22. Nellie
TWENTY-TWO
NELLIE
“I don’t think I even have room for all these books, Dad,” I call from the living room where my parents have stacked boxes of ornithology books. Some my father wrote, but most are just gifts he’s received over his thirty-year career.
“You never know, chickadee, people may surprise you.” Mom walks in with yet another box. “Also, you’d be doing me a favor.”
I try again to use logic. “I have limited space. You’ve seen the trailer.”
“I thought you were taking Bennett’s pickup. Surely there is ample space in the… the…” She gestures wildly for the word.
“The bed?” I suggest.
“Yes. I know his employee is taking stuff for that shelter or whatever, but I’m sure you’ll still have plenty of room.”
After my parents expressed concern for the twelfth time that I was going to be driving into the wilds of the province to deliver books, alone, I told them that Bennett had asked if one of his employees could join me to do some outreach. I didn’t tell them who the employee was. As far as they know, I haven’t heard from Teddy in over a decade.
“What about some of your books?” I ask my mom.
“I think one of these boxes has some copies of the early releases.” She starts rummaging through the boxes on the coffee table. “This one has some the publisher sent for other authors. Oh, and about six of mine.”
I peek in and see a few covers of scantily clad women and bare-chested men. “Those will be a nice break for the non-bird enthusiasts.”
Every single book in that box was written by my mother. She either has no idea or is in deep denial that I know she writes the steamier stuff under a pen name. When I was sixteen, I decided to take one off her shelf only to realize the hero was word for word the high school boyfriend she had recently told me about. I don’t think I’ve ever shut a book so fast. I’m fine with my mother writing steamy books; I just don’t feel the need to be in her imagination when it comes to that stuff. It’s just literally too close to home. The me pretending she doesn’t write it and her thinking I don’t know about it arrangement works well for our relationship.
My phone lights up beside me, and I have a moment of panic when I see it’s just Izzy.
Izzy
I’ve got the kids books all read
ready*
Although they also have all been read, which is why they are going with you
I’ll swing by on my way home from my parents
How are you feeling about everything?
Fine
Have you talked to him?
Just a few texts for confirmation purposes
Hot!
I needed three cold showers after the one exchange
I bet you did
“Lunch is ready, my loves,” Dad calls from the kitchen.
It’s not until I’m walking towards the deck that I notice how clean the house is. “Did you two do a full decluttering while getting the books together?” I watch my parents have a silent conversation and start to get nervous. “Is someone dying?” I ask, half joking but half terrified of the answer.
“Oh lord no.” Mom laughs. “But we do have some news.”
“Are you selling?” They have talked about selling the house and moving somewhere a bit smaller for a while, but this feels sudden.
“Not exactly,” Dad says, looking at Mom as if looking for permission to continue. When she nods he does. “We’re moving to the Philippines for a couple of years.”
This was the last thing I expected him to announce. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Well, after retiring last December, I’ve been, well, bored. Caleb casually mentioned that if we were interested in a change of scenery, he may be able to help with the boredom.” He’s not looking at me while he goes on to tell me about the work Caleb and his team have been doing for various endangered birds. My father wouldn’t need much more convincing than that. “Also, this way your mother can do a proper book tour in Australia and New Zealand. Her latest comes out down there in two months.” He reaches over and squeezes Mom’s hand, and I silently watch the interaction.
I’ve had my parents nearby my entire life. This is a chance for my sister to have some more of their time. Although she’s the one who moved away, not me.
“Are you going to say something, chickadee?” Dad asks.
“Sorry, I’m just in shock. When are you leaving?”
They do the silent conversation again, and I feel my anxiety begin to spike. “Well, in two weeks.”
“Two… As in fourteen days from now?”
“Twelve days, actually.” Dad winces.
“Twelve days!” I shriek, unable to contain the sudden burst of emotion. “I’m leaving in three. I’m going to be away when you leave. I won’t get to say goodbye to you.” I suddenly feel like a child on the verge of a tantrum.
“We’ll come up to you the morning you leave.”
“I’m going up to Marley’s the night before I leave.” I pout.
“Then we’ll come up and see you off the night before. Regardless, Cornelia, we will have a proper goodbye even if at the time we are both still in the country.”
