Chapter 30
T heo and I stay out in the greenhouse until the sky begins the lighten. I hold him until his tears dry, and we stay in comfortable silence, side by side. We watch the stars slide across the sky and eventually fade, our hands clasped.
When he is ready, we make our way back to his chambers, moving stealthily through the secret passageways to avoid the watchful gaze of the guards. We only bump into one person—a startled kitchen porter who nods to us and moves on.
We are exhausted by the time we reach Theo’s chambers, and he promptly collapses into bed. I wearily drag myself behind the screen to change into one of the several nightgowns I have brought to his chambers previously, and by the time I make it to bed with him, he is softly snoring. I look at him, splayed out under the covers and mouth slightly open, and feel a rush of fondness. I climb in next to him and try not to think about the time we have slowly counting down, the blade of the executioner’s axe ever-looming above my neck.
???
The next day is, unsurprisingly, spent at the library. Inez brings us breakfast and tea as we push our way through book after book after book. Both of us, despite being avid readers, are beginning to get sick of the sight of them. After slamming another useless book shut, I sit with my face in my hands, trying to hold back the flood of tears threatening to spill. Without my au’mana, I only have my knowledge and even that is proving worthless.
“Shivani,” Theo says, his voice low and soothing. “I think it is time for a break.”
I groan in response, not moving. I hear his chair scraping back as he rises and moves to stand behind me.
He bends to murmur in my ear, “I will help you.”
Strong hands squeeze my shoulders. He kneads at the tense muscles there until I am forced to relax. I drop my hands from my face and sit up.
Theo’s thumbs push firmly but gently, and I close my eyes, enjoying it despite my frustrations. I twist my neck slightly, feeling every squeeze.
“Good?” he asks, and I nod, keeping my eyes closed. He continues on for several minutes, until even my ophid relaxes, before brushing my hair to the side. His lips are gentle on the nape of my neck.
“Mmm.” I smile, moving my head to the side to allow him better access to the soft skin there. He responds by grazing his teeth lightly over it and following up with more tender kisses.
“Shivani,” he whispers, his hands on the outside of my upper arms. “There is something I would very much like to do…but stop me if you do not want to.”
My pulse quickens at his words.
“I will,” I whisper.
“Sit on the table for me,” he instructs, his voice soft but dominating. Immediately, I comply, turning to push myself up onto the table and facing him.
He nudges himself between my legs, capturing my face in his hand and bending to kiss me. Although familiar, there is something different this time, something exciting and exhilarating and new. It makes my heart race and anticipation course through my veins.
“Tell me to stop, and I will,” he mumbles against my mouth before moving down, leaving a path of kisses from my jaw to my chest. He continues, further and further, until he is kneeling between my legs .
He looks up at me questioningly, storm grey eyes alight, and I reach down to run my hands through his thick, soft hair. I am nervous but it is swiftly overtaken by my wanting.
“Do not stop,” I breathe.
He smirks and, with ease, pulls one of my legs up onto his shoulder. The skirt of my dress rides up, exposing the bare skin of my thigh above my stockings. He kisses the skin there tenderly, teasingly, looking up at me all the while. I am out of breath even though I have barely moved, and there is a scalding heat throughout my body.
Theo hooks my other leg onto his shoulder before pushing up my skirt. I cannot take my eyes away from him as he leans forward, and his head disappears under the fabric. A beat later, I feel the warmth of his tongue along the most sensitive part of me.
I gasp and grip his hair harder. He takes his time as though savouring me, and each movement of his lips sends a jolt through my body. My moans echo through the library. I pull my skirt up and his eyes stay on mine, looking up and watching me, watching my reaction to him. Theo devours me, and I let him.
He strokes me with the flat of his tongue, deftly, hungrily , as though he is a man starved. He moans against me, sending vibrations of pleasure along my spine. While one hand grips his hair, the other desperately claws at the table .
And then I feel something. He reaches up to press a finger against my entrance, hard and thick in contrast to the softness of his mouth. I instinctively tense but he is gentle, sliding his finger in slowly. Inch by inch, he sinks inside me before drawing back. His tongue sweeps across me, dipping between my folds before circling my sensitive bud. It brings me to the edge.
