Chapter Eleven
I woke up with Dianus cupping my pussy with one hand and gently holding my throat with the other. Even in his sleep, he was possessive. I kinda loved it.
His morning wood pressed into my ass, and I kinda loved that, too.
I shifted my hips, letting it drag against me to rouse him.
“Good morning.” With his greeting, he dipped his hand even lower, completely cradling my core as his other hand continued to hold my neck.
“Hey, baby.”
“Your cunt is so warm in the morning.”
I snorted a little laugh. I still wasn’t used to his frankness. I knew he used it in praise, but I hoped with time it got less jarring.
“It feels good having you hold it. It’s strangely calming.”
“There is just so much power here,” he said reverently. With his observation, his fingers parted my pussy, his middle finger trailing through my center.
I sucked in a deep breath, feeling dazed already. “Why do you hold my neck?”
“I like to feel your heartbeat on my palm. It puts me at ease. Lets me know you are alive.”
“Of course I’m alive, silly.”
His hand lowered, lazily tracing the sensitive skin of my décolletage. “You are. So alive it almost hurts to think about you living a whole life before and after me.”
Each word almost rasped out of him, like it was painful.
I twisted my neck to peer at him. “Don’t say it like that.”
He gave me a small, sad smile and covered me with a kiss. His hand continued to tease my pussy, running the wetness from my core over my lips and up around my clit.
I reached for him, fondling his heavy sack before stroking his shaft. When I arched my back, Dianus read my mind and shimmied lower on the bed so I could run the tip of his dick through my pussy.
“Mmm, yes,” he rumbled, bucking his hips to help me trace it back and forth, the crown sliding against my clit in unison with his fingers. “You want this cock buried deep inside you, woman?”
All I could do was whimper back at him as he explored me with his hands. I lifted a leg, resting it on his for even more access as he plunged deep inside me. My top arm reached back, tangling his curls in my fingers, as the other hand twisted my pillowcase to try and anchor myself to my lover in the moment as we slowly rocked together in a sleepy, indulgent cuddlefuck.
Dianus’s hands grasped my breasts, belly, and thighs as he let out low, mannish noises, delving into me. I wanted to remember how he sounded. It was so primal and pure.
We came, and after I returned from the bathroom, he pulled me back to the bed, covering me with his furs once more. Sure, it was morning, but with the snowy conditions, it was easy to stay in bed a little longer. We silently agreed to more sleep—catnapping and cuddling until the dawn was undeniable.
We showered together, and when I got out, I winced toweling off my chest. My nipples ached. They were so raw and tender, I could almost feel my pulse in them. Between my legs, there was also a welcomed ache. Sure, I was having fun with Dianus, but there was only so much my body could take.
Dianus’s brow pinched. “Shea, are you well?”
“Yes, I’m just a little sore.” I examined my chafed nipples. The pink buds looked angry, bordering on red.
“Our fevered lovemaking hurt you?” he asked.
I snorted. He was talking weirdly again. “Um, yeah, I mean, your mouth on me feels great, but after a while—”
“Let me heal you.” He charged toward his leather knapsack and started digging around in it as I hung up my towel. When he found a small tin, he ushered me to the bed. “Here, lie down.”
“What’s in that?” I asked, rising on my tiptoes to see.
“It is beeswax from my own bees, of course. And healing herbs. All safe for your skin.” He ran a fingertip through the untouched surface that was a bright saffron color. “Does your cunt ache?”
“Baby, you know that word—”
“Does it?”
“Yes, but it’s fine.”
“This cannot go there. Your moonflower is sensitive.”
I gave him a little snicker, grasping his forearm. “I figured as much.”
“There is only one solution for your aching cunt.”
“What’s that?”
A boyish grin split his mouth. “I stay far, far away from you for a couple days.”
I tried to hide how sad that suddenly made me feel. Not only did I not want to be alone, but it also made me question if he was just hanging out with me for the sex.
Dianus made a clucking noise with his tongue, curling his finger under my chin, forcing me to lift my gaze to his. “No, no, none of that. I will do no such thing. I adore you far too much. The problem is with me. I will require tighter pants.”
That made me smile.
“Please, let me put this on your body. Let me heal the parts of you I hurt.” He held up a gloppy finger with his plea, and the earnestness of his tone damn near took my breath away. I timidly sat on the edge of the bed. Before I could lie back, Dianus knelt before me.
He slathered the cream across one nipple, his touch featherlight. “I am so sorry, Shea.”
“It’s fine, really. I’m only human.”
His teeth worried his bottom lip. “Only human indeed. I would do well to remember that.”
