Chapter 22
Twenty-Two
On the drive back,Xander assured me that he wouldn’t disclose what happened between us to Jasper. Rather, he’d explain that I was staying with him to get away from Henry, and they’d discuss the best options to keep Henry at bay. Tension filled the car when he caught the relief on my face, even though it was the most sensible thing he had said in two days.
The conversation after that—what little there was—seemed packed with minefields. Was this merely a part of his fickle mood? I was so used to Henry’s mind games that taking anything at face value was difficult.
Perhaps Xander was apprehensive about how Jasper would receive his explanation for my presence and was lost in thought on how to make it sound more plausible. In the more likely scenario, he was thrumming with impatience about getting the conversation over with so he could fulfill his promise from earlier.
I’m going to strip you naked as soon as I get you home.
My pussy throbbed on impulse. I instinctively pressed my knees together, trying to make sense of what was happening to me.
After being asleep for years, my libido seemed to be in overdrive. My sexual desires had suddenly awakened in a dystopian world where only my stepson could make me react.
Perhaps being committed wasn’t such a bad idea, after all. Why else would I say one thing and react the complete opposite? I climaxed every time he touched me. I thought it was a fluke the first time it happened. Now, I wondered if it was the early signs of my returning instability.
All I could do was hope this madness would come to an end soon before it destroyed us both. Thankfully, I had Jasper as a buffer tonight.
It was late when we arrived at Xander’s estate. Despite nightfall, the white-washed exteriors were easy to make out in the uplights, along with the windows adorned with blooming flower boxes beneath them. A stone path wound its way to the front door, which was painted a cheerful blue. This morning, he had shoved me into the shower and then into his car in such a rush that I hadn’t had the chance to look around.
As if thinking the same, Xander said, “I know we didn’t have the time today, but I can give you a tour of the estate tomorrow.”
I was too lost in my head to care about a tour, so I quietly followed him inside and up a set of stairs.
All the lights were turned off except for the hallway he led me down. Xander stopped in front of a closed door that I presumed was Jasper’s bedroom and whispered, “I’ve got some things to discuss with Jasper.” Things meaning me.
I nodded and turned away to give them privacy when Xander grabbed my bicep.
“Go to our bedroom. It’s down the hallway to the left. I’ll join you after I talk to him.”
I froze.
The words our bedroom buzzed in my ears. The intensity increased when his fingers dug into my bicep, silently communicating this was an order rather than a request.
I managed to keep my expression neutral. Though I had no intention of following orders from another insane man, I knew Xander wouldn’t let go until I agreed. I forced my head to nod submissively but bolted as soon as he disappeared inside the bedroom.
I grabbed my toiletries and some sleeping clothes from Xander’s—not our—bedroom and scoped out the house in search of a new room. The estate was surrounded by a few acres of land, though it was rather quaint inside. I couldn’t help admitting that this felt like a real home rather than the cold, empty house I’d become accustomed to.
But even the homeliest of estates had several rooms. I explored downstairs first. There was a cozy living room with plush furniture, a formal dining room with a long wooden table, and a study lined with bookshelves. All five bedrooms were upstairs and decorated with modern furniture and ensuite bathrooms.
After sorting through them, I opted for the one next to Jasper’s room. It was the ideal choice. Xander was careful around Jasper and wouldn’t make a move with him next door. For added measure, I locked the door and stuck a chair under the knob.
My eyelids felt heavy, but I still took my time washing my face and gasped when the heavy-duty foundation washed off. The purplish bruise around my eye was now starkly defined, imitating the size of Henry’s fist.
I looked away from the mirror for the rest of my nighttime routine. By the time I took off my black leggings, exchanged them for shorts and a tank top, and crawled under the covers, I was dead tired. I molded against one of the soft pillows and hugged a beige one to my chest. They provided little comfort and warmth on the cold and oppressive night.
