Chapter Thirty-two
The next few days fly past, as we care for the sloths, a man down, with Dexter still absent. It’s obvious to me that Dexter does more than the job of one person, as it’s so noticeable when he’s not there, and part of me wonders if Carlos was just saying they’d cope no problem when I return home, to stop me from feeling so bad.
Knowing Dexter had told Carlos he would be gone for a couple of days, I finally stop checking my phone or glancing up when a car rumbles along the road towards the sanctuary, instead focusing my energies on making the most of these final days with the sloths and my adoptive family and friends.
Two days before I am due to fly home, I wave Carlos and Sofia off as they leave for a trip to Quepos.
An hour later, a taxi draws up to the sanctuary, and Dexter steps out, wearing faded jeans and a red checked shirt. He looks like a wrangler on a Texan ranch.
I’ve decided I want to make things right with him before I go home, even though any romantic relationship between us is over. However, I don’t want to pounce on him the minute he steps over the threshold. Instead, I wait until I bump into him naturally. I’d imagined that would be in the canteen, but I’m wrong.
‘Kat.’
I look up at the sound of his voice. I didn’t hear him come into the nursery. I’ve been busy with Bolt. A jolt of electricity courses through me as his eyes meet mine; however, it’s not a jolt of attraction, but alarm. He still takes my breath away, but it’s the pain and sadness in his eyes that I note.
‘Dexter.’ I gulp past the bowling ball blocking my throat.
He scrapes a hand through his hair. I’ve never seen him look so wretched, not even when we argued about the Roisin debacle.
‘So you’re really going?’
My eyes search his and I nod mutely, which elicits a long sigh from him.
‘Dexter, I want you to know I’m sorry.’
His eyebrows raise at this. ‘For what?’
Now it’s my turn to sigh. ‘Where do I start?’
He gives a sad smile. ‘The beginning’s usually the best place, I find.’
My lips lift slightly at the corners. ‘I’m sorry I destroyed everything between us by jumping to conclusions and by being so bloody impulsive. Becca’s not pleased with me either.’
‘Things must be bad.’ His eyes crinkle at the corners.
‘Yes, we don’t argue often. In fact, we never argue,’ I realise. ‘But she was pretty vehement when we last spoke. She made it clear to me that just because I’ve had reason to be wary in relationships in the past, I shouldn’t have foisted those issues onto our relationship. She’s right, and I’m truly sorry.’
Dexter dips his head in acknowledgement. ‘Thanks. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry too. I should have been more sensitive to the situation with Maite. It simply didn’t occur to me, as I knew I didn’t see Maite in that way any more, plus I obviously knew I couldn’t be the father. The timings weren’t right.’
‘I know that now, but when your face went white on seeing her baby bump when she got out of the car, I assumed the worst.’
He smiles. ‘You did. You added two and two and got five.’
I give a wry grin. ‘Yeah, I tend to do that a lot. Dexter, I wish things could have been different. I’ll always… always… care about you.’
His face shutters over momentarily. Damn. I’ve said the wrong thing again.
‘And I you,’ he finally says. He clears his throat. ‘So, are you looking forward to starting your course?’
I haven’t even thought about the course, or much about what will happen when I return home. All I know is I have no idea where I’m going to live, beyond on Becca’s couch for the first week.
Whilst I’m here, I’m in a kind of limbo, and Dexter’s disappearing act added to that. And now he’s back. Will the next two days stretch out interminably between us like some sort of protracted torture, or will it whizz past because the face of the man I love is ever-present and I’ll be subjected to seeing him constantly, fully cognisant of the fact that soon I’ll be leaving him and there’s nothing I can do about it? My chance has passed.
I want to indelibly imprint his face in my mind, forever, however painful it may be. The long, straight Greek nose, the satin soft eyebrows whose shape is far better than mine, annoyingly, and the sandy blonde stubble.
Despite him appearing drawn, the heavily stubbled look suits him, although I’m not sure whether he has adopted it through lack of self-care the past few days or by design.
Belatedly, I realise Dexter is still waiting for an answer. ‘Honestly, I haven’t even thought about it.’
He straightens at that and shoots me a quizzical look.
‘I’ve not exactly had much headspace,’ I confess, and he nods slightly as if he understands.
Silence descends between us, and it’s me who eventually breaks it. ‘I hope you’ll be happy. I really wish that for you.’
He regards me for a long moment, then says. ‘And me for you. I–’
His phone rings but he ignores it. His eyes remain on mine. ‘Kat, I…’
He looks like he’s debating something with himself and can’t quite commit to getting the words out. Finally, he says, ‘I wish we had more time. I–’
His phone rings again. ‘Sorry. I need to take this. That’s the second time Carlos has called in a few minutes.’
I nod and wait for him to leave to take his call, but he stays put. Answering, he says, ‘Carlos?’ but the jovial banter I expected between them after Dexter’s few days away isn’t forthcoming, and I glance up to see Dexter has a grave expression on his face.
‘Of course.’ He signals to me for pen and paper, which I grab from a nearby table and hand to him.
