Chapter 40 – Lily #4
Aster slides off the hood and steps away, dragging his hands through his hair.
His throat bobs, and then he clears it and continues, “When I told Ollie what I’d found, he assured me he was taking care of it.
But months went by with no change. He was getting deeper in the business by the day, and the thought of him getting involved in a way he couldn’t escape terrified me.
He had a friend who worked for the FBI. They’d been close since college, and I stupidly assumed we could trust him.
A few weeks before my graduation, I used evidence I’d been collecting, and I sent it all to Oliver’s contact from his work computer.
I was hoping they’d use it to send my dad a warning.
At the very least he’d be on their radar, and it would make his shady dealings more difficult. ”
“Aster,” I say gently.
“I thought I was doing the right thing. I used Oliver’s email because I knew they wouldn’t take it seriously coming from me.
After all, I was just a dumb twenty-one-year-old kid who hadn’t even graduated college yet.
And even then, I hated my father. I was worried they’d think I made it all up.
I deleted the email from Oliver’s outbox and trash and didn’t think it could be traced back to him.
” He releases a shaky breath. “Three weeks later, when we were on the yacht, a masked man boarded the boat. He shot my brother six times.”
Tears well in my eyes. Heart aching for this beautifully complicated man. “That’s not your fault,” I whisper, fully aware of the guilt one has from being the survivor. Of continuing on with life, day by day, wondering why them and not you.
He laughs, lacking humor. “I wish that was true.”
I brush my finger against his cheek, wiping away an escaped tear. “It’s not your fault.”
“After the guy killed my brother, he tried to escape, but I caught him as he went to jump on the small watercraft he’d arrived on. We fought, and he shot me in the arm.”
Absentmindedly, I run my fingertips along his bicep covered by his jacket. “That’s why you have a scar there.”
He nods. “I got his gun, then shot him in the back of the head as he was running away.”
“He deserved it,” I whisper.
“That may be true… but it still felt so cold. Calculated. Heartless. I prefer to look a man in the eyes before I take his life. I didn’t even know the guy’s name at the time.”
“Who was it?”
He grits his jaw. “One of my dad’s contract killers.”
“One of?”
He nods. “And when my dad arrived that night… he said if I ever tried anything like that again, my sister would be next.” Another gasp escapes me. “And that if any harm came to him, she’d still receive the same fate.”
“That’s terrible.”
“I’ve spent the past thirteen years trying to rid the world of people like him but hardly made a dent.”
“You’ve certainly made a difference.” My hand cradles his face, and I find myself understanding him in a way I never thought possible.
Understanding the responsibility and guilt he feels to rid the world of sinning hearts like his dad’s.
The unbearable weight of feeling like everything is on fire and he’s the only one holding the hose.
A feeling I know all too well. “That’s why you hate guns. ”
“It’s too impersonal. You can take a life without even thinking about it. Without even being sure they’re guilty. How can you know if a man’s guilty if you don’t look him in the eyes in his final moments? Even the wicked can’t hide their sins when on the cusp of death.”
“Is that why your mask only covers your mouth?”
“Yes. I don’t feel guilt for the lives I take, but it’s important for me to look them in the eyes as I do it.” I slip off the hood, setting the blanket atop it, and head to the car. “What are you doing?”
I retrieve the gun, and his eyes fall to it, expression immediately tensing. “If we’re going to do this thing together, I’ll do it your way.”
“Are you sure?” he asks hesitantly. “If anything happened to you, I don’t want to be the reason—”
“Stop,” I tell him, gripping the cool metal. “That wouldn’t be your fault. And what happened to Oliver was not your fault. Okay?”
He nods, and I turn away, walking to the edge of the water. I disassemble Violet’s gun and retrieve two bullets from the chamber. A moment later, I’ve slung the weapon far into the lake with a splash. I return to Aster, holding out the golden capsules.
“What are those for?” he asks.
“One for each of us. I want you to keep this as a reminder.”
“Of?” he asks, tugging me close again.
“After tonight, I don’t ever want you to blame yourself for what happened to Oliver.”
“But—”
I place a finger over his lips, silencing him. “Aster Blake, you are a good man.” My heart squeezes. “Your methods may be questionable, but your intentions are pure.”
“I’ve never…” He runs his thumb over my cheek. “I never expected someone to truly accept me. As I am. The things I do. Least of all you.”
“That makes two of us.”
“So does that mean”—his cocky boy grin returns—“you’ll be my girlfriend… officially?”
I can’t fight the stupid grin taking over my face.
There’s not a single bone in my body that wants to say no.
I’m aware I should be terrified of the things he does.
But honestly, I’m more terrified of the fact that I’m not even remotely afraid.
I might even… agree with his methods when necessary.
“Well, I suppose if we’re in love, we might as well make it official. ”
He scoops me in his arms, kissing my neck. Hands holding me as if he’s afraid I’ll disappear.
“Aster?”
He pulls away, eyes meeting mine. “Yeah, Karma baby?”
“Don’t break my heart.”
“I’d rather die.”