Chapter 21
Lillianna
As we step into the house, I’m immediately hit with the smell of gingerbread. It brings a smile to my face, a sense of nostalgia hitting me.
Christmas with my family is one of my favorite times. We always go all out: decorating, baking, and all the Christmas activities. This house is crazy, but it’s filled with smiles and laughter. It’s the one place I feel the safest in the world.
Toby and Bishop follow in behind me. We head towards the kitchen, finding all my parents, no surprise there.
“What's going on?” I ask.
“Hey, you.” Mom gives me a beaming smile before pulling me into her arms. “Merry Christmas.”
“That's tomorrow,” I remind her, hugging her back.
“Fine, fine,” she laughs. “Merry Christmas Eve, then.”
“Lillypad!” Chase cheers very loudly. My brows raise, and I laugh as he runs over and picks me up in a spinning hug.
“Hi.” I laugh, feeling a little dizzy when he puts me down on my feet. “Someone’s a little happy.”
“Yeah, a little too happy,” Brody grumbles. “He’s had four glasses of eggnog.”
“So, he’s hyper?” My brows furrow.
Toby chuckles. “He’s drunk.”
“Am not,” Chase slurs.
“Nope. Totally not,” Bishop chuckles.
“See!” Chase grins, slapping Bishop a little too hard on the shoulder. “He gets it.”
“Okay, I think you’ve had enough eggnog.”
“What am I not getting?” I ask, looking around.
Theo grins. “This.” He points to the bowl out of reach of the kids. “Is adult eggnog. That.” He points to the cartons in the fridge. “Was for the kids. Who are asleep now because they crashed from a sugar rush after sneaking a plate of cookies about two hours ago.”
“Oh.” My eyes widen, understanding he means the eggnog is spiked. Am I really that innocent? Kind of makes sense why, every Christmas, I’d find them all a little too happy and loud.
“Listen,” Chase slurs. “It doesn’t taste any different. How was I supposed to know?”
“Yes, it does,” Rain snorts. “You dumbass.”
“Hey!” He points to her. “You’re mean.”
Rain just rolls her eyes. “You're just in time to decorate cookies.” She grabs a plate of gingerbread.
We all take a seat around the table, everyone decorating their own.
“What is that?” I snort, looking at Bishop’s cookie.
“He’s a man of war.” Bishop grins. “See, he’s missing a leg and an arm.” He points to where he put red icing oozing out of the edges.
“Is he dead?” I laugh, pointing to the black x’s on his eyes.
“Well, yeah,” Bishop says like it was obvious. “He lost two limbs on the battlefield. He bled out fast.”
“Dude, you're morbid,” Toby comments with amusement. “It's Christmas. Put some pants and a smiley face on it and call it a day.”
“Says you.” Bishop points to Toby's cookie. “Yours looks like it’s trying to take a shit.”
Toby glares at Bishop while I try to be a nice girlfriend and hold back my laugh.
“It’s not that bad,” I manage to say.
“What's wrong with my cookie?” Toby asks, sounding offended.
“Nothing is wrong with it,” I insist.
He looks at me like he doesn’t believe me. “Whatever,” he grumbles, picking up his cookie and biting off the head. “Better?” he asks around a mouthful of cookie before tossing it back onto the plate.
Bishop reaches over and squirts red icing along the edge where the head used to be. “Now it is.” Bishop chuckles. “Our cookies are war buddies.”
Toby snorts out a laugh, shaking his head. “You’re fucking crazy.”
I can’t help but laugh now.
“Kids are weird,” Chase mutters before shoving a cookie into his mouth.
“You're one to talk.” I laugh. “Mom, you better stop him, or he’s going to puke.”
Mom’s eyes widen. “I didn’t even think of that. Come on, Chase, let’s get you to bed.”
“But I don’t wanna,” he whines, listening to Mom anyway as she pulls him to his feet. “Oh!” Chase says really loudly. “Are you trying to get me alone? You naughty girl.”
“Oh my god. Gross.” I cover my ears as my parents chuckle.
Once we’re done with the cookies, we clean up. Then hang out with the parents for a little while, listening to Christmas music, laughing, and talking. I snuggle into Bishop and enjoy every moment of it. My cheeks hurt from smiling for so long.
But after a while, I feel bad when I look over at Toby, who's sitting across the couch from me. I want him next to me, me in Bishop’s lap, my feet on Toby’s lap. Cuddling with both my men and hanging with our family.
“I’m getting tired. I think I’m gonna head to bed,” I tell the room.
“Yeah, I think we’re gonna go to bed too,” Bishop says, standing. He looks down at Toby.
“We are?” Toby questions. Bishop stares at him hard. Like a light bulb tuning on, it clicks. “Oh, ah, yeah. Night, everyone.”
“Where are you going?” I ask Toby once we’re done saying goodnight and leave the living room.
“Ahh, to my room?” His answer comes out more of a question.
I bite my lip, shaking my head. “No, you're not.” I grab his hand. “You're with me tonight.”
He gives me a crooked grin. “Oh yeah?”
“Yup.” I smile up at him. “I want both my men tonight.”
Toby and Bishop share a look. It’s like they’re communicating silently, sending a thrill down my spine. What's a better Christmas gift than having both my men. Together. At once.
Merry Christmas to me.
The next morning, we all head into the house in our PJ’s.
“What are you two doing!” I gasp, eyes widening when I find the twins next to the tree, three gifts each already opened.
“Oh shit,” Isaiah whispers, looking up at me in horror.
“It was his idea!” Raiden shouts, jumping to his feet.
Isaiah swings his eyes over to Raiden. “Was not!”
“We’re sorry,” Raiden says. “We couldn’t help ourselves.”
“What’s going on here?” Jax asks, stepping into the living room. His eyes widen. “What is this, boys?”
