Chapter 17
Knox
“Hi, Stacia, I’m—”
“I know who you are.” A tiny, blonde stands in front of me. Her long, sleek hair is in a ponytail on top of her head, and her smile brims with team spirit. “What brings you over to our side of the Dome, K-Brad?”
We’re standing in the large training area for the Cheer Krewe, and the rest of the squad is across the room working on their halftime performance.
I have no idea how to answer her question. I’m second-guessing everything now that I’m standing here in front of her. Fonz remembered her from more than a year ago, but it doesn’t seem like Stacia’s mourning anyone.
“Sorry, I won’t keep you long.” Reaching up, I rub the back of my neck. “Do you know anyone by the name of Jules Allen? Or maybe you knew her as Bonnie?”
Stacia’s brow furrows, and her smile wavers. Her shoulders droop, and the perkiness seems to drain from her posture.
She nods slowly. “Bonnie was one of my closest cheer-friends. We used to see each other every summer in Orlando at the competitions.”
My chest tightens. “Did you do stuff together outside of cheer camp? Like traveling or anything?”
“Not really. I mean, we were all here in New Orleans when they announced I’d made the Cheer Krewe. It was so sad she couldn’t be a part of it, but she wouldn’t let us be sad. She said she was going to make the most of every day.”
That weight is back in my chest. “Why would she say that?”
Stacia walks past me, and I follow her to sit on the narrow set of bleachers against the wall. Her hands are on her lap, and she exhales slowly.
“The doctors couldn’t say how much time she had left. They were doing everything they could, but the medicine would only work for so long. She wouldn’t do chemo—it wouldn’t save her anyway.”
Leaning forward, I rest my forearms on my legs, doing my best to process what she’s telling me. “So she knew it was her last summer?”
“She knew her prognosis.”
“My friend Alfonso said… Well, he couldn’t remember exactly what she said, only it had something to do with Mamma Mia. Did you know about that?”
“Oh, yeah.” She leans back, a nostalgic smile on her lips. “Bonnie was obsessed with that movie. She wanted to go to Greece so bad. I wonder if she ever did…”
“You didn’t keep in touch?”
“We tried, but I was so busy learning all the routines and practicing and traveling. I know it seems like cheerleaders don’t do much, but we work really hard.”
“I actually do know.” I think of my aunt Liv and my mom and even Aunt Dylan working with the drill team at my old high school. “So you don’t know anything that happened after that night you made the Krewe?”
“I heard she got pregnant.” She shakes her head, frowning. “Of course, I heard she’d passed, but I didn’t find out until after the funeral.”
It’s my turn to feel defeated. I had hoped Stacia would have answers, but it looks like she only knows a little more than I do.
“If she were to get pregnant, do you know who the father might be?” I tilt my head to look at her. “Was she dating anybody?”
“No.” Stacia presses her lips together, and her cheeks glow pink. “You were her number one choice for that. It was part of the Mamma Mia thing, having all the experiences while she still had time.”
“What do you mean, I was her number one choice?”
She ducks her head, pressing her hands to her face. “It’s a little embarrassing.”
“Please don’t be embarrassed. It’s important that I know.”
“Well… She really liked you. She thought you were the perfect blend of cocky, sweet, and sexy—those were her words. She thought you’d make the perfect boyfriend. She was just waiting for you to look up and notice her.”
“Shit.” That makes my stomach hurt.
I don’t know how to take this information. Does it mean she targeted me? Or does it mean she was just a sweet girl with a crush? Did I take advantage of my position?
There was no way. I’d only just joined the team. I hadn’t even moved here yet. Up to that point, I’d only been a star in college, and there were a million of those.
I had girlfriends, but nothing was as important to me as football.
“Was Bonnie the type that would…” How do I say this? “Would she go after someone? Like to get something out of him?”
Her brow furrows, and at first it seems she doesn’t understand what I mean. Then her eyes widen, and she shakes her head emphatically. “That was not what she did. She loved supporting the players. She was in it for the game. You just happened to be her favorite.”
Now I’m all itchy. I was supposed to be keeping this a secret. As usual, I’ve let the cat out of the bag… or in this case the kitten… the baby out of the bouncy chair.
“She named her Christine.”
“That was her mother’s name,” Stacia’s voice is soft. “What a tragedy. She lost her mom at a young age, too.”
My hands are clasped in front of me, and while I know more than I did when I got here, I still don’t have the answers I need. I still don’t know for sure Cricket is mine. I guess in time I’ll have the answer.
