Chapter Thirty-one
For a few moments I sit rooted to the chair in a daze. What just happened? I’d expected some sort of reaction from Dexter, not this non-reaction. It’s almost insulting. Fury boils up from deep within me. Aren’t I worth fighting for? Maybe he isn’t the right man for me if he’s willing to give up on me quite so easily. I bat aside the thought that the same is true of me, and I’m being hypocritical. That’s not the point here.
My breath comes in heaving gasps, and it gives me no pleasure to know I’ve probably done the right thing in booking my flight home and accepting my university place. Everything here is so transient, after all. Just when I thought I had my future here mapped out, it’s up in the air again.
Well, I guess there’s only one thing for it: I need to tell Carlos and Sofia. I hoist myself out of the garden chair and head back indoors towards Carlos’ office. But before I can reach it, Mariangeles appears as if conjured by some magician’s trick. I have no idea how she manages to materialise out of thin air, but she’s always there. Perhaps she has the gift of invisibility or super speed.
‘Well?’ she asks. ‘How did it go?’
Numbly, I say, ‘It didn’t.’
She frowns. ‘You didn’t tell him? Whyever not?’
I give a small headshake. ‘No. I did tell him. He didn’t react. Didn’t fight for me… for us.’ I mumble the last part almost to myself.
Mariangeles guides me into the admin office. ‘I think you’d better tell me everything,’ she says in a tone that brooks no argument.
It doesn’t take me long to fill her in. When I’ve finished, she shakes her head. ‘Do you know something? I want to knock both your heads together. He is as stubborn and pig-headed as you are impulsive.’
She’s not the first to call me that.
‘So, what now?’ she asks.
I sigh heavily. ‘I was on my way to tell Carlos and Sofia.’
‘No, no, no, no, no!’ She wags a finger at me. ‘Not yet. Let’s see if we can sort this out.’
‘Mariangeles–’ I look her directly in the eyes ‘–what exactly do you think there is to sort out? Maybe if Dexter had given even the slightest indication that he cared one way or the other if I stayed or not, we’d have a chance. Perhaps I would turn down the opportunity to go to uni if I felt he reciprocated my feelings, but from where I was standing– or sitting– during that conversation, the traffic was all one way.’
‘And I’m telling you, you’re wrong,’ Mariangeles insists. ‘I was here when Maite and Dexter were together, and I never saw his face light up when he was with her, the way it does when he’s with you.’
I grit my teeth at the unfairness of it all. ‘Then he has to do something about it. As things stand, I fly home a week today. And personally, I don’t see anything changing. I’m grateful for your support, Mariangeles, more than you’ll ever know, but I think you may be wrong about this one.’
‘I’m never wrong,’ Mariangeles mutters under her breath. ‘You’ll see.’
‘Maybe, but it’s only fair I tell Carlos and Sofia now.’
Mariangeles takes my hands in hers. ‘ Chica , please, leave it at least until tomorrow.’
‘Then I’m not even giving Carlos and Sofia a week’s notice. I can’t do that. My conscience won’t let me.’
Mariangeles growls in frustration, actually growls. ‘Give it until dinner then, please.’ She looks into my eyes so earnestly, I can’t say no.
‘Fine. Dinnertime. Right, I’m off to ask Victor to give me some work, to keep me as far away as possible from Dexter hopefully for the rest of the day.’
Mariangeles mumbles something noncommittal and goes off in the opposite direction to me.
As I walk down to the sloth enclosures, I ring Becca. Immediately, her face pops up on my phone. Video-calling is the best, except when you have bad news to impart. I hadn’t managed to text her earlier to tell her the latest drama, so I’ll fill her in on all of it now, plus the outcome. Job done.
‘Hey, Kat, how’s it going in the Rich Coast?’
‘It’s been better.’
Most people would think, “What now?” but Becca outright says, ‘Oh, what now?’ Her directness is one of the things I’ve always loved about her.
‘Hmm, where to start? Well, as you know Dexter’s pregnant ex-girlfriend turned up and I thought it was his baby, but it wasn’t, so in a fit of pique– I guess– before I knew it wasn’t his baby, I emailed the uni and said I’d start in September and then booked a flight home.’ I finally pause. ‘Yep, that’s about it, in a nutshell.’
Becca gapes. ‘You did what? Why? Didn’t we discuss this already and you were going to talk this through with Dexter like adults?’
I blow out a breath. ‘Yeah, well, that horse has bolted.’
‘Jeez, Kat, I can’t leave you alone for two minutes.’
‘I forgot to ask. How was your date?’ I deflect nicely.
