22. Chapter 22
twenty- two
A nnie drove to Molly and Peter’s and was greeted at the door by her best girlfriend. The two-hour drive home had been long and emotional– accompanied by the loudest, most angsty songs she could find. She parked in the driveway and took a few deep breaths.
Okay, we’re just going to focus on Molly and getting all my stuff from Christopher’s. We can do that. We can be calm.
She glanced in the mirror. Her eyes were obviously red and puffy.
Frick…
Annie was relieved to see Molly, but when her friend hugged her hello in the entryway, she couldn’t hold back the tears from rolling down her cheeks. Frustration filled her. I can’t believe I’m sobbing over a guy I barely knew…
“Oh, I’ve just been thinkin’…” Molly pulled away and saw Annie’s distraught face. “Oh!” Molly immediately embraced her friend again. “Annie, babe, what’s wrong?”
“I-it’s nothing.” Embarrassed, Annie tried to smile, hoping that would stop the tears. “It’s… just a little… PMS is all.”
Molly pulled back again, hands on Annie’s shoulders. She frowned and eyed her. “Just PMS? Are you sure?”
Annie opened her mouth to reply, but nothing came out .
“Go park it in the living room.” Molly patted Annie’s shoulder and disappeared to the kitchen. “Back in a sec.”
Over tea and a box of tissues as they sat together on the couch, Annie explained how and why she’d rejected Julian.
“Here.” Molly picked up Bell, who was lying on her hip, and passed her over to Annie, wagging tail and all. “You need these cuddles more than I do right now.”
Annie hugged Bell. “I’m sorry. I came home to take care of you. You don’t need me blubbering on about the shambles of my dating life. I only have myself to blame…”
“You still have time to make it up to me,” Molly teased with a wink. She then smiled and rested a hand on Annie’s knee. “Guys don’t always make it easy on us. Even the ones we like and who like us back. And maybe this is bringing up things you’d rather not think about.”
She’s got that right… “Thank you… and yes… It’s hard enough feeling like Chris is an alcoholic,” Annie said, “let alone getting interested in someone new—and then, wham! Julian’s also cursed with a drinking problem.”
“Was. He had one, Annie. Right?”
Annie tensed. “But I don’t want any of that. Past or not.”
“Did you see him drink while you were around him?”
Annie shook her head. “No… Like, I’m pretty sure he’s telling the truth… but we barely know each other. So I don’t know. And you don’t know him well, either.”
Behind her concerned gaze, it was clear Molly was at war with what she was hearing. “Sometimes… Sometimes people come into our lives… and aren’t meant to stay.”
Annie’s face buckled with emotion. She wiped her eyes with a tissue. Soundlessly, she mouthed, “I know…”
“… But… sometimes they come to heal us, too. Not every man’s your father. Not every man is Chris. I’ve never known you to f all this quickly. And don’t mince words. You like Julian. You want to love him.”
Of the two girls, even before they’d reached their teenage years, Molly had been the serial dater. Annie had taken her time, almost too much time, to warm up to anyone resembling boyfriend material.
Her heart ached.
“But what if it just hurts more?”
“I can’t believe I’m talking you into dating a guy with a past like this, but if he’s been sober for three years and has a good reason for it, it sounds like he’s committed to his journey. Whenever I've seen him, he's seemed fine.”
Annie looked down at Bell, petting her. In her heart, it felt like Julian was supposed to stay, or at least for a while. This didn’t feel like the end– the clean ending she’d wanted when she told him they didn’t belong together.
She always thought that perhaps her own past would stick to her, that it was just a thing attached to her forever.
But maybe all that hurt wasn’t so neatly tucked away like an anecdote in a history book.
Maybe true healing was unattainable, forever changing and shifting like flowing water.
She wanted more than to just heal the scar; she wanted it gone.
And that she knew was asking for the impossible.
Was it safe to let him pour over her, all over her heart? Could she invite him in?
I can’t trust him after he hid his past from me, knowing I wouldn’t want to hear it… it’s never going to be the same, she thought. And I already turned him down. And I live too far away.
“I can’t risk it. Not now,” Annie whispered. She was unashamed of her decision, but oh, her bereft heart .
Molly’s shoulders fell. “I’m so sorry, Annie…” She leaned forward and hugged her friend.
The tears started once more.
The next afternoon, Annie spent the day in Molly’s bed working on editing the mess she’d sent Mr. Princely while Molly binged season four of Little House on the Prairie. Around five, Annie grabbed her keys and headed over to Christopher’s.
“Peter will meet you there at five-thirty. He’s almost off work,” Molly said. “He’s looking for boxes for you.”
She was grateful for Peter’s willingness to help. She sat out in front of her not-home for a few minutes, waiting for her friend. When he didn’t show up and it was already a quarter to six, Annie let herself into the house, assuming work had held Peter up.
The realtor had hyped it up, but the house they’d chosen to rent had been homey once.
When Annie unlocked the door, it was dark and stuffy.
The air was sweetly musky, and she caught a strong whiff of alcohol.
Every blind in the house was closed. She flipped on the lights in the living room.
Her swollen, tired eyes immediately saw the vase of fresh pink roses sitting on the kitchen counter.
A bag of candy-coated chocolate candies stood next to it.
Her heart sank.
There was a card attached to a pink satin ribbon. She forced herself to read it.
