Chapter 42 #2
It was dark by the time I returned to Autumn Court, and it was clear something was wrong when Darragh appeared in front of me almost immediately. He did not say a word as he took hold of my arm with a firm but gentle grip and then dragged me straight into his own portal.
I glanced up as the portal closed behind us and jerked to a stop in shock at the number of fey that were standing in Rian’s yurt.
I had never seen so many strange people in his personal space since he usually held all his meetings in the war tent.
It was only ever the other riders and me who were permitted to be in his home.
Everyone turned toward us, but my attention had fixed upon only one man.
Rian had been pacing, barking orders too quickly for me to fully understand his ancient dialect of Sìth Gaeilge, but he froze when our gazes locked.
There was a frantic glint in his eye that was momentarily softened with relief before it evolved into a palpable rage.
The crowd of fey parted for him even before he stepped in my direction and began stalking across the room.
His strides were clipped, and every muscle in his powerful frame was coiled as if ready for battle.
But what was even more unsettling to everyone else in the room were his shadows, which began steaming off his arms and shoulders with every step.
I could vaguely hear the fearful mutters all around us as everyone took another step away from me and out of Rian’s path.
And yet I could only watch, enraptured as my mate came toward me like a tempest of unbridled anger.
His power and wrath did not frighten me, and in spite of the intensity emanating off him, he cupped my face with utmost tenderness when he reached me.
My eyes closed as he let healing magic flow into me even as he checked me over and found no injuries.
I could feel his shadows clinging to my lips and wrapping around my pulse point, as if they also needed to ensure that I was safe.
I could feel an agitated thrum within his magic that felt wild and unsafe, so I carefully exerted my will over his shadows to help diffuse them before they hurt someone. Then I opened my eyes and looked up in time to see his relief as I took on some of the burden of power.
“Thank the gods you are safe, Nuala,” said someone, and I tore my eyes from Rian to see Carrick had walked up behind his nephew.
From the cautious way he glanced at Rian’s back, I had the feeling he was mostly relieved because he feared how dangerous my mate could become if anything had happened to me.
I also caught sight of Ciaran leaning against the central pillar of the yurt just behind Carrick. He was flipping his knife and catching it by the blade without even looking at it as he met my eyes with a hint of chastisement.
“Everyone out,” Rian commanded sharply enough to make me flinch in surprise.
He did not have to ask anyone twice. Carrick squeezed Rian’s arm and then offered me a smile before he went. Ciaran cast a portal and walked through without a word, and everyone else darted toward the yurt exit.
“Where did you find her?” Rian asked Darragh before the demidragon could go.
“At the river. She came through a Winter fey portal,” Darragh informed Rian. He glanced at me as if expecting me to be upset that he had ratted me out, but I’d never begrudge him for his loyalty to Rian.
Rian’s jaw clenched, his hands sliding free of my jaw, but he nodded. Then there was silence as we waited while Darragh walked toward the exit.
“Where did you go?” Rian demanded of me as soon as the other rider had left us alone.
“I went to repay a debt,” I answered calmly.
“A debt,” he repeated with obvious skepticism before his nose wrinkled. “You reek of human pollution.”
“I was in Uile Breithà,” I admitted.
“Nuala—” he hissed my name.
“I had to go and deliver my people’s ashes to the one who demanded them.
I don’t know his name,” I added as his mouth opened to ask for it.
“I think he must be some kind of dark god. And yes, I do know he is not someone that I should be making deals with,” I assured him when his eyes flared.
“But he was my only hope, Rian! No one else answered my pleas! My coven owed him an ancient blood debt, which I agreed to pay in exchange for my freedom. I didn’t want to risk retaliation if the agreement was not honoured, and I knew you would stop me or you would want to come with me.
Either way, I was afraid of how he might react.
I am sorry for scaring you!” I added when he remained silent after my explanation.
Rian stared, his eyes bouncing back and forth between mine as if he were looking for any hint of my dishonesty, but he found none.
“I thought you knew that I was coming for you.”
“Yes,” I breathed with a nod. “But I think… he was the one who kept allowing me to see that. He gave me hope, and it kept me alive,” I whispered with a trembling voice. “My visions should have stopped the second they put me in that prison. In the dark.”
I tried to lower my head, but Rian tucked one finger under my chin and tipped my head back again so he could maintain eye contact.
“What do you mean?” he asked, the calmness in his tone masking the rising concern I could see in his eyes.
“I have always known I would be at your side when you came to Uile Breithà. Those visions came to me in the fire because they came from the Dagda. But there was no fire in my prison, Rian. The visions I had after I was trapped in the darkness were very… different.”
Rian narrowed his eyes, and I could see him carefully working through what I was telling him.