‘Oh no, no, no, no! You’re not getting away with it that easily.’
‘What? I’m just showing some interest in your life. You have to deal with my dramas all the time. I thought maybe you had some of your own, I could help with.’
‘Kat, stop it! This is serious. Much as I’d like you to come home from a “having my bestie here” perspective, you have to resolve the situation in Costa Rica first, before you can move forward. Did you even talk to Dexter?’
My hand flies to my mouth. ‘Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry.’ My voice oozes insincerity. ‘I almost forgot the best part.’ I pause for a second, collecting my thoughts. ‘Didn’t I say? Oh, when I told Dexter that I had assumed the baby was his, and that I’d booked a flight home and accepted a place at uni, he said nothing. Noth-ing. And when I asked him if he had anything to say, he said, and I quote “I think you’ve already said everything, don’t you?”’
I wait for Becca’s outburst, but when her reaction comes, it’s not what I was expecting.
‘Is it any wonder, Kat?’
‘Sorry?’ It’s amazing how much outrage I manage to fit into one word. Becca’s my best friend. Surely she isn’t taking Dexter’s side in this.
‘Kat, I love you, but sometimes you can be so stubborn and blind to what’s going on around you. By your own admission, you jumped to conclusions. You didn’t give the poor guy time to respond, to explain what the situation was with Maite. You did your usual, and it’s not completely your fault. That muppet Aidan has a lot to answer for. He’s knocked your self-confidence and your faith in men.’
I go to interrupt but she holds up a finger to silence me. ‘No, you need to hear this. But Dexter isn’t Aidan. I don’t even know him, but he sounds like a decent guy from what you’ve told me. The complete antithesis to Aidan. And, he’s supporting his pregnant ex-girlfriend, even though the baby isn’t his. That sounds like a pretty responsible man to me.’
She draws breath and I start, ‘But, Becca, you–’
‘Kat. You haven’t told each other you love each other yet, but you’ve assumed he was shagging Roisin and you’ve thought he had got someone pregnant and was in a jam. But on both occasions, you didn’t talk it out with him until it was too late. How am I doing so far?’
I bristle slightly then gulp and say hesitantly, ‘That’s reasonably accurate.’
‘And now you’ve told him you’ve accepted a place at uni, on a different continent, and even booked a flight home, without having any type of discussion with him, or allowing him to explain. Have I got that right?’
I nod numbly.
Becca stays on the line, but says nothing more, until finally I crack. ‘I’ve screwed up, Becca. Once, I might have been able to come back from, but twice? Everything you’ve said is true. I made assumptions based on the worst-case scenario, when Dexter had given me nothing but reasons to believe in him, believe in us.’
‘Kat, I’m going to contradict myself here, but do yourself a favour, instead of just asking for my advice, this time I strongly recommend you take it.’
‘I’m sorry.’ I’m on the verge of tears, and I hate myself for being so needy and pathetic. I don’t know what’s going on with me.
‘And stop bloody apologising. Go and sort it. Now I’m going to go, because sometimes I need to be cruel to be kind. Call me back once you’ve spoken to him. Good luck.’
She hangs up and I stare at the phone in shock. I know Becca’s forthright, but part of me feels that was a step too far, even for her.
Once I’ve recovered from the way Becca spoke to me, I return to the sanctuary– Victor will have to do without me for a little longer– but I can’t find Dexter anywhere. I bump into Mariangeles, too, but she hasn’t been able to track him down either.
I try calling him. Nothing. I try texting. Still nothing.
Finally, I go to see Carlos, who is in his office, sifting through a pile of paperwork, Ferdinand, as ever, close to him.
‘Kat! What a lovely surprise. What can I do for you? Come in and sit down.’
‘Thanks, but I’m not stopping. I’m going to help Victor in a sec. Have you seen Dexter? I needed to catch up with him about something.’
Carlos gives me a long, hard look, not an unkind one, but searching and knowing. ‘I’m afraid you’ve missed him. He asked for a few days’ emergency leave. He left about ten minutes ago.’
It’s all I can do not to rant and rail against the injustice of it all. Whilst I was getting a lecture from Becca, Dexter was hotfooting it out of here. Great. What now?
‘I don’t suppose he said where he was going, did he?’
Carlos shakes his head. ‘No, he just said it was something urgent, and I didn’t ask him any questions. I know if he wanted me to know anything or wanted my advice, he’d say so.’
I can’t help thinking Carlos’ comment is a little pointed, as in, I’m prying too much. Trying not to show my disappointment, I say, ‘OK. I’ll catch up with him later.’
