32. Max
I sit down on the bottom step of the steel bleachers, kicking my legs out and crossing them at the ankles. My dirty black Vans carve marks across the dirt as I stretch. Cole scoots forward on his seat and leans back as he takes the turn. It always catches my attention. A simple move that is alluring as fuck. Boys on bikes. My kryptonite. Cole on a bike…both that and my antidote.
He comes to a stop, finally noticing the skinny jeaned brunette walking down the metal steps. He passed me at least six times, not paying any mind to the small spectators area. After all these years, you couldn’t convince me otherwise that these were put here because of Colleen’s persistence.
“Damn. How did you pick up speed going over those whoops?” I call to the red and white helmet-cloaked man on his blue 450. He pulls it off and sweat drips down the bridge of his nose between his beautiful blue eyes. A smile that has been imprinted in my head since I was a teenager.
“Hey, what are you doing here?”
“I had a job interview. I’m moving back. Surprise.” I unbury my hands and stand up, walking over to him. The last time I stopped here was two months ago after Lauren’s baby shower. I was dressed in pink and felt ridiculous, but I couldn’t have missed the opportunity to call Andy out for skipping a baby shower to be here. It was expected that Cole would be at the track too. He only slowed down enough to wave. That was the weekend that Andy got into it with Tallan at the gate. I wish I could have been there to see it.
“What kind of job?” He asks.
“It’s in design, exactly what I want, and it’s flexible and I won’t have to do a lot of travel. A coffee shop in Richmond is expanding and wants me on their team. With Riley starting school next fall, this opportunity came at the right time.” Plucking my sunglasses off, I tuck them on top of my head.
“And you’re single, so that makes the decision easier.” He smirks, leaning on his helmet, in front of his seat he’s still straddling.
“Are you keeping tabs on me?”
“People talk in this town, or did you forget? Lived in the city too long.”
“There was country too. Back roads and big trees, a mansion of a treehouse even.” I spread my hands wide, in front of my face, stretching them like a big screen.
“You had the life,” he agrees. “What are you doing here, Max?” His eyes hold mine.
“I missed the track. What can I say?” I shrug.
“Sure you didn’t wanna get into one last fight, for old times’ sake?” Cole tucks his chin and smirks, then glances up.
“And make up for old times’ sake?” I press my teeth to my bottom lip.
“Why’d you leave him?”
“He left me.”
“Fucking idiot.”
His words pull a soft smile from my lips.
“No. He did what would have taken me years to do. End something that’s doomed from the start.”
Cole keeps his eyes on the ground. We both know the tension between us hasn’t left. The only difference is, I’m capable of shutting it down, while he hasn’t moved on. I have to assume that anyway. Small town. Everyone talks. And the girls would have mentioned if Cole had been dating someone new.
“Can I see Riley tonight?” I break the silence.
“You can see her whenever you want.”
I chuckle before opening up a can of worms. “Did you know your mom tried to get us back together?”
“What?” He scoffs. “When?”
“A few months ago when you supposedly had a girlfriend.”
“Ehh, so you know about that? How come you never said anything?”
“It wasn’t my place.”
“Calling me out on my shit has always been your place,” he replies.
“Well, I’m free right now. Want to catch a bite? Tell me what you’ve been up to, so I can call you out on your shit?”
I want to apologize to him for all the years I couldn’t. Despite my battle with committing to therapy, the past ten months, at the latest, have been impactful. The climb was rocky and long just to reach the peak. Now that I’m up here, I don’t want to fall down. We can be on good terms and be a strong parenting unit for our daughter. That’s my intention; to do the best I can do, knowing that life is messy and I’ll find what I’m looking for eventually…whatever it is.
“Sure you don’t want to take the bike for a spin first?” He leans back, balancing the bike between his thighs, and glances down.
“I would, although I’m not sure you could handle being humiliated by your ex-wife. My technical skills are top ten worthy.”
His brows raise, unphased by my sadistic sass. “It’s been how long since you’ve been on a bike? I remember the first time you got on one. I sense a replay.”
I’ve never let anything or anyone stop me before and I have more clarity now. I tip my head back in laughter. “You remember that?”
The familiar sound of another 450SX approaching pulls me to the orange bike that comes flying up. I know who it is before the rider unbuckles his helmet.
“I remember far more than I want to,” Cole replies. “Starting with the shit this fucker has done.” He thumbs to Timmy.
“Max!” His arms fling wide, holding his helmet close to his body in one arm.
“Did you miss me?”
He lays his bike down, puts his helmet on top of the seat, and walks over to me wrapping his around my shoulders. The brother I never had.
“Going off-roading hasn’t been the same without you.”
“Because nobody else can get away with pranking Amber.” I laugh. “How’s the newbie?”
