Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
H allie had always loved fall on the ranch. The temperature was still sizzling hot during the day, but as soon as the sun started sinking below the horizon, the heat waned and a scent rose up from the cooling ground. A scent that always had, and always would, remind Hallie of hayrides and trick-or-treating and running barefoot through harvested fields of turned soil.
Although, this evening, the scent reminded her of a man. A man with hair the golden colors of harvested wheat and eyes that mimicked an autumn sky—going from clear blue to cloudy gray in a heartbeat. A man she’d thought she knew, but now realized she never had.
“We’re getting ready to head out to the football game. You sure you don’t want to go?”
Hallie turned from the sunset to see Mimi standing by the ladder that led to the hayloft. “You’re not supposed to be climbing ladders, Mimi.”
Mimi gave her a warning look as she moved toward her. “So now you’re gonna start telling me what I can and can’t do too? I thought if anyone would understand me wanting to keep my independence, you would, Halloween.”
“I don’t want to take your independence, Mimi. I just don’t want you to fall and bust a hip.”
“As an adult, isn’t that my choice?” She sat down on the hay bale Hallie was sitting on and looked out at the sun edging below the horizon. “So Corbin tells me you’re heading back to Austin.”
Hallie scowled. “Corbin shouldn’t have said anything until I made the announcement to the entire family.”
“And when were you planning on doing that?”
“I was going to tell everyone tonight at dinner, but then Daddy wanted to get hot dogs and nachos at the football game. And what Daddy wants, Daddy gets.”
“I believe it was your mama that had a hankering for hot dogs and nachos. But you always did love blaming everything on your daddy. Or maybe you just like to blame every man for everything that’s wrong in the world.”
She turned to her grandmother. “I do not! I just refuse to be controlled by a man’s whims.”
Mimi glanced around. “I don’t see any man trying to control you.”
“Because I refuse to let them.”
“Ahh . . . so you’d rather be without a man than chance him controlling you. Which is why you broke things off with Jace.”
A pang of pain pierced her heart. “It wouldn’t have worked. He wasn’t the man I thought he was.”
Mimi’s eyebrows lifted. “Really? And what kind of man did you think he was?”
Hallie turned away and stared at the sunset hoping she could use the brightness as an excuse for her teary eyes. “I thought he was the kind of man who cared about what I wanted. Not a man who thinks he knows what I need better than I do.”
“And what exactly did he think you needed?”
“To stay here in Wilder and become a rancher.”
Mimi huffed. “How dare him try to make you happy.”
Hallie knew sarcasm when she heard it. “He wasn’t trying to make me happy. He was trying to make himself happy by keeping me here.”
“Or maybe making you happy makes him happy because he loves you.”
“He doesn’t love me.” The tears she was struggling to hold back dripped down her cheeks.
Mimi hooked an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. “So you being upset has nothing to do with him telling you what you need and everything to do with you loving him when you think he doesn’t love you.”
She burrowed her head against her grandmother, breathing in the smell of home. “I don’t want to love a man who doesn’t love me back.”
“Of course you don’t. But maybe he does love you and he just doesn’t know how to say it. Some people aren’t good at expressing their emotions. Your daddy is a good example. He loves his daughters with all his heart, but he’s struggled all his life to put it into words.” She hesitated. “I don’t think he’s the only one in our family who struggles with it. You aren’t the type who wears your heart on your sleeve either, Halloween. And there’s nothing wrong with that. We all can’t be huggers like your mama. But there are times when you need to let people know how you feel. Even if you think they don’t reciprocate that love. And even if they think they know what you want more than you do.” She paused. “Although I don’t think Jace was wrong about what you want. I’ve seen the way you look after you come in from a hard day of ranching. I’ve seen the big smile beneath the sweat and dirt. And I’ve seen the glisten of tears when you sit on the porch looking out at the land. Our land. You’re just too scared to face down your daddy and take what you want.”
Hallie sat up. “I’m not scared of Daddy! I’m scared of failing!” The words just popped out without any help from her brain. Once they were there, she realized their truth. Her personality clash with her daddy hadn’t been the only reason she hadn’t wanted to take over the ranch. Fear of failure had been a close second.
Mimi took her hand and squeezed it. “Failure is scary. But it’s never stopped you before. When people said you couldn’t do something, it only made you want to do it more. Whether it was playing what was considered boys’ sports or riding bulls or starting your own brewery. Now the question is did you really want to do those things or did you just want to prove people wrong?”
It was a good question. One she had never wanted to examine too closely until now.
“I guess I didn’t want people telling me what I could and couldn’t do.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that as long as you’re doing what you want to do. What do you want to do, Hallie?”
It only took a second for the answer to come. “I want to run the ranch. But what if I fail? Failing won’t just affect me, it affects everyone in the family.”
“True, but you won’t fail alone. Running a ranch successfully takes an entire family.” Mimi sent her a stern look. “Unless you’re going to be as stubborn as your daddy and think you can do it all by yourself.”