Chris had written, “I’m sorry.”
“Too little, too late,” she said under her breath as she eyed the candies. Through the little clear window, she realized that he’d had the candies customized with their faces. Cringing and curling her lip, she left the gifts where she found them.
She snooped through the house for signs of what Chris had been up to since she’d left.
He’d emptied the trash. The refrigerator was empty save for a six-pack of beer, a half-empty bottle of hard vodka, eggs, and condiments.
He hasn’t been to the grocery store even once since I left.
Disappointed, she went to the bedroom and started gathering her toiletries from the bathroom. She lay them out on the disheveled bed.
Peter texted her when he arrived and she let him in. Twenty or so flattened boxes were stuffed under each armpit.
She smiled. “I don’t think I’ll need all that.”
“What? I can’t be prepared? I have tape in the rig. Also sorry I was late. The sales manager had a last minute customer who was taking their sweet time.”
She thanked Peter for his help. He raised an eyebrow at Christopher’s flowers and candy on the way to the bedroom, but he was polite enough not to mention it.
They packed her things the best they could.
She grabbed her clothes and shoes. She then looked at the walls.
It’d excited her to decorate after living in a place where she hadn’t been able to drive in a single nail.
Chris had given little feedback, but what suggestions he’d given had been good ones.
There were only a few pieces of art that she wanted to keep.
Chris owned most of the things under their shared roof.
“So... Molly said that you were enjoying the cabin...”
She nodded. Although her vacation hadn’t gone to plan, getting away from Fort Walton had been necessary.
“You took out a real load of trash, that’s for sure.” He laughed when she glanced over at him. “Is that blasphemous to say while we’re standing in his house? ”
She smiled. “I’m just glad you’re here. This doesn’t feel like home anymore.”
“You’ll find a new place.” He skipped a slight beat before he asked, “Molly said you had company up at the cabin, hmmm?”
She carefully arranged her shoes at the bottom of a box. “Yeah, some.”
“That didn’t sound very enthusiastic. Maybe Molly talked Julian up too much.”
She smiled glumly. Of course, Molly would have been excited for her friend. And although they weren’t particularly close, she was friends with Peter, too. “Well... I like him... but...” She briefly explained Julian’s past. “It just... leaves me a bit on edge.”
“Oof... Well... sounds like the guy dug himself out of a pretty big hole. Not many do that.”
“Right.” She picked up the last pair of shoes and chucked them into a box. They packed her things in silence for several minutes before she continued. “When Julian told me, that was kind of it for me. The whole thing… It all freaks me out. A lot.”
Peter knew about Annie’s family. “People sometimes remind us of things we’d rather forget.”
“I have a lot I’d love to never think about again.”
“Hmmm.”
They packed in silence again. Annie then felt Peter had something more to say.
“Okay... What?”
He finished taping up a box. The plastic squeaked and stretched taut over the cardboard. “You can’t always plan for when that special kind of healing love will come into your life.”
“You really are your wife’s husband.” It annoyed her that he was saying almost the same things that Molly had said. No wonder they’re happily married. “Okay. But who is to say it’s Julian? ”
Peter smiled. “You.” He picked up the box and went to load it up outside.
To Annie’s relief, Peter dropped the subject after that.
She wasn’t in the mood to talk about Julian anymore, and some light banter in the meantime was a breath of fresh air.
They fit everything in between their two vehicles.
Although she owned little now, she still wondered where she’d store it all.
Peter assured her they’d make space for her.
I’ll need a place of my own soon.
As they closed the cars up, Peter turned to her. It was obvious it was important before he spoke.
“Hey, have you thought about the anniversary party?”
After the last year they’d both had, her friends deserved an amazing party.
She felt sick to her core when she realized she’d almost forgotten about it.
“I haven’t yet, honestly, but just tell me what day works for you, and I'll do everything that I can.” Now that she had packed up her things, it would be easier to plan a party.
“I’ll look at the calendar again. I just want to do something nice for her. She doesn’t have much to… distract her right now. And I’d love to have our family celebrate five years with us.” He smiled to himself. “Doesn’t seem like five years have passed.”
Annie smiled. “Time really flies. I think we can give her a nice party.”
Peter brightened. He gave her a rare hug — his body practically swallowed her much smaller frame. “Thank you! I promise I’ll handle the heavy lifting after we plan it. I’ll probably only need you to grab decorations, and then keep my wife out of the house on party day.”
They finished up. She did one last pass through the house before Annie set her key on the counter next to the flowers. She locked up and followed Peter back to his and Molly’s home. When they got there, Peter checked the mailbox.
“Here.”
Peter handed her a copy of At the Root Level.
She smiled.
“Can't wait to read your newest work,” he replied, winking. He then looked at their vehicles. “We’ll unload the truck into the garage. We can hide your car in the garage and unload it tomorrow. I don’t know about you, but I’m beat.”
Annie agreed. After completing their task, they went into the house. Peter checked on Molly, and Annie went to the guest room. She flopped down on the bed, magazine in her hands, and flipped through it.
It was beautiful. She read her article — all four pages of it.
Though, as she read and admired the work she and the team had put into it, she didn’t feel as excited as she had when she’d received her other copies.
All she could think of was showing the magazine to Julian. That brought tears to her eyes.
No looking back, she told herself , only forward.