“I mean, aren’t you sore, too?”
He moved his tender ministrations to my other breast. “No, but I am not as soft and wonderful as you.” He swirled his finger in the tin. “Does your neck hurt?”
My hand flew to the left side of my neck, where his love bites were. They stung a little, but I liked the dull ache. It was like poking a bruise. It made me feel alive. It was proof I wasn’t imagining all this. “No, I’m fine,” I lied.
“If you put the towel against yourself, you can rest on your stomach and not get any of the balm on the bedding. Then I can massage you with your regular lotion.”
I’d never had a guy massage me. I’d always felt a little insecure about my body. They’d see all my rolls, cellulite, stretch marks, and freckles.
Sensing my hesitation, Dianus added, “Your body is sore. I have put you in so many interesting positions as your lover. Please, it is the least I can do.”
I rolled over before I could psych myself out, silently praying that when he saw my body smoosh against the bed, he wouldn’t stare in horror.
“Ah, I like this very much,” he said, skimming the side of my boob that spilled out. “Your breasts are untamable.”
I buried my smile at his odd remark as his fingers grazed my sideboob. “This is so not sexy and I know it,” I mumbled.
His fingertips traced gently down my spine. “You are flawless.” He seized one of my ass cheeks with a deviously throaty chuckle. “And so fuckable. You have this beautiful, heart-shaped ass I like holding on to.” His hand roamed up a little to squeeze my haunchy love handle. “I like that you have spots I can grab while I fuck you senseless. I love that when I slam into that wet cunt, there is softness meeting my hardness, in more ways than one.”
“Dianus!” I squeaked, burying my face in the bedding to hide my blush.
He is so nasty. I fucking love it.
The floorboards creaked as he fetched my lotion from the tiny bathroom. The familiar scent of vanilla floated in my nose as the semi-awkward squelch of slippery lotion sounded behind me. At least he was warming it up first.
“You will feel better in no time,” he murmured as he placed his hands on me.
My entire body erupted in pleasurable chills as he went to work massaging my back in slow, deep strokes. I couldn’t hold back the moans and groans of appreciation. His hands were so strong and precise as he worked each knot, some I didn’t even know I had. Maybe it was the rush of the endorphins or perhaps I was just tired, but it felt like I was hovering over my body. It reminded me of when I got laughing gas at the dentist. Golden light burst in my vision and my ears rang. Unable to hold on to reality, I let the sensation float me away.
I woke up a few hours later, still naked with soft blankets tucked around me in bed, the morning consumed in some post-massage stupor. Dianus was cleaning the kitchen sink. I blew him a kiss as I shuffled to the bathroom to pee, only to realize my vagina no longer ached and my nipples were completely healed. I stood in awe, examining my breasts that had been angry mounds mere hours earlier.
I cradled my boobs in disbelief, yelling to him, “You weren’t kidding. That balm really is magical.”
“You doubted me?” he jested from the kitchen.
“Never!”
I got dressed and met him by the sink to say our goodbyes. I let out a giggle, holding his head where he buried his face in the crook of my neck. “Why do you smell me like that?”
“I miss the scent of my woman. There is nothing like it. I think about it all day.” He pulled up to flash me a stunning smile.
“That is such a compliment. I think of you too.” I stroked his beard.
“Will you make the torment of being far away from you all day worth it?” he asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
“Sure, how can I?”
“Will you spend the night with me again? And perhaps we should make sure you drink some of that tea that makes you hyper, so you do not fall asleep on me this time.”
I whopped him playfully on the arm with a dish towel. “Dianus! Are you insinuating I fell asleep on you last night?”
“I am not insinuating it. It is a fact. You were practically drooling on my sternum.”
I whipped him again, but this time he caught it. “Where is the lie? Hmm? What lie do I tell?”
My cheeks burned. “It’s not my fault. You relax me. You’re all warm and cuddly. And you do this thing where you twirl my hair—”
My confession was interrupted by a kiss. “Say you will. Let us be together tonight. I want you moaning beneath me.”
I kissed him back in response. “I will find a way to stay awake.” I kissed his cheeks and neck.
His arms wrapped around me. “I always want us this close. You are so perfect. I love having you here in my forest.”
His observation put an ache in my chest.
“What is that look?” Dianus asked.
I moved some of his hair away from his handsome face and adjusted the collar of his work shirt. “I just, I dunno, you saying sweet stuff like that puts thoughts in my head I shouldn’t be having.”
“Like?”
I locked my hands behind his neck with a shrug.
“Shea,” he warned.
