Chapter 18
Kyle
I enjoy teasing Logan. He always makes this tense face, and I am positive he’s been sizzling all morning, his head full of fantasies about me using that dildo in his shower.
I always do it in ways that come with plausible deniability, but yeah, I did leave a sex toy for him to find.
On purpose. Because for the first time in my life, I feel comfortable embracing my sexuality without the need to make excuses for stray thoughts about men.
It is a huge change, but being in a new environment lets me start fresh, without the fear of being judged by people who’ve known me all my life.
I might be inexperienced, but Logan has shown me what I need and I refuse to deny myself anymore.
My phone is still full of missed calls and messages calling me selfish.
Even my sister, who is on the whole more understanding, thinks that the way I ended things with Madison makes me an ass.
She doesn’t know the whole story though, and while I might tell it to her someday, the wounds are too fresh to prod.
For now, I’m okay being the black sheep, and intend to choose who stays close to me.
I hope Logan becomes that person. He’s stubborn, and cynical, but I can see he’s kinder than he claims to be.
Nothing would have stopped him from using me for sex and help, because I’d be too horny to refuse if he only gave me hope for more in the future, but he prefers honesty, and that makes me desire him more.
Still, I see the way he watches me, and how relaxed he is when we spend evenings together.
If we get enough time in each other’s company, I’m sure he’ll also realize we’re a good fit.
“Just there, around the corner. You can park in front of the cafe,” Logan says, pointing to the right.
Springton isn’t a big town, so when he said the cafe was called Rainbowology, I had a vague idea about where it was. Located in the main street, the cafe must have lots of footfall from college students, and going by the name, I’m guessing it’s a gay-friendly place.
I’m both excited and a bit antsy. I’ve never met gay people other than Logan, not knowingly, so I’m unsure if I’ll know how to behave in their company.
But as Logan leads the way to the cafe with the big windows, I’m struck by how normal it seems. It has that cozy yet modern vibe going on, with large metal lamps hanging off the ceiling and colorful chairs around wooden tables.
The clientele is around mine and Logan’s age, and as I expected, there’s a little pride flag on the door.
“I need to talk to the owner.” Logan points to a man behind the counter who looks like a smiley modern Viking with his blond hair in a bun and arms covered in colorful tats. “But it’s busy so we have to wait a bit until he’s free.
“Oh, hey, Logan! I have a table for you,” someone says, and when I turn my head, I realize it’s a young guy on roller skates.
He’s slim and would be much shorter without the large wheels supporting him.
He’s wearing a bright blue apron, but I can still see from the side that there’s a crop top underneath.
His hair is the most unusual thing about him.
Blond and dip-dyed blue, it’s in two braids that have glittering pom-poms attached to the ties.
He gives me a once-over. “Or do you wanna wait for the date table?” he asks and winks at Logan.
Please. I want the date table.
But Logan laughs. “Nah, anywhere is fine. This is my friend Kyle, he’s new in town.”
I’m mildly displeased, but the stranger offers me his hand.
His short nails are painted a pearly white.
“I’m Kai, and I shall be your server. Follow me,” he says, leading us through the middle of the interior, toward a counter already tempting me with pastries and sandwiches overflowing with ingredients. There’s even a quiche.
The tattooed guy standing behind it waves at Logan, who’s surely a regular, and we sit at a small table close to a speaker playing a classic rock ballad. We’re squashed between a couple with two young kids and four jocks having a sober birthday party featuring a giant pile of cakes.
Despite being so obviously gay, Kai seems at ease around the big guys, and even pretend-flirts with the birthday boy.
This is… nice. So maybe I’m not on a date with Logan, but if I were, I could hold his hand here. Who would pay though? Would I bring flowers? Probably not. Or would he bring me flowers? Would I like that? Of course I would. Who doesn’t like fresh flowers in the house?
Millions of questions about gay dating float in my head until Logan leans back in his chair and waves at me.
“Awfully quiet there, Kyle. You like the place?”
