Chapter 50
Walker was openly gaping at him, tears in his eyes and shock written all over his pale face. His hand was still outstretched, hanging near Cullen’s elbow, and he was only inches away, his lips parted and his breathing uneven as he gazed at him.
“Cullen?” He whispered, his voice just as shaky as Cullen’s had been.
His mouth opened–and then closed again, his heart slamming hard inside his chest. He wondered if Walker could hear it. Knew Leviathan could, even over the thrum of people around him. Knew because he could hear the panic in his mind, could feel him hurrying towards them.
He couldn’t bring it in himself to respond to that panic. Couldn’t find his mental voice or his physical one.
Slowly, Walker opened his mouth again, his lips trembling. “You’re alive.” He whispered.
The tone of his voice sent memories reeling through his mind.
The first time he’d heard him laugh, the way his eyes had crinkled as he threw his head back; the first time he’d told Cullen how handsome he was; their first kiss, clumsy and surprising as it had been.
Soft snores in the night that had given way to soft cries from the night terrors Leviathan had forced into his mind.
A cry of rage, a shout for Cullen to run…
“Cullen, you’re–” He reached for him–and Cullen flinched away, his shadows swallowing him up without him telling them to.
They stole sight and sound and scent until he was alone in the dark and he couldn’t have found his way out again even if he’d wanted to–
Something curled tight around his wrist. He could feel it, though he couldn’t see it, could feel it pull, draw him closer. He followed it, letting him pull him until he slammed into a hard, familiar chest, a racing heartbeat meeting his own as strong arms pulled him close.
The sweet scents of the festival vanished, replaced with fire and smoke; he inhaled harshly, something in him relaxing at the scent.
Leviathan’s sweet smell hit him seconds later; Cullen brought his arms up around him, inhaling again to calm himself.
His heart was still racing, a terrible panic curled tight in his chest, cutting off his voice and his thoughts.
Leviathan pressed a kiss into his hair and began to whisper something.
Cullen couldn’t place the words for a long time.
It wasn’t until he realized he was whispering, “You came home, you came home,” that Cullen felt himself calm.
That he realized he’d portaled here himself.
Or had tried to, at least. He wasn’t sure how he’d known how to do it but…
yes. He’d come home. His arms tightened around Leviathan.
“I…I don’t understand.” He whispered after what felt like an eternity. “How was he there?”
Leviathan’s hand slid through his hair. “We may have been a little closer to the academy than you realized.”
He exhaled shakily. “We were in the city?” How could he never have noticed? It was true he had seldom gone down to the heart of the city, had hated the place…but to not recognize it at all…
“Are you angry?” Leviathan asked softly.
He took another slow breath. “No…I’m…I don’t know.”
Leviathan hesitated, his hand running through his hair again before he brought both up to cup his face. Cullen blinked up at him, blushing when tears ran down his cheeks. Leviathan’s lips pressed into an unhappy line and his mind began to pry at Cullen’s, looking for answers.
Hesitantly, Cullen opened his mind to him, closing his eyes while he let him see it all.
The interaction, the emotions that had rocked through him at the sight of his ex, at the human memories that had come flooding back to him.
Whatever he found there had his forehead dropping to Cullen’s, his gaze softening.
“I shouldn’t have brought you so close to the academy.” He scoffed, looking irritated. “I never thought he would come down there for the Christmas celebrations…”
Cullen wouldn't have guessed it either. Walker had always hated it all so much, had only gone along with Cullen’s love of Christmas to keep him happy–and barely even then.
For him to be down there at that moment…
Had he been looking for him? Or had he been trying to chase the memories of their past holidays?
“He was on a date.” Leviathan said quietly.
Cullen jolted away from him. “What?”
Slowly, Leviathan’s mind pressed into his again, showing him what he had not noticed before.
Standing just behind Walker, his eyes wide with shock, had been Ryan, his lime green eyes wide with shock.
They’d never hung out together before but Cullen would be lying if he said he hadn’t noticed the way Ryan had always looked at Walker, his eyes lingering…
But he never would have thought…
“A date?” He repeated, feeling as if somebody had punched him in the chest. “A date so soon after…”
Yes, Cullen had moved on as well. Their relationship was done and over with and he wouldn’t trade what he’d gained now for the world but…
Walker had no way of knowing if he’d been dead.
