Chapter 40 – Lily #3
His admission settles deep into my bones, wrapping around my heart, and I hope like hell he means it. Because forever with him? There’s nothing in this life I want more.
We dress, and Aster retrieves a blanket from the car. He throws it around my shoulders and sits on the hood, pulling me between his legs as we look out at the lake that’s illuminated by the final remnants of the day before night takes over.
I’ve spent so much time hiding in the darkness alone, and here, with him by my side, I feel like the sun is peeking through, giving me hope that there’s more to life. I’m the dark, Aster’s my light, and together, we’re a beautiful, breathtaking sunrise.
“Baby?” Aster murmurs, pulling me from my thoughts. “I am sorry.” He tightens his hold on me, and I place a hand on his bicep.
“For?”
“Manhandling you.”
“I did have a nice view of your ass for a while there,” I tease, trying to keep the mood light, but I do appreciate his apology.
He huffs a laugh, but it’s weak. “I swear I would only ever do something like that if I thought you were in imminent danger.” He rests his head in the crook of my neck. “You weren’t thinking clearly.”
Emotional exhaustion consumes me. “I know.”
A soft kiss lands on my cheek. “We’re going to figure out what happened to Violet.”
“Well, we can say goodbye to whatever was in that cabin. If someone did see us, they’re likely removing every trace of her as we speak.”
“Maybe. Or maybe it’ll spook them just enough to make a mistake.”
“You are ever the optimist, Aster Blake.”
He pulls my hair behind my shoulder. “Beats the alternative.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that?”
“Admitting defeat. It’s not over till we say it’s over.”
“Tell that to my brother. If it were his choice, I’d forget Violet existed and move on like nothing happened. Like he did.”
Aster squeezes me tight. “I don’t think he’s forgotten.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Your brother may be a dick, but he cares about you deeply. It’s clear he would do anything to protect you.”
“I’m not following…”
“Sometimes…” Aster sighs. “When someone dies, people avoid talking about them as a coping mechanism.”
Turning in his arms, I place a hand on his face, and his eyes flutter shut. “Is that what you did after your brother died?” He leans into my touch as if he’s searching for comfort and nods. “And what helped you change that?”
“If I figure it out, I’ll let you know.” Taking my wrist, he angles it to place kisses on my palm.
“If you ever want to talk about it,” I say, my voice but a whisper, “I’m here.”
“The darkness I’ve experienced.” He shakes his head. “I never want to push that on you.”
“You’re not pushing it.” I brush his hair out of his eyes glistening in the moonlight. So soft. So hesitant. A look I’m unfamiliar with when it comes to him. “I want to know.” I run my thumb along his jaw as my chest tightens. “I want to learn everything you’re willing to share with me.”
“I’ll scare you off.”
“You won’t.” Of all the things I’ve learned about this man, I truly find it hard to believe there’s anything he could say that would change how I feel about him.
“I adore you,” he murmurs. “I don’t want to lose you.” He pulls me closer, our lips a breath apart.
“I…” The sureness I feel about this man, after everything he’s done, should feel wrong.
But it doesn’t. Being with Aster is the only time in my life I feel like I can breathe without glancing over my shoulder.
The only time I feel truly seen and heard and loved.
“I know the things you do. I’ve seen you take a life.
” He swallows hard, eyes falling to the ground.
I put my pointer under his chin, forcing his gaze to meet mine. “And I still love you.”
Every thought leaves my brain as his lips press to mine, both his hands sliding in my hair. He pulls away and whispers, “I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you.” That makes two of us.
A smile pulls at my lips. “Guess I’m your Karma.”
He huffs a laugh. “Yes, you are, baby.” He presses another gentle kiss on my lips, then tucks me into his side.
“I’ve never spoken about the night Oliver died.
” My chest sinks. I know all too well the loneliness of keeping that ache inside.
Of not daring to speak about the thing tormenting you out of fear of spreading that darkness on those you love. “Not even with my sister.”
“Do you want to tell me?”
“Yes,” he answers without hesitation. A beat passes between us as he formulates his thoughts.
I understand how scary it is saying these things out loud.
Keeping it inside and bottled up, I could almost convince myself Violet wasn’t gone and it was all just a fever dream.
I hoped and prayed it was only a lie until I was forced to accept the bitter truth.
She’s dead. And sitting alone in that realization wasn’t going to bring her back.
“The day I graduated college, my brother and I decided to take our family yacht out to celebrate.”
“I’m sorry, your family what?” I ask, dumbfounded.
A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips. “I suppose I should have started with ‘your boyfriend’s secretly a former millionaire nepo baby.’”
My head is spinning. “How does someone go from nepo baby with a yacht to Robin Hood serial killer?”
“Well, first of all… my dad was training me and Oliver to be hunters since we were kids.”
“Hunters?” I ask, and he bites his cheek. “And you were trained to hunt…”
“People.”
My lips part in disbelief. How could someone force that type of life on their own children?
Aster didn’t even have time to grow up and figure out himself before being manipulated into this killing machine.
When he says he feels it’s his responsibility, he’s being sincere, because that’s what’s been engrained in his brain since he was a child. “That’s dark.”
“Yeah.” He clears his throat. “Also, my family owns Hephaestus Weaponry, one of the largest weapons manufacturers in the world.” The confession is its own bomb drop.
Being raised in that industry would certainly desensitize you to death.
“My dad was grooming me and Oliver to run the company someday. My brother was a few years older and already my dad’s right hand.
The semester before I graduated college, I was interning, working under Oliver for weapons distribution.
” He grits his teeth. “I found out the business was doing a slew of shady shit going back years.”
“Like what?” I ask, brows drawn.
“For one… turns out they were the number one manufacturer for black market arms dealers in the entire goddamn country.”
I gasp. “Did Oliver know?”
A silence passes between us. “Yes.” He clenches his fist. “After I figured it out, I hesitated to tell Ollie at first. I knew, like me, he wouldn’t agree with Dad’s methods.
Profit over people. My dad was single-handedly contributing to gun violence in our country and didn’t give a shit because he’d gotten filthy rich from it.
” Aster tightens his hold on me. “Oliver wasn’t the guy to get into a fight or rough people up.
He preferred to handle things with words, despite how hard my dad tried to convince him to settle things with violence.
Working at the company was hard enough for him, but he did his best to separate what people were doing with the items we were selling and tried to view it from a business standpoint.
I also think part of him thought he was protecting me, shielding me from my father. ”