“Start at the beginning,” he suggested, and I sighed in reluctance to unearth these memories.
“It had to have been months in the dark without light or company aside from when they came to give me food. My mind was… fraying,” I admitted.
I stopped and closed my eyes, which caused the tears that were gathering in my lower lashes to tumble down my cheeks. I squeezed my eyes tighter when I felt Rian try to swipe them away with his thumbs, but it was no use when they kept coming.
“I would scream until my voice gave out. I screamed for my god. My brother. My father. Even my mother who was already dead. I watched them burn her,” I breathed, keeping my eyes on his chest as it began to heave with his growing rage.
“I screamed for you too,” I added through a sob that I had not meant to unleash.
Rian released my jaw and slipped his hands around me so he could draw me up against his chest. I felt his lips press against the top of my head, and I wrapped my arms around him, holding on to him with all my strength.
“I always thought I was strong,” I continued after I had caught my breath.
“I had endured abuse all my life from bullies and my parents. But it really doesn’t take all that long for a mind to be broken by the dark,” I assured him.
“That was when I became desperate enough to scream for anyone to hear me. For anything. I didn’t care what. ”
Rian began to rub his hands all over my whole back, and it was the most soothing thing I had ever felt.
“It started out as just a whisper. I was so desperate for any shred of connection that I fully opened my mind and invited it in. I still remember how it crept in like a spider, and that was when the visions began again. For the first time in months, I could see the daylight and feel the wind on my skin. Those visions gave me my sanity back.”
I felt him nodding his understanding because he knew as well as I did that there had never been another choice but to allow that dark entity into my fragile mind.
“My brother was angry because he believed I stole his birthright. He and his friends often came to torment me, but for many years, they were only able to do it from the other side of my cell bars. The worst they could do was get drunk and throw bottles through the bars. But then… They got old enough to be initiated into the warrior ranks and were given command over all the wards in the coven. And once they were able to get into my cell, they were no longer content to keep bars between us.”
My tears had stopped, and my voice had become cold, but Rian did not stop moving his hands over my back in that soothing caress.
“Not even visions of the world outside my prison were enough to keep me sane after they started taking me out of my cell. That is when he came to me. He asked if I had been enjoying my visions. He did not exactly threaten to take them away but…”
“It was implied he could,” Rian growled.
“I asked him what he wanted, and he told me that my people owed him an ancient blood debt that I would need to help him collect as the High Priestess. He said I would eventually be free, but I had some choices about what happened to me once I got out of there.”
“What were the choices?” Rian asked, and I winced, pressing my face into his chest harder.
“This is the part that might… upset you.”
“Tell me,” he insisted, and I exhaled long and hard.
“He said he could send a powerful fire witch to release me right away. She would help me destroy the coven and perform the ritual, and then she would… be there to add my ashes to those of my people.”
Rian froze, but I could hear his heart rate picking up rapidly under my ear.
“And the alternative you chose instead?”
“I waited… for you,” I admitted, cringing as he drew in a sharp breath. “But I almost chose the other witch.”
“You did?” he asked in apparent surprise.
“The temptation just to end it was almost undeniable. He gave me time to make the decision, and that was when the visions of you started to change. For months, I saw… what could be. I realized my choice was between a swift death and freedom from torment or enduring more pain for the chance at a life I could only dream about.”
Rian’s arms tightened, squeezing me in what I hoped was his appreciation of my choice. Or perhaps it was pity. Perhaps he only pitied the poor, stupid mortal witch who managed to convince herself that years of torture would make her worthy of love.
“He wanted you to choose life,” he noted suspiciously. “You said you’re supposed to add your ashes to the vial,” he recalled, and I nodded, feeling suddenly numb.
“He said if I waited for you, he’d give me a lifetime. However long I wanted,” I explained.
Rian leaned away, his hands tipping my head back so he could meet my eyes with his furious gaze.
“Are you saying he’s still coming back for your ashes? Just at a time of your choosing?” he verified.
“Yes,” I breathed, my eyelids drooping heavily enough that my clumped and tear-soaked lashes brushed the top of my cheekbones. The skin on my face felt stiff from all the salt that had been left behind as my tears dried.
“Why didn’t you tell me about this?” Rian demanded. “You want me to trust you, but with every opportunity to prove it is possible, you give me new reasons not to!”
I was unsure where the emotions came from, but I was suddenly filled with a vast and vicious rage.
“Your trust is already gone!” I shouted at him loudly, startling us both. “And I am so tired,” I added quietly.
He stared at me in uncertainty of how to respond to the unexpected outburst, but I no longer had the energy to keep speaking. So I jerked myself free of his loose hold and turned wordlessly to walk into the bedchamber.