Or worse. With a demon lord having kidnapped him, having made it very obvious to them all what he wanted Cullen for…
“It can’t be.” He breathed, shaking his head. “He wouldn’t do that…”
Slowly, Leviathan stepped away from him. “What does it matter?”
His jaw clenched. “It-it doesn’t…” He let the thought trail off, knowing it was a lie.
“It’s not…” He drew in a slow breath. “I mean, it doesn’t matter.
But I…I don’t understand how he could date when he has no idea what I might be going through…
” And their breakup had been so terrible.
So heart wrenching and sudden after three whole years together… and he’d moved on just like that?
Rage flooded him. He turned away from Leviathan to hide it, striding towards the balcony doors of his bedroom. After a long moment, Leviathan followed him, remaining silent as they gazed out at the dead land below.
Cullen could feel his mind working, could feel it trying to process what it all meant even as he glared out at the rocky landscape, his eyes burning with tears.
Leviathan broke the silence first.
“Do you still love him?”
His jaw twitched. But he looked up at him, meeting his gaze evenly as he murmured, “No. I don’t.”
Leviathan watched him and Cullen waited for the prying again, for the little tendrils of his mind to wind through his own. But they didn’t come. Leviathan only studied him for a long moment before giving a small nod of acceptance, his eyes moving back to the landscape.
“I mean it!” Cullen hissed, grabbing his wrist to spin him back around. Leviathan blinked down at him, his face carefully blank. “I don’t love him!” He snapped out, ignoring the calmness. “I love–” He broke off, letting go of him and stumbling backwards as if he’d been pushed.
Leviathan’s eyes were wide, his lips parted in shock. Cullen pressed his lips into a tight line, his face heating as he looked away from him.
Whatever this was between them, whatever admittance of feelings there was…love was a whole other word. And demons could not feel love, so there would be no point in saying it. Even if it really, really felt like it.
“I don’t.” He repeated quietly. “But I don’t understand how he could do that to me.
If he loved me…he should be worried about me.
If he loved me…he would look for me. He would try to save me.
” Slowly, he raised his gaze again. “Leviathan.” He whispered, keeping his voice quiet to stop the catch in it. “Did he ever actually love me?”
Slowly, Leviathan’s face pinched even tighter, his gaze darting off to the side. Cullen exhaled shakily, turning away from him and crossing his arms, his throat working hard.
It didn’t matter anymore. It didn’t. But for him to lie to his face for all those years…
Too long passed before Leviathan finally grabbed him by the arm, spinning him back around. Cullen glared at his collarbone as his hand slid down to his wrist.
“I think…” He said slowly, his hand tightening almost to the point of pain. “That you should talk to him.”
Cullen jolted, his gaze shooting to his face. “What?”
Leviathan was frowning. “I said I would make you forget that you were human. But…” He paused. “I think you need closure for that last night of your human life for that to work. I think you…need to talk to him.”
“I–no!” He snapped. “I don’t…” Leviathan drew him closer, his hand coming up to touch his face. Cullen swallowed hard, his hand fluttering to his wrist. “I don’t need to.” He repeated quietly. “It’s done with.”
“I think it’s important.” Leviathan insisted. And then a slow, almost wobbly smile spread across his face. “Did you know our oath ended tonight?”
He gave a few rapid blinks. “What?”
“Our vow. As of tonight, you’re free to go.”
His hand tightened on his wrist when he moved to pull away. “Do you want me to leave?”
The pain in his voice had Leviathan's eyes widening in alarm. Slowly, he brought his hands up to cup his face, his lips coming down on his in a feather light brush. “I think I’d rather you tear out my heart and eat it.” He breathed against his lips.
“I’d rather cease to exist at all. I’d rather throw myself at the foot of the creator and beg forgiveness for my long life of darkness than lose a single moment with you, Cullen. ”
He exhaled shakily, leaning up to brush their lips together again. “Good. Cause I think I’d rather chuck myself off the balcony and stay here as a corpse than be separated from you.”
Leviathan gave a little huff of a laugh against his lips. “I want to give you something.” When Cullen started to grin, Leviathan rolled his eyes. “Not that. Pervert.” He drew away then. “Come on.”