Chapter Thirty-Three
Lola
Why did you destroy Miss Ford’s shop?
She knows why.
I want you to tell me.
No comment.
Are you angry at Lola?
No comment.
Do you want to hurt her?
I want to fucking kill her.
- Extract from interrogation of Robert Carson by Officer O’Connor
The sheets tangle around me as I open my eyes, squirming in my bed to avoid the bright sunlight. I did eventually get around to buying some blinds for my apartment which is somewhat less scrappy now, but apparently, I didn’t have the foresight to actually close them last night.
I groan into my pillow and add it to the list of things to hash out with my past self.
Another groan comes from the floor beside my bed, and I peer over to see Skyler throw an arm across her eyes. “Ugh, why didn’t you close the blinds?”
“Me? You’re the one who was supposed to be the responsible adult here,” I say, my voice coming out gritty.
My dad didn’t want me to be alone last night, but I refused to let Roman back in, so we compromised, and I called Skyler. After I explained what happened, she’d hung up and come straight over.
We stayed awake half the night drinking shitty wine and trash talking stuck up businessmen, and I don’t know whether it’s that or the crying that’s left me with the headache from hell. I push myself up on my arms and wince against the wave of pain in my head.
Satan go die and leave me some Advil.
Skyler grumbles but gets herself off the pillow nest she made on the floor and goes to close the blinds.
“Why were you sleeping on the floor?” I ask, trying not to furrow my brow because even that hurts.
“Says the person who kicked me off the bed three times.”
“Oh. Oops.” I let myself flop back down onto the mattress. “Does it make me a bad business owner if I ignore everything that needs to be done and stay in bed all day?” I’m never going to be able fix the shop anyway. Maybe I should just call time of death.
“Uh, Lola?”
I bury my face in my pillow. “I don’t want to be an adult,” I moan.
“Uh, huh. That’s really great but you might want to come see this.”
“Is it Satan with my painkillers?”
A clawed hand grabs my ankle and a demon, formerly known as Skyler, drags me off the bed. “Stop being crazy and get up.”
I land with a thump and force my aching bones into an upright, somewhat human like, position. Any remnants of sleep are washed away though when I look out the window and see the group of people gathered outside my shop.
I jerk back, pulling Skyler with me in case anyone looks up. “What are they doing here?” I stare at her, my eyes wide.
Skyler watches me like I’m a stray animal. “Well, from the power tools and the knight in shining cowboy hat I’d say they’re here to help finish the shop.”
“Ugh.” I press the heels of my palms to my eyes before pulling them away and risking another peek out of the window.
My heart trips. Roman in a cowboy hat is not playing fair.
He looks like he’s come straight from a photo shoot for the orchard (do orchard’s do calendars like firefighters?
They really should) and he appears to have brought all of his pickers with him.
Mase, Jarred, Cooper, and some other guys who I’m pretty sure are Cooper’s MLB teammates, which sidenote, is insane, are here too.
“I can’t go down there,” I say. “I can’t let him clean up my mess for the one thousandth time.”
Skyler stuffs her hands into her hoodie and leans against the wall.
“Okay, but hear me out. I get that you’re panicking at the moment because you’ve internalized a lifetime of people implying you’re not good enough, but is it possible you’re pushing Roman away because you’re scared he’s going to reject you again? ”
My hands fall from my face. “No.” I stumble a step back to sit down on the end of the bed. “Maybe.”
Skyler slides down the fridge till she’s sitting on the floor opposite me. “You’ve been in love with him since you were a kid and the last time you tried to tell him that, he flat out said you and him could never be a thing. No one would blame you for being worried he’ll reject you again.”
“I was a stupid, chaotic teenager back then. I get why he turned me down.”
Skyler dips her chin and shrugs. “Maybe. But we’re all a little chaotic sometimes, even now we’re doing this whole adulting thing.
Roman’s father is a dick, but I don’t think you’re really worried that you’re going to mess up Roman’s life.
I think you’re scared that he won’t love you when you screw up. ”
My stomach flips over. I’m used to screwing up and I’m used to people’s reactions when I do but the idea of Roman looking at me with that resigned disappointment makes my bones shatter.
“What if he doesn’t?” I ask, my words quiet in my tiny apartment.
Skyler rests her arms on her knees and leans forward, an odd smile on her lips. “Lola, the man is standing outside, at the crack of dawn, ready to help fix your trashed shop. Give him a little credit.”
I chew on my bottom lip. Skyler’s right, I know that really. I’ve been stressing for so long about the mistakes I made, and it turns out Roman already knew the worst thing I’ve ever done. Even helped me do it.
“Roman didn’t turn you down at eighteen because you were a mess. He turned you down because you were young, and his best friend’s little sister. And from what you told me about last night, Mase is over it and you are a grown-ass woman.”
I breathe in deep, my gaze catching on the faux wood tiles Skyler helped me lay. Last month this place looked like something you’d find on the back end of Craig’s List but I have to admit it’s starting to come together.