He scribbles furiously and then listens for another few moments before hanging up.
His hand shakes as he tears the piece of paper from the pad and puts it in his pocket.
A horrible feeling unfurls in my stomach. ‘Dexter, is everything OK?’
‘No, that was the police. Carlos and Sofia have been in an accident. They’re being taken to hospital in Quepos by ambulance.’
My hand flies to my mouth and I think I’m about to throw up. No! God, no. Nothing can happen to Carlos and Sofia.
Instinctively, I reach out and touch Dexter’s arm. ‘Did the police say what happened?’ I want to ask how critical they are, but I’m afraid of the answer.
He shakes his head. ‘They weren’t very clear on the details. All they said was Carlos and Sofia were alive but had been in a three-car accident on the road to Quepos.’ His voice cracks as he says the last part and my fingers find his.
‘They’ll be OK.’ I look him in the eye. ‘They will. They have to be.’
He bobs his head automatically. ‘We have to find Javier. The police tried his number first, but his phone was switched off. I’m their other emergency contact, so they called me.’
‘Which hospital are they going to?’
‘Max Teran Valls. It’s a good hospital, so that’s a relief.’
My heart rate dials back a notch. Dexter looks like a million things are going through his mind right now, so I say, ‘You go find Javier, I’ll let everyone else know what’s happening, presuming that’s what you want.’ I wait for his confirmation.
He nods, so I continue, ‘Then I’ll meet you at the truck. I’m coming with you.’
‘You don’t have to do that,’ Dexter protests.
I lay my hand on his arm again. ‘I want to. Carlos and Sofia are almost like replacement parents to all of us.’
He nods again. ‘OK. Call me if you see Javier before I find him, or if anyone knows where he is.’
‘I will.’ I follow him out of the nursery and hear Federica say, ‘Are you OK, Dexter? You don’t look well.’
He draws up short at that and Federica visibly startles.
‘Have you seen Javier?’ he asks her.
Federica shakes her head. ‘What’s going on? Is everything all right?’
‘Go,’ I tell Dexter. ‘I’ll explain to Federica.’
Dexter doesn’t wait any longer and leaves the foyer, eyes scanning as he goes, on the lookout for Javier.
‘Federica, where is everyone else?’
She frowns. ‘Mariangeles and Ella are doing admin, Victor’s mucking out, Alejandro’s constructing something in the outdoor sloth play area and Roisin nipped out for some groceries. Why?’
‘Let’s go see Mariangeles and Ella, then I’ll tell you.’
We head for the admin office where Ella is sitting at one computer with Mariangeles at the other. Both glance up as we enter.
‘Hey, chicas .’ Mariangeles’ smile is bright until she reads our faces. Ella’s eyes are wide with concern.
‘What’s wrong?’ Mariangeles asks.
‘That’s what I asked,’ says Federica, framed in the doorway beside me.
‘Have either of you seen Javier?’ I ask.
Ella shakes her head, but Mariangeles replies, ‘He was going diving with Ed and Nicolás today, I think.’
Oh shit.
‘Do you know when he left?’ I press.
Mariangeles shrugs. ‘A little after Carlos and Sofia. Why the sudden interest in Javier’s movements?’
‘Give me a minute, then I’ll explain. I need to call Dexter first.’ I fumble with the keypad of my phone, searching for Dexter’s name.
‘Dexter, Javier went diving with Ed and Nicolás. Try their phones. Let me know if you get them. I’ll be at the truck in five minutes tops.’
When I end the call with Dexter, my three friends are staring at me wide-eyed and their expressions mirror the fear I feel in my gut.
‘Tell us what has happened,’ says Mariangeles, her voice trembling.
I take a shaky breath in. ‘Carlos and Sofia have been in an accident. They’re on their way to hospital now.’
‘ Dios mio .’ Mariangeles blesses herself, whilst Federica’s look of horror says it all, and Ella blanches.
‘What happened?’ Mariangeles asks once she has composed herself.
‘We don’t know yet. All the police could confirm was that they were alive and on their way to hospital.’
‘We have to tell Javier. Ay , he’s at the beach with the guys,’ puts in Federica.
‘Dexter and I will go get him. His phone was off. That’s why the police called Dexter.’
Comprehension crosses their faces.
‘Can you all manage everything between you? Sorry, I know I’m the newbie, soon to be…’ I’ll have to postpone my flight. It hits me with a clarity I’ve seldom possessed. There’s no way I can return to Scotland knowing Carlos and Sofia are incapacitated. Certainly not until I know the extent of their injuries. Depending on their severity, it could be weeks, months before they can get around independently. I give myself a little shake. I need to stop catastrophising. For all we know, they may simply have whiplash, although honestly, that’s not how it came across when Dexter was on the phone with the police.
My phone rings. Dexter.
‘I called Nicolás. They’ve just come out of the water. We’re going to pick Javier up on the way. Can you meet me at the truck now?’
I hesitate for a split second, translating the unspoken message in his instruction. It doesn’t take two of us to drive to the hospital. In fact, I’d probably be more use here. No, there can only be one reason Dexter has asked me to come: He needs me there.
