Chapter 18
luna
“I cannot fucking believe it,” Nova said, dragging her hands through her hair as we sat at her dining room table.
Thank god the delivery guys had brought our furniture a few days ago, but that was small potatoes compared to what happened last night. Nova had run into her ex-husband. The father of her child.
“Was it . . . like, a decent conversation at least?”
They had gone to breakfast this morning to talk about what happened. Austin hadn’t known Scarlette existed, which was why I couldn’t tell Dirks. It was all out in the open, though, when we ran into Austin and his mother yesterday.
“It was good.”
That made me blink. “Good like . . . he apologized for everything and burst into tears? Or good like, you threw a box of tampons at his face and walked away victorious?”
She cracked a laugh, but it faded fast. “Good like . . . calm. Normal. He asked how I was, how Scarlette was. He said he moved back after rehab to help out his mom. He’s living nearby now.” She ran her finger along the rim of her coffee mug. “Said he’s clean and got married.”
I blinked. “Married?”
“Yep. Wedding ring and everything.”
“Well,” I said, my tone dry. “That’s deeply inconvenient for my plans to hate him forever.”
Nova huffed out a breath, part laugh, part heartbreak. “Same.”
I studied her for a second. “So . . . what made it so hard? The marriage? Or the fact that he finally seems like the guy you always wanted him to be?”
Her eyes went glassy, but she held steady. “Both. I kept Scarlette away from him because I thought he was still a drunk, and the guilt . . . that’s what’s killing me.”
“You know what I think?” I said, reaching for the last bite of toast between us. “I think it’s a lot easier to stay mad at someone when they’re a disaster.”
Nova let out a weak laugh. “Yeah, well, he’s not a disaster anymore. He’s . . . he’s better.”
“And that pisses you off.”
“No,” she said quickly, then paused. “Okay. A little.”
“Fair,” I said, shrugging. “I’d be pissed too if my ex showed up in my city, clean, stable, married, and had the nerve to be . . . what? Mature?”
“I think what’s messing with me the most,” Nova said, voice lower now, “is that I didn’t want him around. For years. I actively made sure he wasn’t.”
I stayed quiet, watching her closely.
“I thought he was still using. Still that chaotic version that hurt everything he touched. I didn’t even think to check. I just decided. I raised Scarlette without him, like it was black and white.”
“Nova—”
“I-I thought I was protecting her,” she said, voice cracking. “Now he’s here. Sober. Married. Healthy.”
“You didn’t keep him from her,” I said gently. “You kept her safe from the version of him you knew. That’s not the same thing.”
Nova twisted her hands in her lap. “I never wanted to be that mom. The one who keeps the kid and pushes the dad away out of spite. But it wasn’t spite, Lune. It was fear. I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“And maybe you were,” I said. “But guess what? That doesn’t mean you don’t get to change your mind now. You’re allowed to evolve. To say, ‘Hey, the man I kept my daughter away from doesn’t exist anymore, and this one might actually show up.’ That’s not failure. That’s motherhood.”
She blinked fast, eyes filling. “He asked if he could see her for Christmas.”
I reached across the table and took her hand.
“Ollie says it’s a good idea. He’s . . . being amazingly supportive. Said it’s Scarlette’s story, too, now. He wants to be there for her.”
My throat tightened. “God, you picked a good one.”
“I really did.”
“Well,” I said, squeezing her fingers, “you’re not doing this alone.”
Nova smiled weakly. “You’re coming?”
I nodded. “Obviously. I’m your emotional support feral friend. If Austin so much as looks at you sideways, I’ll drop-kick him into a recycling bin.”
That finally got a real laugh.
“Fine, but don’t wear your Daddy Issues Are My Cardio sweatshirt.”
“Absolutely not a promise I can make,” I said, raising my mug. “But I can promise you Christmas might be messy, and I’ll be right there for every second.”
For a while, we just ate, the scrape of forks against plates filling the quiet. Then Nova set hers down with a sigh. “Sorry I blamed you for telling Dirks. When Austin showed up, I . . . snapped. I was so sure you’d let it slip.”
I looked at her slowly. “I would never.”
She closed her eyes. “I know.”
“I kept it a secret because it wasn’t mine to share. Dirks never asked. Not even after things started . . . shifting between us.”
Nova’s head snapped up. “Wait, what?”
I inhaled. “I was going to bring it up eventually.”
She froze. Like her brain short-circuited right there over a half-eaten food. Her eyes widened, and her food dropped to the plate with a soft thud.
“Oh my god,” she whispered. “I’ve been a horrible person.”
I blinked. “Nova—”
“No.” She whipped her head back and forth. “I’ve been a horrible friend. I haven’t even asked you about it. I’ve been so wrapped up in everything with Austin and Scarlette, and Ollie being gone and London and . . . me, me, me. I never once asked you how you were. What was going on with you.”
“Stop,” I said, reaching over to grip her knee. “You don’t owe me anything.”
“But I do, Luna. I do. You’ve held me together through breakdowns and meltdowns and deadbeat exes, and I didn’t even notice that something real was happening for you. Someone was finally seeing you the way you deserve . . . the way I see you.”
