Chapter Nine
I wake up in the middle of the night, fucking freezing. My back hurts, and I feel lousy for hurting Neva. It had to be done. I was on the verge of crossing a line with her, and one of us needed to put a stop to it.
I scrub a palm over my face and go to the bathroom. The light switch doesn’t work. Fuck. The power is out. No wonder it’s so fucking cold.
I piss in the dark and nearly scream when Mr. Tinkles brushes over my foot. Damn cat. He scratches around in his litter box. I shake my head and wash my hands in the icy water.
Neva must be freezing. I stumble back toward the bed and feel around for her. I find her awake, teeth chattering. “I’ll go see if there’s anyone in the office. There must be a generator for nights like this.”
“Don’t go.”
“I’ll be back before you have time to miss me.”
“What if they’re out there, waiting for you to leave me alone?”
“No one is going to hurt you. Not on my watch.”
“You already did,” she whispers, her voice so low I barely hear it.
“Bean.”
“Whatever. I’ll be fine. Go.”
I grab my jacket and slip on my boots. “I’ll have the key. Don’t open the door for anyone.”
“Yeah, sure.”
I make sure the door locks behind me. I hate how things have been left between us, but it was the right move. She may not see it now, but years from now when she’s happy with someone else, she’ll be glad we never acted on our attraction.
There’s no one around. The motel is dark and quiet. The whole fucking town is quiet. No lights to be seen. Only the snow and the moon provide visibility.
The office is locked up tight.
I smoke a cigarette and observe. I don’t see anything or anyone.
When I slip back into the room, Neva is huddled up under the blanket, sleeping. I kick off my boots and drop my jacket on the back of a chair.
Then I hear it. The soft sobs coming from Neva.
Fuck.
I yank the covers back and curl my body to hers.
Pressing my lips to the back of her neck, I tell her three words. “I’m sorry, Bean.” I know they aren’t the three she wants to hear.
She cries harder, and I can’t bear the sound. I can’t be the one to break her heart like this.
“Look at me, Neva.”
She shakes her head.
“You deserve better than what I can offer you. You don’t want to be my secret, and I don’t want to be your regret.”
She twists to face me.
“At least I’d have you,” her voice is broken and hoarse.
“I can’t be what you want. I can’t give you what you want.” I cup her face and press my lips to hers. She tastes of sugar and tears. She doesn’t kiss me back. “I can’t bear the thought of you hating me.” I kiss her once more, and this time she opens her mouth to me.
Her tongue moves with mine, setting every cell in my body on fire. I know I can’t give her any more than this. I can’t take this any further, and it kills me.
“Try to get some sleep.”
She nods and rolls back over, her back pressed to my front. Pure torture knowing how she tastes and how she feels in my arms. If there’s a hell on earth, this is it. Having her right where I want her and unable to do a damn thing about it.
I strum my fingers over her belly. The act starts out innocently enough, but then she takes my hand, moving it south.
I have a choice to make, and I only hope it doesn’t blow up in my face and bite me in the ass.
But I have to know if it’ll be as good as I’ve imagined.
I shove my hand down the front of her pajama bottoms and into her panties. Her hot flesh meets my icy hand. Heaven and hell. An angel and a demon touching for the first time.
For a minute I don’t move; I just stay still. Our heavy breaths fill the room. My pulse beats in the head of my cock. Neva shifts her ass against my crotch, and I hook a finger inside her sweet, tight heat.
Fuck me. One touch and I’m done for. I already know that no other woman will ever feel as good as she does.
Never taste as sweet. She grinds against my hand, and I jerk her pants down with my other.
My cock fucking weeps. Pre-cum leaks from the head, and all I want is to be inside her.
To come all in her. To mark her. Stake my claim. Make her mine.
But I can’t go there.
And yet, when she moans, I come undone. I surrender to everything I’ve been trying to fight against. I take what I want. Her body. I know her heart is already mine. It has been since we were kids. I just didn’t know it or understand it back then.
