Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
“S o what do you think, Jace?” Herb asked. Coach Denny had taken the day off to go fishing with a cousin who had come into town—something that never would have happened a few years ago. Which reinforced Jace’s belief that Denny was ready to retire, but just didn’t know how to let go. Jace understood. He hadn’t known how to let go of being a quarterback either. But in the last few weeks, he hadn’t thought about what he’d lost. He’d only thought about what he had.
Coaching and a beautiful sassy cowgirl.
As much as he wanted to lose himself in all the sweet images he had of that beautiful sassy cowgirl, he had a job to do.
He stared out at the football field filled with sweaty teenage boys trying to kick footballs through the goalposts. They were looking for a kicker. So far, they hadn’t found one. The boys who had tried out couldn’t kick their way out of a doggie poop bag.
A football sailed toward him and Jace reached out and caught it. “I think we’re in trouble. We won the last game on sheer luck and determination. We won’t win the next one without having a kicker.” Not that Jace was wrapped up in winning anymore, but he still wanted to give his team the best chance of doing it. “Are these the only boys who want to try out?”
Herb shrugged. “Yep. Kids don’t want to play football these days. They’d rather stay home and Snapple on their cellphones.”
“I think it’s called Snapchat, Coach.” He looked around at the circus that was taking place on the field and blew out his breath. “It looks like we’ll just have to choose the one who comes closest to splitting the uprights.” He turned and started to head down the field to the opposite goalposts to see how that group of boys was doing when a movement in the stands caught his attention.
The woman in the brown cowboy hat taking a seat on the bleachers made his heart jump in his chest. Hallie’s hair was in two pigtails that partially covered the Wilder Wildcats T-shirt she wore. She plopped her cowboy boots on the bleacher in front of her as if she planned to be there for a while. He wanted to head across the track, take the stairs two at a time, and pull her into his arms.
Instead, he just stood there grinning like a fool.
He’d been smiling a lot lately. Something Decker had commented on the other night when he had stopped by for a beer.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you so happy, Jace. Are you in love with Hallie?”
The question had taken Jace by surprise. After a moment of floundering, he’d collected himself and denied the accusation. But now he wasn’t so sure. For the last week, his insides had felt like a shaken can of soda pop—all bubbly and fizzy.
And happy.
Happier than he’d been in a long time . . . maybe ever.
But was it love?
He wasn’t ready to make that leap. He’d thought he’d been in love with Sweetie, but it hadn’t been the forever kind of love. And maybe it wasn’t with Hallie either. Although, this time, was different. This time, he felt things he’d never felt with Sweetie. Being with Sweetie had been easy. Hallie was anything but easy. She never let him get away with anything. If he got too cocky, she put him in his place. If he wanted to vent about the football team not putting in the effort, she told him to put on his big boy panties and figure out how to motivate them. She had high expectations of him to be the best man he could be and damned if he didn’t want to be that man for her.
He wanted to be everything for her.
Maybe that was love. Maybe he was just too scared to admit it. Too scared that Hallie didn’t feel the same way. He knew she wanted him. Every chance they got, they were all over each other—in the barn, the hayloft, in his truck, in her truck, in the lounge chair in Mrs. Stokes’ backyard . . . and, last night, on the front porch swing at the Holiday Ranch, she’d done some naughty things to him.
Yes, she wanted him. She also liked being with him. In the last week, they had spent almost every second together. If he wasn’t at the ranch, she was at the guesthouse. She hadn’t mentioned leaving once. Now that Corbin had hired Reid, there was no reason for her to continue to stay at the ranch.
And yet, she was still here.
Of course, so was he.
Now that word was out about his and Hallie’s relationship, Mrs. Stokes had nothing to hold over his head. He could leave anytime. But as he stood there with the comforting feel of the football resting in his palm and the smell of sweaty teenagers and freshly cut grass filling his nostrils, he realized he no longer wanted to leave.
It wasn’t just Hallie.
It was this.
Football.
He loved this game. He had thought it had to do with all the accolades he’d gotten for playing it well. But now he realized, it had more to do with his father. Tossing the football with his daddy was the only time he’d had his father all to himself—the only time he’d felt his daddy’s love. All his life, he’d been trying to duplicate that feeling. Every throw he made was his attempt to bring that feeling back. But bringing his father back to life was impossible. What was possible was remembering those times with his father and realizing that his daddy might have left him, but he hadn’t left him without giving him something.
He’d given him the love of football.
Jace wanted to give that same gift to every boy on his team—his hometown team. He had struggled to figure out what he wanted to do with his life and now all the pieces seemed to be falling into place. Wilder was his home. It would always be his home. This was where he wanted to live. Where he wanted to get married and raise a family.
