The Hookup Mix-up

Theo

Ihaven’t hung out with Perry for a week. He hasn’t asked me since I said no, and I haven’t been able to bring myself to ask him. I don’t know why. I’m being ridiculous. Logically, I know that, but my brain is a little mixed up right now. The more I think about it, the more certain I am I was going to kiss him at Shenanigans that night. I wanted to kiss him, and I only had one Screaming Orgasm hours before, so I couldn’t use that as an excuse.

It’s all just so muddled in my head. I’ve never thought about kissing a guy before. I never thought I was interested in guys, but I have noticed them. Again, if someone is attractive, how can I not know that? The time between coming to college and before I started dating Whitney was the only time when I randomly hooked up with people, and I don’t know if that was only with women because that’s all I was attracted to or if I just didn’t open my mind enough to let myself wonder if something else was a possibility.

And now that I think about it, every girl I’d fucked around with had approached me—even Whitney. I haven’t gone to a party looking to get laid, sought someone out, and flirted with them. That’s just not really my style. They sought me out, and I agreed because, well, orgasms are fun, and they were pretty. What if a guy had flirted with me? What if he’d spelled it out for me in a way that made me realize what the fuck was going on, rather than after the fact, like it had been with Perry? Maybe things would be different. Maybe I’d have kissed a guy before.