I failed to understand how I ended up in this situation. The way Xander had taken over my life, just like Henry, sent a chill down my spine. What was wrong with me that I kept attracting damaged men?
I had to be at fault because the facts didn’t lie. Yes, Xander and Henry were both lunatics, but unfortunately, what these lunatics had in common was only one thing—me. If I was the common denominator in every situation, surely the problem was me?
With a soft groan, I blinked open my eyes but shut them against the harsh sunlight streaming through the window. For the third day in a row, I woke up in an unfamiliar bedroom, this time with an arm hooped below my bare breasts.
As the fog cleared, I recognized the arm wrapped around my middle. Yet I lay there motionless, lost in the murky depths of some sleep-driven euphoria.
Hethrust into me from behind like he had already claimed the right to my body. We moved as one with my cheek pressed against the soft, silky pillow. My skin tingled from his touch, toes curling underneath the comforter.
His breath tickled my neck, sending a shudder down my spine. “This is how I want to wake up every morning,” he murmured into my hair. His hand drifted down to my sex. He pulled me closer as he ground against me. “Fuck, baby.”
My pussy throbbed at the low gravelly voice.
His other hand brushed over my nipple before rolling it between his thumb and index finger. “Jordan.” He spoke in that voice that was driving me mad.
With my eyes screwed shut, I tried to block out the voice and pretended like I was somewhere else… with someone else. Someone who was a more appropriate choice was the one setting my body ablaze.
But it became all too real when he grabbed my chin and made me face him. He was leaning back on his side and as naked as me. There was a sheen of sweat on my neck. The sex hair he sported also had flickers of sweat on the roots of his dark, curling locks. I felt the spatter of one on my forehead like a hot star. It made me wonder how long he had been at this lewd debauchery before I woke up.
“I missed you last night,” he sighed in my ear. His breath broke, growing harsher with each push. “I had to wait until the housekeeper arrived for the keys to the balcony door.”
I glanced in the direction of the small balcony overlooking the harbor. I hadn’t noticed it last night. Did he climb the balcony to get inside?
“You slept in here even though I told you to go to our room,” he chided lightly. “Didn’t you hear me knocking on the door?” he asked, though he didn’t sound particularly furious. I presumed he was angrier last night upon realizing I’d disobeyed a direct command. Apparently, using my pussy for his pleasure had taken the edge off.
I shot daggers at him with my eyes. “I wouldn’t have let you in even if I had.”
I expected his anger at my rebuff, but he had none to spare. “You hate me for this, don’t you?” he asked in a voice that made my chest hurt.
His eyes searched my face with sincerity. I couldn’t get myself to say yes, and instead, I turned away to look out the window.
Once more, he grabbed my jaw and forced me to face him. “Don’t look away from me.”
I tried to bat his hand away. “Let me go.”
Stormy eyes glowered back, that rage of his finally showing itself. “Never!”
“What do you mean by never?”
“I mean that you’re mine, and I’m never letting you go.”
I clawed at his giant hand.
He took hold of my wrist and pressed it down on the bed. “Enough already, Jordan!” he barked. “I’m getting sick of your attitude. Here I am, offering you everything you ever wanted, and you keep acting like a brat. Stop fighting me at every turn.”
“Never!” I threw his word back to him.
We were both angry, livid in fact. He took it out on me by pushing himself deeper, eliciting a moan from me. “Right there, you feel it, too, don’t you?” he groaned. “Why do you keep pushing me away when you want me just as bad?”
“I don’t want you!”
“Is that right?” he asked mockingly. “Then why are you drenched right here.” He cupped my pussy, and I instinctively closed my eyes as liquid dripped onto his expensive sheets.
“Shut. Up,” I spat, which made him laugh.
“Fuck, I can feel your pussy pulsing around me.”
“Stop talking.”
“Aren’t we touchy?” With a low laugh, he pushed inside as deep as possible. My pussy molded around his cock as if it were made for him. The instinctive reactions made me want to die from humiliation.
Why was he bending me to his will this way?