“Like building a life with you. You know, instead of playing house.”
His brows furrowed. “Playing house? I do not think I follow. We are in a cabin, yes. And we are playful lovers. I don’t understand—“
“Playing house means pretending to have a life with someone when really you have two separate lives that are not necessarily permanently intertwined.”
“Our limbs intertwine after we have sex. My cock, tongue, and fingers have been deep inside you. How many people in your life can say that? I think it is safe to say we are entangled, Shea.”
His words gave me flashbacks to blink away. “Physically, yes. But we don’t have joint responsibility. I’m just staying in this cabin until Yule.” I jerked my head toward the tree all lit up in the corner. “You know this.”
“But you could stay.”
“It’s not that simple.”
I had so many things whirring through my head. Very practical points, like the cabin hadn’t been built for long-term inhabitants and the closest place I could land any job was almost 40 minutes away, and that wasn’t factoring in the commute with snow, which was on the ground half the year. Then there was the unsaid truth that if I wasn’t going to use my degree, I’d want to be a mother and stay home full-time.
He held my ribs, shaking my body slightly. “I will give you a burrow.”
I put my forehead against his. “Oh, Dianus.”
“Is that the wrong term?”
“No, it’s correct. It’s the perfect thing to say. I’m sorry, it’s just so complicated.”
He pulled back. “Have I misspoken?”
I rubbed his chest affectionately. “No, I just have a lot to think about.”
“Well, you keep thinking. And if I can answer anything later, I will.” With his simple statement, he leaned in and planted one last kiss.
I pulled myself together and decided to drive into town. I really needed to wash the linens and clothing and stock up on food. I was going through it faster than I’d planned now that I was practically feeding two mouths, but I didn’t mind one bit. Plus, Dianus brought food with him often.
Come to think of it, I never really saw him drive. He just kinda showed up at the cabin. I figured it was because he was on foot for work. I made a mental note to ask him about his work truck.
He was always very clean and had nice clothing, so I knew he wasn’t struggling with housing or funds. I thought he just lived in a glorified shack they’d give rangers and wardens to pass off as a cabin. I’d seen them before in my outdoorsy adventures and they were crude at best. I was sure he felt self-conscious comparing it to my quaint, little cabin with its limited but admirable amenities.
But maybe something was up . . .
My intuition rang in the back of my brain as I shut the washer in the laundromat. I sat down on a Kelly-green plastic chair that had a crack near a bolt of the seat that pinched my ass. Surely, I wasn’t the only grown adult tired of bending and balancing on furniture from the early 1900s clearly made for some WW1 veteran that was no heavier than 160 pounds. Annoyed and needing a distraction, I pulled out my phone to call Asteria. When she answered, we rifled through the typical small talk. I opened my mouth several times to gush about Dianus but kept refraining.
Maybe something was definitely up . . .
I had always been honest with Asteria, like when I’d forged my mom’s signature in order to pierce my ears when I’d been 14 or when I’d hit my neighbor’s mailbox a few weeks after getting my license. She’d practically been my lifeline last term when I’d almost dropped out of school.
It didn’t make sense that I didn’t want to tell her about Dianus. Why this? Why now? She’d be happy for me. Hell, she was way less practical than I was, so she’d probably suggest a way to move closer to be with him.
I found myself interrupting her to spill. “Asteria, I, um . . .”
“Yeah? Go on, sweetie.”
My mind got fuzzy. I was barely able to recall what Dianus looked like now that I was away from him. It was like his presence had a pull to it. He had to remind me to drink water and eat, even sleep. When I was with him, it was more than just a horny fling or a simple crush. It was intense, like my sole purpose was to be present and attentive to him. The idea of that alone felt a little icky. Sure, I might want to be a homemaker, but by no means did I want some delusional 1950s housewife psychosis where the center of my universe was a man. Hell no!
“Shea?” Her voice was sweet but growing impatient.
“Oh, I’ll let you get back to work. I was going to tell you about this weird deer I keep seeing. It has these huge antlers.”
“Definitely tell me about it later. Maybe let’s have your next check-in be at night so I can actually sit and talk to you when I’m not at work.”
“Sounds good.” I gave her an embarrassed, little chuckle.
“And tell the deer to back off,” she joked.
“Will do.”
Locking my phone, I considered the deer as well. I never saw him when Dianus was around. That was frustrating. It made me wonder if I’d been imagining the creature all along. Was I losing it?
I’d been through the wringer in the last year, but surely I wasn’t close to a breakdown. Aside from the normal social anxiety, I felt pretty mentally healthy.