My fingernails dig into my palms as I walk out of Carlos’ office. I don’t recall the last time I felt this despondent. I honestly don’t know what to do. My duty is here, at the sanctuary, at least until I leave, but part of me wants to track Dexter down, although the fact he’s not answering his phone gives the impression he doesn’t want to be found.
If Dexter’s really away on leave, I can’t hang around. I won’t give Sofia and Carlos only a few days’ notice that I’m leaving, nor will I not tell them, when the girls already know– it’s not fair. I just need to decide exactly when to tell them and how.
All day, I startle whenever I hear a beep, wondering if it’s Dexter finally responding to my texts or calling me, but it never is. At dinner, I sit with the others, feeling sorry for myself, but trying to pretend everything is OK. I told Mariangeles that Dexter has gone away and neither she nor Ella or Federica can think where. And even if he is with Maite, that’s not a bad thing, as he’s helping a pregnant friend in need whilst her partner’s away. I don’t begrudge him that– now– but I wish I had a way that we could talk, cards on the table, and work through our problems.
I texted Becca. I couldn’t face her berating me again. I know she did it for the right reason, but I can’t deal with it at the moment. I told her Dexter had taken off and that I’d missed my chance to have that chat.
And I’ve come to a decision. After dinner, I’m going to tell Carlos I’m heading home. I can’t sort things with Dexter if he’s not here, and if he wasn’t willing to stick around to try to repair things between us, then what’s the point? Maybe I should begin to look forward to the new start and challenge back home– the chance finally to go to university– something I’ve never had. A new experience. New friends. New potential boyfriends.
But I don’t want new friends, or a new boyfriend. I want the ones I have here. Ideally, I’d like Becca to have a portkey so she could zip back and forth between Costa Rica and Scotland so I wouldn’t miss her. That is, as long as she isn’t going to be quite as direct as she was earlier, although that was purely a one-off to sort me out. Still, in the absence of the portkey or the portal, I’d settle for my Costa Rican crew. But that possibility is looking less and less likely.
I don’t even manage my dessert. Empanadas de pina. I nibble at a piece of the pastry and the pineapple tastes heavenly, but I simply can’t swallow it.
‘ Chicas , wish me luck. I’m going to tell Carlos.’
Ella’s mouth downturns, Mariangeles grasps my hand and Federica shoots me a pitying look. Yeah, they can tell how this is going to go down: like a lead balloon.
Carlos is walking to his car when I accost him. I’d clocked him leaving the canteen and wanted to get him on his own.
‘Carlos, do you have a minute?’
He turns, but his usual smile is absent; instead he adopts a wary expression as if he already knows I’m about to tell him something he’d rather not hear.
‘ Venga , let’s sit by the firepit. We can talk there as the others are still at dinner.’ He ushers me towards the chairs that encircle the fire. It’s not lit at the minute, so I pull my cardigan around me as I take a seat.
‘Carlos, I’m really sorry, but I’m leaving.’
His eyes don’t show the shock or surprise I’d expected. Did Dexter tell him? But if so, why didn’t he tell me so earlier when I asked about Dexter’s whereabouts?
When he says nothing, I go on. ‘I’ve been offered a place at university to study veterinary medicine.’
He steeples his fingers under his chin. ‘Congratulations. I’m happy for you.’
‘You are?’ I try but fail to keep the incredulity out of my tone. ‘But why? Aren’t I leaving you in the lurch?’
Carlos smiles. ‘Kat, it has been a pleasure to have you here, however temporary. I would never stand in the way of one of our volunteers going off to do their own thing again, especially when they’re improving themselves.’
Personally, I’m not sure university is an improvement on living in Costa Rica and working in a sloth sanctuary, but I keep shtum.
‘Kat, how could I be cross at you wanting to work and train with animals? This way you’ll be realising a dream. A lifelong dream?’
‘Since I was little.’
‘See? I couldn’t possibly be mad at you. I’ll miss you, as will we all, but you must do what’s right for you.’
His words echo those Dexter spoke to me right before Maite pulled up in her car, and what the others have been saying since.
‘Well, thanks for being so understanding. I-I-I’ve booked a flight. I’m afraid I leave a week today.’
‘In that case, we’ll have to make the most of you being here for the next week.’
‘I’m sorry about the short notice,’ I say, fidgeting with the hem of my T-shirt.
‘Kat, in life things happen for a reason. You came to us for a reason. Maybe your mission has been accomplished. Don’t worry about us; we’ll be fine. We always are.’ He pats my hand in a fatherly fashion. ‘Now go and enjoy what time you have left with us.’
I nod mutely and smile at him, too caught up in my thoughts to muster anything else.