Chapter 11 Audrey
Eleven: Audrey
Call If You Need Me - Vance Joy
Connor rented an apartment for me before he went back to Missouri and I didn’t argue, especially when he said it's only month-to-month. I didn’t fight it, mainly because it gave me a place to store my stuff.
But I didn't unpack after he left. I didn’t make it a home.
Instead, on my first night in the apartment, I watched Safe Haven and cried, mourning seven years with the wrong guy.
I let days turn into weeks, overthinking every memory, every moment—beating myself up for all the things I lost out on, for staying with someone that was wrong for me. Did I put up with him out of fear? Was I just settling? I can’t quite figure out why I stuck it out for so long.
Selena attempts to cheer me up by inviting me for girls' nights. Even all of my mutual friends with Paul are "Team Audrey," offering me support too. I just can't help feeling like I've woken up from a nightmare but I don't know how to rewrite history.
The sadness stemming from Paul cheating on me is chipping away day by day, especially with Noah checking in every few days.
Now, every time my phone pings I’m hoping it’s him. He doesn’t talk about Paul, or ask me to open up, but the other day he texted me to say I can call him if I ever need him. I thanked him, laughing it off, but part of me wanted to dial his number right away to hear his voice.
To feel like I’m home again.
I don’t know how to face him, because now I have nothing to hide behind, nothing to hold me back from chasing what I really wanted all along.
Connor snagged tickets to the opening game this upcoming Saturday for me, Selena, and Fiona. I’ve been giving him the run around on whether I'll actually come or not.
I want to go and support him. But I also know if I see Connor and Noah in action again it’ll feel like old times, and I don’t know if I can wrap my head around that feeling yet.
I’ve been avoiding the subject with Connor and I know he’s starting to get annoyed, he sent me numerous texts today while I was at work. The minute I get through my front door his texts start up again.
A knock sounds at my door as I’m making dinner. I half expect Connor to barge in, but after I ignore the first knock there isn’t a follow up one.
Maybe it was the wrong apartment?
Connor: ARE YOU COMING?
Connor: Pretty please, sissy dearest.
Connor: You can ignore my texts all you want but you can’t ignore the package someone sent you. It’s outside your door!
Seriously?
I open my front door to find a giant box. Placing it on the coffee table, I sigh. What did he send me now?
Ripping open the box, I pull out a Royals jersey; but instead of Mendez 92 on the back it says Benson 21.
Wait, did Noah send this?
I read the shipping label and sure enough it’s from Noah Benson.
I run my hand over the jersey. His name looks so good against the blue fabric and a part of me is tempted to put it on right now and never take it off.
A note in the box stares at me. Noah’s handwriting.
He’s desperate, Auddie. Don’t make us miss our opening game. It’s our first game on the same team in a long time. We’ll fly out there, you know we will. I’ll need my good luck charm back. I never play a game without it.
Beside the note sits the crocheted lucky charm that I made for him in sixth grade.
I close my eyes and smile at the memory.
I put on my favorite strawberry lip gloss, hoping it’ll make me look older to him.
I know where to find him, he always goes to the field early to sit in the bleachers for a bit, to get his head in the game.
“Noah!” I exclaim, forcing my hands into my pockets so I don’t wave like a love-crazed eleven year old. “Hey.”
He gives me a lopsided grin as I reach him. “Hi, Audrey! Whatcha doing here so early?”
I sit beside him on the bleachers. “I, uh, made you something.”
“Yeah?”
I pull the green crocheted four-leaf clover out of my pocket, handing it to him. “I thought it could bring you luck, help you get a home run today.”
He runs his finger along the yarn, tracing the leaves with an expression I can’t read. “Thanks Aud-bre-a-die,” he stammers out and I giggle.
“Did you forget my name for a second there?” I work up the courage to knock my knee against his, and holy fudge does it send a shiver through my body.
He shakes his head. “No … I, er … was thinking Auddie is a cute nickname. Would you be okay if I called you Auddie?”
Butterflies flutter around in my stomach and I internally squeal. I’ve been Auds most of my life, but never Auddie.
I meet his eyes, aware my face is redder than his uniform. “I like it,” I whisper, holding in the nervous giggle.
“Deal, but if anyone else tries to call you Auddie, tell me and I’ll beat them up.”
My giggle erupts and I absentmindedly twirl my hair around my finger.
Reminding him, once again, how pathetically obsessed with him I am.
I run my fingers over the worn green yarn and smile. He got his mom to sew it into the inside the sleeve of his uniform and without fail he had always tapped it whenever he stepped up to bat.
It felt like secretly I was his lucky charm.
I hold it close to my chest as emotions swirl around me. I had assumed he’d lost it or thrown it out after all this time.
I can’t be the reason he doesn’t play well in his opening game.
Noah might not kill me if they lose, but Connor will, especially if he knows I have this.
I can’t remember the last time I crocheted, but seeing this after so many years makes my fingers twitch with longing. I find my box of yarn and open it, leading to an hour of crafting. It makes me want to pull my Cricut out too.
At the end of the night, while I lay in bed with a smile on my face, I know for certain that I definitely can’t miss the game.
And that a little piece of myself feels lighter.