Chapter 13
Theo
Of course, we had to run into her here.
“She’s hot dude. How did you get yourself mixed up with her? I didn’t know you had a girlfriend?” Simon pressed.
I looked up at him and felt sick again. I hurried to grab the glass of water on the table and drink it. I was so cold. I needed a pill to smooth all of this down.
“I don’t have a girlfriend. I barely know her.” I looked up at him, waiting for him to say something.
“Hello, guys. What can I get started for you?” I looked over at the waitress and sighed.
“Just more water for me, please.” Simon put his menu down and looked over at the waitress.
“Can you give us a few minutes please?” She smiled.
“Sure thing, just wave me down when you’re ready.” She walked away. I waited for him to start grilling me about Serenity, but I had nothing else to say about her.
“Are you still using?” he asked, and I sure wasn’t expecting that.
“No.” I can’t look at him when I say it because he will know I’m lying, but since I’m not looking at him, he might know, anyway.
“You’re lying. I remember. I know you better than you know yourself. What is it now? The needle? Alcohol?” I looked up at him but I couldn’t lie to him. He really did know me better than anyone.
“Pills again.”
Ding, ding.
He shook his head and ran his hands through his hair.
“Of course it is. Is that why you’re getting sick? I will pay for whatever treatment that you want, Theo, but you need help.” I shook my head because he knew that I wouldn’t take his money. I was the older brother and should be trying to take care of him.
“I deserve to be here and live this way.” He slammed his hand on the table and a few people turned. When they saw nothing was happening, they turned back.
“You don’t deserve this. You did nothing wrong. It was all an accident, Theo, not your fault.” I quickly slid out of the booth and went for the door. I couldn’t do this. It was all my fault.
“Theo, come back!” I heard him yell, but I was already out the door and reaching for the pill bottle. When I got it open, I grabbed for two this time. I needed the darkness to come faster this time and stay longer. There had been way too much emotional shit today. I took both pills and tossed them back and looked into the bottle.
“Shit!”
There were only a few left. I needed to be smart about this and try to make them last. I didn’t want to see Claire again. I didn’t want to have anything to do with her anymore, but what other choice did I have? I couldn’t go back to my brother. I knew he wanted me to get help, but I didn’t want that.
Right? I didn’t want that.
I kept questioning myself, which was not something that I had done in a while, but it’s her. Thinking about Serenity and wanting a relationship with her was putting these feelings and thoughts in my head. I didn’t know what to do about that.
I started to walk faster down the street with no intent of stopping. I felt my phone go off and took it out of my pocket. When I glanced at who was calling, I froze. I decided to answer because I was not trying to burn this bridge just yet. With a heavy sigh, I swiped the button over.
“Hello, Claire.” Clear your head Theo.
“Hey, sweety. Haven’t heard from you in a few days. Was wondering how you’re feeling and when I’m getting a visit?” She chuckled then. I thought back and tried to pinpoint when I saw her last, but I couldn’t put my days together.
“Okay, let me rephrase because I know that you’re not going to say much. My house tomorrow night. See you then and don’t come late. You know I hate that.”
Fuck.
“Fine.” I could hear the smile through the phone. Was that even possible?
“Good boy. Bye for now.” Then she hung up.
I put my phone in my pocket and felt the pills starting to take over and decided that I need to go lay down before my mind went blank. I walked over to a bench and paused when I felt the first wave of the drug. When I sat down, it was just in time. The darkness started to take over and my head felt heavy. I crossed my arms and laid my head to the side. Peace and quiet were coming next, and I could not wait. Just as the thought passed through my head, it was all gone. There was nothing left. This was what I keep chasing every day. I didn’t know how to let it go. To sit there and have nothing bother me. Nothing holding me in place. Nothing to stress me, day in and day out. Being here like this, no one could hurt me while I was here. But better yet, I couldn’t hurt anyone.
When I woke and looked around, I noticed that the sun was now gone down. How long was I out? Everything seemed a little fuzzy still, but I ran my eyes and grabbed my phone.
Shit. Claire was expecting me soon. I set my phone back in my pocket and rubbed my hands over my face and thought about Serenity.
I closed my eyes and saw those piercing green eyes staring back at me. I needed to figure out how to get her out of my head so I could go back to my shitty life. I couldn’t live like this, questioning who I was anymore. I knew that I could be a better person but I used to not want to. But after meeting her and all the random run-ins, I kind of wanted to be better. Maybe I could have that life back?
Who was I kidding? That’s not possible. Claire would ruin me. Hell, I would ruin myself. I would ruin her just like I did to Camie.
I stood and decided I might as well get this night over with. I started to make my way back to the path and head toward Claire’s. I needed to make sure that I timed this right. If I took two more of the pills halfway there, I would be in the dark the whole time.
I couldn’t take what I had to do to get the rest of that money. It made me sick to think about it. I bowed my head down and tried to shake it off. How much more could she break me? That was a very dangerous question to ask and I was actually terrified of the answer.