I breathe in the warm scent hanging in the air. It’s like mac & cheese had a baby with wild mushrooms, and moments later, Kai delivers a beautiful steaming bowl to one of the nearby tables.
The couple laughs at their little girl in pink star-shaped glasses. She wiggles a little wand at the dad, who smiles and leans toward his daughter. They seem like such a happy family.
One I might never have.
I look away and make myself smile despite the squeezing sensation in my chest. “It’s great. And the food smells fantastic. Anything you recommend?” I ask, distracting myself with the small menu attached to a wooden board.
“Quinta makes the best coffees, especially the iced ones.” He discreetly points out the barista with a cropped afro, a nose piercing, and a flannel shirt.
Her focused expression belongs on someone preparing potions, not coffee, but if it’s any indication of beverage quality, I’m in.
Logan then goes on, “and that’s Olivia, she’s in charge of all the healthy and vegetarian options, so you could ask her about the special.
” His gaze travels to a young woman by the sandwiches counter.
Her ponytail is immaculate, without a single hair out of place, and she’s wearing a little black dress.
There’s a pink, white, and blue flag at the front of her apron, but I’m not sure what it stands for. I should ask Logan later.
I’m about to warn him that the kid behind him is eying his Stetson, but it’s too late. The boy grabs the hat and places it on his own head.
I bite my lip not to laugh. Logan turns around, but instead of scolding the child, he shakes the boy’s hand.
“‘Ello there, pardner,” Logan says, exaggerating his Texan accent.
“I’m so sorry,” the kid’s Dad starts.
Logan waves it off. “It’s okay, he can play with it.”
The boy peeks out from under the massive hat, grinning. “I’m a cowboy!”
Logan nods at him with full seriousness on his face. “How many cows ya’ll got?”
The kid glances at his mom, who at this point is struggling to hold in laughter, and when she doesn’t offer any suggestions, he tips the hat so it covers his entire head and says, “Millions.”
Of course.
I smile, itching to stroke Logan’s hand in appreciation, but he’s busy talking to the boy, who inquires how many Logan has. They’re now trying to one-up each other by coming up with numbers that don’t exist.
I catch myself thinking he’d be a great dad, and it makes me feel guilty over trying to get his attention, when he could marry a pretty girl and have kids within one year.
I’m almost jealous of him, but the messy way my relationship with Madison ended showed me that I have to think of myself first. I was lying to myself when I believed starting a family with a woman would satisfy me, so I can’t lose sight of the lessons the canceled wedding taught me.
Otherwise, I might as well go back into the closet.
“Have you been around kids a lot? You know how to talk to them,” I say once the young family leaves and the boy reluctantly hands back Logan’s Stetson.
Logan smiles and shrugs. “Here and there. There was my younger sister, and for a while, when I was a teenager, we had one of those corn field mazes as an attraction and kids would come—” His smile widens. “You must have visited it at some point, right?”
I grin. “Yeah. Were you the scarecrow?”
“I was! Quite a few times actually! And… I dunno, I like kids, I think they’re cute and funny, and then they grow up and you can watch them learn everything about the world, or even teach them a thing or two if you’re lucky.”
I watch him, charmed to the core and overcome by a sense of warmth I couldn’t describe. He feels like home, and not just because I remember him walking around in a costume made of straw when I was still a kid and he—already a teenager.
I want to hold his hand and lean against him in a pile of hay while the stars above shimmer before falling to fulfill our wishes.
“Yeah. It’s a really special thing, to guide this tiny creature from a baby into adulthood.”
“I actually—”
Kai pulls up to our table and I howl on the inside. What if Logan wanted to say something like ‘I want to take back what I said about not dating. I like you so much, Kyle, and one day, I want us to have kids’?
But I smile, order a sweet coffee with sprinkles, because I’m gay and I shouldn’t be embarrassed about liking girly beverages. Logan gets us both the sandwich special, which apparently comes with a local cheese.
Ordering feels like forever, and I prompt Logan as soon as Kai is gone. “You were saying?”
For a daunting second, Logan looks as if he doesn’t remember our conversation, but then sighs.
