23. Chapter 23
twenty-three
W hen Annie went silent, Julian couldn’t decide whether she was simply too busy, or if her silence truly meant she would never change her mind. That it really was the nail in the coffin of what could have been.
It was a bittersweet consolation knowing life would go on. It always had.
Just… it would be without her.
Annie was unfolding in a flash-flood kind of way.
He’d already been through that type of stuff once, and it meant the shedding of all things that couldn’t remain after the passing of the destruction.
In time, he’d learn what the rest of his journey would be, and while it felt like a knife twisting in his heart, perhaps it was for the best. Her tearful goodbye left a deep ache in his chest, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that his perfect partner was someone who would stand by him for better or for worse.
Someone who would acknowledge his past but keep it from disturbing the future.
He’d gotten a taste of her, but he had to let her go. For his own sanity. He’d scared her with what he imagined was the worst thing imaginable, and her walls had instantly gone up. It wasn’t his job to break them down, now that she’d gone home.
Luck found him that week, and he finally bought a pair of skis. When he drove into town for a doctor’s appointment, he swung by and picked them up. However, by the time he arrived at the clinic, he wanted a nap– one-handed driving was utterly miserable.
Dee was on nursing duty. When she retrieved him to go to the back room for his appointment, her face lit up with a joy that complimented the purple unicorn motif on her scrubs.
He gave a smile, but was glad that she wasn’t super chatty beyond her patient intake duties.
After the doctor arrived and snipped out the stitches, he didn’t linger long, but gave Julian a basic forecast.
“Just keep a stress ball around for a little P.T. Practice writing. Knitting. Sketching. Yo-Yo. Anything to get your nerves firing and to keep your tendons loose. You’ll likely never get full use again, but anything you do in the next six months to a year will determine how much you get back.”
Julian nodded. I assumed as much. He’d already done some physical therapy by himself.
He couldn’t touch his fingertips to his palm, but he could hook his hand into an “O” shape.
The doctor told him unless he wanted another follow up, more visits weren’t necessary and that he was good to go for the day.
Julian walked into the hallway. Dee was leaving another patient’s room. She grinned again and gave a little wave as he walked towards the exit. She pulled a little white paper from her pants pocket and offered it to him as he walked by her.
“Here... if you’re interested.” Dee blushed, but looked glowing as she pushed through her shyness. He vaguely remembered that in school she’d been a wallflower, a girl of few words.
“Thanks.” He smiled politely and opened the paper. It was a phone number. “This yours?”
Dee nodded.
“Nice...” He sighed, then rethought the gesture, unfortunately unenthused by Dee’s interest. “I mean... no. I can’t take this, Dee. ”
She deflated. “Oh.” She tucked in her bottom lip.
He handed the paper back and held up his hand. “Honest, I’m flattered. But...”
“I’m embarrassed.”
“Don’t be.”
“I’m so sorry.”
Julian offered a kind smile. I can acknowledge Annie’s decision to not date me, but that doesn’t stop me from missing her.
Who was he fooling? He was desperately hoping she’d change her mind.
Although he was free to do so, he knew he couldn’t in good faith take Dee’s number.
Until that part of him healed and moved on from Annie, he’d never be able to give Dee his heart. “It’s just that there’s... a someone.”
“Oh.” Dee tilted her head and smiled softly. “The girl who brought you here last time?”
“You remember?”
Dee smiled brighter. “Of course! She looked so worried. I didn’t mistake her for your girlfriend for no reason.”
Julian’s heart twisted. He smiled back wordlessly.
After the doctor’s visit, he met for an hour with Ellie and several prominent city leaders.
The last thing he wanted was to be around a bunch of folks, but he’d promised Ellie.
She had big plans for the upcoming anniversary of the diner.
She wanted to do a spruce up, a light remodel.
He kept talk to a minimum, but volunteered for some handy work.
Looking around the room at the oldsters, he knew if he didn’t volunteer, Ellie would be in need of expensive contract work.
She’d also made arrangements to shoot a commercial, and she’d insisted Julian join in.
He was less than thrilled, but for Ellie he’d do almost anything.
“I’m not going to put a helluva effort into a big ol’ celebration,” she said, “and not let the wider public know we’re turning eighty. ”
After the meeting, he stopped by the post office. Amongst the junk mail, once again, was a letter from Clive.
He shook his head and held it over the trashcan. But something told him to read it first.
When he got home, he opened his mail, saving the letter for last. He unfolded it. It was much shorter than usual.
Dear Son,
I’m gettin’ out early. The parole board scheduled my release for...
Julian swayed. Was Clive getting out on good behavior? He couldn’t think of any other reason a parole board would let someone out several years early.
He made himself read the end date of his father’s stay in prison. It was barely two months from now.
“Motherfucker!” Seething, he crumpled up the letter, threw it on the ground, grinding his heel over the paper.
Unbelievable. Fucking goddamn. Fucker!
What angered Julian the most was that his father had applied for parole. How did Clive not want to kill himself every day? He’d made the choice to drink and drive. He’d killed his wife... and now the man had the gal to believe he deserved freedom?
Julian gripped the kitchen counter. His ears rang, and his heart pounded in his chest like it might explode. He felt like yanking out all the drawers, letting the contents scatter about the room.
In less than two months, the worst part of Julian’s past would walk free into the world, as if nothing had changed.
For the first time in years, life was going okay — not great, but okay.
Julian had his home and his space to breathe and was doing work that he loved.
He’d done everything to ignore his father, and now the man was trying to get back in.
Like a toxic mold sealed up, but, having gotten into the air ducts, it was now infecting the entire house.
Julian wasn’t the same man his father had said goodbye to upon incarceration, and upon that day, his father had been dead to him.
I’ll keep ignoring him . The next time we’re together, one of us better be in a casket.