He glanced at Hallie.
There was only one woman he could imagine doing that with.
It was growing dark by the time Jace called an end to the mayhem and told everyone to go home and get some rest before the game tomorrow night. He planned to head over to talk with Hallie, but when he turned to the bleachers, he discovered she was gone. Disappointed, he started to follow his team into the locker room when her voice wrapped around him like the warm autumn breeze.
“Where ya goin’, cowboy?”
He turned to see her standing on the field with the last rays of the setting sun encircling her in a vibrant aura of reddish orange. He couldn’t speak over the lump of emotion that filled his throat. She moved closer, bringing with her the scent that was uniquely Hallie.
“I guess you didn’t find a kicker?” she asked.
Unable to stop himself, he reached out and tucked a wayward strand of hair off her face. Her eyes drifted shut at his touch and his heart picked up speed. “No, but it will be okay.” As long as Hallie was here, everything would be okay.
Her eyes opened and he got lost in the green depths. “What happened to the pessimistic man from a few weeks ago?”
He smoothed one ponytail, enjoying the way the silky strands felt running across his palm. ““Maybe he’s figured out that life is too short to waste on negativity.”
“Or maybe he’s just figured out that coaching his hometown football team is what he should be doing.”
He smiled. “Maybe.”
A smile tipped the corners of her mouth, a mouth he desperately wanted to kiss. But there were still a few high schoolers lingering around and he didn’t want to get fired when he’d just figured out this was where he wanted to be. Where he belonged. And Hallie belonged here too. Since she had helped him to realize what he wanted, he figured it was his turn to help her.
“What about you, Hallie? What is it that you want to be doing?”
It was easy to read the fear and uncertainty in her eyes. Having been there, he plunged on.
“I know you’ve always wanted to pave your own way—always wanted to prove that you can do anything you set your mind to. But I think you’ve set your mind on the wrong thing. Your beer is good—in fact, it’s great. But you aren’t some big-city business owner. You’re a country girl. A country girl who loves to ranch. I know you struggle to get along with your daddy, but your daddy doesn’t own the ranch anymore. Corbin does. And we had a long talk and I made sure he realized that ranching was your passion, not beer.” He grinned. “Which is why he’s been holding off on hiring a foreman and also on giving you the money for your brewery.”
Her eyes narrowed. “You had a long talk with Corbin about me?”
He couldn’t pull her into his arms, but he couldn’t keep from taking her hand and linking their fingers. “I sure did. Any fool can see how much you love the Holiday Ranch—how much you’ve always loved it. You’ll never feel about beer the way you feel about ranching.”
“And I guess you’re no fool.” The anger in her voice was easy to read.
“Now don’t be getting angry, Teeny Weeny. I’m just—”
She jerked her hand away. “Butting in where you have no business butting in.”
“Now, wait a second. You butted in and told me that you thought I should be coaching.”
“I didn’t go behind your back and ask Ms. Stokes to blackmail you!” She looked away from him and snorted. “You might not be a fool, but I certainly am. I’m a fool for thinking you were different than every other man who loves to take charge of a woman’s life and tell her what she can and can’t do.”
“I never told you—”
Once again, a ball came out of nowhere. This time he was too preoccupied to catch it. It struck him in the head and it took a moment to get over the shock of the direct hit.
“Sorry!” A teenage girl ran up to claim the ball. It wasn’t a football like he’d thought. It was a soccer ball. The girl had dark-brown hair pulled back in a straggly ponytail. She didn’t pick up the ball. Instead, she did a drill where she manipulated the ball around her feet before popping it up in the air and bouncing it off her knee. Once it settled on the turf again, she drew back her foot and kicked the ball . . . right through the goal posts.
If he hadn’t been upset with the way his conversation was going with Hallie, Jace would have been impressed. Now he didn’t even give the girl a second look as he returned his attention to the cowgirl glaring at him.
“I wasn’t telling you what you can and can’t do.”
“I don’t know what you’d call it.” She glanced at the girl. “Looks like you’ve found your kicker.”
“I don’t care about finding a kicker right now.”
“You don’t care because she’s a girl.”
“What?”
“You don’t care because she’s a girl. If she was a boy, you’d be jumping for joy and rushing to talk him into joining the team.”
He stared at her. “Would you stop talking about that girl? I don’t care about her. I care about us.”
