couldn’t have this. And I couldn’t. I knew I couldn’t.
Because what had just happened in that nightmare would NEVER happen to him again.
I’d die before I let it happen again.
I turned my head away from him as hard as I could, even as he tried to hold me there. I was openly sobbing now, but at least he wasn’t kissing me anymore.
He was settling back down, fully asleep still.
I was just sobbing into his arm, unable to stem the flow.
He pressed the softest kiss to my forehead, the only part of my face he could reach.
With a sigh and his entire body relaxing fully back into sleep, he finished tearing the last tethers my heart had to my chest.
“Don’t cry… baby girl. Love… you.”