Chapter 10 Noah
Ten: Noah
Connor offered for me to go with him, but I told him I didn’t think it would be a good idea. I couldn’t handle seeing her looking sad or crying, and I know without a doubt that if I saw Paul I’d end up being charged with manslaughter.
He grabbed her.
He hurt her.
Instead, I run laps, trying to calm the anger in my chest and relax my tense muscles.
Connor might be known for being one of the best pitchers in the league, but I’ve always been one of the fastest players. My mom used to joke that it was because I was always chasing after Audrey and running away from the other girls.
She was probably right about that one.
My mom was the one person I always fully confided in, it comes from her being a single parent and a therapist. Even as an adult I still call her often.
Knowing that I’ll only be two hours from her now, instead of states away, makes the trade all the more worth it for me.
Lap after lap, I let the ache in my muscles guide me and pull me towards a clear mind. I can’t lean into my feelings for Audrey right now, she has to grieve. The Audrey that met us for dinner was a shell of the one I used to know. She has to heal.
I can’t interfere, no matter how much I want to.
When my dad left my mom she cried for weeks. She was numb and nothing seemed to help pull her out of her misery, so I imagine Audrey needs her own version of that.
Two weeks after my dad left, Audrey showed up with freshly baked cookies and ran up to my mom’s room with a copy of some chick-flick I’d never heard of. Audrey was like the daughter she always wanted and in that moment, a movie and a fresh face seemed to be exactly what she needed.
After that, Audrey somehow roped Mom into joining her and her mom for Friday movie nights. She’d also find activities for our families to try together, it’s like she made it her mission to create as much fun for us as she possibly could.
I don’t know if she ever realized it made things much easier on me too.
My mom hugged me the hardest the day the divorce was finalized. She stopped wearing her wedding ring the second the papers were signed. That was the last time I spoke to my father.
We’ve never talked about that day, but I remember it vividly. I assume she does too.
We sat and watched the sunset together talking about people who make us happy. The conversation kept circling back to Audrey.
It was the first and only time I admitted out loud that I loved Audrey—that is, until she asked me on the phone yesterday
My mom met my gaze with a smile and said, “I know. The two of you are soulmates, Noah. Trust the journey because you’ll always find each other.”
I just hope if she gives me a chance, I can prove to her that I’m in this for the long haul and that I won’t hurt her the way Paul did.
A sour taste fills my mouth when I realize I already did hurt her. I was the first guy to hurt her.
I put my head down, running another lap, as I mentally beat myself up. I should’ve been honest with myself, and I should’ve been honest with her.
If she’d known how I felt she never would’ve ended up with Paul and I wouldn’t carry this pang of guilt in my chest.
Connor has been letting me stay at his place while I’ve been getting settled in Kansas City. My boxes from Texas line the wall in his garage until I decide where I want to live.
In Austin I lived with a few of my teammates. As much as I love Connor, I’d rather not spend the next fifty years of my life with him as my roommate.
He’s far too messy.
The manager set me up with Stu, one of the team’s real estate agents, so I’m spending time looking at houses today. We’ve gone to three places that didn’t feel right to me. But as we drive up to our last property of the day—a large brick house—a grin finds its way onto my face.
The front yard is surrounded by a white picket fence and the front porch is massive with a porch swing.
If I close my eyes, I can almost picture Audrey sitting on it with the world's biggest smile on her face.
We walk inside and each room is painted a different shade of light blue or gray.
“It’s a four bedroom, three bathroom … finished basement.
All the appliances have been updated in the last two years.
And if we come out to the back …” Stu motions for me to go out the back door.
It leads to a large deck attached to an above ground pool and a yard big enough to host parties and play yard games.
We walk around the rest of the house and my entire body is vibrating with excitement.
“What do you think about this one?” Stu asks me as we stand in the front hallway.
“I want to put an offer in,” I tell him after taking one last look around the house.
“Okay, they’re accepting offers until next week so we can draft something up and hopefully make it happen! I’ll get started on that tonight and send it over to you.”
“Sounds good. Thanks, Stu. I appreciate all your help today.” I shake his hand as we head out the front door.
I drive back to Connor’s house, throwing a frozen pizza into the oven while I check in with Connor. He hasn’t reached out to me all day so I’m not sure if that's a good sign or a bad one.
Noah: Hey. How’s everything going?
Connor’s reply is immediate.
Connor: I fucking hate the shit out of this guy.
Noah: Did you see him?
Connor: LOL uh-huh, sure did.
He sends me a picture of his right hand, his knuckles swollen. My first thought is our field manager isn’t going to be too happy about that, but my second thought is, “Hell yeah, Connor!”
Connor: Fucker cried like a baby.
Noah: Atta boy. How's Auddie?
A moment later Connor sends me a photo of her and her friend Selena on a couch with fishbowl-sized drinks on the coffee table in front of them, along with bags of jelly beans and chocolate.
She looks adorable wearing navy blue sweatpants and her ratty old high school T-shirt.
It’s a cute picture of her, except my eyes settle on her bruised, cut cheek and bloodshot eyes.
It kills me to see her banged up and so hurt.
I hate that I’m not there to wrap her up in a hug and try to take away some of the weight she’s carrying.
Connor: She says, “Hi, No.”
I exit out of my text thread with Connor and scroll down to Audrey’s thread. Our last exchange was in December when she wished me a Merry Christmas.
Noah: Hi, Auddie.
Connor’s next text pops up a minute later.
Connor: Why are you making my sister blush, hm? Are you sending dick pics the day after she dumped that deadbeat asshole?
Connor: Apparently I wasn’t supposed to tell you that she blushed. Fine, text my sister, I see what your game is Benson.
Noah: I literally just said hi, chill out.
The timer on the oven lets me know my pizza is ready. Once I put it on a plate, I move towards the dining room table. As I take my first bite, I close my eyes. I imagine what it would be like to share pizza with Audrey in my new house and I feel truly at peace for the first time all day.