The previously stained walls are painted a soft eggshell blue and now it’s not covered with detritus the white iron bed frame actually looks adorable.
Plus, the bathroom off to the right is no longer a place I fear to undress in.
If I can turn this crappy apartment around, then maybe the shop isn’t doomed.
I stop biting my lip and pick my grown ass up off the bed. This coffee shop is my dream. I want it to work, I really do. So, I guess I better go be an adult and let Roman and his entourage in.
Roman’s hand is raised to knock when I open the door. He holds it in the air as his gaze drops down to me and the short shorts and vest top I threw on.
“Hi,” I say, my voice soft.
When he doesn’t say anything, I drum my fingers against the door. “So… are you going to come in?”
Roman grunts. “I’m debating whether or not I should tell you to go back upstairs and change into something that won’t make every guy behind me want to put their hands on you.”
I roll my eyes, but my belly warms. I step back and open the door wider, gesturing for him to come on in.
The crew he’s brought with him follow behind and I shake my head in disbelief. “You guys didn’t have to do this.”
“Yes, they did,” Mase says, dipping his head at me and getting straight to work sorting through the blueprints on the counter despite the fact his hangover must be worse than mine.
“We like coffee,” one of Cooper’s teammates adds.
Cooper grins. “And someone said something about apple fries? Not a clue what they are but I’m in.”
I laugh. “That, I can do.”
Mase waves me over and I spend a few minutes talking everyone through the repairs that need to be made.
Skyler comes down and gets on the phone with a local window shop about replacing the glass shop front.
Cooper and his team get to work salvaging as much of the furniture as they can while Mase and Jarred fill up some buckets to scrub off the spray paint.
Once everyone is sorted and knows what they’re doing Roman pulls me aside.
He turns me to face the shop and loops his arms around me from behind. His lips feather against my ear as he dips his head. “This is why I love Pine Rock.”
I sink back into him, my hands curling around his forearms, because I know what he means. It’s not everywhere that people will drop everything and come and help just because you ask.
Roman drops his hands to my hips and spins me back to face him.
“I’m not going anywhere. All those years of fancy dinners and expensive schools, I figured out something my dad never did.
Money doesn’t make you happy, people do.
And you Lola, you make me happy. You may not think I belong here, but I can promise you, this is my home. You are my home.”
My throat grows thick, and I twist my fingers in his hair, like I can take back all my words from last night if I just hold on tight enough.
“I didn’t mean to make you feel like you don’t belong here.
” Tears sting my eyes. “You’ve been a part of my family since as long as I can remember.
I don’t want to be here if you’re not here with me.
” My heart aches and I study the soft cotton of his undershirt, the way it stretches over his firm chest.
“I’m just scared. I’m so far from perfect, Roman, and I don’t want you to wake up one day and realize that you could have done so much better.”
Roman tips my chin up with the side of his finger and I jolt at the anger burning in his eyes.
“I’m going to get so fucking mad at you if you don’t stop putting yourself down and if we were alone right now, I’d be dealing with this in a very different way.
” His hands drop to my hips again and he tugs me in towards him.
My eyes widen as his hard length digs into my stomach, and I get an idea of how exactly he’d rather be dealing with me.
Instead, he asks, “Do you know why I call you Firebird?”
I scowl. “Because I set the barn on fire with out-of-date fireworks?”
Roman shakes his head. “I call you Firebird because you’re like a phoenix, always rising from the ashes.
It doesn’t matter how many times you fall down, nothing ever stops you from getting back up.
That’s why I love you, Lola. Not because you’re perfect, because you’re brave and strong and relentless. ”
I gaze up at him, my chest rising as his words sink into my soul. I wrap my hands around the nape of his neck and draw his face close to mine. “I love you too, Roman Banks.”
He shakes his head again, his lips only a breath away. “Just Roman. Just me and you, Lola.”
I nod and his lips sear mine. He kisses me like he’s leaving his mark. Like the feel of his lips will forever be imprinted on mine. His tongue is rough and demanding and fire burns low in my belly.
I pull at his neck, needing him closer. I’m seconds away from jumping into his arms when a scrape hits my ears and I remember we’re in a room with ten other guys, one of whom is my brother.
We break apart to find Mase scowling at us, his arms crossed. “I’d say get a room, but I really don’t want that visual.”
I stick out my tongue. “You sure, because I’m happy to paint it out for you. Roman likes to be on t—”
I shriek as Roman pinches my hip and tugs me back into his arms.
“Behave,” he whispers in my ear.
I grin, letting myself relax into his chest as I take in my coffee shop. It’s already looking better. With this many people here helping I might even still be able to open in two days like I’d planned.
For once, I don’t think about all the ways this could go wrong.
Roman saw the mess the shop was in, he knows why Rob vandalized it, but he didn’t judge me or tell me I’d screwed up.
He just found me help. Because he never stopped believing that I could do this.
That I could do whatever I wanted to do.
I decide then and there that Roman and I will be okay, because that’s the sort of love that lasts.