Running with the idea of fact-checking myself, I pulled out my journal from my bag and sketched a drawing of the deer from my memory and dated it. Then I dished all about Dianus. Ten pages spilled out of my recounts of being with him, even down to all the sexy stuff we’d been getting up to in the cabin. It was a log of my Yuletide debauchery, and best of all, I’d have tangible proof now and fun records for the future.
Once the laundry was finished, I ran to the store. While perusing cider options, since the mead was almost polished off, I had a prickle run up the back of my neck. Before I could even turn to scope out what was going on, strong arms encircle my waist and lifted me up.
“Hello, love.” Dianus’s familiar timbre filled my ear from where he hugged me from behind.
“Hi!” I said in shock as he plopped me down. I turned around and gave him a proper hug. It was weirdly comforting to see him somewhere besides the cabin. He was just a regular guy. “What are you doing here?”
He pointed toward the small deli counter. “I come here to grab sandwiches for lunch sometimes.”
“Oh, I see.”
His hazel eyes flicked to the cart. “Want me to help you out with those?”
“Sure!”
When we made our way to the cash register, a middle-aged woman who didn’t have a name tag rang us up. Her hair was a mix of gray and brown, with shaggy curtain bangs. Certain parts of her hair were crimpy, like she was growing out a perm.
“Are you guys just visiting for the holidays?” she asked with a voice scratchy from decades of smoking. I found it oddly comforting.
“I am. But Dianus is from here.” I gestured to him behind me as he maneuvered the cart to help bag.
The wrinkles around her eyes crinkled further as she examined him. “No, he’s not.”
I smiled between them, figuring she was teasing him and it was some small-town bit I wasn’t in on.
When he didn’t reply, she let out a scratchy laugh as she finished scanning my items. “Hon, the town only has two hundred people. I’d remember such a handsome man. Did you say your name was Dianus?”
“I am a warden. I am in the forest often,” he offered, gently placing a hand on my shoulder as I tapped my card to pay.
“Like with the forestry service?”
“Yes. That is probably why you have not seen me much.”
I looked up at him over my shoulder. “I thought you said you come here often for sandwiches?”
A loud squawk filled the store the second the automatic doors flew open. “God dammit!” the woman yelled, staring at the ceiling. She ripped off my receipt and handed it to me without looking as she picked up the phone by her register. Her voice bleated out on the speakers, “Lawrence, that damn bird is in here again. Can you get the broom?”
“Hell no!” Lawrence, I assumed, bellowed from somewhere in the store.
Still on the speaker, the woman shot back, “It’s your turn! We can’t let it get in the cooler again.”
Dianus put his hand on my lower back and ushered me forward with the cart. I could barely hear him mumble, “Let us get out of here,” over the pterodactyl-like screeching echoing around.
Once outside, we shared a giggle as he loaded up my Isuzu. “What was all that about?” I asked.
He shut my trunk and wiped his hands together. “I dunno. That bird didn’t sound happy.”
“No, not that, the fact that she didn’t recognize you.”
He shrugged his wide shoulders that were covered in a navy puffy coat today. “Not sure. She is probably senile.”
I took a step back from him, fighting his charming sway. “But shouldn’t you recognize her? She’s right. It’s a small town.”
He narrowed his eyes at me for a millisecond, a motion I surely wasn’t supposed to catch. “I do. Her name is Tawnya. Her father was a cabinet maker.”
I didn’t know how he could’ve pulled that out of thin air, but if it wasn’t for the annoying bird, I’d march back in there and ask.
“Gotcha.” I adjusted my purse on my shoulder and made my way to the driver’s side door. “Care to hop in? I can give you a ride back to wherever you’re working today.”
Dianus stole a quick kiss. “No need but thank you.”
“Oh?” I surveyed the small parking lot. “Which one of these is your work truck?”
He stole another kiss, stepping close enough to almost pin me to my car door and block out my view of the parking lot with how he braced his hands on the top of the vehicle. “I walked here. I was nearby. Speaking of my work, when I am done, can I maybe come over tonight? I feel bad for eating your food. That was why you had to make a special trip here, is it not? I will bring some meat tonight to make up for it.”
“Okay.”
“You feeling well? You look a little pale.” He zipped up my coat farther and adjusted my scarf.
“I’m okay. Just kinda tired. I’ll see you later?”
We kissed goodbye, and he watched me drive off. The second I could, I fished my receipt out of my coat pocket and eyed the details when my car rolled to a stop sign. At the very top, along with the time and date was the name TAWNYA punched out in blocky letters. I let out a sigh of relief and chided myself the whole way back for being suspicious.