“Hey, thanks. I just… I’m just helping out a friend. I hope you’ll keep this quiet. You know, between us.”
Her brow furrows, and she stands, walking backwards to where her team is waiting. “Of course! If I can help any more, let me know.”
I thank her again and let her get back to her practice. Walking slowly to the door, I try to decide what to do now.
If Bonnie was sort-of a jersey chaser… I hate that phrase, but I don’t know what else to use.
If that’s what she was, Cricket could belong to anybody.
Looking up at the giant image of me in my uniform, surrounded by the team on the wall in the main hallway, I try to imagine a girl with a crush. You were her favorite.
Tightness is in my chest, and I rub my hand over my forehead. I’ve made a lot of mistakes since I joined this program, but still I’ve managed to turn them into wins.
I have a sinking feeling if I make a mistake this time, it could turn into a loss I couldn’t redeem.
* * *
“If you must define our relationship, I would be his uncle.” I’m stepping into my apartment, when I recognize that impatient, ultra-logical voice. “His father’s brother married my stepsister, but we’re not related by blood.”
“Edward?” I drop my bag in the foyer and jog into the living room. “Edward—you made it! I am so glad to see you, bro.”
I pull my cousin (uncle?) into a big hug, and he recoils at once. I know his neurodivergence means he hates being hugged, but I’m so relieved to see him after everything that’s happened, I can’t help myself.
“I came as soon as I could.” He raises his shoulders, doing his best to disentangle himself from my arms. “Your mother said you weren’t doing so well, but your manny seems to think otherwise.”
“Stan, this is my cousin Edward.” I motion between the two of them.
“Stanley.” Stan’s face is annoyed, but Cricket, by contrast, is clean and happy sitting on his hip.
“Cousin… uncle… decorator. I’m going to need a list of approved visitors, Mr. Bradford.
It’s impossible for me to abide by your instructions when unidentified individuals are coming and going all day long. ”
“Does this mean you don’t need me?” Edward turns his stony expression on me.
I look from one annoyed male to the other, and relief bursts through my lips on a laugh.
“No. Eddie, I definitely need you.” Reaching out, I put my hand on my manny’s shoulder. “Stan, I’m really sorry about this, but I can probably let you off the hook now. I wasn’t sure how soon Edward could get here.”
“I see.” His brow arches. “And the young woman was…?”
My lips part, and I glance around, only seeing the clean rug, the decluttered kitchen, a new baby toy in the center of the room, and a stack of folded laundry on the table.
“Is she still here?” My chest rises, and I really want to discuss all of this with Melody, in particular what I just learned from Stacia.
Every time I think about how she came here and stayed with me all night and helped me, when most people would’ve run away screaming… especially after that greeting at the door when I was covered in shit and pretty much at the end of my rope.
I must’ve looked like a wild man.
And she didn’t run.
I’ve been thinking about a verse I started writing a few days ago. I was just playing around then, but now it feels so much more meaningful.
“She came and went about an hour ago,” Stan clarifies, pulling me back to the present.
“She left?” I take out my phone, but there’s no message.
My shoulders drop, and I look out the windows at the twilight sky.
“Mr. Bradford, if you no longer need me, I’ll clock out now.” He turns, ready to hand off the baby to me. “Miss Christine has been bathed, and she had her BM today.”
I hold out my hands, my chest tightening briefly as I wait to see what she’ll do. This morning when I left, she didn’t want me to go, but now, looking at what a true professional baby handler has done, perhaps she’s changed her mind.
“Ba!” Her blue eyes light up, and she holds out her chubby arms.
My heart swells with satisfaction, and I put my hands on her little waist, smiling as I lift her and say it back to her. “That’s right! Ba!”
I give her a little shaky shake and she squeals, patting her hands on my face. I kiss her chubby neck, then I do it again, turning her side to side in my hands. She squeals louder, and even emits a baby belly laugh. That makes me laugh, and I kiss her little cheek.
She smells really good, and there’s not even the faintest trace of shit smell in my apartment.
“If your situation changes, let me know.” Stan pulls a leather messenger bag onto his shoulder like some updated, ultramodern Mary Poppins. “I have other clients, but Miss Christine is an easy child. Now that the place is somewhat organized, I can be flexible with my schedule.”
“Stan, you’re getting a bonus for today,” I say loudly, slapping him on the back. “This place looks better than it did last week.”
“Of course.” He clears his throat, then starts for the door. “I look forward to hearing from you again.”