I had thought of Xander as my friend, but his actions and words contradicted it. A friend wouldn’t have used my body without my permission. A friend wouldn’t have pushed me into sex when I was this uncomfortable with the idea. A friend wouldn’t insist on becoming my conservator to seize complete control of my life.
“Is this a game to you?” I hissed. “Do you understand what would happen if anyone found out about us?”
He frowned. “Nothing about this is a game to me.”
I didn’t believe him. It had to be a weird competition with Henry. A massive fuck you for all the shit Henry had pulled. What other reason could there be to pursue this, especially with Jasper sleeping in the room next door?
As if on cue, Jasper’s voice floated into the bedroom. “Jordan. Are you up?”
My heart stopped beating.
Jasper knocked on the door. “Jordan.”
“Y-yes, Jasper,” I stammered, which seemed to amuse Xander.
“I made a fresh pot of coffee,” Jasper said. “You want some?”
My blood thrummed with a sudden surge of adrenaline. “N-no. Thank you.” Even to my own ears, I sounded out of breath.
Jasper must’ve thought the same. He was quiet for a moment before asking, “Is everything okay?”
“Is it?” Xander mimicked against my ear, thrusting into me at the same time.
I barely muffled a moan, then snapped in an undertone, “Stop it.”
“If you’re so worried about people finding out about us,” he whispered against my temple, “then stop fighting me, or I’ll ask him to come inside with coffee for both of us.”
My heart careened as I glanced at him. Oh God, he was serious. The recklessness shined bright in his eyes. “Please don’t,” I mouthed.
“Then don’t make a noise and be a good girl. Don’t fight me for the rest of the morning, and I won’t let him find out that I’m in here fucking your brains out.” His mouth lingered on the outer shell of my ear before he bit down.
I slapped a hand over my mouth to diffuse the yelp.
“Fuck, you feel good,” Xander murmured, even as I bit my bottom lip hard enough to taste blood.
Speaking louder for Jasper’s benefit, I said, “I-I’m fine. Thank you for checking.” My heart rate only dropped after I heard his retreating footsteps. I was still freaked out knowing that Jasper was awake and somewhere in this house, oblivious to the depravity these walls were witnessing.
He remained on his side and fucked me with my back flush against his chest, my face turned toward him. A small voice shamed me for the heat spreading in my veins. It urged me to break free from his hold, but I was already in too deep. He had exploited my weakness and taken me while I was vulnerable. I hadn’t been able to fight his advances before he set my body on fire. I was teetering on the edge of a summit, and it was too late to resist.
I shut my eyes, turned off my mind, and let it happen.
He knew what I was doing, that I was fighting my own mind. “If you stop fighting me at every chance, you might actually let yourself enjoy this,” he said, refusing to let me hide.
He began to rub my clit, gently at first, speeding up when my breath hitched. His movements grew more intentional with the sounds I made.
My back arched when he pressed a spot that made me see white, and I could no longer hold back. His cock twitched inside me at the same time his lips came swooping down to meet mine. We came together, swallowing each other’s groans.
Xander took me two more times, and after the third time, his eyelids grew heavy. When I was sure he was asleep, I discreetly grabbed my purse and slipped into the bathroom.
Last night, I took a birth control pill in the evening. However, I had no idea where Xander might drag me tonight or tomorrow night. I couldn’t risk not being able to sneak away and needed to sync the pill to my body so I could take it every morning after waking up.
My eyes flicked to my reflection. My blonde hair was lank and matted from our recent trysts, and my lips looked bruised. I didn’t recognize the woman in the mirror. She wasn’t the coiffed and polished version of myself I was used to presenting to the world or the sickly person I had become under Henry’s hold. I was someone else entirely.
I reached for my birth control pills and popped one into my mouth.
“What did you just take?”
I shrieked and mentally cursed myself for not keeping an eye on the door. I assumed Xander had fallen asleep. I should’ve known better. His motto was, he goes where I go.
