Chapter 42
Chapter forty-two
A SOUL IN TATTERS
Nuala
Rian had told me not to touch the ceangal stone without him after Queen Aoibheal had attacked me.
But it was not like it was connected to her without any fire to awaken it, and I wanted to see if I could get another reading.
It was something to take my mind off the reaction that Rian had when I finally broached the topic of the home where we would raise our children.
And I could not handle another moment of silence from the bedchamber, knowing that he and Carrick must be talking about me behind a ward.
So I decided to retrieve the stone from the trunk where Rian had attempted to hide it, and I had been sitting at the fire with it for a while. Only it was not the Autumn Queen who finally made an appearance in my visions.
Instead, I saw sapphire eyes that seemed to burn.
Bring me their ashes, the dark god commanded me. And then he was gone.
I jolted and glanced toward the curtain to Rian’s room.
My heart was pounding as my fingers rose to curl around the vial hanging around my throat.
This was not a wrath that I wanted to visit upon my mate or his family if I did not do as commanded.
It was better to go and get it done. And it was better if Rian did not try to stop me.
I hated to give him more reasons to distrust me, but I could not deny the will of the dark one
And I was afraid it was too late to regain his trust.
I felt the compulsion to go outside, and I knew not to question it.
I simply rose and went into the antechamber to collect my cloak and drew up my hood.
I half expected Rian to burst from the room and stop me before I stepped through the door outside.
I expected someone would see me and report my actions to him, and he would intercept me before I got to the edge of the army encampment.
But the soldiers barely even glanced at me. Rian had been taking me everywhere with him even while we were barely speaking. He had wanted to ensure that everyone in the camp knew that I belonged to him, and it worked. Not one fey dared to stop or question me as I went.
I saw a hooded man standing under a tree at the edge of the river, which bordered the south side of the camp.
The unrelenting compulsion drove me straight up to him, although I knew before he turned toward me that he was not the dark god who plagued my dreams. He did appear to be fey, although I was too far away from Rian to use his fey instincts to know for sure.
He opened a portal without a word, a swirl of frost and silver that was unlike the portals the Hunt created. I did not need Rian’s magic to know it was not Autumn magic, and I hesitated with a glance back the way I had come. Then I straightened and steeled my heart before stepping into the portal.
I had made a deal. My promise had to be fulfilled even if my end did not turn out the way I had hoped.
The smell on the other side made me immediately gag, so I knew I had to be back in Uile Breithà. The mountains around my coven had held only the hint of this pollution, but this was potent enough to make me want to be sick. They must have brought me near a human city.
It was several moments before I braced myself enough to look up again, and I realized my fey companion hadn’t even come through the portal with me.
Not that I blamed him since I was sure this stench and the oily feeling on my skin would be even worse for his kind.
I knew other witches often lived near to these noxious cities, but I was not sure how they managed it.
I could not wait for Rian to come and burn this whole rotten place into ashes.
I glanced around and saw that I was standing outside of a decrepit building that hummed with rowdy laughter and music.
There was a cracked and faded wooden sign above the door with a motorcycle silhouette, and dozens of the vehicles were parked in the gravel lot.
I recognized them from the magazines my father favoured, which he always forbade me from touching.
One of the many perks he had enjoyed as the High Priest and a man was his ability to access reading material from outside the coven.
Whilst I had not even been permitted to learn to read.
I drew in a breath laced with the poison of this world and moved toward the door as someone stumbled outside. The awful scent of stale beer, leather, and sweaty bodies assaulted my senses even before I slipped inside while the man who had left began puking in the bushes.
It was dim inside the building, but I could clearly see the men with tattoos and leather vests sitting around the worn wooden tables. Scantily clad women, who were just as tattooed as the men, wove between tables with pitchers of ale and then were pulled into men’s laps.
Every boisterous conversation stopped the second their eyes landed on me in my handmade lavender dress with my bare feet on the sticky floorboards.
“Well, well, well, what do we have here, lads?”