“I was gonna say that it might be weird, but I used to think I would be a young dad. You know? With Kayla. I was even younger than you when we were supposed to marry, but I was so sure of what I wanted that I figured, why wait?”
My chest deflates like a popped balloon, but as I see the flash of disappointment in his eyes, I compose myself and ask, “Do you still have feelings for her?”
Logan shakes his head. “No. For a long time, I did. I thought I hated her for leaving me the way she did, but getting to talk to her after all those years showed me that I no longer felt that way. She’s just a person who had her own struggle to deal with.
I think we can even become friends again. It’s good to be truly over her.”
I’m again struck by his kindness. Not everyone would be so willing to forgive a person who hurt them so badly. Yet this guy, who claims to be bad for me is capable of just that. “I’m sorry it happened to you.”
Logan glances to the counter. “I just wish she… would have given me a heads up. Something. She was my best friend, and on the day that was supposed to be the happiest of our lives, she disappeared. Poof. No warning. Nothing. It just goes to show that you never know what to expect of someone.”
No wonder he’s such a cynic, and why he despises cheaters.
I can’t imagine being so blindsided by a person I truly love and cherish, and it makes me understand him that bit more.
Of course he finds it hard to trust after an experience this traumatic, but I know he and I could work if he only gave it a chance.
When I came here last week, I was frantic, and his rejection felt like the end of the world, but now I see that he might simply need time to get to know me, to trust me, and maybe, hopefully, to fall in love with me.
As much as it pains me that I’m not sleeping in his bed already, I’m willing to put in the work, because it’s not just his body I want.
I’m about to say something when he gets up.
“Come, Levi’s on his own and the rush has died down.” Kai is approaching with our coffees, but Logan points at the table. “Just bring everything here, we’ll be back in a bit, thanks.”
The tattooed dude looks up from his phone and stuffs the device into his pocket. “Who’s your friend?” he asks, and I can sense his gaze going up and down my body in a way I’m still not used to. It is flattering though.
Logan gestures toward the dude. “This is Levi, the owner. And this—” he squeezes my shoulder, sending a jolt down my back, “—is Kyle. He’s a great cook and needs a job. A little bird told me you need to hire someone.”
Levi’s eyes narrow. “Is that little bird called Kai?”
Heat blooms in my face as I glance at Kai's back where a strip of skin is visible over his jeans. Did Levi just suggest Logan is hooking up with the server?
Logan shrugs. “He’s doing you a favor. As am I, because I can easily vouch for Kyle, and you know that’s best kind of staff.”
Levi cocks his head, staring at me, as if he expects to spot my faults. He wraps his thick arms on his chest. “Does it speak?”
I only then realize that Logan’s been talking for me, but I get a bit flustered. “Yes. Sorry. I’m a great cook, I’m punctual, and I… need a job,” I end flatly.
Levi hums and turns to Logan. “Is he your new boyfriend?” he asks, and I feel as if all the air has just been pushed out of my lungs.
Logan snorts. “No.”
Of course. I try not to show my disappointment, but I feel naked under Levi’s scrutiny.
“A hook-up?” he asks next, though it feels like he’s grilling Logan rather than me.
Logan rolls his eyes. “Not anymore.”
Levi smirks, and I get even more of his attention. “Is he single?” he asks, but the question is aimed at me this time.
The gut-punch of Logan’s off-hand comment is immediately replaced by a sense of anticipation.
Because why would Levi be asking if he weren’t interested?
He’s tall, and broad, and has a lavish beard, and while his style is a bit too much of a rocker guy for my taste, I can imagine him holding me down with his weight and—
“I thought you don’t date staff,” Logan says before I can answer.
Levi spreads his arms with a grin. “Yeah, so I’m trying to decide if I should hire him or not.”
Logan shakes his head, but he’s smiling. “Come on, man.”
“Okay, okay, I might be missing out, but I guess he’s hired. But I warn you,” he pokes my chest with his finger, “no drama. Can you promise that?”
“No drama, Scout’s honor,” I say, raising my hand. Levi doesn’t need to know I was never a Scout.