Chapter 43 - Charlie
charlie
I think this was what overthinking felt like.
It was well into the afternoon, and instead of crossing anything off my list, I’d spent the day pacing between the kitchen and my bed, making a sandwich at lunch before coming back to let a mindless show play in the background while I turned over every possible conversation I could have with Austin.
We had so much to mend, so much to heal, and I’d told myself that today was the day I’d figure out what “showing up” really meant. Yet, all I had was a jumble of starts and stops—how to explain, where to begin, what not to say.
Austin had texted me earlier to say he was meeting with Nova and Scarlette this morning, and that was it. No follow-up, no details—nothing. I kept debating whether I should text him for an update or if that would just derail whatever I was building toward.
The only relief was that Jacob had managed to keep Mom at bay, sparing me from facing her before I was ready.
There was a knock at my door. Jacob was working in his home office even though it was the day before Christmas Eve.
“Are you going to be in there forever?”
I looked out the expansive windows at the small town ahead. The sun hung low in the sky, painting everything in soft shades of amber and gold. For a fleeting moment, the view was enough to quiet the noise in my head.
The streets were already lit with strings of twinkling Christmas lights, their glow reflecting in the windows of the little shops and homes scattered throughout the town. It was beautiful—peaceful in a way that didn’t quite match the chaos inside.
“Probably,” I called back to Jacob.
He must’ve left because silence was the only response. I turned my attention back to the television, where the vampires and the witches were about to have a brawl, when there was another knock on the door.
“Ugh,” I groaned.
He was relentless.
“I’m rotting. Let me be in peace . . . please,” I begged.
I grabbed the remote and shut off the TV, waiting for his response.
There was nothing.
Good. He let me be.
“Char?”
That wasn’t Jacob’s voice.
My head snapped toward the door. I knew that voice.
Austin.
How was he here? How did he know where Jacob lived?
I looked down at myself—yesterday’s pajamas rumpled from hours on the bed, my hair a tangled mess piled on top of my head, not a trace of makeup on my face. I wasn’t presentable.
I can’t let him see me like this.
I needed a mirror. I couldn’t let Austin see me vulnerable, naked and wanting him. My heart raced, and my palms were slick with sweat as my mom’s lessons played on a loop in my mind.
Be a presentable lady. Never let them see you without makeup. Always look your best.
Why was that where my mind went? Austin was standing on the other side of the door, and instead of focusing on why he was here or how he even found me, all I could think about was how I looked.
It wasn’t about appearances. It was about being seen, really seen, when I felt so unprepared, so raw. Would he still want me like this—completely undone?
I thought he was with Nova and Scarlette.
“I’m opening the door,” he said softly, his voice sending a shiver down my spine as I heard the knob twist.
Mirror. I need a mirror. I need—
My breath caught in my throat.
There he was, standing in the doorway, his eyes locking onto mine.
My heart raced, pounding so hard it felt like it might break through my chest. Heat crawled up my neck and cheeks as if my body couldn’t decide if it wanted to fight, flee, or just collapse under the weight of it all.
There was nowhere to hide and no wall to put up. Just his gaze, steady and searching, pinning me to the spot like he could see through all the layers I’d tried to wrap myself in.
And then there was the ache, the undeniable pull of being this close to him again. It hurt—God, it hurt—how much I’d missed him, how much I wanted him. But beneath the longing was the sharp edges of every doubt and fear I’d been carrying.
My stomach twisted as I scrambled out of bed, glancing around in a small panic—torn between wanting to run to him and wanting to push him away.
“Char,” he whispered, my name barely more than a murmur on his lips, like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to say it.
“H-How?”
I stopped caring about what I looked like. My eyes were locked with his deep blues. God, I missed him. I missed everything about him.
“Your brother texted me when you got here, telling me you were safe. I have no idea how he got my number.”
I did. He was overprotective and did a background check, but that was neither here nor there.
“I was with Scarlette today, and all I kept thinking about was how I wanted to tell you about her.” He shook his head, almost in disbelief, before he walked a step closer to me. “I told her about you. I told her I was married, and she was so excited to meet you.”