“She did it!” Both boys point to me.
“What?” I gape at them in shock. This is the first time they tried to pin something on me. They usually try to do that with Bennett.
“Really?” Jax asks, crossing his arms. “You’re telling me your sister opened your gifts for you?”
“Yes,” they reply in unison.
“Why, you little shits!” I shout, and then I’m running after them.
They scream, eyes widening before dodging me as they run around Jax and out of the living room.
Pissed off, I take off after them, but arms band around me, pulling me back. “Woah now, Lillypad.” Toby chuckles. “You’re the adult. Remember?”
“Little brothers,” I growl. I turn to Jax. “You guys need to get those two under control.”
Jax blows out a breath. “Trust me, we know. If we didn’t know better, I’d swear they had Rain and Chase’s blood running through their veins.”
“What about us?” Chase asks as he steps into the room. “Talking about me? I know, I’m awesome, so what amazing things do you have to say about me?”
“Full of yourself much?” Rain asks, stepping up next to him. “They were probably talking about how dumb you were last night.”
Chase looks to my mom who joins us. “She’s being mean again.”
“What are you, five? You're worse than the twins sometimes.”
“About the twins, we found them in here opening gifts.”
“What?” Mom squeals before sighing heavily.
“I got them.” I hear Brody say.
“Woah there.” Chase steps forward and pulls Toby away from me. I’m confused about what he’s doing as he grabs Bishop and pulls him next to me where Toby just was. “That was close.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask. “Are you still drunk?”
“No.” Chase laughs. “Look up.”
I look up and frown. “Mistletoe?”
“You were standing under it with Toby. Mistletoe is for your boyfriend, not your brother,” he chuckles. “You’re welcome.”
And just like that, my good mood is over.
My eyes flick over to Toby who stands a few feet away. His face is downcast and my gut turns.
“I’m going to go make some coffee, then presents!” Mom says with a big grin.
All the parents shift out of the living room, following after her. Once they’re gone, I step closer to Toby. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” He forces a smile. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Toby.” His name comes out soft. “It won’t be like this forever.”
“I know.”
“Once we tell them, we don’t have to hide anymore.”
He snorts. “Yeah, because if Chase’s reaction was anything to go by, I’m sure they’re going to be thrilled.”
“He was joking around. If he knew–”
“If he knew, he would kick my ass,” Toby sighs.
“No, he wouldn’t. They all love you. They’re your family. They just want you to be happy— us to be happy. I know you think they’re going to get upset, maybe see you in a new light, but I’m telling you right now, I don’t think that's going to happen. Look at Rain. She’s practically shoving us together, playing matchmaker. Our parents are a lot more open-minded than you think. They don’t judge. We can’t hide forever, Toby. One way or another, they’re going to need to know. Keeping this from the rest of the world, that I can do if it’s what you need me to do right now, but lying to our parents? Acting like we’re not something so much more to one another around them... it hurts.”
I hate to admit it. I don’t want to upset him. I understand his worries about the rest of the world, but doesn’t he know that this family is so damn open and loving?
And let’s call it like it is, if I have to put money on it, I’d bet they already know or at least have some kind of suspicion. They’re not stupid, they have eyes.
They’re probably not wanting to say anything because they don’t want to add pressure when Toby is doing so good with his mental health.
“Keeping things bottled up isn’t good, you heard Gracie.”
He groans. “Trust me, I know a lot of things Gracie thinks I should do.” He runs a hand through his hair.
“Just think about it, okay? I don’t want to hide you from them. I want to show them just how much I love you. How much you make me happy. I want them to see that you're happy, that you’ve changed, and you're doing better. We have nothing to be ashamed of, and I’d like to stop acting like you're my dirty little secret, because you're not, Toby.” I place my hand on his arm and give him a soft smile. “You're my best friend, my person, my... everything. And I’d like them to know that too.” Leaning up on my tiptoes, I press a kiss to his cheek before taking off into the kitchen to join our family.
The rest of the day goes by, and it’s everything a Christmas at our house has always been.
Filled with laughter, smiles, and is just overall amazing.
Bishop left around noon to go spend the rest of the day with his mom and sister. And while I do miss him here, I’ve enjoyed all the stolen moments with Toby today.
But as I see my parents with one another, I can’t help but wish I could be open like that with Toby; to cuddle into him while we watched The Grinch, to kiss him every time we walked under the mistletoe, to sit on his lap while we played cards at the table when all the kids went to bed.
“Hey.” Toby tugs on my arm, pulling me to a stop.
It’s nighttime now. The day is done and everyone is tired, going to bed for a much needed good night's sleep. With Uncle Cooper’s wedding in a few days, life is about to get busy for my parents.
“What?” I blink up at him, feeling pretty sleepy myself. We’re headed into the pool house. I asked Toby to spend the night with me because I don’t want to be apart, not after having to act like we’re not together today. I need him.
One of those sexy smiles that make my heart race takes over his handsome face. “Look up.”
My eyes flick up, and I smile, seeing the mistletoe.
“You know what that means?” Toby takes a step forward, pulling me into his arms.
“I better go get my boyfriend so we can kiss?” I grin up at him, voice teasing.
He growls, narrowing his eyes. “Brat.”
“I meant you, of course.” I laugh but he quiets me as he leans down and fuses his lips to mine.
“You better,” he counters against my lips before kissing me again. My body sways into him, lighting up like it always does when he touches me.
Toby throws me over his shoulder, catching me by surprise.
“What are you doing?” I laugh as he starts to carry me outside to the pool house.
“Reminding you who you belong to,” he growls, slapping my ass.
I grin into his back, excitement filling me. He doesn’t have to remind me who I belong to. I know who my men are. But hey, I’m not going to fight him if he wants to try.