“And,” my dad adds excitedly, “you can come have a nice Christmas in paradise with your whole family.”
The idea of spending Christmas with palm trees and an ocean breeze may sound appealing to some people, but I am not one of them. However, if it means being with my family over the holidays then I can probably suck it up.
“And who knows,” Mom adds. “Maybe by then you’ll have someone in your life and you’d rather spend every minute alone with him.”
Cue my traitorous brain showing me a highlight reel of every smile Teddy has ever flashed me. I may have told him friendship was all I was willing to try, but if you took a peek into my brain you’d call me a big fat liar. It’s like a teenage bedroom plastered with posters of my crush in there. Stupid long-buried feelings.
I do my best to pretend I’m on board with the move and my initial reaction was just a blip. On the one hand, I am happy for them. I know my mom loves the heat and being close to the ocean, and my dad will be in heaven studying new birds. I catch myself rubbing my thumb over the malkoha tattoo on my arm every so often as they talk and try to remember how much fun we had over there.
I don’t cry about the news like I keep expecting to. I wait for the tears as I pull out of the driveway, and then again as I leave the town limits. When I tell Izzy, I’m surprisingly calm and unemotional about the whole thing. When I get home, I continue to wait for the tears that never come.
Teddy
Look at this!
Teddy has attached a picture of Kevin wearing a blue-and-white vest, and I melt on the spot.
Cute
I thought it may be good to have a life jacket in case we want to take him swimming at some point
I’m not sure how much time we’ll have for swimming
I put my phone face down and go through my suitcase for the tenth time since I packed. I’m sure I’ll go through it another twenty before I actually leave. After I close it, I head to the kitchen to figure out how much I can get out of the rest of the food in the fridge before I leave. Halfway through making a salad of random ingredients, I see Mrs. Dipietro pointing into my yard from her deck.
“That’s it,” I seethe and stomp back to my bedroom to get my phone. I don’t know what exactly I’m going to do with my phone—record her to prove she is, I don’t know, to prove she’s a nosy and obsessed with my yard? “And who do you need to prove this to, Nellie?” I ask aloud, standing in the bedroom holding my phone.
I see there is another text from Teddy.
Oh come on, you’re going to deny this face swim time?
Attached is perhaps the cutest picture of Kevin that I have seen yet.
This isn’t fair
Sure it is
It’s manipulation. You’re manipulating me with cute dog faces
Technically just the one face
Another picture comes through, and this time it’s the bottom half of Teddy’s face while Kevin is perched in his arms.
Now I’m standing in my room staring at my phone trying to remember why I even came in here in the first place. I look back at my suitcase and then at my dresser. I know there is a swimsuit at the back of the one top drawer, but I also know that I haven’t worn it in two years, and if—and that’s a big if—I decide to wear one around Teddy, it’s not going to be a forgotten swimsuit from the depths of my undergarment drawer.
Ten minutes later, the salad and my nosy neighbor are forgotten, my phone is set to silent, and I’m halfway to the mall. If I’m doing this, I’m doing it with a new suit. It’s normal to want to look hot in front of an ex-turned-maybe-friend , I tell myself while I shuffle through the rack of suits, all annoyingly regular priced because it’s the start of the season. I find a vintage-cut suit that I know will highlight the hourglass shape I’ve grown to love, and even better it’s blue and white so it kind of matches Kevin’s vest. I don’t know why that feels relevant.
Thirty minutes after the last picture from Teddy, I’m back home sitting on the couch and eating my soggy kitchen sink salad, and the swimsuit is packed along with sunscreen and a giant floppy hat. There is rarely a checkout sale that I can say no to, hence the additional things.
You’re going into any lake first to check for leeches
As you wish
Do you have everything ready?
I think so
Well if you forget anything I’m sure we can find it before we actually reach the middle of nowhere
Which is why I’m not stressed about it
Good
Do you have everything ready?
Would you believe everything is already in the truck?
Even Kevin?
*Picture of Teddy’s hip and a sleeping Kevin next to him on the couch.
He’s getting all his sleep in now
Well, he does have to keep me awake during the long stretches
I’m more than willing to help with that too
I stare at the message trying to figure out if it’s innocent or not.
I’m a really good shoulder flicker
Innocent it is.