Tears pricked the edge of my eyes.
“Your brother left for the city a few minutes ago. He said he had some business to take care of but gave me the code to the door and told me it was okay to come up.” He hesitated, his eyes searching mine. “I needed to tell you about today—in person.”
I nodded slightly, signaling I understood, but my body stayed rigid, my hands clenched into tight fists at my sides. I couldn’t move, frozen in place, every muscle locked.
“You came all the way here.” It wasn’t a question. It was his sacrifice for me.
“I—” He cleared his throat. “I failed you, Charlie. I’ve failed you, and I am so fucking sorry.”
The man standing in front of me was the same one I’d met that day at the lake, the one full of shame and regret, drowning in his apologies.
“You haven’t failed. I messed up. I ran away. It was everything I shouldn’t have done.” I stepped back, sinking onto the edge of the bed. “I am so sorry. I should have been there, but . . . I failed.” I stared down at my hands, shaking my head.
“You didn’t fail, honey. You never fail me. It’s me. I ask you to put me first, over and over, and then I throw my life at you without even thinking about your feelings.”
He opened his mouth to continue, but I swallowed hard and cut him off. “No.” I patted the bed beside me, my heart pounding. “Sit. Let me explain.”
Austin nodded, his movements slow as he took a seat next to me.
“I-I was raised by a mother who consistently told me I was ugly and unattractive.”
“We’ve talked about that—”
I reached out, resting my hand on his thigh.
“I know, but I don’t think you understand just how deep her words run.
It wasn’t just about how I looked on the outside—it was about how I acted, how I carried myself.
Nothing I did was ever good enough for my mother.
I could get straight A’s in college, but it didn’t matter because Jacob was going to take over the farm.
I was never meant to lead or shine—I was destined to be a doll in a glass house.
” I shook my head. “But I wasn’t a doll, Austin.
I was stronger. I wanted more. For so long, I didn’t know how to do anything but what I’d been taught—what I’d been conditioned to be.
When things got hard, I didn’t deal with them; I ran.
My mother never taught me how to face life when it wasn’t perfect. ”
“Hence the bucket list,” he said softly.
Our eyes met for a fleeting moment before I dropped my gaze back to the floor.
“Hence the bucket list,” I repeated. “I created it after I moved, to force myself to do things that scared me. To teach myself how to handle the hard stuff. Then you came into my life, and everything changed. And when Scarlette came into the picture, I was terrified. Instead of doing what I’d been working so hard to improve on, I fell back on what I knew—I ran away. ”
“It’s okay,” he said softly, his voice laced with sadness.
“It’s not okay.” Despite my best effort, my voice trembled.
“You don’t deserve a partner who runs away when life gets hard.
You deserve someone who loves you endlessly, who stands by you no matter what.
I can’t imagine how it must’ve felt for you—your mom and Ledger leaving, your birth dad never being around, and then me.
You must’ve felt so alone, and that’s on me. That’s my fault.”
I looked up, my lips twisting as I fought to keep it together. The tears were dangerously close, and I was seconds away from completely breaking down. I was desperate to get through this, to say what needed to be said before I fell apart entirely.
“I don’t want to run away anymore.” The words tumbled out as my chest tightened.
“I want to come home and hear about Scarlette. I want to be the one you call when you’re overwhelmed or when something amazing happens.
I don’t want to run. I want to stand by your side, and I’m so sorry—for mistrusting you, for doubting Nova.
I let my insecurities get in the way of what really matters. ”
Austin shook his head. “No. If your ex suddenly showed up with a baby you never knew about, I’d have reacted the same way. It’s human, Charlie.”
I nodded slowly, swallowing hard. “Then I’m sorry for running. That part is on me.”
He didn’t say anything, but he reached out, gently wrapping his fingers around mine, where it still rested on his thigh. His touch was steady, grounding, as he laced our fingers together and gave them a light squeeze. It wasn’t forgiveness spoken aloud, but it was enough to let me breathe again.
“Charlie,” he said softly.
I looked up and met his gaze.
Tears fell down his cheeks, and my heart ached at the sight.