But now I get it.
Neva was made for me.
She’s mine.
I free my dick and rub the head back and forth between her ass cheeks. She’s fucking soaked.
I could get off just from this right here.
“Justice,” my name leaves her lips, and I nearly do.
This is fast and dirty, but I can’t stop myself. This primal need to have her overtakes me. I thrust into her from behind. Her warmth wraps around me snug and tight. Oh, so fucking tight.
“Fuck, Neva,” I growl out the words sounding feral. Unhinged. Crazed with lust. Driven by need.
I’ve got her skin to skin. Nothing separates us now.
I pinch her nipple and kiss her neck. She feels so good. Too damn good.
She reaches back, digging her nails into my thigh. Our bodies slap together in the dead of night. Nothing has ever felt more right. More natural than the way her pussy molds to my dick. Her muscles squeeze and spasm around me.
Beautiful.
Poetry in motion.
Her body hums like a fucking live wire. Her pants and moans are the best song ever played.
There’s a million ways to die, and if death came for me now, there’d be no sweeter way to go out than buried deep inside Neva.
My heart swells. My good girl takes my dick hard and fast, meeting me thrust for thrust.
Here in the dark, there’s only us. No worries. No line to cross. No bridges to burn. In her I’ve found paradise. Like she’s unlocked the Garden of Eden between her thighs.
How am I going to go back to anything else after this? After Neva.
My cock twitches and jerks. I’m so close.
I close my eyes and bite down on my lip, trying to hold out longer.
This can’t end. Not yet. I slow my pace and know I need to see her face when she comes.
Neva isn’t just some slut, but I’m fucking her like one.
I need to show her I can do sweet. I can be romantic.
It kills me to pull out now, but I do. She rolls onto her back, and I fuck her missionary style. Brushing her hair back from her face. I kiss her lips, her nose, and her cheeks.
I pull back to watch my cock slide in and out of her tight velvet heat.
“Look at you taking this cock so fuckin’ deep like my good girl.” I stroke my knuckles along her cheek.
I take my time, moving in slow, languid strokes, flexing my hips, but I want her riding me. I want to see all of her. I want to see her lose control.
I want to watch her fall apart and come back together again in my arms, but mostly I want to taste her. I want to shove my cock in every hole she’s got and see my come leaking out of every single one.
I roll onto my back, letting her take control.
She traces the lines of my tattoos with her tongue. Her kisses melt on my skin like sugar.
Finally, she sinks down onto me and grinds, touching herself all over.
“Fuck me like you want me to put a baby in you,” I tell her, meaning every word. If I were to get her pregnant, Devil would have no choice other than to let me claim her as my ol’ lady.
“What?”
“You heard me.” I slap her ass. “Make a baby with me, Neva. A piece of me and a piece of you.”
“Are you drunk or just crazy?”
“Drunk on you. You belong to me Neva. There’s no one else.
How could there be?” I roll us over so that I’m on top again.
“You’re everything I want. Everything I’ve denied myself.
I need you. I want you.” I hold her down and thrust deep as I can.
I don’t ask for permission. I don’t ask if she’s on the pill.
I shoot my load and hold her still, not letting her move, praying like hell we just created a life together.
Wrong or right. I don’t give a damn. Neva’s mine. I’m tired of fighting it.
I’m tired of pretending. “I love you, Neva.” I give her the four words she’s longed to hear. I hold her gaze and then kiss her lips. “I’ll talk to Devil. I’ll tell him I’m your man.”
She stares at me soundlessly.
“You going to say something or just leave me hanging?”
“I love you.” She touches my face as though she’s afraid this is all a dream.
“I mean every word.”
She nods. And I wrap my arms around her, holding her body to mine.
“I should get cleaned up,” she tells me.
“Not yet.”
“Did you hit your head or something?”
“What do you mean?”
“You said a lot of things.”
“Meant every single word.”
“So are we…”
“Bean, you’ve always been mine. I’m just making it official.” I claim her mouth.