She leaned closer, her green eyes flashing with temper. “Maybe you should care about that girl. Maybe you should care enough to see her as something more than an addition to your team. Because maybe she’s spent all her life trying to prove herself—to prove that she’s strong enough to stand on her own two feet. Now she suddenly has the attention of the man she thought cared about her thoughts and dreams, a man she thought would support whatever she wanted, and she’s realizing she was totally wrong. You don’t care about what she wants. You’re like every other man who thinks he knows what’s best for her. And yes, maybe her dream isn’t what she thought it was. But that’s not your decision to make. It’s hers.” She thumped her chest. “Hers. She will not be bent to the will of any man. Not a jerk owner of a brewery. Not her father. And certainly not an arrogant ex-quarterback!”
She whirled and marched toward the stands.
He started after her. “Don’t you dare leave, Hallie Holiday!”
She turned and shoved him hard in the chest. “Oh, I dare. Because you don’t own me, Jace Carson. No man owns me. And just to make things perfectly clear, I’m going to Austin to run the best damn brewery in Texas and I don’t need anyone to help me do it!” She whirled and marched off the field.
He stood there speechless, wondering how things had gone so wrong so quickly. He had hoped the night would end with Hallie in his arms and talking about their future together. Now it looked like there would be no future together. Once again someone he loved was leaving him. He should be used to it by now. But the way he’d felt when his daddy and Sweetie had left didn’t compare to what he felt at this moment. Those times, he’d been hurt. But hurt didn’t describe the desperate empty feeling that consumed him.
“Looks like you pissed off your girlfriend big time.”
He turned and saw the teenage girl standing there with the soccer ball tucked under her arm. Since he wasn’t in the mood for conversation, he headed toward the locker room. The girl caught up with him.
“So you’re the football coach? I would have been at the tryouts, but my uncle got busy and couldn’t give me a ride and I had to walk.”
He glanced at her. “You wanted to try out for the team?”
A stubborn look crossed her face. “Unless you don’t want a girl.”
She sounded just like Hallie. Which probably explained why he stopped in his tracks and snapped at her. “I don’t have a problem with a girl being on my team! I’m not some ogre who ignores people’s dreams and keeps them from doing what they want to do.”
“Are you sure? Because it sounded to me like that’s exactly what you did to your girlfriend. You made her think you didn’t care about what she wanted.”
“That wasn’t it at all. I was just pointing out that she doesn’t really know what she wants.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he realized how ridiculous they sounded.
The girl knew it too.
She cocked an eyebrow. “Wow, boys are really dumb.”
He wanted to argue, but then realized he couldn’t. He was dumb. He couldn’t fault Hallie for getting mad. In his rush to convince her to stay, he’d made her feel like he was taking over her life. Which was exactly the wrong thing to do with a woman like Hallie. All her life, she’d had to deal with an overbearing daddy who told her what she wanted instead of asking. Jace had done the exact same thing, acting like he knew what she wanted better than she did.
What the hell was the matter with him?
It was a repeat of what he’d done with Sweetie, putting his own needs and desires before hers. With Sweetie, he had expected her to do nothing but support his football career. With Hallie, he’d expected her to do the same thing—stay in Wilder just because that’s what he had decided he wanted to do.
He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “You’re right. I am dumb.”
“If you don’t pick me as your kicker, you’ll be even dumber.”
He dropped his hand and looked at the girl. She had the same determined look as Hallie. He would bet she wasn’t going to let anyone get in the way of her dreams. Not even an arrogant football coach.
Damn, he’d screwed up. He knew how much Hallie’s independence meant to her and he’d acted like an arrogant, controlling jerk. To top it all off, he hadn’t told her the truth about how he felt. He hadn’t told her how much he loved her. Because deep down he still worried that he wasn’t worthy of love. He knew the feeling came from his daddy leaving him at an early age. He had always known it. And yet, he’d refused to deal with those emotions. Maybe that’s why he was standing there with his heart exposed and aching. Maybe if he wanted to love, he needed to start with himself.
“So? Can I be on the team or not?”
He returned his attention to the girl. “What’s your name?”
“Sophie Mitchell.”
Jace held out his hand. “Jace Carson. You’ll need a physical and a permission slip signed by your parents before you can join the team.”
“My parents are . . . gone.”
He didn’t know what gone meant, nor did he ask. He remembered how much he hated people asking about his daddy. “Okay. Then have your guardian sign the permission slip. You won’t be able to play until I have it. But I will expect you to come to the game on Friday and sit with the team.”
She glanced down at the ball she held and smiled. “I guess I’ll need to get another ball.” She looked at him. “So are you going to go after her?”
He sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe the old proverb is right. If you love something, you set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.”
Sophie snorted. “Boys really are dumb.”