Chapter 19 #2
Her other brothers ignored her as they inhaled the food. They didn’t seem to care what they ate, as long as it was edible. Boys. Then again, she was thankful for their lack of pickiness. Even Malachi had stopped complaining about eating.
When they were finished, Daed said, “You buwe geh outside.”
“You want me to let the cows in the pasture?” Devon asked.
“ Ya. Then you can all play for a little while.”
“Really?” several of them said in unison.
“Yep. I want you all to have some fun for a change. Geh on, before I change mei mind and put you back to work.”
The boys nodded, a few of them grinning as they left the kitchen. Devon and Zeb gave Daed a puzzled look. He didn’t return it as he sipped his coffee, staring straight ahead. They shrugged and disappeared after their brothers.
Phoebe didn’t bother to call them back to clear the table, something she insisted on after they finished a meal.
She sat down next to her father and sat the bottle on the table.
Elam was finished eating, and she sat him on her knee as she patted his back to help him burp.
Her father’s gaze remained unmoving, and she saw the multiple creases on his forehead and at the sides of his eyes.
His beard seemed to grow grayer by the day.
“ Daed? ” She didn’t have to ask if something was wrong. She knew there was.
“Chickens didn’t lay this morning, did they?” Daed asked.
She shook her head. “I’m sure they’ll have eggs for us tomorrow.”
“Cows are drying up too.” He sighed and finally looked at her. “A huge thundercloud is hanging over us, Phoebe, and I don’t know why. Bishop Weaver says I need more faith—”
“I don’t know why you listen to him.” The words shot out of her mouth and she clamped her lips together.
Saying anything ill against the bishop had always been met with unyielding eyes from Daed and a strict and unpleasant reprimand.
She steeled herself for his chastising, but she wouldn’t take back the words. Not when they were the truth.
To her surprise, her daed didn’t admonish her. Instead, his shoulders slumped a little bit. “I’m worried about yer mamm . Real worried. She’s not getting any better.”
“I know,” Phoebe whispered.
“Doc said the antibiotics would work.”
“He also said it could take awhile for her to feel better.” How long, no one knew. Lyme disease was unpredictable. Mamm could feel better tomorrow ... or she could continue to decline for months. Phoebe held Elam close.
“If she doesn’t get better ...” He wiped at his eye with his thumb. “She’s the one who holds this familye together. You’ve done a fine job since you’ve come back—”
“But I’m not Mamm .” She mustered an encouraging smile. He seemed to desperately need it. “She’ll be right as rain before we know it, Daed . Like you’ve always said, God is faithful.” She waited for him to agree, as he always did.
He didn’t say anything, his gray-blue eyes still wet with unshed tears.
“ Danki for the reminder.” His throat bobbed.
“There was a time when yer mamm and I thought we lost you to the world. We spent so many nights on our knees, hoping you’d come back to God and to yer familye .
He answered our prayer. You’re loyal to God and yer familye , and you’re a gut mamm to Malachi.
I know I’m not supposed to say this, Phoebe, but you’ve done both yer mamm and me proud. ”
Phoebe kept her head down as a lump formed in her throat.
For so long she believed she had shamed her family.
The bishop had said it. Her aunt Bertha had said it.
And she had said it a million times to herself ever since she’d gotten pregnant.
Now her father was telling her the words she longed to hear.
Not about pride, but about God answering prayer. He had saved her from herself.
“I better check on the buwe . Got lots of work to do today.” His chair scraped against the floor as he pushed back. “Hopefully we’ll get some rain. We sure do need it.”
Phoebe returned Elam to his crib with a few toys, then cleared the table, put the dishes in the sink, and made some tea and toast. She took the food to her mother’s bedroom.
Mamm hadn’t had much of an appetite. She was lying on her bed, her face and lips pale, two quilts on top of her even though it was the middle of summer. “ Mamm ?” she said softly.
Her mother opened her eyes. Her thin lips formed a small smile. “Phoebe.”
She flinched at her mother’s weak voice, then hid her despair and went to the side of the bed. “I brought you some breakfast.”
“ Danki , but I’m not hungry.”
“At least drink some tea.” Her mother had to at least stay hydrated if she wasn’t going to eat. Phoebe set the tea and plate of toast on the dresser.
Mamm pushed herself to a partial sitting position and Phoebe arranged the two bed pillows behind her. Then she handed her the mug of tea. It shook so much in Mamm ’s hand that Phoebe had to help hold it while she sipped.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Mamm said, not for the first time as she let Phoebe take the mug from her unsteady hands. She leaned back against the pillows. “I missed you while you were gone.”
“I missed you too.” She put the mug on the dresser, then sat down on the edge of her parents’ bed.
Mamm ’s eyes closed, and Phoebe thought her mother had drifted off to sleep again. Suddenly Mamm said, “Why did you leave us?”
Phoebe stilled, meeting her mother’s half-open eyes. “I told you I didn’t want to be a burden, remember?”
Mamm nodded. “You and Malachi were never a burden. I remember telling you that too.”
“You and Daed didn’t need more mouths to feed, especially after Elam was born.” She looked away.
“That’s not the complete truth, is it?”
It wasn’t. Yet she couldn’t tell them about what Bishop Weaver had demanded. Since he seemed to have decided to drop the idea of forcing her to marry, it didn’t matter anyway. “It’s the main reason.” A half lie, but the only reason her mother needed to know.
Mamm held her gaze for a long moment, and Phoebe thought she might question her further. Instead she relaxed against the pillows again. “Have you heard from Jalon since you left?”
“A few times.” She couldn’t lie to her mother again. “He’s busy with his farm.”
Her eyes fluttered closed. “Maybe we’ll get to meet him someday.”
More than anything Phoebe wished that could be true. “Maybe.” The word came out in a thick whisper. When Mamm felt better, she would explain that she and Jalon were no longer together. She didn’t want to give her mother anything else to worry about.
Mamm ’s eyes fully closed, and Phoebe tucked the quilt around her slim body. She’d lost weight, and if she didn’t get her appetite back soon, she would have a harder time healing.
Picking up the nearly full mug of tea and the uneaten toast, Phoebe glanced at her mother again, then went back to the kitchen. Her throat tightened as she filled the sink with soap and water. Her heart hurt—for her mother, her father and brothers, her son, herself ... and for Jalon.