“Yes,” I gasp, shuddering as wave after wave of pleasure crashes through me. My body jerks, my back arching with each surge, but he does not release me until I am too sensitive to continue. “S-Stop.”
He immediately pulls away, and I collapse back onto my elbows against the table.
“Saints…” I huff, chest heaving. The only sound is my laboured breathing as I close my eyes in bliss.
“Are you alright?” Theo asks, rising to his feet. He leans over me, stroking my cheek.
“I…I cannot feel my legs,” I tell him and we laugh, open and loudly, endorphins flooding my brain.
“Would you like to stop?” he says. Half-recovered, I sit up and kiss him, tasting myself on his lips. He is pressed against me, and I can feel the bulge he is harbouring. It makes me want him more.
“No,” I say. “I want you to take me.”
Theo says nothing but kisses me harder. There is a new fervour to him, an urgency. I reach down to free him.
He moans at my touch, and I feel him throb. He is warm and solid beneath my fingers, and a warmth pools between my legs again, preparing for him. I guide him towards me, and he grabs my hips, his fingers digging in hard enough to leave bruises. Theo pushes himself against me, where his finger had been just minutes before. I tense up but relax quickly with the familiar strength in his arms around me. He pushes in a few inches, and I clamp around him as though I do not want him to leave.
“Saints,” he hisses through clenched teeth, and I pull my head back to look at him.
“Are you alright?” I ask, concern lacing my voice. But when I look at him, his eyes are glazed over with lust.
“You feel amazing,” Theo groans, drawing back slightly only to push in further. I grasp the back of his neck, anchoring myself as he pulls my thigh up higher.
He fills me, stretches me in a way that is both pleasant and painless. He draws back, and I wrap my legs around him, pulling him deeper until he is fully sheathed. His hips move unhurriedly, back and forth in slow, deliberate movements to make sure I adjust to him. My breathing turns ragged as he rubs against a spot inside me that makes my thighs tremble.
Theo picks up his pace, moving with a renewed urgency, shaking the table beneath me with every thrust. Each time he withdraws, my body pulls him back.
“More,” I plead, and Theo obliges, grabbing me under my thighs and spreading my legs further. Holding me open for him. His jaw is tense, his eyes on mine. Each stroke sends new waves of energy through me.
“Fuck,” he gasps, tilting his head back. The muscles in his arms and back are hard as boulders, his breathing is uneven—I know he is close. When he next looks at me, there is a question in his eyes.
“Inside me,” I breathe. “Please.”
At my words, Theo shudders violently and lets his head fall forward onto my shoulder. His grip is hard, keeping me as close as possible. He moans, eyes squeezed shut. I slide my hand up to the back of his head and hold him to me as he finishes, kissing his neck softly.
When he recovers, he lifts his head, eyes dazed. We smile and press our foreheads together.
“I do not-,” Theo closes his eyes briefly, swallowing hard. He breathes deep before trying again. “I wish I had the words for what you mean to me,” he whispers. “I cannot describe it.”
“Theo-”
“Please.” He pulls back to lock eyes with me. “Please let me try.”
Silently, I push back his honey dark hair matted to his forehead and give him an encouraging smile. Theo takes a trembling breath.
“There is no end to the admiration I hold for you. Your mind, your courage, your absolute determination is nothing short of remarkable.” Despite his nerves, the words fall so naturally from his mouth. Theo reaches up to brush the pad of his thumb across my cheek. “If souls could speak, mine would be calling out for you. I do not pray to the Saints but I would pray to you. I would fall at your feet without question, I would crawl across the deserts of Coalsburgh, I would swim across the Great Oceans for you. Saints, Shivani, I will wring this curse from my bones so I can be with you.”
I do not realise I am crying until I feel the tears slide down my cheeks. Theo brushes them away, his own eyes shiny but clear as glass. He beams at me with his lopsided smile.
“I love you,” he whispers.
My heart swells. My au’mana, even quietened, hums softly. Calling to him. Calling to his soul.
“I love you, too,” I say, and I know I will give everything I have to defend him.