“Baby Luna is doing great. You should stop by. How long are you in town for?” He asks as I brush the dirt from my faded band tee.
“Infinity.” My grin pulls wide and confusion takes over his face.
“What?”
“I’m moving back, dumbass.” I laugh.
“Oh shit!” He looks back at Cole. “Are you guys getting back together?”
“No,” I scold him. “I can move back on my own. I got a job offer, and I wanted to be closer to Ri when she starts school.”
“I know about this before Lauren. She’s gonna be pissed.” He shakes out a big smile. Is this the life I wanted to come back to? The one where someone moving back to town is the highlight of the week?
Yeah…because it shows exactly how much these people care about me. They’re my family through and through. They live for the drama and the dirt, in all the right ways.
“No, she’s going to be stoked.”
“I’m done for the day,” Cole says. “I’ll meet you in the parking lot, Max.”
“Oow,” Timmy coos.
“Don’t you dare start a fucking rumor. I can have a conversation with my ex-husband without screwing him or whatever that oow was about.”
“Damn girl, I’m joking,” he yips. “Glad you’re back Max. I’m gonna get a few more laps in.”
“Rumor mill told me you were retiring.”
“You can retire the racer, but you can’t retire the rider.” He pulls his black and white Bell helmet on. Securing it, he takes off, with his white jersey flicking up in the wind.
Journal Entry 34,
Happily ever after isn’t like the stories. You think you have it and then poof, everything changes because people change. We evolve for the better and we mutate for the worst.
I fell in love with Cole when I was still finding myself. In the years I spent with him, I found myself, got lost again, watched myself drown as if I were an outside party, and let him pull me to the surface on repeat, just as I did for him.
He gave me so much, but ultimately we both broke. We became people we didn’t want to face in the mirror. We need to break, so we could rebuild.
It took less than a year for me to realize that Ryke isn’t my forever. Chemistry can only take you so far. The parts we disagree on would eventually ruin our friendship. We didn’t want that.
I wanted him to save me, like Cole. He let me go, so I could save myself for the first time.
I tuck my legs under my butt, rooting around the warm tan loveseat across from the two matching chairs. Pink flowers sit in a vase on the white-legged table between them. It matches the two frame photographs near the window. I’m going to miss the little touches that make this room feel less medical and more inviting.
Emma walks back from her desk with a pink insulated mug. She shoves a bobby pin in her blonde high-set bun and tucks her muted orange skirt as she sits down.
“Sorry about that. You’re doing an excellent job recognizing the red flags, as you call them,“ Emma emphasizes. “Are happy you decided to give this a try?” Her indirect question hangs.
“I am.”
“Max, I’m truly glad you came to me and put your faith in my guidance.”
“You gave me something I hadn’t had before.”
“What about Ryke? How are you feeling about leaving?”
“It was too soon. Not leaving…beginning. I jumped when I should have kept sailing. That’s what happens when you feel the lust and excitement of something new. The attention and his lifestyle was always thrilling, but at heart, I’m a small-town girl who wants a simple, back road life. I want the tree, not the treehouse.”
“Well, I am going to miss your face every week. Don’t ghost me on the bi-weekly tele-visits.”
“I’m not going to.”
“This only works if you put in the effort. Utilize your journal.”
“I agree. I will.”
“That’s the last box.” Ryke closes the tailgate of my truck. He begins to speak at the same time as I do, fumbling into each other’s words. “You go,” he insists.
“Ryke, I know I already said it, but I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”
“Hey, don’t act like this is goodbye. I’m always here when you need me and anytime you want to stop by the club, let me know. I’ll set you up in VIP.”
I’m going to miss his stupid, beautiful face.
“Well, Tayla is going to take care of your social media department amazingly. She’s the best replacement I could find. Not better than me.” I hold my hands to my chest. “But she’s close.”
“She’s certainly not you.” His gaze trails to the ground. “Text me when you get there, please.” He taps the side of the truck twice.
“Everything happens for a reason,” I replay his notorious one-liner. “If I don’t text you, it’s probably because I’m too busy being awesome.”
“If that new job doesn’t treat you well, you always have a place here.”
“Dude, I got this,” I sass, holding my hands in surrender.
“Bro, I hate it that you do.” He nudges my elbow. “I secretly want you to fail.”
“So we can be twins?”
“Sure. Replace Raiden. I’m sick of him anyway.”
“He follows me on IG now, stalking my boring life.” I roll my eyes up. “I’m the badass cleaning lady.”
“He likes you more than me now. Share the womb with a guy, you’d think he would have my back.”
I climb into my truck, taking one last look at the apartment building…at the sidewalk and the grass that surrounds it…at the man who stands a foot from my passenger door with his tattooed hand tucked along his pocket and the other saluting me like I’m off to war. “You better text me, peach!” He yells.
“Love you, too.”