My throat tightened. “You’ve been dealing with so much. You’ve had two lives pulling at you from opposite sides of the ocean. You’ve been trying to be a mom, a partner, a friend, a woman still figuring out what the hell she wants. I never expected you to carry my shit, too.”
She wiped her eyes. “I want to.”
“I know.” I smiled. “I’ll let you. Starting now.”
She let out a shaky laugh. “Okay. Tell me everything.”
“I will. But only if I can ask you something first.”
Nova blinked at me. “Alright.”
I gave her a sheepish smile. “Would it be weird if Dirks came over?”
She raised a brow. “Like . . . here?”
“Yeah. He’s not outside or anything, I just—wanted to check. Now that everything’s kind of . . . out in the open. I want to show him I’m not hiding anything.”
“God, yes. Of course. But I thought you guys were casual? Just getting to know each other?”
I bit my cheek. “Yeah . . . no.”
Her chewing slowed. “I thought—”
“You thought I was in the city for work all those weekends, didn’t you?”
She blinked. “You weren’t?”
I gave her a crooked smile. “Technically, I was working . . . but I was also at Dirks’s games. And his place. And the rink. And in his bed. Repeatedly.”
Nova’s eyes widened. “Oh my god. You’ve been seeing him this whole time? I thought it was casual. Flirty texts, maybe some slow-burn shit. I know we moved back here so you could explore it, but I thought it was still in the ‘exploration phase.’ ”
“It started that way,” I admitted. “It got serious fast. It was easy. He’s easy. He showed up—and it stuck.”
Nova stared at me, mouth slightly open, then looked down at her plate. Her fingers went slack, and her half-eaten grilled cheese dropped onto the plate with a soft plop.
“Jesus,” she muttered. “I’ve been such a terrible friend.”
I shook my head. “Don’t—”
“No, Luna. I haven’t even asked you what’s going on in your life. I didn’t know you were falling for him. I let myself believe you were doing your thing in the city, bouncing around like always, because I was so wrapped up in . . . everything else.”
“You’ve had a lot on your plate,” I said gently. “You don’t have to keep apologizing for trying to get your head above water.”
“I still should’ve checked in.”
I reached over and squeezed her hand. “You’re noticing now. That’s what matters.”
Nova sniffed. “Okay. Okay. So . . . are you like, in it with Dirks?”
I gave a quick nod. “I really think I am.”
“Has Dirks asked about Jeremy?”
My stomach twisted. “We agreed to date each other first before we had that conversation, before I was ready to reach out.”
“Do you want to reach out?”
I shook my head. “No. Not since the breakup. It felt cleaner that way. Like if I didn’t say his name, I wouldn’t miss him. But I do. Some days more than others. And not just him. I miss . . . what we were. What the three of us had.”
Nova nodded slowly, her expression unreadable. “Do you think he’d come back?”
“I don’t know, but part of me wonders if maybe . . . I want him to. Especially seeing Austin sober. I have to wonder if Jeremy’s in the same place.”
There was a beat of silence.
Nova leaned back in her chair. “If you do . . . you know this is your house. too. Right? You don’t need my permission.”
I smiled softly. “I know.”
“But,” she added, pointing at me with her pinky, “if he shows up looking all angsty and fine, I’m hiding my wine.”
I laughed. “That’s fair.”
“So . . . when’s Dirks coming by?”
I let out a soft laugh, pushing my hair over my shoulder. “I think I’ll just invite him to the guesthouse tonight. I’m not ready for him to see you guys yet. Or”—I shrugged—“be seen. It still feels kind of . . . mine.”
Nova tilted her head, then shook it. “No. You know what? Invite him to Christmas dinner.”
I blinked. “Nova—”
“He’s coming. He knows Austin, so it won’t be awkward. You clearly care for him.”
I stared at her, surprised by the way my throat burned at those words.
“You’re allowed to have something good,” she added softly. “You always make room for everyone else, so let me make some for you.”
I nodded, swallowing down the lump in my throat. “Okay. I’ll text him.”
Nova smiled. “Good. We can tell Scarlette tomorrow before we see Austin. We’re taking her to a little museum together before the holidays.”
I got up and hugged her, thanking her for letting me share, before I quickly texted Dirks and asked if he wanted to come over.
The second I stepped outside, the cold winter air slapped my cheeks. My feet sank into the patchy, frozen grass as I jogged barefoot across the yard, heart pounding in this stupid, happy rhythm.
The house looked so warm behind me, lights glowing golden through the kitchen windows. It was the guesthouse, tucked just beyond the fence, that made something flutter low in my stomach.
This felt giddy. Like the first inhale after holding your breath too long.
I slipped inside and scanned the room. Shoes kicked off in the corner. Blanket half off the couch. A half-empty mug on the coffee table and my bra hanging from the doorknob.
“Jesus,” I muttered, laughing under my breath as I rushed to straighten everything.
I tossed the blanket, hid the bra, wiped down the bathroom sink with the sleeve of my sweatshirt. All while grinning like a complete idiot because he was coming over.