Chapter 17 Noah
Seventeen: Noah
Come Back, Be Here - Taylor Swift
Tonight feels so natural to me, just the two of us. Like no time has passed at all. After a dinner filled with heavy conversation, we fall onto the couch to play Mario Kart, laughing like idiots the whole time. It’s nice to be able to have fun after shedding our emotional baggage together.
Hearing what Paul put her through broke my heart. But the way she smiled at me, the way her eyes twinkled, let me know that she’s okay and she’s healing.
Audrey and I have only played Mario Kart one-on-one a few times in our lives, but it’s fun to see how competitive we are with one another when Connor isn’t around.
And damn, does she kick my ass real good.
When Audrey yawns for the first time, she frowns and tries to blink it away. By the seventh yawn … I laugh, putting my controller down. “Go to bed.”
She gives me a coy smile. “I don’t want to.”
“Auddie, you’re exhausted. I’m not an idiot.”
“Yeah, but …”
She wants to be here with me.
“What if you go get ready for bed and when you’re all tucked in I can keep you company. Maybe tell you a bedtime story or something?”
Her cheeks turn red as she stands up. “Sure—Give me five minutes.”
I grab her hand and fix my eyes on her. “Stay in my bed again tonight.” She raises an eyebrow at me, so I add, “I’ll stay on the couch or in the other room. I just want two nights of Auddie smell on my pillow.”
Her blush deepens as she chews on her lip. “Okay.”
Once she’s shut herself in the bathroom, I go to my room to grab myself some pajama pants. When she comes back into the room, my eyes land on her body; she’s wearing a shirt I recognize.
“Stealing my clothes?” I tease.
She crosses her arms over her chest, trying to hide the logo from my high school baseball league, as if I haven’t already seen it. “I uh, forgot pj’s …”
“Liar.” I can’t hide the smile growing on my face at the idea of her wearing my shirt.
She pulls the covers over her body and sighs. “I love this shirt, okay?”
“I don’t blame you, I love it too. Especially on you.”
“Oh, shut up!” She giggles.
I turn my back to her to change out of the shirt I was wearing all day and put on a new one, before getting onto the bed beside her.
Audrey turns off the lamp beside her. “You can get under the blanket if you want … it’s your bed, after all.”
I slowly pull the blanket over me, staring up at the ceiling.
“Noah?” Her voice comes out as a whisper.
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for tonight. It’s really nice being able to talk to you and have you to lean on.” A cold hand finds mine under the blanket.
“Nice to see you’re still an ice cube,” I tease, turning on my side to face her.
She follows suit. “And nice to see that you’re still a walking furnace.”
I blink until my eyes adjust to the darkness, making out the lines of her face. “Somebody has to keep you warm.”
Her eyes twinkle. “I could’ve frozen to death for the last seven years though, Noah.”
Sadness fills my chest. “I’m sorry, Auddie.”
She lets out a small laugh, running her thumb across the back of my hand.
“Don’t be. Things happen for a reason.” I want to ask her what she means by that, but her hand finds my cheek and I can barely focus on anything else.
“We can’t go back, we can only move forward.
There’s a reason we’re both here now. Maybe we weren’t really ready seven years ago and it would’ve ruined everything. ”
“That’s a good way to look at things,” I reply half-heartedly.
She yawns one more time before insisting, “How about that bedtime story you promised me, hm?”
I work up the courage to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and she leans into my touch, smiles filling both of our faces. “Sure. Once upon a time there was a goat princess named Auddie and a goat herder named Noah.”
She pokes my face. “Wait, are you implying I’m a goat and you’re a person? If this is a romantic story, maybe don’t go that route.”
I chuckle. “Fair point. Okay. Once upon a time there was a princess named Auddie and a knight named Noah, better?”
Her eyes flutter shut and a smile fills her face. “Much better.”
I start to tell her a story about the great adventure the knight takes to rescue the princess and before I know it, Audrey is fast asleep.
I lay with her for a while longer, admiring how cute she looks while she’s sleeping. It takes all my power not to wrap my arms around her and sleep beside her.
Eventually, I decide to move to the couch to watch a movie.
My mind is reeling from how easy it felt to be with her tonight.
When Connor comes home, I welcome the distraction, but when he tells me his “date” was beer and wings night with some of our teammates, I laugh loudly.
“We might have to call you Cupid Connor.”
Saying goodbye to her all over again hurts, and I think back to how she must have felt when I left for college all those years ago.