‘I’m on my way.’ I hang up and turn to the girls. We share a group hug, and for some reason I feel the need to reassure them. ‘They’re both going to be OK, got it?’ Somehow if I say that aloud, it’s as if a higher power will listen and it will all be fine. Let’s hope I’m right. With an extra hug to a now tearful Ella, I jog to the sanctuary entrance and out into the car park where Dexter is starting the engine.
As I swing myself into the seat next to him, he shoots me a grateful look. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t need to. We both need to concentrate on what lies ahead. Now is not the time for talking. Best to keep our energy for later, when we meet Javier, then hopefully Carlos and Sofia.
It’s not long before we pull into the beach where Ed, Javier and Nicolás were diving, but it felt as if the journey took hours. Javier’s face is ashen and I instinctively envelop him in a hug after Dexter greets him. Nicolás’ face, too, is drawn, his eyes red.
Javier sinks down in the front seat, deep in thought as we rumble away from the beach and along the highway towards the hospital. Nicolás and I sit in relative silence in the back as I will the truck to go faster.
The one godsend is that Javier wasn’t too far away today. I know he, Ed and Nicolás have gone on some dives much further afield in recent weeks.
Twenty minutes later, thankfully, we arrive at the hospital, where I go directly with Javier and Nicolás to reception to see what they can tell us whilst Dexter parks the truck. As I cast my eye around the waiting room, the only piece of good news is that it isn’t that busy. Maybe that bodes well for Sofia and Carlos.
My heart aches for Javier as I witness him try to be strong when he must surely be falling apart inside. I put my arm around his shoulder and he leans into me, clearly appreciative of the support, both mentally and physically.
By the time Dexter joins us, a doctor is talking calmly to Javier and Nicolás and inviting them to follow him into a side room. Oh God, this is bad. That’s the relatives’ room. Isn’t that what they do in medical dramas when the news is bad? When someone… I can’t bring myself to say the word which springs to my lips. No, I’ve got to keep thinking positive, particularly for Javier’s sake. It’s just fear getting the better of me. They’re not even my parents and I’m terrified. Perhaps it’s because I’ve already lost one parent and know how devastating it is.
We still don’t even know what exactly happened. What caused the accident. Who caused the accident. If there were any other people injured. What type of injuries they’ve sustained. Crikey, I’m thinking like an American crime drama. Sustained. Oh, here we go. My mind is going off on a tangent to prevent me thinking too hard about the possibility of Carlos and Sofia being hooked up to machines and tubes.
Then the doctor comes back out of the relatives’ room with Javier, who looks dazed, and Nicolás, who has his arm round his cousin’s shoulder. Dexter and I both move towards them in synch.
We wait for Javier to speak. His voice cracks with emotion and then he bursts into tears, as Dexter sweeps him into a hug and I hold them both. It can’t be. And both of them? Two of the most wonderful people on the planet. What kind of god would take them so soon? Especially with all the good they do and how kind they are. The same god who took your dad too early , says a little voice.
In between us, Javier snuffles then composes himself. ‘They’re in ICU. Mum has a ruptured spleen and Dad has punctured a lung.’
Suddenly, that seems like the best news I’ve heard in years. Next to me, Dexter sags with relief. I’m sure he thought the same as me when Javier broke down– that his parents were gone. At least now they have a chance. Their injuries are significant but they’re alive.
Javier looks at Nicolás. ‘They’ve said we can see them for a little bit.’ He turns to Dexter and me. ‘Sorry. It’s only family for now.’
‘We understand, Javi. We’ll wait right here, and we’ll be here for you both when you come back,’ Dexter says.
‘And if they can hear you, send them our love,’ I add.
He nods mutely then heads with Nicolás in the direction of the ICU.
As they walk away my phone rings. Assuming it’s someone from the sanctuary, I answer, but it’s Becca, video-calling me.
‘Hey, checking in to see how you’re getting back from the airport on Friday.’
Oh no. Worst possible timing. Becca starts rabbiting on about how we’re going out on the town when I get home, and that now I’ve made the decision to come home, I need to forget Dexter, move on. Cringing, I turn the volume down a little, hoping Dexter didn’t hear.
Eventually, I interrupt, as Becca is on a roll and doesn’t show any sign of stopping.
‘Becca, can I call you back? It’s not a good time. Carlos and Sofia have had an accident. I’m at the Emergency Room now with their son, nephew and Dexter.’
‘Oh my God!’ blurts Becca. ‘Are they all right?’
I shake my head. ‘It’s too soon to say.’
Flustered, she says, ‘Well, keep me posted.’
I hang up and turn to Dexter, who looks even more crushed than before. Did he overhear or is he simply, and understandably, worried about Sofia and Carlos?
Dexter sits down on the hard metal bench chairs, his hands laced together, his elbows on his knees and his head hanging down through them.
I do the only thing I can: I try to comfort him by slipping my arm around his back, so he knows I’m here for him. I say nothing and we stay like that for a few minutes.
As I sit there in the silence, I know one thing for sure– I can’t go home. Not now. Not yet.