Xander was frowning, his eyes showing a hint of the anger I’d come to expect from him. He stood at the doorway, his beautifully carved body on full display, though his face twisted in anger.
“What. Was. That?” he snapped when I hadn’t responded.
My mind raced as I tried to come up with a believable lie, but I didn’t need to. Xander knew what it was.
“Spit it out, Jordan,” he said calmly like it was a suggestion rather than an order, though his eyes flashed predatorily.
I kept my mouth firmly shut and shook my head. I didn’t have the chance to grab the water bottle out of my purse before he came barging in. The pill was rolling around my tongue, refusing to go down dry.
Xander stormed inside the bathroom before I could run. He gripped my cheeks and squeezed so forcefully that I had no choice but to open my mouth. He didn’t hesitate to fish inside in search of the pill.
Instinctively, I tried to bite down on his finger but bit the inside of my cheek instead. He only pressed my cheeks harder and didn’t stop until he found what he sought. His eyes landed on the rest of the packet that was poking out of my purse.
“No, Xander, don’t—” I tried to lunge for the packet, but he was faster.
He grabbed my purse and headed to the bathroom.
I followed, barely keeping up with his long strides. “Xander, just stop and think about what you’re doing.”
I watched in disbelief as he popped each pill into the toilet, flushing them after he finished. With it, he had robbed me of the last bit of freedom I had retained from him.
He was shaking with anger. In his enraged mode, he searched my purse in case there were more pills.
Anger whirled inside me, too, ready to burst open. “Stop it, Xander!” I screamed. “You’re twenty-two and don’t understand that a baby isn’t a game.”
Whipping around to face me, his eyes blazed with fury. “Nothing,” he slashed a hand in the air, “Absolutely nothing about this is a game to me.”
“You have no idea about the responsibility of a child.”
“On the contrary. Who do you think has been taking care of my entire family all these years?”
“Then why do you want to put yourself in the same position again at such a young age?”
“You want to know why?” he shouted. “Because you belong to me, but you refuse to see it. You always have one foot out the door. I want a baby with you so you’ll stop trying to escape!” He grabbed my bicep and shook me slightly. “You wanted a baby with him, and he was your abuser. But I saved you from him. So why not me? Why won’t you have a baby with me?”
A righteous man was a dangerous man. Xander acted like he was the good prince fighting to save his princess from the dragon. He didn’t realize that he was a dragon, too. In his attempt to save me, he had imprisoned me in a tower of his own.
I let out a shuddering breath. “I don’t think you see the big picture here. I’m old enough to be?—”
He yanked at my hair, my scalp burning from pain as he forced me to look at him. “Don’t say it.”
I stared at him, not knowing how to feel about this insane obsession. It had to be some short-lived fantasy. I was twenty-two once and knew how fleeting infatuations worked.
I closed my eyes. “Please, Xander,” I said softly. “Stop this. I’m too old for you. We’re in two different parts of our lives.”
“Is this about your age again?” His voice softened as well. “A woman like you doesn’t suddenly lose her appeal after thirty.”
Thirty-seven,I mentally corrected him, opening my eyes.
He smirked sarcastically as if he had access to my mind. “You keep trying to push me away by mentioning your age. Do you realize that?”
What else was I supposed to do? Xander wouldn’t understand my point until he turned thirty and was at his prime. I’d be celebrating my forty-fifth birthday by then. If he got tied down to me with a baby, it’d fuck up his whole life. And how was I supposed to explain our fucked-up family dynamic to a child?
I said nothing more. He casually grazed his knuckles against my cheeks as if soothing away the position he was putting me in.
I thought he’d show some sympathy for my dilemma when he said, “Get back in bed.”
Lava churned inside me, and all I saw was red.
When I didn’t move, he repeated more firmly, “Get back in bed before I call Jasper in here.”
My hands balled into fists at my sides, but there was nothing I could do. With my head hung low, I followed him back to the bed.