I lean against the car and fall into the memory while Connor and Audrey say goodbye to each other on the sidewalk.
Connor left a minute ago, but I convinced him I forgot my phone charger and needed to find it—really I wanted to get the final goodbye.
I want to have my last moment with her.
Audrey forces her hands into the pockets of her cut-off shorts, blinking back tears.
“You’re not going to forget me when you’re famous and shit, are you?” She tries to sound confident but her voice cracks, giving her away.
I laugh, trying to suppress my own emotions. “I promise not to forget the ‘little people’ once I’m the best in the league.”
Audrey rolls her eyes, but anxiety fills her voice. “You better not.”
“So, with Connor and I gone, who will you annoy?” I ask, leaning against my car, trying to stall as much as possible.
She looks down at her feet. “I could find a new person to occupy my time with.” I won’t be able to keep an eye on her anymore and I suddenly get nervous. She kicks a rock. “I’m kidding, no one will ever fill your void. I mean, Connor and you both. It’s not like I’ll miss you or anything though …”
Her voice breaks and I know she’s lying.
She’s a bad liar.
I know that me leaving is breaking her heart. It’s breaking mine too.
“Well, I’ll miss you.”
Her posture changes, like I just told her she’s the most beautiful person in the world. Her chocolate-colored eyes widen as a smile fills her face. “You wi-will?”
I work up the courage to wrap my arms around her and she takes her hands out of her pockets, wrapping me up as well. “Yes. More than I’ll miss your dumbass brother.”
She nuzzles into me and I hear her take a long breath. “I’ll miss you so much, No.”
I rest my chin on her head, feeling tears burning my eyes.
We’ve never hugged like this before, it’s always just been a quick squeeze in front of other people. This feels brand new to me. It makes me want to stay. I feel dampness forming on my shirt and her body is trembling.
Fuck, I want to tell her to come with me.
I want to tell her I love her.
“Auddie,” I whisper, “please don’t cry.”
She shakes her head rapidly, probably trying to will the tears away. “I’m not, I’m not. I swear,” she replies, turning her face away from me.
I wipe a stray tear off her cheek. “I need to leave so I get there before dark, but I’ll be back.”
“You promise?” Her eyes well up again and I feel my heart split in half.
“I promise, Auddie.” I hug her tightly one last time and I work up the courage to kiss her cheek before getting in the car.
She stands with her hand on her cheek, tears streaming down her face as I back out of the driveway. She doesn’t move as I drive away, watching her out of my rear-view mirror until I can’t see her anymore.
I’m brought out of my memory by the sound of a door shutting as Connor climbs back into the car.
She’s eyeing me with a weird expression.
“What?”
“You look sad,” she mumbles.
“I am sad, Auddie,” I reply honestly. “I feel like I’m reliving leaving for college.”
She gives me a thoughtful smile before her eyes light up. “You never did grab your phone charger, did you?”
I lean towards her with a smirk. “It was already in the car, I wanted to have a minute alone with you.”
She giggles, smacking my arm. “Sneaky little thing, aren’t you?”
“Sometimes.” I nod. “You better go so you don’t miss your flight. Call me if you need me, okay? Or if you’re bored,” I offer.
She nods, blinking.
“You too, Noah. I mean it.”
We hug and I place a quick kiss on her cheek. “Safe travels. I’ll see you around.”
She takes two steps before turning around with shaky hands. “Noah?”
I meet her eyes, fighting every urge I have to sweep her up into my arms and kiss her senseless. “Yes?”
“What happens if I miss you?”
“Then come back. I’ll be here.”
“You promise?” Her lip quivers.
“I cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye, step on a crack to break my mother’s back, pinkie promise.”
Auddie’s poetic laugh fills the space between us. “You’re weird, Noah Benson.”
“Yeah, some girls find it charming,” I reply with a wink.
Her lip twitches as she goes to move towards the airport. “Add me to the list, I guess.”
“You are the list.” I open the car door, knowing if I don’t leave now, I’ll get on the plane with her. She waves at us one last time before heading into the airport.
“You are the list? Seriously, are you trying to make me cry too?” Connor smirks from the driver’s seat, dramatically wiping a fake tear from his eye with a tissue.
“Shut up, man.” I give him a half smile, feeling like half my heart is suddenly ripped out of my chest … again. “Just drive.”
“She’s going to come back, you know,” Connor tells me.
I don’t respond, staring out the window as we drive through the city, knowing that if I try to speak, I’ll end up crying and force Connor to turn around.
It has to be her choice.