“I am pretty stubborn.”
Mimi laughed and squeezed her hand again. “As long as you realize it, that’s half the battle. The other half will be convincing your daddy to let his baby girl take on the responsibility.”
“The responsibility of what?”
They turned to see Daddy coming up the ladder with a big scowl on his face.
“Did you climb this ladder, Mama?”
Mimi stood and faced her son. “I sure did and I don’t want to hear one word about it.”
“You’re gonna hear more than one word if you fall off and get hurt,” Daddy said.
“My decision. My consequence. Now get out of my way so I can climb back down it. Your daughter has a few things to talk over with you.” She gave Hallie a reassuring look before she headed for the ladder.
Daddy waited until Mimi was safely at the bottom before he released his breath. “I swear that woman is going to be the death of me.” He looked back at Hallie. “So what did you want to talk about? Your mama is waiting in the truck to go to the game. And you’re going with us. I won’t have any more of your excuses. We’re Texans and Texans go to their hometown football games.”
She rolled her eyes. “Not every Texan likes football, Daddy.”
“Well, that just proves you’ve lived in a big city too long. And if you’re going to tell me you’re moving back to Austin, you and I are going to have problems. This is your home, Hallie. You belong here. If you want to start a brewery and make some of the best beer I’ve ever tasted, you can do it right here in Wilder.”
Hallie might have gotten riled about him telling her what to do if not for the compliment. “You like my beer?”
He nodded. “It’s obvious you got your Mimi’s knack for making tasty libations.”
“Then why are you so against me starting my own brewery?”
He sighed and looked down at his boots. “I guess I just always thought that . . . well, that you’d be the one who wanted to take over the ranch. But if that’s not what you want, I guess I’ll have to accept it.” He swallowed hard. “I just don’t want my little girl leaving.”
Hallie had always hated him thinking of her as just a girl. But the loving way he’d said the words didn’t bring up feelings of hate.
“You want me to take over the ranch?”
He glanced up. “Of course I do. Did you think otherwise?”
“I thought you wanted a man to run it.”
He blinked. “Why in the world would you think that?”
“Maybe because you never acted like your daughters were good enough. All you could talk about was us marrying men who would run the ranch.”
“Because I thought y’all didn’t want to run this ranch. Y’all ran off as soon as you graduated.”
Because Daddy had been so hard to live with. But there was no reason to open up that can of worms. “Well, I want to run the ranch, Daddy. I’ve always wanted to. I just didn’t think you thought I was good enough . . . because I was a girl.”
He stared at her. “Hell yeah, you’re a girl. Which is why I’m so damn proud that you can out-cowboy any man in Texas. All my daughters can and I’ll argue with anyone who doubts it.”
She struggled to believe her ears. Or maybe what she struggled with was her father waiting so long to tell her. “Why didn’t you tell us that sooner?”
“I guess I should have. But words have always come hard for me.”
She wanted to yell in frustration that she had wasted a lot of years on trying to prove herself to her daddy when she hadn’t had to. Of course, she couldn’t place all the blame on him. She should have done what Mrs. Stokes had and grabbed what she’d wanted instead of waiting for it to be handed to her. She had been as stubborn as her daddy by refusing to stay at home and take over a ranch she loved, all to prove that she could make it on her own. All to prove that she didn’t need anything or anyone.
But she did.
She needed the people she loved. It was about time she started acting like it.
“I love this ranch, Daddy. And I love you too.”
She was surprised when tears entered his eyes. “I’m glad to hear it. I love you too, baby girl.”
They didn’t hug, but that was okay. Like Mimi said, they couldn’t all be huggers. They did smile at each other. In her daddy’s eyes, she saw all the love she needed to see.
At that moment, another pair of eyes flashed into her head. A grayish-blue pair of eyes that had held unbelievable pain the last time she’d seen them.
“Oh my God, Daddy. I really screwed things up this time.”
“Now, honey, you didn’t screw anything up. I’m sure we can explain to Reid that we don’t need him any longer. He seems like a levelheaded man who will—”
“No, I’m not talking about taking over the ranch. I’m talking about Jace. I did the worst thing I could have done to him. I love him and I left him. I just lost my temper because I thought he was trying to tell me what to do—but like Mimi said, he just wanted me to be happy—and I yelled and acted like a fool. But worst of all I left him.” She pressed a hand over her mouth. “I left him just like his daddy did.”
Daddy looked more than a little confused. “Well, okay. I can see where that would be a bad thing to do to that boy, but I’m sure it’s fixable. I’ve done a lot of stupid things to your mama over the years, but she always forgives me . . . after I do a lot of begging and pleading and butt-kissing.”
She nodded. “Right. First thing tomorrow morning, I’ll head over to Mrs. Stokes’ and do some major butt-kissing.”
“Tomorrow?” He winked at her. “True Texans don’t put off tomorrow what they can do today.”