“You look lost, pretty thing.”
“Enough,” said a stern voice, and as suddenly as they had all taken notice of me, it was like I became invisible. They turned away and carried on with their conversations without so much as a second glance at me.
I turned toward the bar where the voice had come from and saw a dark-haired man sitting with his back to me.
“I do not have all night,” he added without looking at me over his shoulder.
I moved toward him slowly, my heart hammering as the men around me continued to act as if I did not exist. The longer I moved through them, the more I began to suspect that they genuinely did not see me.
Which meant he had used some kind of psychic power to not only stunt their ability to perceive me but also their memory of my presence too. Which was a rather terrifying thought…
I reached the man at the bar whose worn leather jacket was not adorned by the patches that covered the vests of the bikers.
I slipped onto the stool next to him and stared up at his beautiful profile as he sipped at his amber drink.
When he finally turned his head, I shivered under his icy gaze that seemed so terrifyingly inhuman.
“You brought what we agreed upon?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said softly and reached up to tug the necklace over my head so I could hand over the ashes. “This is the Kelley bloodline. Well… One is missing aside from me,” I acknowledged even though I knew he would already be aware of that. I was sure he knew everything.
He barely glanced at the bottle before popping it into an inner pocket of his jacket.
“I have no claim on Amira’s blood,” he informed me dismissively, and I breathed a sigh of relief that I would not have to go back and kill my cousin. Did it mean that she was the only Kelley who was truly innocent if he did not require her sacrifice?
“I did everything as you asked,” I hedged cautiously.
“And I rewarded you. I brought your mate to you and gave you the opportunity with him that you desired.”
I nodded with a painful swallow.
“He… He may reject me.”
“Yes. I did warn you about that. You chose to stay for him regardless,” he reminded without any remorse.
“Yes,” I whispered, not wanting to cry in front of this ruthless creature. “I just… I had to know.”
He grunted and then turned back to his drink.
“Then are you ready to finish our deal?” he asked.
I was severely tempted in that hopeless moment to be done now that I knew the future I had held on for might be out of reach.
It had been weeks of silence from Rian only to be fed mere crumbs of affection a few hours ago.
And it was not enough. Not after what I suffered just for a chance at that perfect life we might have shared.
He said he wanted to try, but I was not sure I trusted him to make a meaningful attempt.
Or that I would even survive this heartache long enough for him to figure it out.
But I raised my chin and shook my head stubbornly.
“I will not leave him yet. Not until I help him protect the Four Courts and avenge the fey.”
The god did not look at me as he raised his glass up to his lips again and paused.
“There are no guarantees, Nuala. Fate remains beyond my control, and there are limits to how I may interfere with mortals as you well know,” he reminded me.
He was utterly nonchalant as if we were not discussing the end of my pathetic life. The moment I could decide to sever the thin thread of hope that was barely tethering me to the world anymore.
I thought of the cabin I had escaped to in my dreams. The man who was supposed to be my peace after the war that was waged upon my mind and my flesh. The promise of our beautiful children that had helped me through the very worst of the torture.
It was faded now. The joy and laughter had been going quiet in my heart as the future slowly died inside of me.
Everything I had held on for had begun to crumble like ash slipping through my fingers, just as I’d finally had it all within my grasp.
The life I had bargained my family’s bloodline for, my reason for enduring a hellish existence, was slipping through my fingers.
It would soon be gone completely, and I knew it would leave me with no more reason to carry on with a soul in tatters.
But there was still the faintest thrum of hope beating in my stubborn chest. And I could not abandon it. Not yet. So I raised my chin even as the tears gathered in my eyes and met his indifferent gaze when it was finally turned toward me again. He already knew my decision.
“I may not need the full fey lifetime I bargained for, but it is still important for me to help him win this war.”
“As I said, I cannot guarantee victory. But I will come for your blood and ashes when his war against this world is over either way. And you want nothing in lieu of the life promised to you originally?” he verified.
“Death will bring peace. That is my only wish now.”